Big City Living

I am not perfect.

2012-01-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

It's Wednesday and I have to say first thing that I AM NOT PERFECT. Ok, I've gotten that out of the way so I will proceed.
Tonight at church, we had a young man named Jarred, come speak about being a member of the US Paralympics. www.paralympics.org. He will be participating in the 2012 Paralympics. He has a right BKA (below the knee amputation) from 2010. In highschool, he developed a condition called "compartment syndrome." After many surgeries, he ended up having to have his leg amputated. Now he has an ultra, super fabulous carbon fiber, mechanical leg and another one that is a metal bar that he runs on. Technology is absolutely amazing.
Tonight Jarred shared his testimony about how God has worked in his life. He thought in high school that he could lead a dual life. He could believe in God and yet participate in a very unChristianlike lifestyle. His only desire was to be able to be a collegiate runner. He wasn't just a good runner, he was an amazing runner. He actually won a state competition in running. His running career was cut short when he developed compartment syndrome. Jarred admits that he was angry at God for over a year. He said that God revealed HIMself to Jarred and told him that he had been with him through this trial and wanted to use him in the future. Jarred has dedicated his running career to God. Jarred has put his faith in whatever God's will is for his life.
Jarred was asked how his parents have handled all of this. He talked about how hard it is for any parent to see their child go through such a trial. Interestingly enough, I was sitting next to a couple who had just found out that their own daughter was having a problem with intracranial pressure due to too much cerebrospinal fluid built up in her brain and especially behind her eyes. They had been told that she could have blindness if things get worse. She is having a spinal tap on Monday.
I sat there in that pew listening to what Jarred had to say about his own parents and how supportive and faithful to God they were. I jarred this girls mom in the ribs with my elbow. She told me that on Sunday, the sermon was about why bad things happen. She said that it is so strange how these messages are coming to her. I told her that I could so see that God was working in this and HE has it in HIS control. It is so incredible when God speaks to us. I was in awe over the fact that even I could see HIM working right before my own eyes!!! Talk about a billboard sign letting them know that HE is with them! WOW!! The mom asked me what I thought about all of this and whether or not I thought that they will be able to treat her daughter. I told her that it was apparent to me that GOD HAS THIS! I would say YES! None of us know whether her daughter will be helped through a medication or a surgery. None of us know whether God will heal her in the next few days before the spinal tap she will have on Monday. What we do know is that no matter what happens, God is working on something BIG in their lives and HE has every microelement of this situation in HIS control. This I am confident of!
So, I went to the allergy clinic today. I am seeing the same ENT that took my tonsils out when I was 12 years old. He is a nice, handsome, smart, very friendly man that I have actually worked along side of in the ER. I really like him. I went to highschool a couple of grades behind one of his daughters. My brother used to have a crush on his dark haired, super nice, cheerleading daughter back in the 80's. Random, I know.
At any rate, I have already endured the initial testing, the part where I got stuck a good 50 times or more in both arms. It turns out that I am allergic to mold, dust and dust mites (and their poop). I figured that out a long time ago...just not the poop part. Today, I came back for the serum they mixed to treat my allergies. I am not going the traditional route of having to have injections every week. I am using a sub lingual drop daily to treat my allergies.
In addition to today being my first go at the allergy drops, I was instructed on how to use my $189 Epi Pens. So, if I was to decide to have a severe allergic reaction to the serum, I could, pop the cap and stab myself in the thigh, hold for 10 secs, remove the needle and massage the epinephrine into my muscle. Then I would need to call 911. The nurse, recommended that I call 911 first then plunge the needle into my thigh. I guess if your throat swells shut, you might be much more willing to gouge yourself to prevent an untimely death related to a dust particle or bedbug poop.
My thoughts after taking one drop of this $150 serum that will eventually make me immune to dust (praise God) is that I really, really hoped I didn't have an anaphylactic reaction. I was not too worried about having to use the Epi Pen. I was actually more worried about the thought that if I did nearly stop breathing or really stop breathing, that I would be seen in the ER where I used to work. Sitting there I was able to recall that I had only the great toes of both feet painted with toe nail polish because all the other paint had worn off. Although the nail color I have is a very pretty deep purple color, I don't think it looks as stunning, when it's chipped off and only on one toe. I also remembered that my legs were unshaven as usual. I couldn't remember what state my underwear was in. I don't mean that my undies weren't clean, but I did just wear some an old, no count pair, without the thought that maybe someone might see them. Why we keep no count underwear around at all, when we know that at anytime we could be in an accident, makes no sense to me. I am an imperfect human being.
I was also concerned that since I had been working all day and had spent a great deal of time cleaning out a closet in my office, I was stinky and smelly. I think my deodorant had clocked out around 1PM today. Jacked up toes, unshaved legs, no count drawers and BO are not what I want to go rolling up in the ER with after having had an attempt at dying. Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled at the possibility of having to take that one little drop of serum. I am however, very excited at the thought of being able to walk into any room in any building and not feel my eyes burn and water, my nose run or to start coughing from post nasal drip. Maybe next time when they up my dose, I'll be better prepared. Knowing me though, I will still have the further peeled off toe nail polish and unshaved legs. Maybe I will remember to wear some decent drawers to the next visit.

Recovery

2011-08-14T21:49:00.000-04:00

I am about 13 weeks post hysterectomy. If you ever want to know what it's like to have a hysterectomy and how things are afterward...ask me. I will answer all of your questions. The questions I had about being post hysterectomy, I could not ask my mother in law or some of the ladies from church! Valid questions or not, I didn't want to ask them. I have heard time and again that having a hysterectomy will change my life completely for the better. So far, I can say that I have had many positive effects from having surgery. I am really grateful too because surgery was TOUGH. When they say it's major surgery...they mean it!
I have to tell you about something that touched my heart tonight. I have been carrying around some burdens lately. A dear friend of mine has been going through some really tough things lately and I'm afraid that one of the demons that had been tormenting her, spotted me trying to be supportive and decided to attack. I have been feeling kind of overwhelmed and blue.
I talked to my friend Vanessa tonight on the phone. She and I have been friends since 9th grade. I clearly remember when I first met her, she was from a rinky dink little town South of Moultrie, GA. When I met her, she had long, straight hair, down to at least the middle of her back. She had the thickest Southern accent I had ever heard. She reminded me of Laura Ingles from Little House on the Prairie. She came from a Southern Baptist home, the eldest daughter of two girls. She was very shy to say the least. Vanessa was also on the smartest girls I knew.
Now, Vanessa is in social work. She is still brilliant. She is soft spoken with a diluted Southern accent. She is a funky, earthy woman. She has a heart for people. She has really blossomed into a beautiful, Christian woman.
Anyway, I talked to Vanessa about the weight I had been carrying around in my heart for my friend. And the greatest gift that Vanessa gave to me tonight, besides suggestions for books for me and my friend to read, was prayer. Over the telephone, "not wanting to seem dorky or nothing", she prayed for me and for my friend. A beautiful prayer indeed. She prayed for my dear friend who has been attacked by horrible demons. Prayed for her strength. Prayed for God to protect her. She prayed a prayer for my friend as though she was her own friend. She prayed for her sister in Christ.
Then Vanessa prayed for me. She prayed that God would cast out that demon of sadness and depression from me. The one that attached itself when I was trying to be supportive. That's how Satan works. Satan knows when people are hurting, weak, vulnerable and wants to keep them that way. Satan also does not want us to pray for each other, share kindness and love or pray for others. She prayed for me, being a tender hearted person, to feel stronger and to have God shine HIS light into my darkness.
Dorky is not what I would call a person being bold enough to pray for me and my friend. To be willing to step out in Faith to ask for comfort and guidance for her Sisters. Very bold and wonderful indeed!
As I told Vanessa, who has known me a very, very long time...I may appear to be strong and tough on the outside. I may seem like things don't get to me. But this time, I was not. I was struggling. And as many people have told me that I handled the situation I was in with my friend the right way, there was still a disconnect in my mind. Knowing that you did the right thing and that you have no control over someone elses life or the choices they make is all good in theory. But being able to accept it in your heart that you did the right thing and you did everything within you own power to do...doesn't always make sense to your heart. So Vanessa reminded me that, I need to give it to God. Ask God to relieve me of my heart's burden because I can not deal with it. I can not take on someone elses burden...only God can.
I am a nurse. I care about people. I help fix people. I can't fix everything. And not being able to fix it, is a struggle for me. Thankfully, God can and I can let it go to HIM.
Thank you Vanessa and all of my other dear friends, and Pete for being supportive and loving. God, thank you for my Sisters in Christ.

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-30T07:41:00.000-04:00

Apparently I decided without telling myself that I would stop writing for a while. It came as a shock to me too that there were no words to be said. Truth be told, I think that I wanted to stick to the notion that if one does not have anything good to say then for goodness sakes, DON'T SAY IT. So I haven't and I didn't.
This past year has been a bit of a challenge for me mentally, physically and emotionally. I kept thinking that if I blogged it would come out as a NOT SO HELPFUL, SELF HELP manual.
First I began working in a local emergency room in a large hospital in our town. I turned my life completely upside down by taking a night position. Ever watch the show "The Twilight Zone"? Fantastic program...not such a fantastic way of living. Nurses that work in ERs are a completely different breed. Each one warned that I would be jaded in no time. I would be burnt out on people. I would hate working with the public. And at times, I have to admit, I did start to feel that way. The thought of throttling some people to death was amusing. But having someone cuss me, ask for pain meds and demand food wore me down. And then the dreaded,"I must have ANOTHER PILLOW AND WARM BLANKET!!!" I just knew that any moment a masseuse and a nail tech would pop out of the bathroom and a pedicure would ensue.
Weekly reminders about how to provide nursing care would come out. Nurses were regularly reminded to treat people with kindness, respect and compassion. The hospital would even conduct surveys to find out what the average patient's ER experience was like. I fully expected to hear that "My nurse came in, introduced herself, asked why I in the ER, hooked me up to a machine, wiped her brow, squinted her eyes to see monitors and sighed while some blasted machine kept dinging. Then her work phone kept ringing and she had to tell each person that she was working with a new patient, collecting a urine, starting an IV and collecting a poop sample. While looking at my nurse, I noticed that her eyes looked a little gaunt from lack of sleep I'm certain. Her hair was out of place from running from place to place. She had a nervous tick...probably from that doctor who looked like Mac Steamy or was it Dreamy asked if she had bothered to get a pelvic exam setup?! All in all, my nurse was nice enough. But I was really disappointed that I did not get the French Manicure I requested."
So I was a day sleeper for months. And I could sleep during the day. I had to buy some pull down, black out shades to go over our custom made blinds in our bedroom. These replaced the super splendid sheets and blankets that covered the windows for the first few weeks. These were a step up in class from covering the windows in tin foil. Since Meth makers began using the tin foil tactic for privacy, I didn't want to upset the neighbors and our local police patrol.
Because I spent so much time in bed sleeping and then napping when I could on days off, I spent a lot of time away from friends. When I began on night shift, my hair was quite short. I had decided to let it grow out for Pete's sake. So now, that I have arisen from the darkness of night, my hair is longer and down to my shoulders. I have dropped at least six pounds. Missing meals really helps one to lose weight. My friends probably won't even know who I am.
But alas it is Memorial Day. I awoke at about 4 AM today. I have had my coffee and a breakfast bar. Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow I am scheduled to have a hysterectomy at 6 AM. So in one fell swoop, I am becoming a day dweller and I am becoming less bitchy as a member of society. I kind of almost feel like it a whole new beginning....long hair and all.
So no more letters and instructions on how to be nice to people. I'll just be me again...minus a uterus and cervix. Who needs those anyway? Men don't have them. I will soon be able to go out into the sunlight and not feel like my eyeballs are crawling back up into the inside, darkness of my eye sockets. It's going to be great again!
Today I am hopeful.Today I begin my blogging again. Stay tuned.

A Smile Is Worth a Thousand Words

2010-08-31T21:05:00.000-04:00

Recently, I had a patient that had suffered a brain injury that had left her unable to speak. Pressure on her brain, seemed to put a block against her ability to recall and speak words. Often times, stroke patients suffer from this same problem. For some its a permanent problem and for others, speech will return. The question that always comes up is how much will a person with a brain injury be able to recover with proper rehab?
Where this lady lacked in speech, she was able to make up for with the most beautiful smile. Her smile conveyed years of gentle kindness to others. It revealed how much she loved her friends and family. It told me that she was placing her well being and trust in me to care for her. Honestly, her smile was her protection from people losing patience with her lack of abilities. If there is a human being that could be cruel or neglectful of someone who could smile so preciously, then that person has no heart.
This beautifully smiling lady, has a very large family. Taking in others in need into her home is a regular practice for her. She never has met a stranger. All of this is very apparent in her expressions. And to add to this beautiful smile, one day she said to me,"Yes!" When she spoke to me, I turned and looked into her bright face. She knew what she had just done. I wanted to cry tears of joy! How amazing! And it was a purposeful YES! She was answering a question I had asked.
I always have spoken to people despite their ability to communicate. I can not imagine being stuck on a vent or having a trach and not being able to speak. Day after day, people walk in, complete a task and leave the room. What if no one took the time to consider that the person lying there in the bed, motionless and quiet, had a mind that was working 100 miles an hour?
After YES, she had me! Then she began to laugh. At times that laugh was a giggle like one would hear between two close friends sharing a private joke. Once I asked her if she had pain in her leg, her response was a clear and profound,"NO." I drew close to her face and she grinned from ear to ear. I told her,"I LOVE YOUR WORDS!" She was so proud of herself. I couldn't have been more happy for her.
On my most recent day of working with my sweet lady, she had been suffering with a pain that her daughter and I could only figure had to do with her stomach. She was terribly uncomfortable and cried out. Her face, twisted up into the most awful expressions. The beautiful smile that I would have jumped through hoops to get to see, was hidden behind pain. It hurt my heart to see her so miserable. After many attempts to try to relieve her pain, I came back into the room saying,"hey sweetheart, how are you doing now?" She turned to me and said,"Hey sweet heart!" Then she giggled a little knowing that she had saved the big guns for me! I know I was beaming. I had finally been able to manage her pain but I also got to hear more complex words.
People always ask me if their loved one that is in a coma or in the final stages of their life can hear them or know they are there. I believe with all my heart that this is true (unless the person is completely brain dead and their soul has already left the shell of their physical being and gone home). I suggest that people always talk to their loved ones even if they think they cant hear them. The same goes for people that are seemingly "not home" or have suffered brain injuries. Just like this little lady, if we never spoke to her or took the time to listen, we would not have been able to appreciate her precious smiles but also, we would have missed those words. Those words start out small and as she grows in confidence and is able to recall more words, she will speak again. I hope I get to hear what she has to say! And whatever is on her mind, I know that because of her beautiful spirit, it will be followed with a laugh and a smile!

Memorial Weekend 2010

2010-05-31T20:35:00.001-04:00

5/28 Friday

I worked until Noon today. I left early so that we could hit the road with our camper in tow to High Falls State Park in Jackson, GA. The trip down was interesting. I spent about ¾ of the time telling Lila and Lyndi to quit going at each other. Its amazing to me how much energy children have when it comes to wanting to annoy one another. If only they had that same energy and enthusiasm when it came to cleaning their rooms or being polite to one another. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, tears were brought forth and there was gnashing of teeth…mostly from me really. My poor, frazzled last nerve has been duct taped and super glued so many times, it’s on a matter of time before that precious little thing just SNAPS!

But we made it to the state park. We had to make a couple of rounds before we were able to settle on a camp site. The park is packed. We are camping on the “river” side. The other part of the park is the “lake” side. Pete and I decided that since there IS a river somewhere in the vicinity of the park, they could refer to it as the “river” side….cause no river can be seen from where we are at…only the bath house. Speaking of the bath house, Lila informed me that there is only ONE stall in the women’s restroom. So really it can’t be called the WOMEN’S restroom…only WOMAN’s restroom. All the rest of us WOMENS will have to wait until that one WOMAN gets done!! Thankfully we have a potty in our camper. And thankfully we have multiple sanitation packets to keep our sewage from becoming too stank! AND we have PLENTY of toilet paper! We are set!

This evening, after we ate our dinner which consisted of turkey burgers and baked beans, we went for a walk around the camp ground. The girls really just wanted us to walk over to the play ground. On our way over to the play ground, a little young fellow went flying by on his bicycle. I lost sight of him quickly once he disembarked from the road and took on the field. Looking out across the field I could see one handle bar sticking up out of the ground. There was one limb belonging to this little creature waving in the air. Evidently, said creature encountered a ditch that couldn’t be seen until one as right on top of it….and he endoed right into the thing. Pete informed me that it was my nursery duty to go check on the little chap.

I headed over and observed this little guy on his back, one leg trapped under the bike, helmet all disheveled. He had smacked his head…but his glasses remained on his face. Poor little nerdy fellow. He reminded me of one of our own! So I pulled him from his crash and examined him. He was a little goofy from the smack on the head, otherwise he was fine. He got himself together and was going to take off…probably a little embarrassed. But as life would have it, his chain popped off. Then it was time for my dear Pete to rescue the little man. We got his chain back on and sent him on his way! That kid had absolutely no idea what good hands he had been in at that very moment! Its not often that a person happens upon a nurse and a bike guy at the very moment when one crashes and blows his chain!

We made it to the play ground and had a good turn at it without anyone getting hurt. While we were sitting there on the park bench watching the girls, a little girl toddled over to examine Iris. She was probably about 3 years old. She asked lots of good questions about her. She was with her sister who appeared to be about 13 years old. After having read “The Shack” and having just watched “The Lovely Bones”, I couldn’t help but be reminded of how easy it is to entice children to have them fall victim to horrible, nasty people. Thank our good Lord that we are in fact GOOD people. Both of those references will keep my eyes open and watching my own children during this camping trip. I did happen to notice a man sitting outside his camper, watching the playground. He didn’t have any children over there playing. I thought how easy it would be for someone like him to approach a child playing unsupervised. And those two girls that talked to us, held no defenses up to us. They were enamored by Iris. And who wouldn’t be really? But again, I really am thankful that we are the good guys. Those girls were precious. All children are…even the ones that like to fight with each other to the death in the back seat of the truck while heading down to High Falls State park for a little R&R on a Memorial Weekend getaway!

May 29 Saturday

Yesterday we spent checking out the campground. Because it was a holiday weekend, it was packed on the river side and the lake side of the park. All methods of camping were being utilized from pup tents to Master RV buses. Some tents were connected by tarps in hopes of keeping the impending rain storms from flooding them out like ants from an ant hill.

We then left the park and we to Dauset Trails. Dauset is a beautiful preserve that houses all manner of wild animals and farm animals found here in the US. Along with wild animals, they have owls, hawks and a Bald Eagle. The girls loved seeing all of the creatures. While walking around, we got trapped near a group of approximately 12 children with just a couple of adult women in the crowd. Those kids chanted, squawked, sang and generally tormented said wild life. I think the animals probably sighed from relief for being caged up and protected from those wild children!

All in all, the girls had the best time at Dauset. Lyndi and Lila got to see a Tom turkey parade around all puffed up and bellowing out his most impressive call for a female love. We got to see two Bobcats fight and growl at each other. Turtles and geese (with half a dozen baby goslings) came near to see if they could snag a few crumbs from the wild humans that came to visit them at the park.

From Dauset, we went to visit Indian Springs campground. Indian springs is about 10 miles from High Falls. While on one side of the camp ground was a convention of women with short hair, sporting rainbow and = sign bumper stickers, on the other side were masses of holiday campers. If at the mention of women with short hair made you think that I should have stayed to hang out…thanks, but no thanks. Short hair and camping were our only common interests at that point.

While we were exploring the park, we happened upon a very large snapping turtle in the middle of the road. The turtle was the size of a hub cap. A very vicious hubcap! I hopped out of the truck to get a closer look and to SNAP a picture. Behind us some park rangers pulled up. When they observed what I had gotten out to investigate, they decided that they needed to save said turtle from the mean streets of the park. One of the men (know that I wish I could have taped this scene), decided that he could pick the turtle up to move him out of the road. The minute he laid hands on that turtle, that turtle opened up his large jaws and SNAPPED at that man, causing the man to lurch and jump away from Mr. Snapping Turtle. Feeling that it was his civic duty to get that turtle out of harm’s way, that man attempted 3 or 4 more times to remove that turtle. Three or four more times that turtle snapped at that man and lunged at him! How that man came away from that humanitarian act with all fingers intact, I will never know. But it made for an interesting sight!

Later in the evening we went to Macon to meet up with my cousin Chad from Miami. Chad and his girl friend Wendy came. Chad is the son of my mom’s sister JoAnn who also lives in Miami. Some of Wendy’s family live in Macon. We had dinner at Sticky Finger’s restaurant. I haven’t seen Chad since his dad, Jim died 7 years ago. What a great blessing to be able to spend time with him. He took pictures of me and the girls to take home and to share with my aunt. We made promises to get together again some day soon. I sure hope its sooner than 7 years and that the visit has nothing to do with a funeral!

On that way back to camp, we HAD to stop at Dairy Queen in Forsyth, GA where the law enforcement training center is located. Pete’s GEMA office was in that building. That’s also where I used to go for training when I was an officer. But back to the ice cream! We all got a cone. Pete and I got a chocolate dipped cone. We sat outside in the nice comfortable evening air and enjoyed that ice cream. Lyndi had nothing but good to say about getting to eat ice cream…in between licks of course! It was really a treat! Well, all until Lyndi dropped her cone on the ground! She was mostly finished though. She had managed to get the ice cream all over her hands, her shirt and shorts and in her hair. It was all good!!

5/30 Sunday

This morning, I made French toast with homemade glazed Fuji apples and cinnamon. It turned out very nicely! Its rough having to camp in such a primitive manner! After breakfast we trekked down to the river. The water was higher because of the torrential down pour that finally came last night. The girls spent their time throwing rocks in the river. Then Lyndi managed to fall into the water, soaking her pants and light up Strawberry Shortcake shoes. She was not a happy camper at that point.

For lunch today we ate at a restaurant called Buckners. Their whole feeding concept revolved around the concept of a Lazy Susan. All customers were seated around large tables (together with strangers) with a Lazy Susan in the middle. Dish after dish of Southern delicacies came out. Fried chicken, roast beef, creamed sweet corn, butter peas, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, peach cobbler…….the list goes on! Each person takes as much as they can eat and spoons that Southern goodness onto their plate. Sweet tea is available to wash down the food that feeds the soul. The girls actually ATE for a change. Butter peas and coleslaw were Lila’s favorites. Pete nearly ate 3 chickens on his own, piece by piece. I loved it all and especially the yeast rolls and peach cobbler!

After returning to camp, we noticed that our tent dwelling neighbors were packing up. The sky was threatening to unload another gusher…which it hasn’t at this point. Lyndi is lying in bed taking a nap that she said she really didn’t need. I practically had to wrestle her like an alligator just to get her to lay down. Lila, Pete and I made it to our camp chairs outside the camper. The temperature is cool enough for us not to sweat and warm enough to kick our shoes off and sit around in shorts. It’s a tough life having to sit here listening to the sounds of the campground and the water dripping off the camper from the night’s rain…..

I WILL RISE

2010-05-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

Friday, I packed my bags, cleaned out my car, loaded up the trunk and waited for mom to get to my house. Loaded down with luggage and 500 pillows, my mom crammed all of her belongings into my car.....
Destination: Charleston, SC....Mission: 2010 WOMEN OF JOY conference at the North Charleston Coliseum.
Guests of the Conference:
Travis Cottrell (host and music performer)
Steven Curtis Chapman & Michael W. Smith
Liz Curtis Higgs speaker (advised us that the rolls around are middle are a result of wisdom settling at our waists)
Becky Tirabassi speaker (greatly suffers from ADD or over use of caffeine and major stimulants)
Anita Renfroe (comedian) (comedian bred with Weird Al Yankovich)
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Let me back up a bit an explain what happened when I asked my mom if she wanted to go to the Christian Women's conference with me. She was able to recall all of the fantastic things I had to say about the 2009 conference. What a great experience that really did bring me incredible joy. God was there and HE SHOWED OUT! But my mom...well...I think she had greater concerns. When I asked her to join me and that she would only have to pay for her meals, I could hear the wheels clickity clacking in her head....WD40 probably would have helped. She kind of stammered over her answer and then finally fell back on the excuse that May 15th was the date of my parents 44th wedding anniversary! Ok so that was a good excuse..but not good enough. I got on the phone with my dad and asked him MYSELF if he would mind. He said that he thought they had spent 2 or 3 anniversaries in the past together. It would be OK with him if mom went. Let me just share with you the thoughts that were going through my mom's head when I told her that she would be going:
1) Are there going to be a bunch of weird Jesus FREAKS roaming around at the conference trying to convert and save all who enter?
2) Would reptiles, or more specifically SNAKE handling be involved?
3) Would anyone be attempting to speak in tongues?
4) Would there be a bunch of crazed, JESUS FREAKS there?? Oh wait...I already said that...but she thought it!!!
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Growing up, my parents never went to church...ok so I can't say never. I can only remember them going to church when I was really little and then only RARELY as C&E Christians (you know, Christmas and Easter). But both of my parents say that they are saved. They just have just gotten a horrible taste in their mouths over attending church. I think they would be very greatly inclined to give that,"oh only a bunch of hypocrites go to church that want your money!!"
Truly there are all sorts of people that go to church...the good the bad and the ugly in fact. Some hypocrites, thieves, adulterers, murderers and generally negative people go to church. But one must first come to the realization that we ALL are sinners. We ALL are imperfect. We ALL fall short of the glory of God. But generally speaking.....all of the people that I go to church with have big, sharing, loving, open hearts. We all love God. Being able to go to church to worship our God and to fellowship with fellow members, makes my life much more joyful and spectacular...even if I am the only crabby person in the house. I won't leave church crabby!!
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So the journey begins!! Heading down the driving, I realized that my GPS system was kaput. Pete informs me that I will just have to head out on my journey with a PAPER MAP. What the??!!!!!!!!!!! So mom attempts to use the GPS system on her cell phone. A 64 year old using a cell phone GPS system.....PAINFUL! I mean the sheer fact that she has to put READING glasses on just to see the freaking keys on her cell.......ACK!!!!!!!!!!!
I just called Pete and had him GOOGLE our destination. The directions were straight forward enough. Thank you Pete...you saved us $200 because I was just about to pull into the nearest Walmart and plop down the necessary fundage to buy a new GPS. We did get lost a couple of times over the weekend but made it around relatively unscathed.
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Heading down the highway, a couple of hundred miles into the trip, the AC on my 2008 model Mazda 3 decided that it was way too hot outside (92) and that it need to not only quit blowing but stop cooling. So mom and I headed down 26 East with 4 windows down, traveling at 70 mph...enough to cool the temperature of my car to a mere 89 or so! Every time a big truck passed, the noise was deafening. After a good 50 miles or so, the AC fired back up and we were back in business!!! Hallelujah!!!
Later on the drive home, we made it to the Centerville Rd near Rayle, GA. After 30 minutes of riding with the windows down, the cool air returned....sweet!!!
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What a great time we had! No snakes were handled...much to my dismay and much to the joy of my mom! We sang and laughed! We cried and prayed. We clapped and stomped. It was great!! My mom admitted on the way home that it was very different from what she thought it would be...well yea...I told you that she was fearin the reptiles and Jesus Freaks!! She was surprised that the music was so uplifting and the speakers were so REAL. I told her that I thought she based her ideas about what church was like based upon the old tel-evangelists that begged, borrowed, stole and manipulated in order to build some crazy big evangelical empires.
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On the way home, a truck in front of me kicked up a rock, pelting my windshield. Mom said that she hoped it hadn't pinged my windshield. At first look, there was no sign of damage. Soon though, a crack eeked its way up. After I got home and shut my car off, the crack spread out another 6 inches. So in all, at last sight, I had a 12 inch hairline crack on the left side of windshield. But like I told my mom, it was just a windshield and thats what I had insurance for! It sure beat the heck out of the motorcyclist that was riding ahead of us on I26 last night. There were two cars behind him and then following. Suddenly the cars in front of us began to hit their brakes. Not knowing what had just happened with the cyclist, I realized that there was a large dark object that looked a lot like a motorcycle helmet being catapulted toward my car!!! I couldn't swerve to miss the helmet. My only thought was....Dear God, please let that just be a helmet that was left unsecured (yea a lot of good that would do a cyclist)...and please don't let it still have the cyclists head attached because he had just been run over by the crazy drivers behind him!!!!!!! You can breathe now...it was just the helmet. After I ran over the blooming thing, I saw the cyclist pull off to the side of the interstate. Now, I'm not certain whether he intended to run out into the road to retrieve his helmet or not. I pray not!! He really would have gotten squished! God was with us....and with him!
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Let it just suffice to say that any time and every time Ive gone to this particular conference, there has always been some sort of drama! Last year there were several bad accidents and then the "incident" at the Triangle gas station involving 2 women that became engaged in a fist fight and hair pulling contest while Nancy and I were trapped in the store! It was hilarious once we were out of that store. While we were in the store, it wasn't nearly so funny not knowing whether someone would pull a weapon (particularly a firearm)!!!
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Despite a very uplifting conference, I was so glad to return home to my husband and children!!! SO GLAD!

Julie’s Story

2010-05-13T21:10:00.000-04:00

Julie’s Story

Addictions

2010-05-11T22:12:00.000-04:00

Tonight Im watching the Biggest Loser. I began watching this season way back at the beginning. Over the last several weeks, i have had the opportunity to watch adn become familiar with all fo the contestants. What an amazing journey for these people. We are getting down to the final 4 after tonight. The perserverence these people have shown has been absolutely AMAZING! Weight loss is a huge battle. Addictions period are tremdous battles. Being addicted to food is no different from alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. There is NO DIFFERENCE. Which one of those things do not cause major, multisystem health problems and death? And FOOD does cause multisystem health problems and death....not to mention loss of limbs, peripheral neuropathy, blindness, kidney failure, the need for dialysis, ulcerations and sore that don't heal. Then there the peripheral vascular disease, the peripheral arterial disease, depression and low self esteem. Stroke, heart attack and deep vein thrombosis also go right along with obesity and the major disease associated with being overweight....Diabetes. Does that sound like an exaggeration? Im afraid that there is absolutely no exaggeration in my comments regarding obesity. Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs can all lead the same end and then some....
Alcohol abuse can lead to altered personal relationships, depression, loss of testosterone in men, liver disease, kidney failure, diabetes and a whole host of other health problems, financial problems and life problems.
Smoking and tobacco use can lead to cancer (oral, throat, lung and stomach...plus its linked to many other forms of cancer), emphysema and chronic bronchitis (also called COPD), financial issues and premature aging. Smoking does not only effect the smoker but also effects the people around them. Children are most often effected by second hand smoke. Smoking causes middle ear infections, asthma and low birth weights in babies. It must also be metioned that smoking stinks, stains teeth and fingers. There is nothing cuter than having yellow stained fingers from burning a few too many cigarettes huh?
Drugs...wow...what destruction doesn't it cause? Every aspect of a person's life is effected by drug use and abuse. Brain cells die. Lung, heart, kidney and liver damage is expected. Depression and anxiety are common. Sensitivity issues are common. Constipation, skin sores, rotten teeth and poor hygiene are trade marks of drug abuse. Broken homes, broken families and broken hearts are all too often associated with drug use and abuse.
So what in the world spurred me into a rant about abuse? Im so proud of all of the contestant of the Biggest Loser. The weight is not even the real issue that all of these people are having to deal with. The real issue begins with the heart. Perhaps all the addictions that people suffer with begin with the heart. Saddness, anger, abuse, neglect, no self esteem all contribute to people relying on substances to make them feel better. Unfortuantely its all a real trap.
What to do about it all? Find self love. Try, try and try again. Fail and try again. Stop being selfish. Open up to someone you can trust. Join a support group. Seek God and rely on HIM for all things. Trust God. Break old habits and get rid of people in your life that don't necessarily care about what's in YOUR best interest or best for your well being.
And PLEASE stop saying STUPID things like,"We all have to die from something." Because the truth is that I have seen many people, friends and loved ones die from many of these illnesses that came about from their own addictions....and their deaths were long, drawn out and very painful. Suffocation, cancer invading organs, bone pain, loss of being able to urinate and to have to have dialysis, blindness, loss of dignity (from having to rely on others to clean you up like a baby), impotence, loss of jaw bones and all the tissues associated with that (food falling out of that hole in the face...seen it), loss of limbs and organs, brain damage, more PAIN, saddness and depression AND loss of family and everything else.......just isn't the way I WANT to go out of this world because of some bad habit or addiction that I had.
Ok...Im done. I mentioned all of this out of love and hope for a better, happier life for all.

Tattoo queen?

2010-04-27T21:18:00.000-04:00

Its no secret that I have tattoos....much to the dismay of my Mom, Dad and husband. If my in laws knew about my tattoos, Im sure that after they recovered from their strokes, they would probably question whether they really wanted me to be married to their son. But in my defense, I had tatoos before I married their son.
Let me share my story about tattoo ART. I get asked all the time WHY?????
I can distinctly remember sitting in the back seat of my parents Gran Torino (burnt orange/brown in color with a white top) out in the parking lot while they ran into a store. Back in the 70's, as long as you put the windows down, it was perfectly ok and acceptable to leave your small kids alone in the car while you ran into the grocery store. At any rate, I remember sitting there in the Florida sun, staring out at a biker gang that had ridden up near by. All of the members had multiple tattoos. All of them road really cool bikes. I knew then that some day I too would have tattoos and maybe even ride a motorcycle. HOWEVER, after having worked in the ER and seeing gray matter coming out of a mans nose and ears.....I changed my mind quickly about motorcycles.
So when I turned 18, I started out my rebellious venture with a tattoo of a gecko on the sole of my left foot. As painful as it was, I was quite pleased with myself. I was hooked. But broke people can only be so hooked....it would be nearly a decade before I would get my second tattoo. The second one being another gecko on my lower back with a floral print for skin. For me it expressed my fondness of lizards (that I spent hours chasing and catching as a small child) and it was still kind of feminine since it was covered in a floral print. Not long after that, I added my maiden name in Kanji (Japanese...I did take it in college so I know what it really says).
For my 37th birthday, I had decided that I wanted to have a cross added to my back. Truth be told, I thought that I might try to get that large gecko covered with a cross. In my mind, I was concerned that people might think that I am some kind of fruity pagan lizard worshiper...which is absolutely silly BUT. At any rate, Luke the tattoo artist let me know that if I wanted to cover it, it would take almost a full lower back piece and he could not quarantee that it would work. I mulled it all over in my mind.
When I finally went in to have my work done, I decided that I would get my back gecko touched up. Luke made all of the flowers in my gecko POP out! He did a great job! After 12 years they had really faded and looked like blobs. He said that the new inks he used will last longer and remain brighter. THEN I did the last thing that anyone in my family would have liked, I got a cross tattooed on my left side. Its about 4 inches tall and 3 inches wide.
When my mom saw my latest tattoo she said,"That's ugly. I dont like it." Ok Mom. Pete wasn't thrilled. Both expressed concern that I would some day be completely covered in tattoos. I'm sure I wont be. But the point of having tattoos is a form of expression and art to me. It doesnt have anything in the world to do with pleasing or not pleasing anyone. I like them. Will I ever get one in a location that anyone will ever be able to see? NO.
But here is the thing. When my 3 year old Lyndi saw that cross on my side, she asked me what it was a tattoo of? I explained that it was a cross. I got it on my side to remind me that Jesus died on the cross for me and all people that believe in HIM so that we could all go to Heaven. She said," So he died on the cross for you and ME and Daddy and Lila to go to Heaven? What about Sherrie and Lyle (our neighbor friends)." I told her that he died for all of us so that we could ALL go to Heaven if we believed in HIM. The look on her face was one of wonder and excitement. She was so happy that she just grabbed me around the neck and hugged me tight. She was so glad that she would one day be going to Heaven because of Jesus. I wish I had had a video of that moment. Tears welled up in my eyes. I told Lyndi that all I have to do is see that cross and be reminded. She got it. She may be 3 years old but she got it and had to tell Daddy about it.
If the tattoos that I have offend others, I'm sorry. I decided to get a tattoo of a cross so that all people will know where I stand in my beliefs. I am HIS. And if anyone should happen to see it and want to ask me about it, it is a good opportunity for me to share my beliefs. But if Lyndi is the only little human being that ever sees the cross and gets excited when I tell her that it is a reminder of our salvation....then I feel like having that tattoo goes beyond just being beautiful art work, but into a chance for me to share my love for Christ.

Im Not 12 Anymore

2010-04-26T21:25:00.000-04:00

This morning, I had an interesting experience. My morning at work started off with a broke down doctor's toilet. Sherrie said it was my fault but truly...this time it wasn't. At any rate, she called the plumber to check things out.
On the way out, the plumber took a second to explain that it was a tank filling problem. While he was speaking, my mental roladex began turning. His face, although having a couple of decades of age on it that weren't there when I saw him last, was very familiar. I searched my mental files to remember where in the world I could have known him from. The first clue I had was that his name was Shannon. His uniform said as much. WOOHOOO Clue #1!!!
I asked him his last name. The name was very familiar. So began a barrage of questions that only a well seasoned fomer officer and daughter of Sue (who should have worked for the CIA with her 40 million questions) could have come up with. After just a couple of questions, I discovered that he was friends with my former neighbor in the neighborhood (the older brother of my playmate and former CRUSH) I grew up in. The craziest thing that came about was that once that connection was made, he said,"Are you Marci?"
WHY? HOW? WHAT? HOW did this guy remember my name? He was 6 years older than me. He didn't live in my neighborhood. He was friends with my neighbor who was 5 years older than me, was a football player, totally cool and incredibly hot (to me when I was a kid growing up). And suddenly I began to feel a little paranoid. Did he remember me as that goofy little kid next door that drooled and acted giddy everytime I was around my neighbor? Did they make fun of me...like "Hey _____ there's your girlfriend staring at you all coweyed!! AHAHAHHAHA" That would have been embarassing. When I was a kid and suffering through my childish crush, I was nothing like the more sophisticated, glamour girls that my neighbor dated. I wore jeans and t-shirts practically every day of my life. I preferred to play touch football, war, soft ball, climb trees or play in the dirt to any other sort of girly activity. I didn't wear makeup...go figure! Pretty much, I haven't changed much in the last twenty something years.
As I stared at Shannon trying to recall exactly how he looked as a teenager, I told him that I remembered him as being so much taller than me. He said,"Well yea I seemed taller to you back when you were only 12!!!!" How funny! Of course he was taller than me back then! Now he is probably about 6 feet tall. Im right at 5' 8". Not only am I taller, I've had 2 kids, Ive got a few gray hairs, crows feet and boobs. None of which did I have back then. Shannon, had a few wrinkles, some gray hairs and lots of facial hair. I remember his hair being much more blonde back then too. Mine was too though...certainly not dark like it is now.
Suddenly when he began to recognize me, I felt some old feelings of insecurity that I used to feel when I was a kid and hanging around those older guys. I had to remind myself to hold it together...don't act goofy...talk like a grownup...don't be giddy.
I had to remind myself that I am a mature, smart, successful, HOT woman that has a great family and husband. No matter how goofy I was a kid....I was a great kid. I was still smart and cute. I was fun and just plain all right. As a woman, I am still the same...kind of goofy (some would argue, VERY GOOFY), smart, cute and all right (most of the time).
After Shannon left, I just had to laugh at myself. He told me that he was going to HAVE TO tell my old crush ( he didnt say OLD CRUSH) that he had run into me. He said that we should get together with all of the old neighbors (the crush, his younger sister and younger brother) and we could have a pillow fight. I told him that pillow fights take on a whole different meaning at our age. And I suppose that he is recalling a time when we did get into pillow fights. Maybe I vaguely remember that. I probably wouldn't have minded being tarred and feathered if my crush had been involved.
Did I disclose the fact that I had had a huge crush on my neighbor growing up? Not even the slightest little hint. Things like that being told to the grown objects of crushdom could make things very ackward. But I suspect that my crush probably had a pretty good clue that I was obsessed. Im sure he looked at me like I was just a silly child. The drool and goo goo eyes probably spoke volumes.

Natures Godly Beauty

2010-04-06T19:00:00.000-04:00

Sheets of pollen fell all over the land today and blanketed it like snow...... As I was driving up hwy 29 to go visit the folks at Reddy Care, I passed through such a heavy fall of pollen that I had to hit the air re-circulate button just to keep the yellow green bits from flowing into my car.
So I mentioned that I had to go see the Reddy Care folks. I wish I could say that I was making a marketing visit. Alas, I was not. I have been having chest pains almost daily the last couple of weeks. Last night I had the mother of all chest pains. At the doctors office, I met a really nice Nurse Practioner named Sharon. Turns out that she and my friend Ali know eachother. Small world really. But back to me...
So I had the standard EKG to rule out heart attack. Although it felt like an MI, I was pretty sure it was not one. My thoughts were that I was more than likely having a bad case of reflux. Sharon shared the same thought. She said that she thought I might have some diverticulum brewing in my stomach. I told her that my grandmother (mom's mom) had that problem too. She informed me that it was passed down through women most often. Thanks Granny. Let's just add that to the list of aliments that I already suffer from. I'm already looking forward to hypertension, high cholesterol, hypothyroidism and a general case of being looney. Why can't I have the good genes like: pefect vision, rock hard abs, genius IQ, the opposite of the noassatall gene or generalized happiness. *sigh* Oh and perfect, cavity free, no cracks, teeth. Oh and I'm beginning to lose my hearing. Have I mentioned that my birthday is on Monday? I realize that turning 37 is just one more step down hill in to the land of FALLING APART. Yippee!
So as not to sound like I am a miserable old crab, I have to share something that I think is just absolutely amazing. A nonbeliever who is also a botanist, might say,"Aww that's just a coincidence." I will remain in my own little God loving land and say that I think its a really amazing blessing.....
I have a flower bed full of Irises, Lilies, Cannas and Hostas. Of all of the plants that I have in my flower bed and of all the Lilies that I grow, the only ones that came out this past weekend (Easter in case you didnt know) were the WHITE Lilies. They are very beautiful and pure. After those bloom, perhaps the lavendar and yellows will burst forth. But for now, the pure white flowers are showing out in all of their Easter glory!

Spring Break 2010

2010-03-29T16:14:00.002-04:00

I am currently sitting before a glowing pit of fire. Literally. Pete and I took the girls camping at Fort Yargo State Park for the weekend. Tomorrow we head back to Comer town. It has been an interesting few days. As usual per our camping trips, we had rain off and on. When it wasn’t raining, the sun shined and the GREAT winds blew. While roughing it here in the woods, I headed to civilization and HAD to visit the local Target. I bought the girls kites to fly in the great gusts. Naturally after making such a purchase, the GREAT WINDS weren’t so stinking great. And since Lila really believes (even at the age of 8) that we have control over things like the wind or sunshine, she began to fuss and complain that everything was just miserable for her and she seemed to blame us for her misery. Ahhhhh….another day in paradise!

Saturday we made a trip into Winder to take a gander at the offerings of the awesome Akins vehicle dealer. Driving up on the lot, you expect to hear trumpets sounding or an orchestra playing some tremendous overture to express the fantabulessness of the place! Ahhhhhhhhhhh….. They had the standard four door family rides (sedans). The ever so necessary family vans (filled with DVD players and playscapes I’m sure). Then they had the “I’m obviously a single person’s” two door, sporty rides. But what we wanted to gaze upon was the suped up, jacked up, toughened up, hard working, load totin, pick ups! For a mere 50k, a person could come away from there with the ride of a lifetime. Of course, in our case, it would take a lifetime to pay for one of those lot items. But we love to look. We actually have to carry tissues with us to wipe the drool away (and the tears when we hear the prices).

Pete having a spine of steel, test drove a Ford F250 diesel. From the moment he fired the engine up and that truck began its hypnotic rattle-rattle-rattle, Pete’s eyes got this glazed look about them. I could tell that even though he was present in body, his mind was elsewhere, realizing that all of his dreams had just come true just firing that behemoth up! And for a mere 36k for a 2 year old truck with 60 something miles on it (baby stuff for a diesel), Pete could have his heart’s desire. And how that man was able to walk away from that truck and maintain a poker face, I will never know. I imagined that I had a constipated look on my face when Pete told the seller of his dreams that he was “just looking” and walked away. It PAINED ME!

I ‘m not the kind of person that has to lots of “things”. I don’t have to have the latest and greatest gadgets, the fanciest clothes or many other things….but I wish that I could have gone in their office, plopped a price down on the table, written them a check and handed Pete the keys. Quite honestly though, our first house cost us $76, 500. It was a beautiful, cozy cottage. That truck was half the price of our first house! I bet the payment on it would have been just as much as the house, maybe more.

While we were there at that dealership, a flat bed truck came in with a delivery of a car. Seeing that car and hearing the engine roar, caused a bit of a rumbling in my inner being. I felt a rare sort of excitement that I don’t feel often. The car was a real beauty….a 2011 Ford Mustang Cobra. It had slick tires and was a true racing car! It had the racing seats with 5 point restraints and a cage. When that car came off the truck and roared, every man in ear shot of that thing came out to see what that stirrer of primitive emotions was….it was HOT! Girls, I don’t think that a half naked woman walking through the parking lot would have grabbed as much attention as that car did. Grrrrrrrrrr

Today, the Great Winds blew again. The girls got to fly their kites. Lila finally was able to come out of her misery. Her life wasn’t ruined after all. They had a good time running back and forth along the shore line of the lake. It was a good time.

Tonight we had the fire of all fires. Pete has really come into his own with fire building. When we first married, he didn’t have all of the skills that he has seemingly mastered over 10 years now. It was a nice warm fire. Lightening and clouds threatened us in the background. The fire bugs, Lila and Lyndi, had to poke and prod at the flames and coals. Iris just laid off to the side and watched over all the festivities. Lyndi spent some time sitting in my lap, asking me to sing MY song to her. I had to sing “You Are My Sunshine” only 6 times. She began to join in after the third time around. It is times like that I wouldn’t trade for a million dollars.

Tomorrow morning we pack up, a chore that has become a lot less tiresome and trying since we got our camper. We will pull out, dump the trash off and empty the black and gray water out of the holding tanks. Then we hit the road. Back to Comer Town we go. Back to our neighborhood. Back to our home. Back to where we know folks and folks know us. Back to sleep in our own beds. Back to our 3 stinky cats. Back to our house that ALWAYS needs cleaning and laundry that ALWAYS needs to be done. Ahhhhhhh, what bliss……minus a behemoth of a truck with a back seat the size of a couch. Pete is a strong, strong man.

All In a Day's Work

2010-03-23T20:43:00.000-04:00

Today was a day with my critical hospital patients. My shift, beginning at 6:45AM, started out with a BANG!!! My first patient, unable to speak due to a trach, informed me that he didn't want to be there and he wanted to die. GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT.......
When I meet patients, I don't necessarily know all of the family dynamics. I don't know all the details of what brought them to our hospital. And in some ways, its better not knowing too many details. It's better for my emotional health to be able to separate myself from patients that are on the edge.
After lunch things did get better....I even had the great pleasure of inserting a rectal tube on a patient!! WOOHOO!! I mean, I've put many a foley in both men and women...but never a rectal tube! So now, finally I can say that I had the chance to explore that orafice with a device of torture too! **Special note** Rectal tubes go on the list of things I DO NOT EVER want to have put in my orafice!!!! That goes along with being on a Vent and having to have a nasogastric tube!!!
Something that's funny to me is that all of the patients at the hospital do not wear drawers. This fact does not in any way disturb me or make me uncomfortable. I think absolutely nothing of seeing a person in their birthday suit. HOWEVER....if a person was just sitting around in their underpants at the vein practice, I would be so embarassed and uncomfortable I couldn't hardly stand it!! Makes no sense does it? It is what it is though. We don't sit around in our drawers at home either and Pete never hangs out shirtless. I guess we are just modest folks.
All in all, I like my new job. I really love that I am helping comfort people that are in a really tough spot in their life. I love using the nursing skills that I spent several thousands of dollars on!!! The thought did cross my mind today that maybe I should have gone into floral design or something less stressful!! Nahhhhhhhh

A few of my favorite things

2010-03-19T22:08:00.000-04:00

Here are a few of my favorite things, the things that make me happy!
1) Going and visiting my little buddy Lyle, his mommy Sherry and his baby brother Emory. They are a beautful family and I enjoy my friend Sherry a lot. She is a beautiful soul that seems to except me for exactly who I am and that is something great!
2) Our small group meetings at the Legg's house on Sunday nights. We get to enjoy a great meal together and then have a wonderful lesson. It's very fulfilling.
3) My friends. I can not begin to name all of the people that are special to me. I am surrounded by many women and men whose spirits shine with the light of the Lord. I would love to have a book documenting each one's testimony. Each testimony is so special and really touches my heart.
4) My neighborhood family. We are here for a reason. There are so many special families and singles that live here. I love being able to walk the neighborhood and speak to folks.
5) Cliff Mojo bars (peanut butter and pretzel) and a cup of coffee. I can't begin to tell you what a treat that is for me.
6) A comfortable pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt. Although they aren't fancy duds...they are most representative of my style....always have been, always will be!
7) My cat Jack. Or Jack a poo tee as Lyndi calls him. He is an orange manx. For some reason, he just brings me joy. He is a funny cat. He drives Pete nuts and claws things up from time to time. But what can I say? I love him.

The Beauty of It All

2010-03-19T21:56:00.000-04:00

I began my new job working with long term care patients part time in town. I will continue work part time for the vein practice I've been at for the last year and a half. Let me just say that I am so incredibly busy in my life now. I thought I was busy before. My life was sitting on snooze before! I just didn't know.
I really like my new job. The patients are all total care. Most of the patients I've worked with are on a vent or have a tracheostomy. Some patients are there due to car accidents, severe stroke, failed attempts at suicide or just plain rotten health. I wondered how I would feel working with patients that were almost all in such a bad state of being. Truly it hasn't bothered me yet. After having worked in oncology, home health and acute care, I feel more adept at caring for these patients. I also know that I don't plan to dig deep into their personal lives. The less I know about them as a person (a healthy, living person) the better. My goal is to provide comfort and well being to each person to the best of my ability. I already know going into this sort of environment that some people never really get better. Comfort is key...full recovery is not. If a person is able to overcome their circumstances and graduate out of our facility, what a blessing!!
Coming from a little office of only 5 people, into a group of double digit nurses, plus office and other staff members is a big change. There are some interesting dianamics that I haven't really encountered before. I have sensed that there is a lot of tension between nurses. The Chaplain explained that this phenomenon is due to the high stress and the negativity related to all of the really sick patients. These patients are really needy and often have demanding family members. Those sorts of things tend to wear on the nurses and causes them to take it out on eachother. I personally believe that a lot of nurses have issues with control. They want to be in control of their patients, themselves and their environment. Of course this isn't a realistic expectation. At times, when the world isn't cooperating, the nurses get upset and lash out. Power struggles play out too. Instead of each person looking at their coworkers as a huge source of knowlege and assistance, some nurses feel inferior or even superior and then the horn clashing begins.
I've noticed a good bit of eye rolling, hen like cackling and ruffled feathers. It's a shame too. I see why it happens though. My goal is to avoid this drama and head butting as much as possible. I know that so much of what goes on in places like that have nothing REALLY to do with me personally. I will try to just do my job to the best of my ability, care for my patients in a manner that I have been called by God to do and then head home knowing that I made a difference. That's my goal. My prayer is that God will help guide me through all of this and help me to avoid major obstacles and that he will take my own burdens up on HIS shoulders.
In this life I have been given, I learned a few years ago that I have control of NOTHING. I learned from my previous marriage that I can not change anyone. I have learned to take each day as it comes. And I have learned from being a nurse that each patient, no matter what level of consciousness they may appear to be at, is still a human being with needs. The one thing that I learned from a dear friend/cancer patient named Terry, is that it is so important for each patient to feel like a human being and not like a disease (or a number).
So for my first days at the hospital, I feel like I am starting all over. I am so thankful that I haven't lost every bit of knowlege that I have about nursing. I have been thrilled over the moments of knowlege that come to me. I thought my bulb had burned out completely...I guess not! That little bulb turns on and shines from time to time!!! I'm rusty in my practice but still salvageable!
I find it so interesting that God has brought me to this place at this time in my life. My hope is that he will use me to help further HIS Kingdom. I am really looking forward to being witness to these situations I am talking about. I know that I have been so blessed in every area of nursing that I have worked in. Naturally there have been ups and downs in all of the places I've worked. That's life. The bad helps us to appreciate the good. It's my hope though that the good out weighs the bad! But the absolute miracles and examples of God's grace and mercy have been so amazing!!
So now if you see me on a Tuesday night, Wednesday night or Thursday night, know this: I probably have just worked a 12 hour shift with some really, really sick people; I worked Wed. at the Vein practice and Im still tired from my previous 12 hr shift and then will be at church that evening; Thursday will be another 12 hour shift taking care of really, really sick people. Please be understanding of my yawns and stretching...it's not a show of disrespect!
Thank you God for getting me to this point, even if it took months for you to go from saying "be still and wait", to "YES!"

Tragedy

2010-02-04T07:55:00.001-05:00

I feel as though I have been able to recovery emotionally from the tragedy that I witnessed a couple of days ago......
As I was on Oglethorpe Ave, waiting at the light to turn left onto Hawthorne, I saw a gentleman attempting to maneuver his bicycle across the traffic laden road in the gas stations parking lot. This poor soul was finally able to semi-pedal and semi-push his bike across the street. This task was not made easy because he carried in his arms a brown paper bag. Thinking that Bell's grocery is just down the street, I thought...This poor fellow could really mess himself up and drop his sack of groceries! WHEN SUDDENLY....As he began trying to mount his metal steed and maintain control of his handle bars with one hand and hold the grocery sack in the other....the handle bars went left and the sack pitched to the right and fell in S-L-O-WWWWWWW motion to the ground. The contents of that bag began to foam and spew all over the ground!!!!!!!!!!! The golden rich barley concoction WASTED on the parking lot!!!!!!
Because I am pretty talented in the art of reading lips....I observed this gentleman fling his arms up to the Heavens and exclaim "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SUGAR SMACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He then began pumping his arms up and down and stamping his feet in disgust.
While observing all of this, I was talking to my friend India on the phone. I told her of the events that I had observed. She explained that that gentleman was probably having to ride that bike in the first place because of his inablity to maintain the contents of his brown bag! She is so wise!
Poor fella! I know on game days when we used to make people pour out the contents of their little brown bags...they nearly wept and wanted to exclaim "AWWWWWWWWWWW SUGAR SMACKS!!!!" I know that's what they really wanted to say!!!

Editor Needed

2010-02-01T20:20:00.000-05:00

Today I realized what a terrible job I've done with these postings. Please forgive me for the posts that I've written that contain type-os, poor grammar and generally stink. I can honestly say that I've written many a blog while being half asleep, under the influence of cold medicine or just plain crazy from dealing with things (kids, work, family, stress, stress, stress). Hopefully you don't mind cutting me some slack. Know this: I always MEAN TO hit that little spell check button...it just doesn't always happen!!! Please, please forgive me!

Obviously Not in Kansas Anymore!!!

2010-02-01T20:09:00.000-05:00

Tonight is supposed to be one of the brightest full moons EVER....or something like that. My coworker informed me of this neat fact. I told her that the full moon is creating havoc in my life. My children have been acting like maniacs. They are constantly fighting with eachother. My oldest has taken to screaming at the top of her lungs at the 3 year old. Both kids have been yelling at us (yea that goes over well). And neither one of them wants to got to bed or sleep. I too have been having trouble falling asleep the last few nights. With all of this lack of sleep going on, there have been some cranky folks at my house....ME INCLUDED...maybe even ESPECIALLY!!!
This whole full moon thing is not bunk. Anyone that thinks that there is nothing to this concept must live under a rock!! It really all makes sense if you think about it. As humans, we are made up of approximately 75% water. The moon has an effect on the oceans tides. Its bound to have an effect on us humans. Nevermind that every time there is a full moon the following events occur more frequently: 1)arrests 2)drunken brawls (that lead to arrest), domestic violence goes up (leading to increased hospital visits and to jail), baby births, mental breakdowns, murders (probably from mental breakdown) and my children lose their minds. Ok, so maybe I haven't really looked up the statistics on these things!! BUT, I do know from working in law enforcement and working in the ER that these things really do happen more frequently when there is a full moon. And the part about my kids losing their minds.....come over to my house during a full moon if proof is really needed!!!!
So I heard the greatest story today. As far as I know its a completely true story. One of my patients told me that her father was a chicken farmer. He had 3 working chicken houses. Well, because he was getting older (70's), he wasn't so sure that he wanted to continue having to care for these houses. Christmas day, he went out on the front porch and prayed to God about whether or not HE wanted him to continue in the chicken business. Once through praying, he went back inside the house. Later that afternoon, his neighbor came to his house and told him that he really needed to check on his chicken houses. What he saw would/should boggle the mind of any person...especially a non believer. A Christian should not be overly surprised!! When he checked those chicken houses, he found that a tornado had blown through and taken out all three of his houses. Nothing could be salvaged. No other house or property had been hurt from this tornado!!! Can you imagine a more perfect response to his prayer? Had only one chicken house been ruined, he might not know what that meant. Had a roof been damaged, he surely wouldn't have known. Total destruction of all 3 houses...no questions asked! Needless to say, he hung up his farming hat. He also did not mention to the insurance man that he had prayed about this...I'm sure the insurance company would have tried to figure a way out of paying for his loss!! They would have tried to say that he had special connections and had caused this to happen! How great to have THOSE kinds of connections with God!! Usually when I pray about something, I get the answer,"Not now, wait!!" or "Be still." Being that I'm deathly afraid of tornadoes...I'm ok with waiting!

Pop goes the weasel...Jack

2010-01-29T20:29:00.002-05:00

Ok, as I was sitting here on the bed, reading The Pioneer Woman's blog.....
Pete scoops up our teenager manx cat Jack-a-poo-tee (as Lyndi calls him). He asks Jack how he got a plug taken out of his chest (because he is either a tough fighter or can't fight worth a lick). Jackapootee, obviously not liking that Pete was inquiring about his personal business, raised his paw and popped Pete right on the nose. Pete put him down and called him a son with no father!!! I still have tears in my eyes from laughing. Pete had a drop of blood on his snout. Now we know...never comment on a cat's war wounds...they dont like it!!!

Better Since I Left the Room!

2010-01-28T20:06:00.003-05:00

So today my embalmer friend from the other day returned for another procedure. There is something about this fellow that I really appreciate. Maybe its his down to earth attitude and honesty. He just seems like a good guy.
After his procedure was complete I said, "Hey ______ you doing all right now?" He said,"Yea Marci, I actually started to feel a lot better once you left the room!".....WOW!!!! I told him that he was talking awful big now that there weren't any sharp instruments being pointed at him!! I had to laugh. I'm a big enough girl to take some ribbing. And I have to say that he didn't leave out of that office without hugging me bye and thanking us for doing a great job. So I didn't let it get under my skin. He was being rather brave making a comment like that to a woman that could be peri-menopausal, generally hormonal or pregnant!!! But I am definitely NOT pregnant should that horrifying thought even begin to cross your mind!!!!!!!
Then today I had a patient preface a question with," I'm going to ask you a personal question that you might think is me trying to set you up for failure." I went ahead and told her that the shorts she had on did NOT make her butt look big!! But what she really wanted to know was.....If getting rid of her spider veins was going to make her into a SEX KITTEN!!! Was her husband going to be harassing her and pawing at her? Hmmmmmm....I wasn't quite sure if she wanted to be pawed or didn't want to be pawed. You know how married women are.....either they are a sex kitten or they seem to suffer from recurrent headaches. She also wanted to know if the compression stockings she would be wearing might be a turn on for her husband......I'm like....Lady, I don't know your husband, he MAY just have a fetish for ladies wearing grandma style hosiery! Nothing surprises me anymore.
So I called my in laws tonight. My father-in--aw that's 71 answered the phone. I asked what he was up to and he said he was walking on his treadmill. I asked him how long he walked...30 minutes every single day!! How bout that? Grandpa totally shows me up on a daily basis!! I really need to get back to working out!! Maybe if I get back to working out....I too can be a SEX KITTEN!!
The patient that asked me about becoming a sex kitten was 51 years old. And my father-in-law (as I said) is 71. I am almost 37.....there is something really wrong with this picture.
These two separate incidents tell me couple of things:
1) Middle century, mature (my patient's wording) women think about being sexy.
2) My parents and everyone else's parents maybe having sex, thinking about being a sex kitten and have weird hosiery fetishes.........ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL RISE!!!

2010-01-27T08:47:00.003-05:00

Ok, its not even 9AM and I've been through about every emotion known to man...or woman...in my case!
This AM, Lyndi decided to have a falling out fit because her cereal wasn't in a BIG bowl. I'm sorry, I put it in a travel worthy bowl like I do EVERY morning when we have to eat on the run. But because I fell short of her expectations....since Pete was at home sick with the stomach yucks and I had to get Lila to school too.....she had to FALL OUT on the floor and practically be dragged to the car. Thanks to Pete for actually getting her UP in her seat and buckling her in...cause if I had to do it...I might have had to ___________ her (you can fill in any verb you can think of that semi-resembles torture).
So, once we got Lila to school, Lyndi asked me for the 1000000 time whether or not we were going to church tonight. She LOVES to go to church. And I LOVE that she LOVES to go to church. And what a sweet blessing that (despite the fact that she had a blooming fit at the house)she sat in the back seat singing to (at the beautiful tender age of 3)"I Will Rise" by Matthew West. She may not know what the words really, really mean YET, but she sang them with all of her heart. And I strained to hear her. I bet that God probably strained his ear a bit to hear her sweet little self singing HIS praises this morning too.
I would be so selfish to say that the blessings ended there for me....
While we were driving in, I thought that since I was running early that I should stop by and see my dad on the way in at work. For a moment I wavered on that thought. But then I drove up the drive to the shop. When I walked in I saw one of my dad's coworkers. I joked with him that if I called out "DAD", how many of the men at the body shop would turn around! I called "dad" and my dad did turn around! :) Along with about 3 others. But I wondered inside if my dad recognized my voice, the voice of his child that he had heard call his name for almost 37 years.
I told Dad that he needed to come out and see Lyndi. She loves her Papa so much!! She wanted to see him so badly. So he went out and hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. He stooped down and talked to her while she sat in her car seat. She didn't have a lot to say but I could tell that she was so completely crazy in love with talking to her Papa.
I asked Dad if he knew how his coworker David White was doing. David recently lost his 44 year old wife quite unexpectedly to Meningitis. Within less than one week, his wife went from having an ear ache to going to the hospital...to going on a vent...to being disconnected...to dying. They had (I think) 3 teenage children together. Dad said that he wasn't sure how he was doing since it had been a week since she had passed and he had not been back to work.
No sooner had we spoken of David and dad said,"Well here comes David now!" David walked up and I introduced myself. I hugged him and told him that we had been praying for him at our church in Comer. I told him that I was sorry for his sudden loss and that although we can not always understand why these things happen, God does have a great plan in everything. Across his face, there was a flash of sadness that was replaced with a gleam of pride and love. He told me that his wife, who had died before her time was a Christian woman who whole heartedly believed in God. She was a very good woman that was unselfish, always doing for others and was very kind. He knew where her heart was...with the Lord. I thought, what an awesome blessing to KNOW without a doubt that she BELIEVED. Not only did she BELIEVE, but she was a woman with a big, unselfish heart that did for others. He said that he thought he needed to get back to work and to move on into the next chapter of his life. And I knew what he meant. He needed to get back to DOING something so he didn't sit at home dwelling on his loss. He needed a distraction. But at the very least, he had peace in his heart. I am so grateful for him for that.
But then came an extra blessing for me. As I told my dad that I needed to go, I hugged him bye. When I hugged him, for some reason TODAY, it took me back. It took me back to all those years when I hugged my dad and felt that warm, cozy, comfortable love that I felt as a young girl...back when I was a true Daddy's girl. The warmth and safety I felt there....that I haven't felt in a long time...was THERE!! It was like having a renewed belief in the Santa Clause I believed in as a child. As we grow up and find out the truth about Christmas (and come to understand that we celebrate Christmas because of Christ and not because of the man in the red suit) and begin to forget the excitement and joy that we felt for the man we know as Santa....I felt that overwhelming joy and love for my Dad just like I used to feel for him like I did as a child. Not that I don't love my Dad now. I surely do...but to experience the same love as a child and probably just as Lyndi felt for him.....was a beautiful, sweet blessing.
As we grow up and grow older, we start to see our family members and parents for the true people that they are and not just as our sister, brother, mother or father. We learn about them as a provider, about their hopes, dreams and disappointments. We may even have hurts and disappointments tied to our relationships with them. But today, being able to see my Dad through the eyes of a child and not thinking about any other feeling but the love I felt for him really made my visit extra special. And knowing that David suffered a huge loss, his time with his wife cut short, made me recognize what a special gift I received this morning. And I am truly, deeply thankful for that!

Fun With The Dead

2010-01-26T21:22:00.003-05:00

I really don't have a lot to say about "Fun With the Dead", but I had a patient today that used to be an embalmer...and it sounded like "back in the day" that he and his friends had a good time. Death can be such a depressing thing. All people that work around death and dying have to have a release. Humor has to be a daily part of a service person's life. Nurses, doctors, police officers, funeral directors and fire persons all have a heavy emotional load to carry. Maybe I need to add DFACS workers and counselors to that list too.
Understand this, my patient didn't necessarily have fun with the dead, but instead with the live folks that got the heeby jeebies being around dead folks. As a young 20 year old, I can still remember having to deliver flowers to a black funeral home. I had never really been around dead people much, let alone dead black people. If you have never seen a deceased black person....they do NOT look dead. When white folks die, they get a pale, grayish tint to their skin. If a white person doesn't appear gray, they look like manequins from all the pancake makeup. Black people, they retain the natural color of their skin. They actually just look like they are asleep. This is a very unnerving thing to many white folks. But what's funny to me is that many, many black people that I have worked with get really freaked out around people that are dead.
I remember a girl I worked with at a hospital. She was a 20 something black female, patient care tech. All day, we had been waiting for a patient to pass. This gentleman had been really sick for a long time. We knew that death was imminent. That tech would have walked to China to get take out if it meant that she could avoid having to go in and be around this patient that she knew could be dead. Once the patient passed, I thought this girl was going to have a heart attack. She begged and pleaded to not have to go into the patients room. Unfortunately for this tech, it was part of her job description to have to help prepare patients after ceasing to be of this world. I have to admit that inside I was giggling!! If that patient's hand had moved even one millimeter toward her because of gravity...she would have ran to China!!!
Speaking of the dead, Pete felt half dead today. Last night he came down with a very unpleasant stomach virus. Pete spent the evening running back and forth to the bathroom. The runs and vomiting pretty much ruined the hope of a decent night's sleep. He was achy and had chills. Tylenol has been his friend. Toast and chicken noodle soup have been his gourmet meals. Woohoo!
This year marks five years of nursing for me. This also means that one of my Federal loans gets forgiven. I couldnt be more thrilled about this major event. I also can not believe that this year marks my 5th anniversary of nursing. It seems so hard to believe that this much time could have passed. Now if I can just get the other school loans paid off....I'll be 52 years old when this happens....booo.
Lila told me tonight that I was the best mom in the whole world. Sorry ladies....I know you had hoped to get that award....but 2010 is MY year!!! Lila used to tell me almost every day that I was the BESTEST Mommy in the World. Then from about 6-7 yrs she kind of backed off from that....I wonder why???? hmmmmm Don't guess it had anything to do with me being a strict meanie? Oh well....Lila's a good girl most of the time...a little whiney and will cry at the drop of a hat....but sweet most of the time. I'm really glad that she loves me and appreciates me despite the fact that Im strict.
Can I just say it??? I love my family!

True Friends

2010-01-25T21:15:00.001-05:00

From the time we are very young, we have to ask ourselves what characteristics we think it takes to be a good friend. What makes a person a true friend as opposed to an acquaitance? What is it that binds us to one another? What experiences, emotions, actions or conversations takes a person up to the level of friend?
I can say that I have friends that I have had from the time I was in 3rd grade. I am almost 37 years old and I am still friends with people that have known me for most of my life. Oh the changes our lives have gone through!!!
This weekend, Pete asked me what I had to call my friend to talk to her about. I told him that I didn't NEED to call her about anything. I called her because she is my friend. The difference between me and Pete is that there are people that I love and care about. I try to keep up periodically....sometimes pathetically enough...the conversations are months apart! But, I dont have to have a reason to call. However, in this friend's case, I know she is having a hard time and I wanted to call her and offer a little bit of support. That's what real friends do. Real friends reach out from time to time to check in and check on eachother. I don't know if men do this.
Men call eachother to see if they want to hang out and watch a game. Men call because their wives tell them they must...like telling them to call their mother!
I am not trying to say that men can't have REAL friendships.

The Book

2010-01-23T23:21:00.004-05:00

Tonight was the first time in FOREVER that Pete and I got to go out on a date. My friend Jason was great enough to take on two MORE girls (ours + his) and let us have some grownup time! For that, I am very grateful.
We set off from Jason's house and went directly to Hobby Lobby...... Last night, I went to our church to try my hand at scrap booking with our pastor's wife and a few other ladies. I had a bit of stress to work through. I have to admit that scrap booking was rather therapeutic. So tonight I went and got a few supplies for me to use to finish working on Lyndi's baby album...you know, the one that I haven't ever gotten around to working on yet, despite the fact that Lyndi is now 3 years old! And just stuffing her baby pictures inside the front flap of the photo album doesn't really cut it huh?!!!
But our date did not stall out there!!! We had a nice dinner at Red Lobster. We got there about 5:30 so we were able to beat the real crowd!! whew! Then we went to see the movie "The Book of Eli". I really did not have any idea about what the story line was for this movie. I didn't know if it was a thriller, a drama, a comedy...whatever. I kind of figured from the death and destruction starting out that it probably wasn't going to be a romantic comedy. Although people did snicker during the first scene when Eli shoots a cat with a arrow...and makes dinner out of the kitty. But anyway.....
The movie was a good one, I think. It was thought provoking. I have some questions about it now that I've had time to think. Despite the fact that the main story line is that Eli has a Bible that he is trying to get to somewhere...and he will fight to the death to protect it...Eli doesn't really spend a lot of time talking about God. He mentions faith. He recites a couple of verses. Other than a few random mentionings of these things, that's about all of the religious topics put out there by the movie. I'm really kind of curious about that. Faith, prayer and the Book are mentioned. At one point Eli speaks the verse from the Bible that explains that we were made from dust and will return to dust.
As we were walking out, I kept wishing that I could know what others thought about that movie. What if many of the other viewers had no idea what the movie was supposed to be about, just like me? Were those viewers disappointed. Was the idea of God lost on them? Were they touched by God's word and power? Was a seed planted?
While walking out of the theater, I heard a young man behind us comment,"Man, that sure was cool when he smashed that guys head into the counter!!" I told Pete, "Sure, one could walk away with that message from the movie...or they could walk away with the message I got....(about God!!)" I think the whole concept was lost on that kid...or maybe he was just trying to seem cool in front of his friends, but secretly inside, he wondered about our Lord? I'd love to think that that was the case.
Too often these days, some people are trying their hardest to take God out of our lives. I read recently that educators in Texas were having to meet to discuss how they were going to write their history books. They were going to mention the creator of Mary Kay products. She was mentioned twice in a text book already. However, the conflict they were having was over how much they should mention about MLK's religious beliefs. Some groups that really believe in the separation of Church and State, felt like there should be no mention of the fact that MLK was a Christian. Also, they didn't think that we should mention any thing about our founding father's religious beliefs. They think that our founding fathers wanted to push Christianity. I always thought that our United States was supposed to be a place for religious FREEDOMS...we could worship polar bears if we wanted to...What do I know? But I do know this...MLK....he was Dr. Martin Luther King...the REVEREND Martin Luther King. His speeches were delivered to the congregation of his church and in other arenas. He was a Christian. Because of his Christian beliefs, that support peace, love and hope, he HAD A DREAM. But hey, if one person can go into the movie "The Book of Eli" and come out totally impressed that Eli smashed a guys face into a counter.....and I can leave out thanking God for being such an awesome, loving God.....Then, I can thank God that our founding fathers were courageous enough to separate from the Queen and create a New World where we have religious FREEDOMS!!

Food, Water and Shelter

2010-01-15T19:31:00.001-05:00

Satan's demise

2010-01-03T20:48:00.003-05:00

2010 begins. We are now 3 days into the new year. I'm asking myself what God has in store for me this year. What does he want me to do with his life. I say His life because really, my life is His. I don't know what I can do or would do without Him. Nothing would make sense I think. I would feel lost and alone.
This morning, at church, our Pastor used a smart analogy. He said that if a person stands in front of a drink machine and just stares at it, nothing happens. Only when that person puts his 50 cents in the machine does he get something out of it. He was saying that when we go to church and just sit there in the pews and don't ever put anything into our worship, we won't ever be able to get anything out of it. This is true about everything in our lives. Standing back and waiting for something to happen, will never bring anything to fruition in our life.
Our Pastor has a vision for our church. It is unbelievable how many non believers there are in our county. Never mind our whole nation. Just locally, only 30% of our population are believers in Christ. Broken down, that means that 8.7 people die every day in our county that are unsaved. How heart breaking.
Part of the vision for our church is that we become more involved in missions. Local missions, not foreign missions to start. There is a mission being put together by the Southern Baptist Convention to seek out souls in Atlanta. 90% of people in an area located near 285 are non believers. My guess is that life has become so overwhelming that people have lost sight of God.
Last year, Pete and I participated in AWANA. AWANA is a children's ministry. I never felt overwhelmingly compelled to teach AWANA. I participated and really appreciated seeing God move in a couple of the children's lives. But as far as whether I am called to work with children or not, I would say no. I prayed and prayed about it but never felt that God was leading me in this direction.
This year, I will be praying that God give me guidance as to whether or not He wants me to do HIS work in Missions. Does HE want me to go to Atlanta and be a part of this missions group? Only time will tell I suppose.
For now, I am grateful that I am one of God's children. I am thankful to be saved. I find great comfort and joy in being one of HIS. For now, I look forward to learning more about God's plan for me and my family. And I pray that God will use me for HIS good.
Sure sounds like a BIG way to start a new decade and new year!

Christmas Day 2009

2009-12-25T21:10:00.003-05:00

It't hard to believe that Christmas is here...and almost outta here!!! It's been a fine holiday season. And I say season only for the purposes of mentioning that it lasts more than an EVE and a day! Back around Thanksgiving, we got our Christmas lights out on the house. I added a lighted star to my display this year and set out some lighted gifts. I like it. It's festive and but not over stated. What is it about some lights on a string that makes us feel so cozy and conjures up old memories of childhood?
As for Christmas gifting, I had all of my shopping completed by Christmas Eve. Really I had about 98% of my shopping done by then. Christmas Eve, we had a very enjoyable dinner with our friends Sherry, Chris and Lyle. Lyle, being 2 years old found the dinner to be boring but Lyndi's Thomas the Train figures to be the bees knees!!! I actually got to bust out and use my Christmas china and a fancy red table cloth (that I picked up at Dollar General for a mere $4.50!!!). I thought dinner was delicious...even if I did make it myself...well mostly anyway...I did pick up a couple of rotisserie chickens from the grocery store to help save on time!
This morning, the girls opened their gifts from Santa and checked out their stockings. My parents came over in time to have breakfast with us and to finish opening presents.
After lunch, I went by an old friend's house to see him and his parents. It was so surreal hanging out with them. I have known them since I was about 14 years old. Being 36 now, I probably wasn't hugely far off from how old they were when I met them! I brought Lila with me. I'm sure it was kind of funny for them to see a mini me as a child and me as an adult. It was weird for me...even if they didnt think twice about it!
Tonight we went to my parent's house and had dinner. My brother and his family were there. It was a great dinner and great company. I'm sorry to say that it had been a year since I had seen them last. I miss my brother and his family. I really wish that my girls had a closer relationship with their cousins. My brother lives near Warner Robins, GA. Its a pretty good trek to get there.
Although I had hoped that we would make it through the rest of this year without any more deaths of friends or family members, we found out today that Pete's Uncle Bill's wife, Julie, passed yesterday from breast cancer. She was Bill's second wife. His first wife passed several years ago, before I joined the Golden family. Julie was a very fine woman. I feel for Bill. I pray for him to be comforted at this time. What a tough thing to have to go through.
Tomorrow, will be Christmas celebration #3. This one will be at Pete's folks house. It's always a good time! We eat well...get to spend time with his sister and her family...and get to be with Pete's parents. It will really be a good time and I look forward to it!
I sure hope that all my friends and loved ones have had a nice Christmas. I am so greatful for our good Lord and his love for us. He has blessed us so much. He continually looks after us and guides us.
Good night all. My love to you and yours.

2009 Summary

2009-12-22T15:07:00.005-05:00

Because it seems to be OH SO POPULAR to write a commentary summarizing the events of 2009 I will tackle this topic tonight to the best of my ability..... With that being said, let me also say this...I can't really seem to recall much of 2009!! So I can only begin to comment on what I do remember. Hmmmmm (straining actually to remember!!)
January: Began the term of President for Barrack Obama. That's all I'm going to say about that. If you want to know what he has accomplished or anything else...Google it your own self!!
Ummm, I think I also got my W-2 forms in the mail....at least by the end of the month. I think we got our return in February. I'm quite sure the money was spent before we got it. I know that some of the money went to pay off bills. WOOHOO!
April (I can't remember the other months before this month): I turned 36. This is probably the root cause of my poor memory. This was a tough birthday for me. I couldn't help but look at it as a quick, down hill slide into 40! I know, it sounds like whining...and what if I was about to turn 50 or 60??!! Whatever...my point is that I still have not been able to figure out what happened to 31, 32, 33, 34 or 35!!!! 36 wouldn't be so bad if I just could account for all of those other years!!
May, we celebrated Great Granny's 95th birthday! When a person is almost a century old, one should really be able to appreciate the mileage.
June: Pete turned 48. Talk about sliding into a new decade...50 is right around the corner! Which is such a wierd thought for me. When I met Pete, he was 38. And now, I am nearly the age he was when we met. Back in the day when we met, Pete was still red headed and not snowy topped. He has managed to age so nicely! MEN! They always have the prettiest eye lashes, fingernails and look oh so handsome with gray hair! Wrinkles give men character...we women...we just look prunish.
July.....uuuuhhhhhh Ive got nothing.
August: My mom turned 64. As she ages, I see more and more of her mom in her. Not just in physical appearance. The very things that used to drive my mom bonkers about her mom....she now chanels in her own being. For instance, my Granny used to have this thing about shoes. They couldn't put pressure on her toes or rub her corns. What is a corn anyway? And who thought of making a pad to cover corns? Anyway, my Granny used to worry over her shoes constantly. Now my mom worries over her shoes! Are the heels high enough? Is there enough arch support? I suppose that one day I too will be a shoe worrier. God help Pete and my girls!
October: My little Lyndi turned 3 years old. We didn't have a traditional birthday party for her this year. Instead, we took her to Chuck E Cheese's to celebrate her birthday and our neighbor friend's son's birthday...he turned 2! What a blast they had!
I was highly fearful that Lyndi would put us through H-E-double hockey sticks with the whole 3 year old thing...which is worse than the Terrible Twos by far!!!! But so far, despite having many tantrums and shouting "I'LL DO IT MYSELF MAMA!!", three really hasn't been so bad. Of course, that could be because we were beat down to the point of complete numbness from Lila being 3!!! I think I still have a twitch from that time period!
November: My stepson Grant turned 21! What a bizarre thing that was! When I met Grant, he was 10 years old. Now he is legal. I can not for the life of me figure out where all those years went!!!
December: I know it seems as though the year has centered around our birthdays...but I guess in many ways it has. But December was marked with a great loss too. Back in November, a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, Granny Morris became very ill. It seems odd to think that in May we had her home at her house to celebrate her 95th birthday. On December 2, Granny passed. It was a sad occasion and yet a joyful one. There was not a single doubt in any of our minds that Granny would be headed any where except to be with our loving Father in Heaven. What a tremendous blessing to KNOW without a single doubt that a person is going Home. To have such faith that a person is a Believer!!!
This month, on December 20th, Lila turned 8 years old. I feel certain that she grew several inches this year. She didn't grow out any though. Poor girl looks like we starve her to death. She wears a 7 Slim in pants with the internal waist band cinched down almost as tight as it will go!! She wears a size 2.5 shoe. And the best way I have been able to measure her is by judging her against my height. Before the summer, Lila came up to just below my chest. Now, Lila's head comes up to the top of my chest. Soon, Lila will be up to my shoulders!! *sigh* My "little" girl is growing up way too quickly. I often have to remind myself that she is still only a young child. She looks much too grown up and I have to tell myself to let her BE A CHILD!!
So here I am, 3 days before Christmas and wondering what in the world happened to the year?!! 2010 is knocking at the door. With it, will come 37 for me. And everyone else will eek closer to being grown up or over the hill!
Maybe this year coming up, I will be able to start a work out routine and stick with it. Maybe I won't work out really hard for a while, only to back slide because of some kind of injury, ache or pain! Maybe I'll lose the 12-15 pounds I packed on this year. And maybe I won't need to wear a tummy control paneled bathing suit to hide the aforementioned weight that I gained!!
This up coming year, maybe Lila and Lyndi will miraculously learn to get along with eachother......yea, I know...wishful thinking!!!
And finally, maybe this year I will be able to remember all the things that I had hoped I could!! Ok...now Im dreaming for real!~

I (heart) Mom

2009-10-06T20:59:00.003-04:00

Tonight I was reminded of a situation that I was witness to a few years ago while I was in nursing school when I went and saw a friend of mine that was sick. I took her some chicken noodle soup to try to help her feel better. It's just what you do when people are sick...take them soup. Nothing has ever made me feel better faster than to have some homemade soup from my mom. I don't ever really get that soup anymore. Not now that I'm grown and married. But my husband doesn't make homemade soup...not the therapeutic kind that is meant for helping a person get well and back up on their feet.
But the point of this wasn't to discuss the power of homemade chicken noodle soup...despite the fact that Jewish women swear by it! Instead, this is about the nurturing, loving, healing powers of Mom. Not just my mom, but many, many moms. Tonight when I saw my friend, her mom was there at her house to help her out. Not to just help her with her child, as my friend is a single mom. But her mom was there to offer loving support that only moms and dear, dear people (usually women) can offer.
My friend commented that her boyfriend, although great, couldn't take the place of her mom. Her mom said that the boyfriend was really great and tried to really help out by cooking for my friend. His efforts, although appreciated, still did not measure up to my friend's mom's comfort. My friend added that she just needed her MOM.
So after this exchange between mother and daughter, I was reminded of when I was working on an oncology floor as a nurse extern in Macon. There was a lady in her 80's that was dying of cancer. When she came into the hospital she was talking and interacting. The cancer she had consumed her entire being quickly and she became virtually unresponsive to us.
As the patient layed there in bed, obviously not long from death, she began to call out softly. I thought perhaps she would call out for her husband. They had been married for 50-60 years. He was sitting at the foot of her bed. I thought that she would want the comfort of him holding her hand. But no. She called out to her mother, the same mother who had probably died 20 years prior to the patient's hospitalization. Over and over she called out to her mom and reached out her hand. Perhaps her mother was there with her to comfort her and we just couldn't see her.
From that time on, I began to appreciate the fact that no matter how old we get, we always want our mom. We want our comforter. We want the person that stays up all night and swabs our heads with cool washclothes when we have a fever. We want that person that kisses our boo-boos and tells us that it will be OK. We want that person that faithfully rocked us to sleep or soothed us when we were afraid of lightening.
Is there any wonder that one of the most popular tattoos of all time is the "I (heart) MOM" piece?
I feel certain that there are people out there that say that their mom was the first cousin to the devil. I know there are just some really bad parents in this world that deserve to be disowned. But I think that even deep down in the heart of that child (adult children too), there is still a deep desire to have whatever scraps of maternal love that is available from the one who gave birth to them or raised them. Its approval or acceptance I'm sure. And some times these moms fall way short. But, no matter what, if the situation was more ideal, that child would want to be with their mom.
So whether we are 2 or 87, when we hurt, when we cry, when we ache from within....we will call out to her...to mom...so she can kiss away our fears and wipe our tears away. We will hold out our hands so that we can be touched by her and comforted...even if she passed decades before and only our loving memory of her remains.

caution gloom and doom...with a chance of sunshine

2009-10-02T12:13:00.003-04:00

Well its ALREADY the second day of October...the first day blew by like all the rest of the days of this year! With the start of October, the days have been cooler and seeming more like Fall! I'm thankful for that. I can not seem to dress appropriately though. Is it a short sleeve shirt day really? Is a thin jacket best? I have already started wearing my fleece pjs at night and socks. Crazy I know! Sleeping with the windows cracked makes for a chilly night when the temp goes down into the 40's!
My creative writing skills have been alluding me here lately. Someone asked me recently why I haven't been writing. I told her that I really just didn't want my somber moods to reach out and have an negative effect on some innocent readers life.
Please don't get me wrong, I know and appreciate that I am truly a blessed person. But because I am human, from time to time, life eeks in and gets me down. It does take a lot to get me to that point I think. The month of September was hugely stressful and full of uncertainties.
Because we spend some much time at work, it only makes sense that the dynamics of work can have a huge effect on a person's being. There has been a great deal of uncertainty with work. Right now we are undergoing some huge changes that have had all of us struggling and trying to deal with change. We are all thankful to be employed, especially in these times. However, because we are such a small group, emotions and moods can really end up being shared.
A dear friend of mine passed last month. He was at the center of all of the drama associated with the cancer treatment center where I used to work. His passing drudged up some old feelings I had from a couple of years back. There were a few days after his passing that really seemed to weigh me down. The upside to his passing was that he was such a great, God loving man! I rejoice in the fact that I KNOW where he is today! I am excited for him that he is now with our Lord.
This month, Lyndi, my sweet little girl, is going to turn 3 years old! I've been trying to think of what kind of celebration we should have for her. I hope the month doesn't slip by without plans being made. I'm in utter disbelief that my baby could possibly be that old! Sometimes when she laughs or cries, I can still hear that familiar baby sound in it. I still see traces of behaviors or actions that were there when she was a little baby. And yet, I am watching her grow up in height. I am listening to her speak words that come out of the mouths of a more grown child. Raising a child is so interesting, each day brings a new development.
I read recently that the unemployment rate is at 9.8%. The housing market has picked up some. I don't think that anyone is letting their guard down at this point. We are all kind of walking on eggshells waiting to see what Obama has planned for our healthcare and our financial status.
Did I happen to mention that we had over a solid week of rain??? It caused tremendous flooding around Atlanta and the surrounding area. It seemed to weigh on the moods of many of my friends as well! People were posting comments on Facebook right and left that they felt gloomy from a lack of sunshine! It seemed that our whole area rejoiced when we could all pull out our sunglasses once again!
I'm hoping that this month will begin an improvement in my mood and attitude. Perhaps it will be contagious too! Perhaps all the goings on will work out and we can all relax a little....unwind our poor nerves. Maybe I'll be able to take my writing skills off the shelf, dust them off and start a new chapter!

Not going through the motions anymore

2009-08-27T21:03:00.003-04:00

Just when you think that today is going to be like any other day....God starts tapping you on the shoulder and speaking to you!
This morning on the way in to work, Lyndi was in the back seat babbling on about the world around us. I was thinking about work and all of its goings on. Then my thoughts went to my Dad. I don't remember exactly how it all played out but I felt like God really wanted me to think about my relationship with my Dad. I love my Dad very much.
Last night at church, we were talking about what it really meant to fear the Lord. Does the Lord really want us to be afraid of HIM? And most of us agreed that the fear we are to have is a healthy, respectful, awe of God. For many, they likened their fear of the Lord to the same fear they had of their Dad growing up. And this thought of course spurred me to think about my own Dad.
Growing up, I was always a Daddy's girl. I loved my Dad so dearly. But my Dad is/was a big man. I really didn't have to fear him causing me great physical harm. But what I feared the most was the thought of disappointing my Dad. I didn't want to let my Dad down. My Dad always showed me great love growing up. Stopping at this thought would make one think that perhaps life was grand and full of loving perfection. Unfortunately that wasn't the whole truth about our relationship.
My Dad, despite being a great person and a loving Dad has a bad habit. My Dad is a drinker. I don't even like to just put this out there for the world to know. The thought of someone judging my Dad based upon that fact breaks my heart. For decades I have prayed that he would stop. A couple of times he came close. Unfortunately, because of the stress of life and circumstances, he has not quit. I think that if all of the stress of work, bills and obligations were gone, he could stop. Otherwise, my Dad will drink until....who knows.
So this morning, the thought hit me. For years and years, I think that I had told myself that I would and could love my Dad MORE if he just quit drinking. I love my Dad in spite of his habit. However, I have had to build up a defense mechanism to protect myself from the heart ache of his behavior. My Dad doesn't behave well when he drinks. Not that he is physically abusive or violent. He just has too much to say and doesn't do it in such a kind way. At any rate, this has built up a huge wall in my heart.
When I drive in to work, I pass the driveway to where my Dad works. I always think, every day as I pass by that Dad's up there on the hill working. And the thought hit me...one day...who knows when...Dad won't be up there on that hill working. Waiting until my Dad stops drinking to freely love him and show him how I feel may never ever come. That time or opportunity may never come my way. How would I feel knowing that I held back because I hated the sin? I withheld love for my Dad. When really, my Dad needs to know how much I really love him. That knowing that he is loved and supported could some day help clear the cloud from around his head and allow him to let go of his habit and fears.
I decided that I will, despite how I might feel about his behavior, let him know that I love him and appreciate him and that I thank God for him. So, I picked up my cell phone and told him so. He seemed to be in good spirits. I thought, what IF that call helped him to have a better day? What if sharing, loving, supporting that person, any person, made the difference of a lifetime? What if?
Today I made the promise to myself that I was going to make a point of going out of my way to let my Dad know how important he is to me. That when the day comes that my Dad is no longer working up there on that hill....I will know that he KNEW how much I loved and appreciated him. Because honoring my Dad is what our Father wants us to do for HIM. God wants to be honored. And really, we all want to be loved, appreciated and respected.
After I got of the phone with my Dad, a song by Matthew West came on the FISH called,"The Motions". God is always talking to me through signs (literal ones sometimes), dreams and music. That song touched my heart so much. It brought tears to my eyes. I got the message today loud and clear. I had a great day at work.
Life isn't about going through the motions. God wants us to feel and to be joyful. God wants us to love and feel fulfilled. God wants us to not be numb to life and its experiences but to to see that he is there in everything and wanting what is best for us.
A dear friend of mine tells me that she wants to be able to take a pill so that she doesn't have to feel LIFE anymore. Life is tough. Life is painful sometimes. These things are true. But if numbness is all that a person feels...then the Joy that we feel when we know the Lord wouldn't be able to exist. Sure we know that God is there with us when things are going well. But when things aren't going well...how much sweeter can life get than to KNOW that God has his hand on those things and is the one in control. It's no wonder to me that when times are so tough that I think that I might not make it ONE MORE DAY...if I pray to God for peace and comfort...I get it. God taking control of our lives and our problems...there is no sweeter, more certain peace.
So today, I pray that I don't just go through the motions of life. I want to be PRESENT. I want to feel. I want to love. I want to LIVE.

With Joy

2009-08-12T21:04:00.003-04:00

Tonight Jerry sat there in his chair, tears were welled up in his eyes. It would be a couple of minutes before an uncontrolled tear would begin to fall out of his eye, to be swept away with his hand. His nose pinkened slightly. Those tears, usually reserved for sadness, were not for such at all...in fact, that tear was for his Dad. Jerry's Dad is a man of joy. Jerry says that despite diabetes and an array of other such debilitating diseases, his Father is a man of extreme, constant JOY. He said that his Father was an Ecclesiastes 12-13 man.

"I know that here is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in ones lifetime; moreover, that every man who eats and drinks see good in all his labor it is the gift of God."

I thought it sort of ironic that Jerry felt in such awe over his Dad being so joyous when Jerry too is a model of joy and ever faithfulness to us all! Jerry sat there speaking of his Dad in his chair...his WHEEL CHAIR . The wheel chair that he has been bound to and dependent on for decades since a football injury rendered him a quadriplegic. If the story ended with Jerry as a young man, battling inner demons for being cursed to a wheel chair for the rest of his life, we all might think that anyone could feel at least some bitterness for that to happen. Not Jerry. I'm not saying that Jerry hasn't probably had moments of sadness and grief. Who doesn't? But to talk to Jerry, one only hears of his love for his Lord and for his family.
Why is it that a person who is completely able bodied would feel inclined to go to someone like Jerry for advise and hope? Because Jerry is a very wise, God fearing man that has known God's greatest mercies and love and is not ashamed to share his experiences.
Jerry, although he has been limited physically to an extent, has managed to complete college, develop a wonderful ministry where he teaches teenagers at a private school, he is married and has two very beautiful children. Jerry has been blessed a million times over and he KNOWS IT! To see Jerry talk about his Faith and to share the Word of God is truly a treat! It will only take just a minute before the widest grin flashes over Jerry's face, expressing the great JOY that he has for the Lord!
One day, I can see Jerry's son or daughter speaking to a crowd, sharing the Word or their testimony and also expressing the admiration that they have for their Father Jerry, who always had the greatest smile on his face and WORDS of JOY to share! They would say that Jerry was an inspiration to them and to anyone that came in contact with him. They would feel a great sense of fulfillment when they could add that their Dad was one of the greatest examples of a Christian that they knew. They too will have tears well up in their eyes and in only a minute, one will begin to fall.

Catching up

2009-08-02T21:26:00.003-04:00

It's seems to me that life is full of catching up! You can "catch up" with old friends..We have to get caught up on house work...Catch up on reading...We need to get caught up on things that are important. Its a never ending process of catching up. Its a state of being really...for me. For us. It doesn't seem that its ever something that is attainable. What would I do when I did actually catch up??? Die?
I haven't been such a great blogger as of late. I guess I need to catch up on that too. So I will try to bring everyone up to speed on my latest adventures, thoughts and meanderings.
I'll start with my least favorite subject of work. Work is what it is. I'm so grateful to have a job and be able to pay bills. I am like most people, under payed for the service, knowledge and ability that I bring to my job. I'm currently in a 3 month battle over getting paid for a day that I had to be out with my sick child. According to our work policy, if an employee works any part of the day they had to go home, they have to be paid. Well the powers that be, decided to be creative and consider it an UNEXCUSED ABSENCE....something that was not part of our policy. Well, after a bit of discussion, the powers decided that it wasn't fair to decide not to pay me...but I still haven't been paid. There is a WHOLE lot more involved and more stinkiness connected to all of this...but it makes for a sad employee. I'm not feeling the love right now. I'm hoping that this will all change.
The unfortunate thing to me is that when you have a job you love, its like any relationship...it seems that over time, things begin to change. "The honeymoon is over" sort of thing happens. Reality sets in. And its not that I don't still love my coworkers and my patients. Its just that my feelings have been hurt and the great pride I used to feel about my job....well...its been taken down a notch or two. Too bad they don't have work counselors like they have marriage counselors!! And please don't suggest to me that our HR person is the one that is supposed to handle this sort of thing......
Well, in true Marci form, I did it again!!!! This weekend, we (work) had a booth at a maternity fair. It was kind of neat getting to see all the cute little babies being toted around, some in slings and some in strollers. New mommies and mommies to be, paraded around, looking so content and happy! I love that. I don't miss that...but I love that! I didn't envy the cutie little mommies-to-be waddling around. Bellies poked out in all sorts of manners. Some looked like basketballs, some like oblong watermelons, some like little round pillows all out in front. Too cute. I didn't feel cute like that toward the end of both of my pregnancies and I WAS NOT cute in the last couple of months of my pregnancies!
But back to what I said that is so typical of me:
This little Mama was walking around carrying her almost 2 year old son, strapped across her in a sling. The little fellow was zonked out, oblivious to all the other screaming children and cooing mommies. His mom seemed to be a pro at toting her little man on her right hip. And as I found out after inquiry, she was pregnant with baby #2. WOW! Carrying at toddler and an unborn child....Daddy standing there with her....holding nothing.....
So I said something like,"Wow I bet carrying that baby around on your mommy hip that its probably caused you to walk bent over to one side all the time..." She replied,"No I just have scoliosis." As my buddy Steve said--Open mouth...insert foot!
Huh...well scoliosis will sure do that. I tried to recover by telling her that she should move him to the other hip to balance things out. Ok, so it was time to be packing up and taking myself to the house...but alas, I had a couple of more hours to go. A couple of more hours that I'm sure my salaried status won't be paying me for.
The other night, I was so in hopes of signing on to my blog to share the most awesome news I have heard recently...there has been a lot of really great news and praises amid all the stress and chaos of this life. But my computer and email account just wouldn't allow me to get on here to share the GOOD NEWS! So instead of a beautiful, elaborate story, I will keep it simple!
My friend Kitty, who is a single mom and has had to be creative in holding the household together (lately) financially...had multiple answered prayers! She got a small raise at work...but then another door opened that would allow her part time work with good pay! How AWESOME! Will she be "well to do" now? No, but God has shown her time and time again that he will provide for her and all of her needs as he sees fit. It has been so awesome to see how God has worked in her life! I really am in awe time and time again. God does answer prayers!! And just at the right time too.
Time, this thing that eludes most of us...thus we spend all of our time catching up....is an interesting thing. Tonight we went to dinner with some friends of mine that I knew from my teenage years. There we were, both couples married and with 2 girls. I remember going to their wedding! How neat to see each other, hairlines, facial lines and waist lines in slightly different spots than they once were! And how much wiser and more seasoned we all are! It was really great! It blows my mind to think that the last time I saw them, I was well over a decade younger. One whole decade. Almost two! Where does time go? I guess it goes wherever my waistline went and my nerves ran off to!

The Only Thing

2009-07-15T20:57:00.004-04:00

I heard this song the other day on the radio and I was struck by the truth of what it said: The only thing good in me is Jesus. The first thing that came to my mind is that I am a good person...right? But then I thought, I am my best because I have given my life to HIM. I am a nurse because I was called to care for others. I help people as often as I am able because I feel like this is my way to honor God. Sure I am a good person, I am tender hearted and love PEOPLE. But I think that I am good or give my best to honor HIM.
That being said, I cant tell you how many times I sort of cringe when someone goes on and on about appreciating what I have done for them. Many times, I honestly, consciously do things because I think its the right thing to do. I am in no way perfect. I am not always unselfish. I am not always kind. I am not always happy. I do not always do or say the right things. BUT when I do something that is right and in accordance with God's Word, HIS Grace shines through...that's what that person is seeing.
This verse sums it up: If you could walk the hallways of my heart. And see things as they really are. I wonder if you might be surprised. Seeing faded walls of pride and fear. Rooms I've filled with faithless tears. And corners where I've stood in compromise. But you'd see the work His grace has done. You'd know just how far I've come.

I think back over the years of my life and I feel really good about some things I've done. But those not so great moments, actions or the poor decisions I made glare out at me. When I look back on those times, I don't feel that that sickening, sinking sensation that I used to feel. I have already been Forgiven for all that. However, I know to completely forget all of those life lessons would be foolish in my opinion. Dwelling on the past is another foolish decision. So, if I choose to take a look at some of the negative things of my past, I have to think, "what did I learn from that? How did God use this for good?" I have learned some really great lessons! Too bad I can't pass all this wisdom on to my children and have them just "take my word for it".

I have come such a long way. Back when I was 12 years old I was baptized for the first time. And I say for the first time because I was baptized again when I was 18. Truly, I would not mind being baptized AGAIN! Not that baptism MAKES you a better Christian. I would just like to publicly show that I have TRULY given my life to Jesus. When I was 12, I don't think I REALLY could grasp what it meant to have a relationship with God. When I was 18, I definitely believed that Jesus died for my sins, but I still didn't have that close personal relationship and FAITH (as I know it now). I surely had not realized that talking the talk, meant walking the walk.

After many trials and tribulations that I have had over the last handful of years, I think that I have become so much more committed to my relationship with God. I was spiritually broken and in some ways physically and emotionally broken as well. I was as low as I think I could get. I don't ever want to have to know if there is an EVEN LOWER point than the bottom that I met. Through my darkest of days, I prayed. Through the brighter days I prayed and thanked God for the glimpses of light. Through the much better days, I have seen how God has USED the darkness in my life to help others and to be a more loving, compassionate person. Hundreds of times, I have encountered people with similar issues that I experienced. I have been able to hold hands with people whose pain reeked out from their very pores. Pains that were not just physical but emotional and spiritual. I thanked God for giving me a heart and experience.

When I went through my darkest days, I NEVER thought that I would ever be grateful for having to claw my way out of the pit of despair. NEVER. NEVER. I never thought that all the tears I shed would ever be used to help quench someone else in their moments of despair. NEVER. But, again I say that I do truly believe that the Only Good in Me is Jesus. Without the Grace and love of God and his Holy Son, I would still be writhing in that pit. I would not have had hope. I would not have had peace. I would not have had loving support. No one PERSON could have pulled me through. Only God's Grace truly saved me.

A non-believer might read this and say, "This chick is diluted and crazed." And I would say to a non-believer,"I don't care what you think or say or do...I know where I came from, I know that my heart and my entire life has been changed because of my FAITH. And I know that when I cried out to Jesus to help save me....I was saved and had peace. This is not the kind of peace that is just quiet emptiness...this is an overwhelming knowledge that God was with me and that He would carry me through all of this....and He did!" I have felt pain, loneliness and anguish. I have thought that there were days that I would be better off dead. BUT...when I prayed...I didn't hurt so much. I didn't feel hopeless. I didn't think that an empty death was the answer. I found my relationship with Jesus. And if this doesn't sound cool or sounds weak and pathetic....that's what I used to be. But as I said before, no person, no judgemental PERSON could have ever saved me or given me peace. A non-believer can only wonder if what I am saying is true. A Christian would say, "Thank you Lord for your love and Grace. Thank you for making the only thing good in me, your Holy Son."

THE ONLY THING By Ronnie Freeman
I heard someone say the other day.
They'd seen in me true love displayed.
Blessed by something I had done for them.
No sooner had they said these words.
I found myself somehow disturbed.
Uneasy as I took their compliment.
Cause I know the heart inside this man.
I know the truth of who I am...

(Chorus)The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
I know me well enough to know.
No matter what this life may show.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
If you could walk the hallways of my heart.
And see things as they really are.
I wonder if you might be surprised.
Seeing faded walls of pride and fear.
Rooms I've filled with faithless tears.
And corners where I've stood in compromise.
But you'd see the work His grace has done.
You'd know just how far I've come.
In a thousand years.
When the dust of this world clears.
And I look back on my life.
And see in perfect light.

(Chorus)The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
I know me well enough to know.
No matter what this life may show.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
I know me well enough to know.
No matter what this life may show.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

Excuse me, is that a donut on your hip?

2009-07-13T20:34:00.003-04:00

Some time ago, I thought I was ready to take on the WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE! For some strange reason (be it hormones, thyroid or too many sweets) I have gained several pounds in the last 6 months. For my entire life (meaning after 15yrs old) I have always weighed 136lbs. I am almost 5'8". To look at me now, you would never guess that I weigh 151.9 lbs. Anyone with any kind of waist line would look at me and scoff. Well, scoffers....you just scoff away!!! I am just as tired of my extra weight as anyone else!!! I carry all of my weight right in the front...probably because that is where my babies stretched my poor precious belly skin out like a large basketball. My legs....alas, will always be chicken legs. I am really ok with that. Its the rolling belly that reminds me of the foothills of the Appalachian that bothers me. My stretch marks might make too good a trail for hikers.
This morning, I awoke at my usual time (but actually got out of bed this time!) at 0630hrs. I got dressed in my cycling garb and hit the bike trainer. I actually rode for 17 minutes. That's 2 whole more minutes than I had planned on riding. Honestly, I didn't get my heart rate up much. But the truth is, that I just wanted to get my joints and muscles used to repetitive rotations of the pedals. And believe me, all parts of my legs and feet groaned!!! But soon I was spinning.
I have been watching what I eat for a few days. The weekend kill me. Pete isn't the most healthy of eaters....pizza, bacon...whatever is good for clogging arteries. Of course he didn't force me to eat any of it...I'm WEAK!!! But in the mornings I have been so good! I have had yogurt and a breakfast bar. Part of my problem is that I get to where I feel like I am going to die about 10:30AM. My breakfast had worn off. So then I have to snack. I have been picking healthier snacks lately (a protein bar and some blue berries today)...but it hasn't always been this way for me. Those bite size candy bars...that which we give to our patients to show our love for them...too easy to snag for a quick PICK ME UP! Evil things!
This evening, I came home, ate spaghetti with meatballs for dinner. I had a Healthy Choice or Lean Cuisine for lunch...butternut squash ravioli...very tasty!! At any rate, after I ate, I felt like I needed to get in some more exercise time. We are all supposed to exercise a total of 30 minutes a day.
I asked Pete to hook up the pull behind trailer for Lyndi. Lila grabbed her bike (after much whining and crying about her helmet not doing right). Off we went on a Tour de Comer! Riding with a whiney 7 year old that insists that her life is miserable and she just cant do it is not really my idea of family quality time. But we all made it back home alive!!! Lila only cried 3 times during the whole jaunt. We rode for 40 minutes. I think I pedaled about 20 minutes of those 40! It was actually more painful trying to ride slow than it was to actually get out and ride!! But if I was able to burn at least one calorie....such is life huh?
So enough of what probably sounds like a bunch of fussing and whining on my part! I need to be accountable to someone! I'm hoping that perhaps getting the word out that I am tired of toting around my tube will keep me motivated. Plus, a friend of mine has asked me to consider doing a triathlon. I stressed my extreme concern over not being able to swim very well...she said I could swim in her family's pond. Reckon the bottom is all mucky and has weird creatures lurking in the mud?Hmmm?
Me a triathlon? A TRIATHLETE? That sounds really cool. Maybe I will be able to do it. Maybe I wont. But I am considering it. I have friends that have done such things. I also have friends that run marathons. Is it too far out to think that I could participate? We will see. Today is day ONE for me. I hope I make it to day TWO!! I mean day 22! :)

This and That

2009-07-05T21:23:00.003-04:00

How about a little collective randomness? It's all I have to offer tonight. I used to have things to rant about.....Just having a complete thought these days...hmmm...
So, I'm completely burned out on hearing about the death of Micheal Jackson. I'm so tired of it, that I prefer to only speak of this individual (if I have to say ANYTHING at all!!) as MJ. When MJ died, several other famous individuals passed within days of the "Kind of Pop." Not much was said about any of those other famous people. What a shame too. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Karl Malden (one of my favorites!!). I will never forget Farrah's performance in the movie "Extremities"! What a hard core stalker film! Farrah ends up showing her stalker who's the boss...a fire poker and bug spray in the eyes will get them every time! It was a thriller to say the least! Of course, there is the Charlie's Angels show...the greatest memory I have of that was the hair. I was so young then. I'm not going to begin to pretend that I remember a lot about it. I was more impressed with shows like CHIPS or EMERGENCY! Go figure! For a girl like me to remember hot law enforcement and EMS folks over a bunch of hip hugger wearing chicks!
This weekend we went to pick up our girlies from a week long stay at Grandma's house in Augusta! It was a long hard week for me. They drive me absolutely nuts when they are home, but it hurts my heart to have them away from me! Lyndi was thrilled beyond belief to see me! There is nothing better! Lila was excited and very loving...she sat with me a lot this weekend and scratched my back for me. She is such a love bug. Too bad she is bossy and rude to her little sister a lot of the time. They could be so good for each other! Best friends for life! Maybe one day!
But let me say that Grandma worked a miracle for us this weekend!! Lyndi has been paci FREE for one week! Tonight when she went to bed, she didn't even ask for it! She did hem and haw a good bit trying to get settled back into her own bed and room, but WHO CARES?!! SHE DOES HAVE A PACI!!! I was really beginning to think that she would be walking down the isle with her "Fassi" in her mouth...teeth all jacked up from having gnawed and sucked on that thing for too long!! Thank YOU GRANDMA!!! You may only have one nerve left in your who body after their visit...but you went the extra mile for us!
Tonight we met our new neighbors...all three! They seem like nice people. He is the new principle at the High School and she is an elementary school teacher. Their little girl is Lyndi's age. I had visions of those two growing up and getting into trouble with each other. I hope that's how it works out. I know that principles can be a lot like pastors and have short stays. Maybe they will call this their home for good. The principle told my girls that they could come over and play ANY TIME.....I told him that I thought he might come to regret that invitation, as my girls will probably drive them nuts. On the way over to their house, toting a plate of hot brownies and butter pecan icecream...Pete said that he thought we should go over and give our condolences to them...for having US as their neighbors! I promise, right here and right now...that I will TRY not to bug them or allow our children to bug them....too much! I doubt if they will ever hear a peep out of Pete. Not unless the principle decides to take up cycling as hobby!
Speaking of Cycling....I'm a cycling WIDOW this week! The Tour de France started up again! I could have sworn that it usually took place in April..but BEHOLD its in July! Pete even upgraded out tv selections so that he could watch it! Mr. Tightwad came off some money...for the TOUR. Hmmmm He reassured me that we will also be getting several other movie channels too....not that that makes a hill of beans when he is vegged out in front of the TOUR every evening taking up every opportunity to watch some fabulous other show or movie...RIGHT?
So I've broken 150 I think. 152 on Pete's mom's scale. I think that Augusta has more gravitational pull there. So I dont know that that was correct. However, I will say that it appears that I have regressed to being 7 months pregnant...at least in my own mind. I asked Pete to set my bike up on the trainer. I am thinking that I might want to start getting up at 6AM to work out. Wonder how long that will last? I've got to do something. 40 is coming on me fast! I have heard from several people that at 37 something really bad goes wrong with a woman's metabolism...why at 37 I dont have a clue...IVE GOT TO DO THIS THANG! I'd hate to have to bust out some maternity wear just cause I can't put down the sweet tea and biscuits!
Anyway, as a final sort of note...I found my dream car. Its a GMC (Government owned Motor Corp according to Pete) Acadia. I saw one this weekend. It has all the bells and whistles I have been dreaming about...and space. It seats 7. It has two captain's chairs in the middle and a bench in the back. It has a drop down DVD player. Can you say SWEEEEEETTTT??? The only problem that I have with it...the model I looked at was about 44k. Can you repeat after me..... OUCH!!?? So Ill be dreaming a little while longer on that one I guess. I sure do wish that I could win the lottery! We keep forgetting to play though...that doesn't help!
AWWWW and I thought I was at my last point...Im not. I have to say that I am SOOOOOO thankful to our GOOD LORD that he has blessed my friend Shannon Reid with a healthy, sweet, baby girl named Kylie! Shannon had open heart surgery while we were in NURSING SCHOOL! Yep she fell out right there on the Cardiac floor while we were having clinicals...how appropriate! So after having had open heart, gall bladder removal and a cardiac ablation for SVT (just like her sister Marci!!!)...she was able to have a child! Thank you GOD! AND some more AWESOME news!!!!....Missy and Marty (from Church) are having a baby BOY! Missy had had the most unfortunate experiences with losing 3 pregnancies...and God has blessed them with this fine little boy! I can not WAIT for him to come into this world! Thank YOU AGAIN LORD!
Can I just add one more thing??? Yeah I know, I dont write in ages and then I write a novel....I took some cold medicine so I guess my brain has decided to start working....no more pressure from my ears CLOSING IN ON MY THOUGHTS!!!
Anyway this final thought (for real!). While were were in Augusta at the river, waiting to see fireworks, something very interesting happened. We were sitting in the ampitheatre waiting (and waiting and waiting) to see the display....the girls were climbing all over the bleachers playing....up and down and back and forth.....When these two men came and sat down next to us. Now understand that there was plenty of room around and there was no need whatsoever for them to sit next to us...but these two men came and sat down from me about 5 feet. Those two men creeped me out. I instantly felt kind of sick to my stomach. I felt nervous and anxious. I felt something coming off of them that made my flesh crawl. And Lila suddenly said "Mama, I want to go!" She instantly moved away from them. And I added that I TOO WANTED TO LEAVE!!! And those two men got up and left! I asked Lila why she wanted to leave. She said that those men made her feel weird. After they left, I felt fine and Lila acted fine. It was the strangest thing. But I explained to Lila that if she EVER felt like that again, she needed to get away. God blesses us with intuition for a reason. And the thing is that those men weren't dirty or dressed in an unusual way...but something about them SCREAMED OUT at me and Lila!!! I told Lila that if she ever felt that way again, she should tell me. My radar was working and so was hers but if for some reason my radar was down, I wanted her to tell me. Always trust your instincts...ALWAYS!

Church dodgers

2009-06-16T21:33:00.003-04:00

This past Sunday....yep we layed out of church! I know, I know what you might be thinking...we are Heathens....or are we really??? According to my beautiful seven year old that is hugely wise beyond her years...we most certainly ARE NOT! And let me say this: If the only thing in life that I ever teach my children, it what Lila had to say...then I have done an incredible job!
Sunday, instead of going to church, we went over to our neighbors house (along with a few other of our neighbors...what awesome souls they are!!) and helped clean up several fallen trees in our neighbor's yard. If you have ever had a tree cut down by a tree service, you know that they charge hundreds of dollars to come out. Well, I don't know about you, but we don't have hundreds of nothing just lying around...except maybe bills and fire ants!
Anyway, not trying to brag or anything but when we got those trees cut up and burned...her backyard was a vision! She was so proud and so grateful! She of course said that she would do anything in the world for all of us to repay us...but the truth is...there is no debt to be paid!
Well, after me telling a certain person that I may be married to...who will go nameless in THIS BLOG....that we were going to be doing this clearing on Sunday...this person said that it sounded too much like WORKING on Sunday..and we aren't supposed to WORK ON SUNDAY!! Protest as this person may...this person had to get the chainsaw and GET TO WORK!!! So I told Lila to repeat what she said to me to this person...that might be related to her and resemble her very own dad...AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID (Remember please that she is 7):

Daddy, its ok that we aren't going to church today to learn about God...we are going to go help someone and do what God really wants us to do...by helping others!

And what can a person say against that? God does not live within the four walls of the church. He tells us to "Love our neighbor." And unfortunately Sunday was the only day that all of us could get together to help out.

Does this mean that every Sunday we will do this...no. But since Pete and I can't help people financially or fix their cars for them or file their taxes for them...whatever...this is what we CAN DO. We had the time, the chainsaws and the physical strength to do it. Unfortunately for our neighbor, she wasn't physically able to handle this type of job and didn't have the tools to do it.

I'm so glad that we got to help out. I find tasks like this to be very gratifying. I know that this "good deed" isn't going to move me up a few notches en route to Heaven. I relish in the thought that I don't have to do good deeds to get to Heaven, Jesus has already paid the price for me to get in! But I do feel so good helping others, loving others and being able to SEE the fruits of our labor!

You know, I always have really appreciated random acts of kindness. Our neighbor never asked us to help her...we volunteered! We called and told her that we were going to and she accepted! :) We knew she had a need. I would love to challenge anyone that if you know of a need and it's within your means or capability....just do it! There is nothing more personally rewarding! And I know that's selfish thinking...but it just tickles me to death to think that we were able to lessen her burden!! Would we not want someone to come along and help us carry our burdens, randomly without having to ask? or beg?

Hold a door for someone, pay a tab or bill, pick up dropped papers, cut someone's grass, offer to walk a person's dog, cook a meal, paint a picture or just stop by and say hi....random acts of kindness can change a person's outlook on their day or on their whole life. I have heard stories of people, teetering on the edge of life...planning to take their life...and some person shows them just a bit of kindness and the hopeless person sees that their life is worth living and that they are worth being here on this Earth!

Pay it forward please!

What a truck load!

2009-06-15T21:26:00.003-04:00

This past weekend, Pete and I went and looked at trucks. He drives a smaller truck that has a V8..which is fine for pulling our camper....BUT a larger full size truck would pull our camper much smoother and with less effort! So we went to 2 different places looking. We compared to two largest competing American made trucks. We were really liking both makes pretty well!
But then when it came down to the money issue....We fell in love with the moderately priced version of one truck....til it all came down to the payments.
The sales man, after coming up with the payment figure kind of seemed to hesitate for a minute or two, trying to find the best delivery for what he had to say......
"I'm thinking that it would come out about, maybe it would be about, its looking like..."
WAIT FOR IT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"7 and a quarter a month!" HUH? I think I yelled out "STANK!!!!" Pete's face took on the most contorted sort of expression I have ever seen! I had to actually laugh out loud! There was no poker face to be found in the room!!! SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE FREAKIN DOLLARS A MONTH! And that was a rough estimate! Maybe about 400 too rough! *sigh* We would be leaving that beauty in the lot!
Pete said once we got back in his truck...that after $725 a month, his little ole truck didn't seem so terrible after all! It pulled the camper fine, drove fine and was just generally fine over all!
Our first house payment in Milledgeville wasn't even that much!! And as far as I saw, there wasn't any indoor plumbing in that truck!!!
So which brings to mind something.....
Take a good look next time you are riding down the road! How many big old pick up trucks do you see? THOUSANDS around this town! And lots of them are brand spanking new! How do people afford those things? I realize that business owners use them to haul and such....But the average Joe? How does he feed his kids, have a mortgage and drive a big truck? And Im not talking the used trucks! I realize that you can get a pretty good deal on a middle decade truck with some mileage on it. Im talking about 2009 or 2010 CREW CAB, full bed pickups.
Anyway, we will have to wait on that! Hopefully little ole Blue will hang in there for us! All of our neighbors say that they know when Pete is coming and going! Our neighbor across the street said that she used to judge what time she needed to have her child ready for school by when she heard his truck!!! OH ITS LOUD! AND NOT BY OUR CHOICE! Someone thought it would be a good idea to put loud mufflers on it...I guess if they couldnt have a big truck, they would at least make it sound like a big truck!

Super Highway Vacation

2009-06-13T21:46:00.003-04:00

I survived ONE entire week without FACEBOOK or the Internet! I know it sounds pathetic!! But my life and my connectedness is directly related to how much time I get to spend checking my email or cruising FB. It is sad, I know! But its about like someone not having a cell phone and texting. I don't get to talk to my friends via the phone very often...Pete may argue this point....but the truth is that I do not get to talk to people much face to face, via phone or otherwise. Most of my communication has been limited to FB and emails. We all have such busy lives.
Recently a friend of mine was a little miffed that I had not been the best of friends and had not actively been in touch. I also had not set up any sort of socialization outside of Church and work. As I explained to her VIA FB, I don't have a life! I don't socialize and I don't get to go and do lots of fun things. I am about as exciting as a slug. Much to my friend Sherrie's dismay, I was ready to go to bed by 9:30PM the whole time we were at the Women of Joy conference!! Yeah, I know....I went a little over board!! I stayed up until 10PM. WOOOHOOO!!! But truthfully, that was only because Sherrie just kept wanting to talk and hang out. I begged her to let me go to sleep!!
Anyway, this past week, Pete, the girls and I went camping at Unicoi State park near Helen, GA. We had a great time. Iris the dog came with us. We didn't have such a great time in the truck on the way up or back...with the girls fighting constantly in the back seat! But the rest of the time was pretty stinking fun! We swam at the "beach" (the lake water was so clear there that we could SEE the fish swimming around us!!). We hiked the Appalachian trail. What a magnificent example of God's creation! We went tubing down the river in Helen! I really, really enjoyed that! We just generally had a great time! And it did not even rain on us until the last night!! What a miracle for us!
As we were hiking up the Appalachian trail, Pete and I talked about how we wished that we had lived our lives differently. Why when we were single folk, didn't we spend more time hiking and camping with friends or some such thing? We really enjoyed hiking a lot. We talked about going hiking some weekend with out the girls, up the trail. I love to camp and I think that Pete and I would have a great time. Maybe we could hike about 10miles or so a day, camp and hike some more. I really need to put my mind to that and make it happen...and not just talk about it. There really isn't a good reason why we shouldn't or can't do it. Well, other than needing to find someone to watch the girls for the weekend. We are both in good health and CAN DO IT! Of course, we both had the Jello legs after having to switch off back and forth carrying Lyndi up and down the mountain! WHEW! 2 year olds aren't the best hikers in the world! For that matter, 7 yr olds aren't the greatest of hikers at a certain point. If they don't have a set end point...just hiking up some dumb old trail doesn't make a lot of sense...especially when its rough terrain and they could be playing at the beach or something!!!
This week, I spent lots of time with Joyce Meyer! I can't think of the name of the book, but it deals with finding PEACE and JOY in our lives! She is such a wonderful writer and minister of God's Word. I really appreciated what she had to say! What wonderful timing too! We all have stress and some form of conflict in our lives. It is so wonderful to have a reminder that we should focus on God and live for TODAY. Our past and the future are not the here and now. We have no control over either. We can't change the past or the future. And worry gets us NO WHERE!!
All week, I kept wishing that I had access to my blog or even a notebook to write in! There were so many things I wanted to share from the week! I guess it wouldn't be much of a vacation if I was still PLUGGED IN though!
This week, I got to spend a lot of quality time with the girls. I got to love on them and play with them more than I have in a long time. I have two very special, beautiful girls! The world we live in, nature, is absolutely mind blowing! I saw so many amazing species of plants and flowers that I have never seen before. God really went all out! The girls and I even stood about 15 feet away from a young deer and watched it feed. It walked almost right up to us! Lyndi hollering and Iris whining did not even make it run off.
After we returned home, I got to thinking that there are many things that we don't do...like just randomly going hiking or whatever. I don't do many things for FUN! I hope that I won't keep on that same path. Life is racing by...I don't want to miss out on living it!

Almost 5pm on Friday!

2009-06-04T21:03:00.003-04:00

Well its Thursday! I've been looking forward to 5PM on Friday. Friday evening begins a long week of vacation for me. I haven't had a vacation in a very long time. Vacation meaning....not working! What all we will do during this time off from work...I don't know and I don't care! Just to have time off is such a peaceful thought! I see camping in our future...more roasted (blackened) marshmallow smores!
What a praise I have to mention! Adam, one of the two young mention that I blogged about a few posts ago, was in church on Sunday! How awesome to have him home. He spent weeks at MCG hospital in Augusta in ICU! His injuries consisted of but were not limited to: a fractured pelvis, tear in his face about 4 inches long extending from his mouth to his cheek, fractures in his face and bruised spleen (and liver I think). He really went through it! But he is back...a little thinner but still looking great! For that we are all grateful! I mentioned that we were praying those boys up (Tyler too!!!)!! God has been so good!
I am asking for prayers for my friend Cutina Pearson. She has been in and out of the hospital for an abscess in her back. Its located under the skin. It has been drained and drainage tubes were placed. Evidently she has scar tissue and infection in the wound. Please pray for her healing. She still remains ever FAITHFUL to our Lord! Cutina is a wonderful child of God!
I am still waiting and listening for instructions from God about work. I can't help but think that the answer was not just to stay where I am at and that's that. I think there is more. I'm not saying that he doesn't want me to stay where I am at. I just think that he is using us as part of a bigger picture. I think that there are pieces to this puzzle that have yet to be placed to achieve a master piece. Are there going to bumps and bruises along the way? I suspect so. Whenever you are dealing with people that don't have the same values and beliefs, there is always the chance that things aren't going to be handled in a Christian way. Too bad for us! :) But God will persevere! I just cant wait to see what happens. Either way...it will be for God's greatest good. I just pray that God will place a stronghold around us and protect us from too many insults and injuries.
I worked with a great patient today. She really made me chuckle! There are some amazing, beautiful people in this world! she really got me tickled when she hopped up and down, trying desperately to work a pair of boa constrictor pantyhose up!! She is a lady in her late 60's with a heavy Spanish accent, going on and on about how awful pantyhose really are ! PRICELESS! What a great woman!
I am still looking forward to 5PM on Friday...hopefully I will be able to enjoy some great patients tomorrow that make me smile. Otherwise Ill have to think of my little lady and her panty hose hop! Is there any wonder really that the work PANTy has the word PANT in it...they sure make you pant like a dog when you are trying to get them on!

Be Still

2009-05-29T22:17:00.003-04:00

In the words of the great comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, "Here's your sign..." Why is it that some of us literally need a sign? I'm really just speaking of myself. It's so wonderful when God has the messages he needs you to know on the local store signs or church billboards located near your house or on your drive into work!!
This past week has been the toughest week I have had since I began working at my job. As I have said before, I love my job. I feel like I am there for a reason. And one of the greatest perks of my job is that I get to work with my dearest friend Sherrie. And recently, my dear friend and former neighbor Kitty began working with us. I couldn't be happier! But, I also couldn't be sadder when I felt like I was being betrayed by management. It's a long messy story and not one that needs to be shared. There is nothing to gain by trudging through all of that muck. But the way that God has spoken to my heart in the past few days is what is important.
First off, Sherrie and I recently went to a "Women of Joy" conference in Charleston. We had an amazing time. We had the opportunity to share the weekend with some of the sweetest ladies from my church. After that conference we all vowed to put on our joyful crown and be strong and happy! Who would have thought that upon returning home that Satan would be trying to beat the doors down to steal that crown of Joy!!
Don't get me wrong, there are always going to be troubles and trials in our lives. I know that. I don't love it though. I realize that sometimes it the harder times that we Christians feel the closest to God. At least those are the times that we seem to lean more on HIM!
Unfortunately though, after we returned, life kept on going and not everyone got the same beautiful, uplifting, praise worthy messages that we got while we were in Charleston!! Too bad too!
Anyway, there has been some tremendous drama at work. Sherrie and I have both probably helped Kleenex stock rise in value here lately!! Preparation-H probably could have used us as spokes women to demonstrate how well their product works on puffiness under the eyes! At any rate, at the risk of sounding like there has been a big pity party going on...there hasn't...but there is a lesson in all of this!!
For several days and even for the last few weeks, I have been praying for God to show me what he wants me to be doing with my life. I really don't think that we should ever just be sitting around on the sofa lounging spiritually thinking that this is all that it is and God doesn't have other great stuff that he wants us to be doing. So I ask God regularly to show me what he wants me to do.
When these hard issues came up at work, I began praying to God to PLEASE show me what he wants me to do. Does he want me to stay working where I am? Does he have another plan for me? I figured that if God did have other plans that he would let me know by opening up another job for me. I was ready to hang it up at VI. So I called a lady that is the director at one of the hospitals in town. I had seen some job postings that I thought would be interesting. I thought that surely God would have one open to let me escape to. But please SHOW ME!
After talking to the director, I found out that she not only didn't have any positions but did not know of any positions that I would be able to fill. My heart sank. Did that mean that God was not answering me right now? qWas I waiting? Was I supposed to stay at VI? What God? WHAT?
Yesterday I began to have an epiphany. Suddenly, I was no longer thinking with my mind about ME and MY situation. I began to see the situationS at hand through the eyes of several people. There were several struggles going on. There were battles being fought that had nothing to do with me. Other people were hurting as well and feeling betrayed. In our lifetime, we will all experience that. How we deal with the perceived betrayal is what separates the Women of Joy from the Women of Distress! And Sherrie and I both had begun to feel our crowns of Joy start to slip off of our heads. Satan had begun to win.....to steal our Joy....to steal what we knew ourselves to be as Christian women that are good, honorable, faithful, loving and joyful!
I reminded myself early in this that I better stick to praying and trying to listen. I'm glad that I did!! Because this morning, God decided to post HIS sign! Just down the road from my house in Colbert, there is a little children's clothing shop with a billboard sign out front. Periodically they change the Bible verse on it...perhaps a message to some other person that had been praying for a SIGN!!
This morning however, the sign had been changed from whatever verse it had been the day before. It read, "Be Still and Know that I AM GOD." I knew that that was what I had been praying for....Peace. Peace and knowledge that God had this situation under control. No matter what I felt I needed to worry about or fret about...God had it all! When I got to work, I gave Sherrie a card that I had written some words of encouragement in last night. In the card, I told her that I KNEW that God had a plan for us. I felt like God had been telling me to WAIT....as God often does! WAIT...that's a tough one for me! I usually want it all and want it NOW!!!
And as I drove past that sign and read the message that hollered out to me MARCI!! HERE'S YOUR SIGN...I scrawled the message on the back of the envelope for Sherrie.....

Be still and know that I am God---God

I was so excited to give that card to Sherrie because I knew that what I had written on the inside...was exactly what God wanted us to know...and it was confirmed on the side of the ole bill board sign outside the Kid's Clothing Consignment shop in Colbert, GA.

Sherrie admitted to me that through all of this, she was sad to say that she had not been praying. She had been reacting. She had not been still. It seemed as though (I type this now with tears in my eyes) a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She knew that her burden did not have to be her own. God was there, waiting peacefully and quietly, for Sherrie and I both to be STILL. He would work this all out. He would show us what we needed to do for HIM next. He would handle all the strife. He would wrap his loving arms around us and allow us to just breathe. What a huge Blessing!

Tonight as I was sitting in the tub listening to the new CD I just bought after having seen comedian Chonda Pierce at the Women of Joy conference....Chonda began to speak of a personal experience in her life. A time when God told her....Just be still and KNOW that I am God. She sang a beautiful song called " My Soul Will Wait." And I thought...You know Marci.....HERE'S YOUR SIGN. Thank you God!

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

2009-05-03T19:28:00.003-04:00

Today was such a pleasant day! Church was a great blessing! Everything seemed a little brighter, a little sweeter and a little more exciting!
After Church, my bed began calling. I'm not sure why this happens. After lunch, about the time Lyndi has to go down for a nap, I too begin feeling overwhelmingly sleepy! At least I'm not falling asleep in chuch huh? So as part of our Sunday ritual, Lyndi and took a nap. After our hour or so of leisure, I got up and GOT TO IT!
Pete and I raked and cleared our front island. The poor thing looked so overgrown! Weed killer has not been a friend to us in the front yard. I think its been about as effective as the French army......
We raked and raked. Pete hauled off several wheelbarrow loads. I am willing to bet there are a dozen more piles just waiting to be hauled off. But I'm afraid that Pete and I both are "give out." I think its looking a lot better. We discussed what it would be like to have a nice 20k budget to give to a landscaper and say "have at it!" It's just a dream though. We both know that at the end of the day, it will be us with the peeling skin from the blisters we acquired from too much raking. Did I happen to mention that I have a blister on the inside of my pinkie finger?? Ouch! What a blessing to be ABLE to get out and do such tasks!! I think its refreshing to be able to labor manually. Would I want to do it every day of my life as an occupation? No. I especially wouldn't want to have to work out in the heat and humidity of our fair State!
The past week and half or so have been some of the most trying days that I can remember in a while. The murders of our Town and Gown folks has left a small dark cloud hanging over my head. Every day and every night, Pete and I watch the news to see if there has been any change or updates in the investigation and search for the mad professor. I think about the professor's poor children and the families of the victims of the shootings. I liken this sort of heinous crime to the murder of that young girl, Meredith Emerson by a serial killer in the North Georgia mountains. I think that there is no difference between what the professor did and that serial killer. It sickens me. Fortunately for Meredith, she did get to fight back and hurt her attacker. The T&G folks didn't have a chance.
I am also keeping in my prayers two young men that go to our church. Tyler and Adam were in a terrible car accident last week. Tyler suffered a broken collarbone and Adam sustained multiple, traumatic injuries. Adam is at the MCG in Augusta in ICU. He is supposed to have surgery on his pelvis this week. He suffered a bit of a set back after having aspiration pneumonia.
Tyler was at church today. It was so great to see him. Evidently he is carrying the weight of this accident around on his shoulders. He made a left turn in front of car. The car struck the passenger side where Adam was seated. How do you explain to someone that these things happen? I know he feels horrible. But the thing is that a mistake is not in any way a mal intention. I think that Tyler would gladly take Adam's place right now if it meant that his friend would not be hurting and in tough shape. But Tyler has to know that he and Adam are being prayed up right now. Their names are being flooded before God like an over flowing river! God has got them right in his merciful hand!
Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am for my family? I love my husband. I love my children. I love my stepson. Do we have good days and bad? Do my children about send me over the edge sometimes? Does Pete not get on my last nerve being bossy or just plain aggravating? Sure. But I love them. I love being able to hold Pete's hand when I have a migraine that is about to kill me. I love being able to snuggle up next to Lila in the backseat of my little car on the way down to celebrate Granny's 95th birthday. I love having Lyndi come up to me and say "I lud you too Mama!" I'm so grateful for them. Really grateful!

Joyful news

2009-04-27T20:39:00.003-04:00

It seems that here lately, there has been so much BAD or negative news coming at all of us from around the world and in our own little communities. I am so happy to report that two of my friends, both named Missy just recently found out that they are going to be mommies!!
Missy and her husband Marty have been trying for a number of years and after a few failed pregnancies to get pregnant again. They just were able to hear the heart beat of their little baby!! How awesome!
My other friend Missy and her husband Todd recently found out that they had been chosen by a birth mom to be the parents of her baby! They had been trying for years and years to get pregnant. They had even tried to adopt a couple of years ago but to no avail.
So many people have been praying for both couples. I am grateful that God has chosen both couples to be parents. Both couples are so very special and great people! I thought it was so interesting to see that there were something like 76 comments on Missy J's Facebook page congratulating her on her excellent news! Thats a whole lot of well wishes! Obviously they are well thought of!
All I can say is....God is GOOD! Thank you for blessing two wonderful couples!

Sadness

2009-04-26T15:40:00.004-04:00

What a great weekend to have this weekend! I was really thinking that I would slide into the weekend and be miserable. On Friday, I accidently ended up squishing my right index finger in the door of the car. I thought perhaps my finger would prevent me from being able to really do a whole lot. I was finally able to have relief Friday night. One would not think that such a small thing could really mess you up.....try it!! I am right handed and the blow was devastating. My whole hand hurt. My finger WHUP WHUPed for 24 hours. No fun!!
Saturday Pete, Lila and I went downtown to the Twilight Criterium. We had been to an earlier bike race to watch Pete's friend John ride. There is nothing in the world like cycling! What a great sport! But Saturday evening we had dinner at Doc Chey's downtown. It was delightful really. The crowd began to flock to downtown. We watched the hand cycle race which is always AWESOME!! Guys and one awesome lady ride hand cycles because they are either paraplegic or amputees. What amazing athletes!!! I dont know how they do it! Their arms are as big as some of the regular cyclists legs!!!
We then watched a kid ride. If I had had a camera with me, I would have taken a picture of this little 2-3 yr old little girl with helmet, elbow pads, knee pads and training wheels go toodling around the block as serious and determined as one of the grownups. Everyone cheered for this little beauty on her bike!!
The ladies raced next. We stood in front of the Georgia Theatre, just as we have for the last several years. We aren't really sickos waiting for folks to crash....really!! But there was a crash right in front of us. Fortunately not one of the two ladies were seriously injured. On a couple of occcasions as the ladies road by, their pedals would clip the baracade making a sound....ahhh just a little too close!!! How exciting!! Talk about something that will get your heart racing!!!
Despite all of the fun and excitement of the weekend, there was a horrible event that loomed over me like a dark cloud. One of the professors at UGA, ended up killing his wife and two other gentlemen at our local Town and Gown theatre. I felt personally weighted down by this horrible killing because my friend Kris had recently been divorced from one of the fellows that was murdered. They had a daughter together. When I heard about what happened, my first thought was to whether or not Kris had either been a witness or if she could have been one of the ones hurt in the shootings. Since none of the family members had been notified that their loved one had been murdered, the names had not been released. But I had heard that a person with Kris' last name had been killed. I was so scared that Kris had been harmed. I had found out that in fact it was her ex-husband. I was sick. All night last night, all I could do was think of Kris and her daughter. I thought about the families of the other victims. Evidently the professor and his wife had two young children. I can not imagine what life is like for them right now without a mom and a dad that is MIA. He is either on the run or decided that he would put and end to things himself.
Since Pete works for the Office of Security and Emergency prepardness at UGA, this is the exact sort of thing that they spend hours and hours educating students, facutly and staff about ALL THE TIME. People just think that Athens is just such a cute, little town that nothing ever happens in. The people at Virginia Tech and Columbine High thought the same thing....I know they did. Its easy to think that "Nothing like that will ever happen here." People, we are in the middle of a crisis. Our economy stinks. People are jobless. Depression and anxiety are on the rise. Drug addiction and alcohol abuse is way too prevalent. We have to take our heads out of the sand.
We have to stop thinking that we can walk alone outside at midnight, cuss people while we are driving and ignore strange, threatening comments that people make. Im not saying that we all need to be cynical and think that everyone in the world has gone bad. That's not the case. But the fact is that people are crying out for help all over this world. Too many people have anger management problems. We are a living in a world of hurt. And the truth is that not enough people know why were are here on this Earth. Not enough people have Faith in God. And too many folks feel utterly alone.
Ok so how do we fix this? What am I trying to say? We all just have to be more aware. We need to keep our eyes and ears open. We need to pray more and stop JUST TALKING ABOUT IT a lot less! We need to stop placing ourselves in situations that our internal warning system is blaring out that SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. We need to stop thinking that nothing is ever going to happen here and prepare. Stop this false thinking that if we just have our cell phones in our hands so that we can dial 911, we will all be OK.
Women, we must know how to fight back. We must be educating our children about bullies, weapons (particularly guns) and strangers. As employers, we must stop turning a blind eye to folks that seem a little unstable and a bit hotheaded. If a person is making threatening comments on Myspace or in a blog....someone should seriously think about reporting it. We have to be careful and aware. That's all Im saying.
Should we all run out to Walmart and buy a shot gun now? Well....I dont know the answer to that. But I do think it is a good idea to learn some self defense and a little verbal judo. I also think its a good idea to keep our own wits about us and stop flying off the handle every time someone cuts us off while we are driving. For goodness sakes, we all get to where we are supposed to go in good time.

MoreTalent Than American Idol

2009-03-25T21:23:00.003-04:00

Matthew 25:14-30, in the Bible, is the Parable of the Talents. The study Bible I read says that a talent was a sum of money equal to about 2 years wages for a person. In this parable, a wealthy man entrusts a couple of men with a certain number of "talents" of the financial sort. One of the men that received a talent buried his for fear of having his master's money taken. One man invested the money and grew the talents. At the end of the parable, the one who used the talents and grew them was rewarded by being placed in charge of many things. The one who did nothing with the talent except bury it in the ground was thrown out into the darkness where he wept.
This parable is referencing the talents, gifts or opportunities that God gives to each of us. In Sunday school class, we have all filled out a spiritual gifts assessment form. It allows us to see how God has blessed us so that he can use us in service to Him. My strongest gifts lie in Mercy and Pastoring/Shepherding. Human compassion is where my heart lies. I am a comforter. I also want people to know about God and have a relationship with him. Being that I love people, this is not an uncomfortable talent for me. I do still wish that I had a great singing voice though! But I know that this is not a talent that he wished for me to have.
I remember when I was working at the cancer treatment center that I had been speaking with a family member about being a nurse. She had asked me how in the world I could work with cancer patients all day long. I love it! But I told her that I felt like being a nurse was doing God's work. Loving and caring for others all day long is exactly what I think Jesus would do....so WWJD?? I think that nursing others would be high on his priority list! She said to me in sort of an ashamed way, that she wished that she had a gift like that from God. She didn't think that she had a talent or gift. She worked as a waitress. I told her that being a nurse might seem like an obvious gift...caring and loving others. But I bet that God used her in other ways to help others. I bet that when she came in contact with patrons of that restaurant, that her bright, beautiful smile was a gift from God that probably brought comfort to weary souls. And the simple gesture of offering someone a hot cup of coffee and a little kindness went a long way. We don't ever know what every person is going through in their personal lives. We don't always see the weariness that people have down in their souls. A quick pat on the shoulder, a small hug, a "HI how are you?" or just a great smile can turn a person's entire life around. Sometimes all a person needs is a little ray of hope to help them get through to the next day....a sweet smile and pat on the back could provide that little ray!
I think that sometimes we think that we should all be blessed with beautiful voices to be able to sing praise to God and show that we are faithful servants. We discount the simple things about us that really make us special as Christians. But really, when God decides to bless us with a talent, we are to use what God has given us, we aren't to hand it back saying, " awww why couldn't I do what so and so is doing?" If we were all meant to sing, who would give out the hugs? If we all were supposed to give out hugs, who would keep up with the tithes?
Its just like our career choices....God makes someone that wants to do every sort of job. I love being a nurse! But I met a woman who said that her son had dreamed of driving large farming equipment since he was a little kid. He was now in his 20's living his dream and couldn't be happier! I personally wouldn't be happy doing that young man's job! But someone's got to do it! God burdens each one of us with the desire to do something....unfortunately its not always clear to each of us exactly what God wants us to do with our lives and our talents. As a matter of fact, I didn't know that I wanted to be a nurse, I only knew that I wanted to SERVE/HELP others. Well, I could have gone down several different avenues to achieve this goal...I did start out in law enforcement! But I ended up in nursing and feel very fulfilled in this field. Who's to say that I wouldn't have the same satisfaction working in a little coffee house where I could meet and talk to people all day? Either way, I am using the talent that God has blessed me with. And I am thankful for all other Christians that are using their talents as well....that sweet, welcoming smile and that hot cup of coffee go a really long way when my spirits are low and I need a little reminder that God loves me no matter what!

Ahhh Sweet Misery

2009-03-17T21:43:00.002-04:00

Tonight I went to our Church's Women's meeting. We are having it quarterly instead of monthly now. If you want to look at it as saving up for the best....I would say that that was definitely accomplished! God was such a part of this program tonight. If a person was there and did not feel it....they were tuned in to the wrong channel!
A young woman named Jessica spoke tonight about her son Zach. One year ago, Zach passed at the age of 5 months. He was born severely premature. As all babies fight when being premature, Zach fought and won the battle for 5 whole months. When he passed, he was a smidge over 10 pounds. That was 10 pounds of fight! Ultimately, after having been diagnosed with pneumonia and having been on the respirator, his parents made the ultimate sacrifice and let Jesus take him home. What a huge unselfish act to allow a child, a person the opportunity to have peace and to feel their love for a moment without having life forced upon him.
Zach, being a miracle just being himself, taught Jessica and her family so much more about God's love for all of us. God did not choose to heal Zach in the sense that he is still here today. Instead, God, allowed Zach's little light to shine all over this state, the United States and around the world. Jessica said that people from literally all of the world sent them emails on their Care Page (on the Internet). Zach touched many lives. Many, many people prayed for Zach. His mom Jessica said that some people even came to be saved after having heard about Zach and his story.
Jessica and her husband's story of faith was definitely inspiring. Would they much rather have their little boy with them then to have a beautiful story of inspiration to tell? I would be willing to bet a million dollars on that. But because they chose to allow God to have control, they were blessed with a beautiful, "perfect" little boy, the opportunity to love him and get to see first hand, God's perfect love.
The point was made that through all of this that at times, Jessica and her husband did question God and God's plan. Who wouldn't?! But the beautiful thing about this is that God does not condemn us for questioning. God expresses his love for us and continues to wrap his arms around us in our weakest of moments. That's what makes trusting in God so amazing...the harder it gets, the harder he holds on to us. The more we look to HIM, the more he allows us to see HIM and to feel HIM.
I told Jessica, that I thought it was so great to finally get to meet Zach's MOM in person. I had been hearing her name (her whole family's names) for a long time. I knew Zach's name. Jessica's friend Sadie, is in my Sunday school class and she ever diligently kept Zach on the prayer list. We all prayed for little Zach! But the thought hit me as I was thinking about her and her testimony....You know how when you meet someone, you hear,"Oh this is Zach's mom?" Or HI LILA's MOM!! they don't have a clue what my name really is but Im identified as being my daughter's parent....How beautiful and special that I could say tonight "OH THAT'S ZACH'S MOM!! So though he may not be here on this Earth 20 years from now, Jessica will always be "ZACH'S MOM!"
What courage it took for Jessica to stand before a room of almost all strangers and tell her story. God had told her that she needed to tell others her story to help her heal. I bet that through her telling of the story tonight, that others in that room were able to heal a little too. Many women there tonight probably had miscarriages. Some may have lost children of their own. Some women were battling fertility issues. Whatever the battle, the reminder that God truly is there and never leaves our side is such a huge source of peace even for me. I don't struggle with any of those issues that I suggested. But I struggle with my own issues. Thank you God for being there with me and for me. Thank you for sending those ladies to speak up about you and let us know how you have changed their lives.
I pray that Jessica does receive a peace in her life that allows her to smile about her dear Zach and not ache so much. I pray that she and her husband will be able to have more children. More children that she can tell about Zach and share photos of him with them. Share that Zach's 5 month long life, changed many people's lives forever...and changed them over to trust in Jesus. What more of a miracle could have come from such a perfect little life?

Circles

2009-03-12T21:19:00.002-04:00

I know that there are these things going around on FaceBook and all over the place to identify the circles of life that seem to naturally crop up everywhere. I think they are called the 6 degrees of separation. I could be wrong. But hey, I'm under the influence of night time cold medicine..so give me a break!!
Anyway, recently I collided with one such circle of life that left an impression on me. A few weeks ago, as I was on my way home from work, I was passed by a police officer flying around the line of cars I was in to get to an accident. I had actually been delayed at work by a few minutes talking to Sherrie and Dr. M. I went to pick up Lyndi and was heading home, down the Jefferson Rd. exit. Just ahead of us was a tremendous wreck. Smoke was still pouring out of the air bags in the mini van that caused the accident. The driver of the car that was struck head on, headed West bound on the 10 loop was laying out in the median of the road. EMS personnel was working with this person on the ground....a woman. Then a woman who was obviously upset came running over to that person's side. Then the fire rescue workers were trying to get the passenger out of the minivan. I called Pete and told him that I was caught in traffic at this accident and that I thought there were probably fatalities in it. It was a mess! I then tried to reach my mom by phone to worn her in case she was on her way home too. I tried to call my friend Laurie to let her know in case she was near that exit...as that's the exit where her mom and dad live. I know she goes over to their house often.
The next day on the radio, I found out that the minivan was being driven by an elderly woman who had come off of the Jefferson Rd exit, crossed over the 10 loop and collided head on with a vehicle traveling West bound on the other side of the 10 loop median. It was hard to tell at a glance of the accident scene exactly how things went down. That next day though, there were plenty of orange flags and spray paint marking exactly where everything took place. The driver of the minivan died. A few days later, the day of the driver's funeral, her passenger husband died.
Not long after I had found out the details of the accident, I spoke to my friend Laurie and told her that I had tried to call her and advise her of the accident. I told her that I felt like, if I had been just a couple of minutes quicker heading home, that I could have been involved in that accident. She then told me that she too came up on the accident and described the scene almost exactly as I had seen it...she was right behind me, on the exit ramp off Jefferson!! I did not have her cell number so I couldn't let her know...but she did know! She saw it too!
Last week (now about 3 weeks after the accident), one of my patients came in and asked me (out of the blue) if I knew the people that died in the collision on the 10 loop. I thought that was odd seeing as I was a first hand witness of the aftermath of the accident and it made an impression on me. I described the accident scene to her. I told her what I had heard about the people involved in the accident. Then she told me that she knew the couple that had died as a result of the accident. She worked in a place of business that she saw the driver of the van weekly. She had know this woman for a number of years. She said that this woman was one of the nicest, kindest people she knew and that she would miss her. I thought about how odd I thought the whole situation was.
That accident that I had missed by minutes, the one that made a deep impression on me, the one I tried to warn my friend about, the one that took the lives of 2 people...and someone intimately knew the the riders in the van. How random...or was it random at all? Why did my patient decide to discuss this with me? Why was I a witness? Why did I miss being involved?
When Lyndi saw the cars all smashed up in the median, she asked me,"Mama, whata happeneded to those caaas? They fall down and brokeded?" I responded to Lyndi that indeed they fell down and broke and I didnt think that the people in the the cars were ok either. I think they fell down and broke too.
That couple evidently lived in Colbert...we were practically neighbors. I wonder if I will hear more about them in the future. I don't think that I had any connection with the other person involved in that accident. Who knows though, 10 years from now, I might have her as a patient. She may be sitting in my chair, while I'm working on her legs, telling me about how she was involved in a head on collision and survived...but the driver and passenger of the minivan didn't make it. Who knows really?

OH MY!

2009-03-10T21:15:00.003-04:00

Today I had a patient that was a really sweet, talkative lady. She spent a lot of time telling me about her sons. She is so proud of them!! They sounded like really good boys too! She was talking about how they never drank in high school, used drugs, got in trouble, got piercings or tattoos. WOW! What nice boys! Then she told me that her niece or cousin's kid..someone..I don't recall now after what she was saying....ANYWAY...this girl went to college on a full scholarship (that's impressive)...had two tone hair, went and got piercings and a "tramp stamp" on her lower back...you know, one of those tattoos! Well then she pondered out loud, "What will her children think one day when they see that thing on her back??!!" What could she have been thinking??? The relative with the tattoo and piercings?!!!
I shrugged and quickly tried to change the subject......Unfortunately she lingered a while longer on the topic but then finally gave up on it after I didn't give much of a YEAH!! HOW DARE SHE??!! WHAT WILL HER KIDS THINK??!
I kind of wondered if, while I was getting up from my seat if she may have noticed the colorful inkings on my own backside..............OH MY!! WHAT WILL MY CHILDREN THINK OF ME??? WHAT KIND OF CONTRIBUTION WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO MAKE TO SOCIETY??!!! WILL A MAN EVER REALLY BE ABLE TO LOVE ME? WILL I END UP IN PRISON COSTING TAX PAYERS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?? Man, I sure hope not! And my kids really haven't made a ruckus about a funny picture of a gecko that Mama has on her back. I have gotten pinched on the back by Lyndi...I think she was testing to see if it was real or not! Lila just told her Daddy when she was about 4 or 5 that she too will have a tattoo one day....he was like "GREAT!! SEE WHAT YOU'VE STARTED??!!" I told him that if that is the worst thing she ever does, I think we will survive!
I had a rather shallow boss say one time that if she had KNOWN that I had a tattoo that she wouldn't have ever hired me. That really hurt my feelings. The thing is that I always try to keep my backside covered up. I don't have sleeves or chest art. I don't have my kids names tattooed on my neck. She wouldn't have ever even known that I had a "tramp stamp" on my back if she hadn't been listening in on a conversation that I was having with a fellow nurse (my other supervisor).
People make a lot of judgement calls about others based upon appearance. I think its really unfortunate! I can not believe that someone would be so shallow that they wouldn't hire me just because I have ink! I love caring for patients more than anything! I am a great employee with a great work ethic! I care about my job! But this person was so shallow that she would have let her own personal biases effect her hiring practices. Its not like I'm a registered sex offender and want to work at a day care! There are no swastikas or nudey pictures on my body!
Anyway, my point is this...we shouldn't be so quick to judge others. For all this relative of Miss Tramp Stamp knows, her favorite cousin/niece...whatever could be a Noble Peace Prize winner some day! She might build multiple houses for Habitat for Humanity! She may save a baby from a burning house...She just doesn't ever know! But if this girl gets her belly button pierced or some other nether region...If she gets a panther tattooed over the rest of her back or on her leg...IF THAT'S THE WORST THING THIS GIRL EVER DOES...FOR GOODNESS SAKES, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE HER FOR THAT!!!! Self expression shouldn't be a crime! Purple hair when you are in college isn't the most awful thing ever...There definitely are much worse things in life! And I think that many people would be REALLY suprised to find out that their own Grandma might have a piercing or a "tramp stamp" above their bottom too....I've seen many folks in their birthday suits...and it suprised me to find many of both on ladies over the age of 50 that were freshly inked or pierced!!! And I'm not kidding!

Its been a long time

2009-03-08T21:28:00.004-04:00

I realize that I haven't been as faithful about writing as I once was! Life gets kind of hectic sometimes...and well, we did lose power for a few days due to our most beautiful snow storm ever!! Let me just say that despite events involving my Dad and the ice, I really enjoyed the whole snowy few days. When our power went out, we made sure that our wood stand was full. There is nothing worse than having to make multiple trips to the wood pile in the freezing cold! Then we got out our oil lanterns and Coleman stove. Pete started up the generator, plugged in a lamp in our room, plugged in our electric blanket and an oil heater in our bedroom and the refrigerator. We were good to go! The girls slept on pallets on the floor. We slept in our bed all cozy and warm. I almost got too warm!

In the morning, we plugged in the toaster oven and coffee maker to the generator. I can not say that at any point during the whole snow event that we suffered at all! Nancy called me one of the nights and asked me if I had taken a double dose of my "relax my crack" medicine! I laughed and told her that I was actually really cozy and relaxing sans drugs! :) It was down right pleasant!

The afternoon when the snow started, we had just gotten home from church. We were planning on going to watch the Lady Dawgs play basketball. As we were about to leave for the game, the snow began to fall. It was so heavy and never slowed from falling! So my first instinct was to open all the blinds in my bedroom, slide into bed, pull the covers up to my chin and watch the snow fall! Within 30 minutes, my car was covered in snow! It was so nice! Lila and Lyndi came and piled in with me for a while to watch the snow. It didn't take long for Lila to head outside and play in the snow!

On Tuesday morning, some of the snow had begun melting but ice was a huge problem! The roads were covered with ice! As my Dad got out of his car at work, he hit a patch of ice, slipped and broke his left hip. At 9:30PM Dad came out of recovery from surgery and returned to his room. What a huge mess! Bless his heart, he was in so much pain.

Since Tuesday, Dad has been doing much better. He has been working with physical therapy at the hospital, trying to get his strength built up in his left leg. He has been keeping an unusually positive attitude. I have asked a lot of people to pray for him. My Dad is not the type to lay out of work and not be productive. He will need a lot of prayers and support while he is stuck at home!!! I pray for a speedy recovery. Tomorrow they are supposed to be releasing him home. He will have home health nursing and physical therapy for a while. I think he is going to do all he can to get (literally) back on his feet again!

My friend Cutina has been sick again. She has had two abscesses in her intestine here in the last couple of weeks. Her doctors have moved up the doses of Remicade that she gets to help heal the abscesses and hopefully (prayerfully) put her Crohns in remission. She told me that she has been feeling better in the last week or so. She still has some pretty significant attacks of pain daily.

We have been loving our new pup Iris! She is about 1.5 years old. She is a Terrier/Something mix breed. She was an adopted doggie from a foster home. She has turned out to be the best dog we have ever had! She is very sweet and well mannered. She minds better than my own children! :) And she loved playing out in the snow!!

Go Ahead and Set Me On FIRE!!

2009-02-27T22:00:00.003-05:00

Tonight Pete and I sat on the couch together and watched FireProof the movie. What a great movie. Not that it had an all star cast...nope..just Kirk Cameron. Kirk did a fine job in this movie. If you have seen Facing the Giants, you kind of already know what to expect from this production group, however, FireProof delivers a few steps above in acting. The movie takes place in Albany, GA. It was cool having a movie set close to home...well sort of...at least in the same state! This time there werent any guest appearances made by Mark Richt, which is unfortunate. I thought it would be cool if they had worked him into the shot in the last scene.
Pete and I have decided that we are going to take on the "Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. It's what the movied is based upon. Its 40 days of study and dares to improve marriage based upon Christian teachings. I would encourage anyone that is dating or married to try it. I am very curious to see what effect it will have on our marriage. Pete and I dont have a bad marriage. We have our bumps and bruises over the years. Right now, I think things have begun to settle down a little and I am very thankful for that. I like nice and stable! I would also like loving, affectionate, a little romantic and fun!! :) I know, I dont ask for much!!! But I will take a good, stable, happy marriage over bumps and bruises any day!!! Oh and I dont mean literal bumps and bruises....Poor Pete!

Almost Friday

2009-02-19T19:30:00.002-05:00

Well, its almost Friday again. I can't imagine where THIS week has gone! I think that hump day turned out to be such a crazy fiasco that it caused the week to fast forward into Friday!
When I got home tonight, Pete was walking Iris in the yard. Do you think she wanted to potty....nahhhh but she was scoping out the wild kitty trails around our house. And since we have about 8 more wild kitties left, there are still plenty o'trails. Again, I am not the least bit concerned if famine strikes our neighborhood...there are plenty of cats to live off for at least a year! ALF would be so set! And if you dont know who ALF is.....*tisk tisk*
Today marks 6 months that I have been with VI. It seems like it has been so much longer. But my PTO kicked in today. My mind goes wild imagining all the exotic locals that I can now visit! I think of the relaxing moments next to the pool and trails around lakes.....
Then I remember that I am a parent of two girls that will likely be sick 2 out of the 3 weeks that I have off....the rest of the time, I'll probably be sick with whatever the latest ick and ill there is being passed around the day care or at school! Ahhhh but wouldnt it be nice to be able to go to some fancy place and partake of the spa??? *Dont wake me just yet please....its been a while since I had a fantasy this good! :)
The housing market has got me all in a tizzy! On the main road of our neighborhood, I think there are 4-5 houses for sale. Some are for sale because the owners just want to sell. One house has never even been occupied for 2 years since its been built. One house is a foreclosure. I would love to find a house with more space than ours that the owner would want to trade for our house. Why is it when you buy a house that it gets filled with STUFF in no time...then you wish you had a bigger house? Life happens I guess. Im not one of those people that collects STUFF! Im always going through drawers and closets trying to find things to get rid of!! There is ALWAYS STUFF to get rid of!! If I had the patience for a yard sale, I might be able to afford and upgrade to another house!
Speaking of housing, I really dont understand this plan that Obama has to help out folks that are facing foreclosure. Truly, I have a hard time accepting that some people really over bought or got bad loans (variable rates and such) and now they are going to get a bail out. What about us ever faithful folks that pay our mortgages? And what about us that have been diligent and our houses are worth less than what we paid for them???? *sigh* Don't get me wrong, I dont like to see so many folks losing their homes......BUT
With time flying by so quickly, April will be here before I know it...that means that 36 will be here before I know it! When did that happen anyway? When I dream at night, I still dream that I am a teenager or a 20-something. When Im 50 will I dream Im a 30-something? What about when Im 80? Speaking of dreams, I dream in color. I don't know that everyone does. I have heard that some people dont. I dream in color and there are also vivid smells. Dreams are amazing! I guess before I know it, Ill be 40 and dreaming that Im in my early 30's....

100~!!!!!

2009-02-16T20:59:00.003-05:00

Evidently this is my 100th post...I cant believe that I had 100 things to ramble about...anyone still out there reading? I bet a lost a few along the way...that's ok though...That just means that I can be much more descriptive and talk more about disgusting nursey things! WOOHOOO
So we got a new doggie named Iris. I found her on Craigslist. She is a terrier mix. The title of her add said something like "Sweet girl looking for a forever home". So I wrote to the owner. Evidently the owner had been fostering her for about a year and a half. She found Iris, her mother and some siblings in the middle of the road...about to get squished. So she took them in, nurtured them and found homes for all of them...except Iris.
When I emailed the foster mom and talked to her on the phone, I had lots of questions. I needed to find a dog that was calm, good with kids, non destructive, fixed and generally well behaved. And she said that Iris was all of these things. Sure sure....Well we met Iris on Saturday afternoon. She is a white, fuzzy terrier mix with no undercoat (which means she can get cold easily) and a tuft of hair that hangs in her eyes. She is a shy girl too. She literally tried to hide behind her foster mom's legs. It was like meeting a 1 year old child..just in puppy form.
After a bit of an adventure when Iris escaped out of our fenced back yard and we had to hunt her down for 2 hours.....
We got her back in the house. We soon found out that Iris is well behaved. She is so well behaved that she acts like she is on a constant run of Xanax. She doesn't bark. She doesn't growl. She doesn't wag her tail much. She doesn't eat much. She doesn't really do much at all. Evidently, last year the foster mom tried to adopt her out but Iris got returned after a couple of days because she was "too calm". I think I can agree with that statement. I joked with the owner that it seemed like she had drugged Iris with Benedryl...when it wore off was she going to go nuts?? Nope!
Don't get me wrong, I really like the dog. I didn't really much care for having to walk her tonight for about 30 minutes only to have her pee and not poo. I guess Ill have to do another marathon walk before I got to bed. I did see two shooting stars tonight in our crystal clear Madison County sky. It was so pretty out. After a while of star gazing, standing in the cold night air with wet hair (after my bath), I was really over the whole appreciating the wild thing. I went stomping back in the house with my lower lip poked out! Iris instantly went and sat next to Pete on the couch.
Iris is about as sweet as an animal can be. She definitely would win any contest PAWS DOWN for the least active pup around! I'm thinking of giving her coffee just to get her just a little excited. I know that Pete doesn't believe me, but after everyone else was in bed last night, Iris began playing tug o war with me and her stuffed dog. She even chased after the thing as I threw it across our hard wood floored living room! She scooped that dog up and slide about 3 feet each time! It was great fun! But once that game was over....back to Benedryl doggie. Its really quite strange.
Anyway, all is well in the hood. My neighbor Kitty is now moved to a nice rental house. Her house has a for sale sign in the front but we don't know how much they are asking. I am praying that we get nice neighbors that love children! Hopefully we wont get any pedophiles that REALLY love children. How awful that we have to think about such things. But we do...and we do...and we will! Kitty was such a good neighbor for the girls. They LOVED her and she LOVED them. They miss her already! Fortunately for us, we get to see her at church and around town. Its not like Comer is a huge metropolis that you might not ever run into anyone...just visit the Dollar General....that's like the Great Mall of Comer! No doubt that any time you visit that store, you are bound to run into someone you know!
I think its about time to start planning a good vacation for the year! I'm so ready! I want to get away for a few days....without children...I know...BAD MAMA!! But a few days to just not fuss or muss or deal with whining children that are constantly begging for food and drinks..and worrying me about the other one touching them and screaming in the back seat of the car......
YEA, I'M READY FOR A BREAK!!!

The Week Goes On...dadidadadi

2009-02-06T22:04:00.002-05:00

Its uterally unbelieavable that another week has gone by! This was one heck of a week! We are so busy at work! Who would have ever thought that so many people had problems with veins! Young, old and some what vein folks have been pouring in! I dont blame them. Bad veins in the legs can be so uncomfortable. I inherited spider veins from my mom. We think that bad veins mostly come from our parents. Thanks MOM AND DAD!! I hope I get the high blood pressure and thyroid problems too!! I already have a bad memory!
Tonight...I am ashamed to say, Pete and I went to Walmart. Yea...thats the first time in MONTHS that I have been in there. Im still mad that they kept 5 of my Ambien and then tried to make it seem like I was a sleeping pill fiend! Jerks! Dont they know that doctors have (had) samples! Its the prinicple of the whole thing. Anyway, we had to buy Lila and Lyndi some new tennis shoes. We found some cute $5 tennis shoes...probably from China made from woven lead fibers. But did I mention how cheap they were and how cute they were too?!!! Our good deal still didnt stop me from feeling dirty the minute I walked through the door. I felt like I was seriously violating some sort of moral code or something. Im telling you, they really made me very mad over this prescription thing. AND the general manager never even called me back!!! Remember, if you use a Walmart pharmacy, you better count your pills out...RIGHT THERE ON THE COUNTER BEFORE YOU LEAVE...they will rip you off in a heart beat!
My boss David met Bill last night...had his picture taken with him and every thing!! Yea...I mean Bill Clinton. Evidently he was at some fund raiser in Atlanta that David and his wife Beth were at. They both had their picture made with him...the old lady was not in tow. What a shame.....OH I SHOULD HAVE ASKED DAVID IF HE ASKED BILL ABOUT MONICA? How could you not meet him and NOT ask? "So Bill, have you talked to Monica lately? And how's Chelsea?" Wonder what they did talk about? I didnt even ask. I had work to do!! But it is a shame that one of the most outstanding thoughts I have about our ex president is about an affair that he had instead of over seas affairs or business affairs. Too bad indeed!
Well, its time to put this week to rest! Good night!

The Electric Slide....

2009-02-02T18:51:00.002-05:00

So I fell off the wagon! I went a whole 2 days with out the Effexor and I could NOT get through the second night! After I wrote my blog, I tried to go to bed.....the ZAPS got the best of me! I would be laying there trying to go to sleep and that dang buzzer would go off in my head! ZZZZZZ I was totally weak and the med won out! I had to take one of the 37.5 mg Effexors! But I emailed my doctor today and asked him about it. I am going to make an appointment to see him. He said that the Effexor was definitely causing this and its not depression that I felt, its just the withdrawal. How great to have a doctor that actually took the time to write back!!
I spoke to a pharmacist today that said that she TOO is taking Effexor. Effexor is a great drug for treating depression and anxiety...and it has two other great uses: treating hot flashes (we used it for this a lot at the cancer place) and it helps stop teeth grinding! She said that she had a terrible problem with both and the second of the two, it helped.
She also told me what I already knew, that Effexor is extremely hard to stop taking. She said that her own doctor was saying that he was not sure what he would do for her when it came time to try to stop. After some discussion, we figured that I could start taking an SSRI along with the low dose Effexor and just slowly transition to that drug that would be easier to discontinue. BUT WE SHALL SEE! I am going to make and appointment with my doctor to see what he suggests. He is a head doctor so I figure he should know! And I will be curious to know if he thinks I SHOULD ABSOLUTELY continue taking and antidepressant.
AM I DEPRESSED? I don't really think that I am. I don't sit here and ruminate over things. I don't think the world is crashing down around me. I love myself enough. I haven't been irritable....other than when Pete says something to get me going...he likes doing that! I don't even feel like I'm out of control with my children...and every one knows how hard it is to raise a 2 year old and a 7 year old! But I can not walk around a boo hooing, snotting idiot! So again, I guess this is something that I will have to wait and see about.
For now, I am just so thankful that the buzzer has been removed from my brain! Hopefully it will stay gone for a while!
As a side note...a testament to God's love....I got off the phone with a family member last night and felt as though I should just go dunk my head in a bucket of water and never come up for air. The conversation was so full of dooms day stuff that I felt miserable and irritated that I had to listen to that stuff! Well, God has IMPECCABLE timing!! No sooner did I get off the phone with my family member, that my friend Vanessa called with very exciting news and conversation about what God was doing in her life. Not only did we talk about what blessings God had given her but also, the gift of truth and life that he offers all of us. What a huge blessing to be rescued from my previous conversation! Thank you God!

ZIP! ZAP! ZING!

2009-02-01T19:05:00.002-05:00

I feel like I am living in a comic book right now. I am currently day two without Effexor (an antidepressant). Other than being a little more teary at the slightest little sentiment...I'm fine emotion wise....its the "brain zaps" that are really irritating me. Anyone that has ever tried to come off of an antidepressant knows all too well the feeling that I am talking about! Evidently Effexor is the hardest of all the antidepressants to stop taking. I did exactly what I was supposed to do, by weaning down from my dose to the lowest dose possible which is 37.5 mg. But that did not prevent the weird sensations that I have had to deal with today!
This afternoon, we went on an 8.9 mile bike ride with Lila on her new mountain bike and Lyndi in her little bike trailer. Pete pulled Lyndi. The ride was great and helped me to stop thinking about my brain boggle that I had been dealing with.
When we got home, I looked up on the internet,"Effexor Withdrawal". My goodness, the problems people complained of were not very encouraging. I think that as long as I can deal with the zaps I'll be ok. Some people say that this sensation lasts for one week up to months after stopping the med. I really hope that I am blessed with the one week!
I decided to go off of this medication in the first place because my cardiologist suggested that it could be effecting my heart rate and blood pressure. Effexor effects the Norepinephrine in our bodies (flight or fight hormone). My doctor thinks that since he ablated my heart, my heart rate could still be running a little higher due to the medication. And I began taking the Effexor to help me deal with anxiety. I also took it for post partum depression. Since Im not post partum anymore and I feel emotionally stable, I thought that I would try to stop taking it. I haven't been anxious much since I had the ablation. I am able to recognize now that my heart rate was really making me feel tense.
As a point of praise, I discovered while riding today that I did not feel winded or tachycardic more than usual. I did not have the same old pressure in my neck, causing me to feel short of breath while riding. For years, before my ablation, I always found it more difficult to work out. I would get exhausted easily. NOT TODAY! I felt great...well, other than the brain ZAPS and dizziness! GOOD GRIEF!
So I am asking that if you read my blog, please pray for me. Pray that my body adjusts quickly and positively to not taking the Effexor. Please pray that I dont have to take any other antidepressants at all! I really picked a hard week to decide to stop taking this med....I crashed and hurt myself yesterday (when I stopped taking the Effexor). I really had a lot of pain from falling off of our pull behind trailer while helping a friend move. And this is also the MOST hormonal week for me.....WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING???!! :) Pray for my family too!
If anyone has any suggestions, I would certainly be open to hear what you think. Otherwise, please PRAY PRAY PRAY for me! :)

A God-less world?

2009-01-28T21:03:00.002-05:00

I'm not the kind of person that "grew up" going to church. When I was about 12 years old, I began going to church by myself to youth group. My parents didn't go or wouldn't go. They never liked people showing up at the house, hounding them to go to church. We had one fellow call the house at 7AM one Sunday morning bugging them about going to church. I think that might not have been a good approach to take with them! Thanks buddy!
At any rate, Pete and I have been working with a few other other adults teaching a group of Kindergarten to 2nd grade kids about God through AWANA. When we started, I knew NOTHING about AWANA. The Baptist churches or Christian churches I attending never had AWANA, GAs or RAs. We have about 14 kids that attend.
Tonight, Lila invited a friend of hers to come with us to church. The child came with, expressing great nervousness about church. He admitted that he had never been to church. After getting to church, the boy discovered that many of his friends also went to church with us. The boy was so excited! The boy asked why we went to church. Lila said that she told him that we go to church to learn about God, not to play. He told her that he did not know who God was. Lila said,"Well, God created everything. He is the one who made you and me! God is the one who put you here on the Earth!" I thought, "Well someone has been paying attention!" WOW! GO LILA!
I got to thinking about this little fellow. I can not imagine what it must be like to not know about God or have any idea what the whole GOD thing is about in the first place. I wish I could remember the first times I heard about God. Lila will be able to tell people that she "grew up in church". She might even say that her parents seemed to take her to church every time the doors were open...which wouldn't really be true since we don't usually go on Sunday nights! But I know that she won't ever be able to say that her parents just didn't "do the church thing".
What would my life be without God? What it would it be like to not know that Jesus died for my sins? What if I did not believe all of that? I can remember when I was about 12 years old or so when I was not certain what I believed. I, like many other people, believed that only a bunch of hypocrites, who worried about the clothes you wore more than they worried about God, went to church. I had no idea. I believed that church was about the people in the church...only as I matured did I realize that church was about God and who cared what anyone else thought?
What if I did not know that God loved me and was with me at all times? I know that there would have been many times in the past that I would have been crying out to nothing with no sense of hope. I am so grateful that I have a loving, merciful God that listens to my prayers and always has my best interest at heart. When times are tough (financially, emotionally, relationship wise, temptation wise...etc..) God gives me opportunity. When one door closes, God opens another one. I whole heartedly believe this. I can't name all the times when I have found myself in a fix...financially for instance, that God sent JUST ENOUGH money my way to help me get by. When I was in nursing school, there were countless times that God helped us. But Pete and I put our faith in God and he took care of us! He always provides for us still!
I wonder that that little boy is thinking about tonight after church? Is he thinking about the fun he had with his friends? Is he thinking that our lesson tonight was too boring and he wouldn't want to have to go back to church? Or could he be thinking about who this God character is that we mentioned tonight? I thought as we were praying and teaching our lesson tonight that it must be strange to hear a room full of people saying praises and praying to some unseen God. Who knows, maybe he will ask Lila if he can come back. Maybe tonight planted the seed. Maybe God is talking to his heart right now? I am excited to see what happens!

A little off the top please...

2009-01-22T18:49:00.001-05:00

Mom cut my hair today. What started out as a shoulder length cut went strangely awry! But it still looks good. Its about jaw length I guess! Its a whole lot lighter now...the long locks were dragging me down. My poor head felt so sore after wearing a clip or ponytail band in it! I have also been having daily head aches. I thought maybe my hair weight was getting to me. What a strange thought!! After having both of my girls, my hair became really curly everywhere except on the top of my head. Mom has to "relax" my hair now when it gets too nappy. Also, after I had kids, my hair got really dark. HORMONES!!! And men wonder why we act so crazy sometimes!

Speaking of crazy...it irritates me when I email someone or call and they dont bother to respond back....or make excuses about why it took about a week to respond...and when they do that over and over again. Friendships...real friendships are not one sided. No relationship should be to where one person has to over extend themselves more than the other person. So I removed a "friend" from one of my online social groups. I'm not going to waste my time, energy, thought and concern one someone that does not have the same interest in

Evil Mama

2009-01-20T12:41:00.004-05:00

Ever feel like your child hates your guts...I mean, not just because they tell you as much, but because they give you the evil eye and say things like their life is really terrible! Yea....as if being a parent is not stressful enough....Lila advised me that her life was so very terrible because she did not have any video game players lik

I have a spare...

2009-01-19T21:37:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I told you, I came to realization that I had to DO something NOW or else about my weight/health. Pete told me that I will probably get hate mail now for whining about being over weight when I am already slender. But the thing is this....Pete painted a beautiful picture for me tonight....After telling him I had gained 7 pounds he said..."Just think of that 7 pounds like a bowling ball, that's a lot of extra weight to have to carry around." And that's the truth. I thought about taking Lila to the bowling alley for her birthday. The kids were bowling with 5-6 pound balls. They could barely carry them. Being muscularly challenged, I too grunted when I had to pick up a ball with just my fingers. I know that 5-6 pounds isn't much...for goodness sakes I pick Lyndi up daily. I'm just saying that a person can get tired quickly having to hoist a bowling ball around. Well at least I would!
Here is my biggest problem: FAST FOOD! I came to this realization not too long ago and did well eating Lean Cuisines for a while. But then they turned up having plastic in them. I don't think that I had any that were tainted but the concern that there could be, isn't very appetizing. Plus, after being the office all day, I like to get out. Its fast and its convenient..and normally it wont poison me with plastic...of course, now we are having to watch out for peanut butter...prior to that it was spinach, onions, tomatoes....COME ON PEOPLE! CANT YOU PROCESS OUR FOODS BETTER THAN THAT!!!
So anyway, for the last two nights I have ridden with Pete on one of our cycling trainers for 30 minutes (each night). That is brutal torture. Especially for me! I have really been sedimentary since before I had my heart ablation. I never had any energy to do anything. If I did try to do something, my heart would race and I would get short of breath! What a miserable feeling. Now I KNOW I have to start doing some sort of cardio workout just to get my heart rate down. Once my fitness level improves, my heart rate will also improve.
As I mentioned yesterday, I have been feeling pretty down lately. I think most people who have a problem with their weight understand this reality and even those that don't. Depression can lead to obesity and obesity can lead to depression. Do not assume please that our worst critics are the people/catty women around us...We are an image conscious society....and our WORST critics are OURSELVES! Most husbands wouldn't dare comment on weight. Our kids, they may or may not care or even notice.
In my business, I have been shocked and amazed at the number of women that complain about their weight. Scrawny, bony women come in and you would think they were elephants. And they TRULY believe that they are overweight. One woman came in with THE MOST beautiful legs I have ever seen in my life....oh no...her legs were fat! ALMOST ALL WOMEN WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN BODY IMAGE!! No matter how much you may try to convince someone that they are beautiful and that they shouldn't beat themselves up so much...it ain't happening! It doesn't do any good to be jealous of how someone else is built..chances are, they are sitting there wishing they looked like someone else! Its crazy!
So if I get the stink eye now over wanting to get in shape and lose 7 pounds, I say this....if anyone reading this is concerned about their own weight, I challenge you TODAY to change just a few small things RIGHT NOW! Stop drinking soft drinks. Drink more water than sweet tea (I say that because I LOVE IT!!!!) Stop late night eating/snacking. Choose to start walking or maybe even start doing Yoga for Beginners. I know its cold outside..that's why my butt hasn't been out there doing anything! And for goodness sakes, if you start a workout, don't kill yourself on the first day or even during the first week! I'm the kind of person that wants it all NOW too...but I know if I injure myself, I wont be able to workout on day 2, 3, 4....
Ok, one could argue that its all easy for me to say this stuff since I'm not in my pre-period, carb/salt craving week! I just scarfed down 4-5 Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls all by myself last week! And Pete will not let me forget that....hehehe I LOVED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM TOO! But I know that behavior like that pushes me just a little closer to that Type II diabetes that runs in my family..and that's not good. That stuff is NO JOKE. Trust me...almost everyone that ends up in the hospital and is on 20 meds has Type II diabetes. I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE!
But I am here to make my own commitment. A commitment to be healthier...to avoid developing diabetes. For goodness sakes, I am already lactose intolerant, I really don't want to have to avoid carbs and sugar the rest of my life too!
Anyway, starting off with some small changes will make a huge difference in the long run. And hopefully I will have will power when the hormones kick in this month! Those things are no joke either! But if anyone is interested, send me a note! Ill be glad to send some encouragement your way..not to be HOT after losing 30 pounds...no....to be HEALTHIER after losing 10 pounds and on the way to avoiding health problems.
My goals are to lower my heart rate by improving my cardiovascular fitness, improve my lung capacity, lose my 7 pounds and improve my MENTAL HEALTH. If you think that 7 pounds are joke...talk to me when I am feeling down and out. Depression, anxiety and stress are huge contributors to poor health and over all sense of well being. I really, really don't want to have to deal with those issues any more than I have to!

Winter Blues? Greens or Yellows?

2009-01-18T16:00:00.002-05:00

The past few days, I have been feeling kind of blue. I was reading a magazine article today about the necessity of Omega-3's in our diets. Omega-3 isn't just good for our heart but evidently its good for our brains....depression. It makes sense to me. It has an effect on our Serotonin levels. Who would have ever have thought that eating oily fish=happiness? Are Asians really more happy than we are? The really crummy thing is that I don't even like fish. Ok, Tuna is fine, maybe a fried piece of Cod...but beyond that, is pushing it! WHY cant WHITE BREAD be full of the goodness that we need in our diets? WHY can't chocolate chip cookies be REALLY, REALLY good for us? That's the injustice of life isn't it? Now, I know, flaxseeds are a great source of Omega-3s. I took a capsule of it today. I'm hoping that I can catch up! :) I am also hoping that the 30 minutes I road on the bike trainer will make me lose 7 pounds that I recently packed on. And I feel certain that those 7 pounds had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the 4-5 (I lost count as my sugar levels rose above measurable levels on a glucometer!!!) Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls from the can that I ate last Wednesday!! And I bet that those 7 pounds have nothing to do with my lack of activity the last several months! Just like getting pregnant with Lila and Lyndi had nothing to do with.....oh...nevermind!!
So Pete and I are planning on doing better. None of this New Year resolution crap. That never works. I really HAVE to do something. Any person can scoff at me for being upset about gaining 7 pounds. But I will say this: 7 pounds also carries with it a little extra weight that I have to squeeze into a size 8 pair of jeans (forget my 6's!!!), my cholesterol levels are probably sinful in themselves after eating fat saturated foods and my already tachy heart isn't going to get less tachy having to deal with the added weight! All of my adult life minus the time that I was pregnant and post baby, I have always weighed 136. I am up to 143. I am 35 years old and will be 36 in April. My metabolism (in theory) is already beginning to slow the closer I get to 40! I have to do something NOW!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of these freakish people that suddenly eat a piece of lettuce for lunch and insist that I must stick to a strict diet! I am not shooting for losing 20 pounds here. So anyone that reads this and says "I HATE SKINNY FOLKS THAT THINK THEY ARE FAT!!" Please don't say/think that. I have a few things in my genetic history that is a huge incentive to stay smaller.....1) DIABETES 2) High blood pressure 3) Clogged arteries or PVD 4)Unattractive behinds in polyester pants! See so I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!! And by the way, most people's butts look bad in polyester pants...especially the really tight ones...which no one should be wearing anyway!!
So for now (as in today) Pete and I are planning to ride our bikes, eat better and take our flax seed capsules. I will post my efforts here to add a dimension of accountability to this. So now everyone knows: I am almost 36 and I weigh 143!
Wish me the best!!

Family

2009-01-14T21:19:00.003-05:00

Today was my grandma's funeral. I guess they got the whole money thing worked out. It was strange looking at her there in the coffin. I only briefly observed her and moved on. I am not a big fan of the body in the coffin thing. My daughter Lila commented that it looked like they had glued her mouth shut...Im like...ummm, well....errr....Just don't say that outloud ok kid?? And the makeup they use...worse than Misses Doubtfire any day. That heavy duty pancake stuff...That's not my Grandma! She never even wore makeup!
I have had several people express their apologies to me. And I do appreciate it! But I really have faith that I will be with her again. Since I have been in the nursing field, and having worked part of it in oncology, I have come to realize that death is not always the worst thing in the world...especially not for Christians. We are guaranteed our future. Human suffering is so much worse than death. I would much rather see someone that is really sick, suffering and dying the slow death to just pass on. Forget what heart ache I may experience...its not fair to me to be selfish when a person is close to passing on to be with Jesus. And I really could not help but think that she is getting to be with my Granddaddy again in some form or fashion!
My grandparents were simple folks. My Granddaddy was stationed in the Phillipeans during the war. He helped to build bridges. My Grandma, she never drove..not even one day in her life. They never had a lot and they never seemed to require a lot. My Granddaddy was a wood craftsman. He could build anything I think. He built me a little doll cradle.. I still have it. Its in Lila's room now. He built little tables and chairs for my dolls. Oh I loved my Granddaddy!
I can remember my Granddaddy sitting in a recliner. He smoked a pipe. He had a very distinct smell about him from his pipe and the wood shed where he piddled around in. But he used to let me comb his hair with my little pink Barbie comb or brush. Then I would put little plastic curlers in his hair. He would let me do that for hours. And he always carried a handkerchief. It was either blue or red...always. He kept it in his back pocket. My favorite game was to try to capture that kerchief and keep it away from him. Oh he was so much fun! I loved him to pieces! I got teary today thinking of him! Crazy I know being that it was Grandma's funeral! But I was his girl! I was his only grand daughter.
Grandma....she was a sweet woman. She had a great laugh. She had an infectious laugh. She was as strong as an ox too. I remember hearing someone refer to her as a Granny. She was no, fragile, dainty granny I can promise you that! She could wrestle bears I bet! Just get a hug from her! You would know! She could hug like there was no tomorrow! My Grandma was a strong woman. I remember her keeping us kids straight. For many years I think I was afraid of her! She could put the what for down on your bottom! I can still hear her say that we had to go outside and play...and STAY OUT! STOP COMING IN AND OUT! My Granddaddy used to work nights at a saw mill as a night watchman. She had to keep us rowdy kids in check so as not to wake him up. Im sure that was not an easy task.
My Grandma always had a little nervous shake in her hands. I bet raising so many kids of her own and then dealing with us was a hoot! But she loved her family! I always knew that she loved me too. One of my fond memories of her was that she used to listen to Old Time Gospel music on the radio all the time. You know, back then, tvs weren't always around and they didn't get good reception out in the deep country...Sandy Cross, GA back then.
My Grandma could cook too! She could cook all the regular country favorites. But I can still see her sitting at her table filling deviled eggs. Her spoon shook a little with her hands. And she could make an awesome key lime pie with the thickest meringue you could imagine. She even made a fruit cake...which sounds disgusting but hers were so good! Not those hard blocks of styrofoam or whatever they are made of.
I don't remember if my Grandma ever had a regular job. All I can remember is her taking care of folks near where she lived. I guess you could say she was a CNA before there was official CNAs. She would sit with folks a lot. She helped them with their house, general care and cooking. She was a good woman.
I am going to miss my grandparents. I already do really. As I mentioned before, my Grandma had already shown signs of dementia. I think she may have had a little paranoia caused by the dementia. But she still loved her family, people in general and her God. You can't argue with that. I remember one Christmas gift I received from my Grandparents..because they could not afford much and probably wouldn't have wasted money on much anyway...was a Children's Bible Stories book. I still have that book. Inside it, it is signed by my Grandma and Granddaddy. That's very special to me.
Life with my Grandparents had nothing to do with all the stuff that a lot of Grandparents give their babies now. Their love was shown by coming to visit with me and my family. Their love was shown with the goodies Grandma would bake and the creative crafts my Granddaddy would make. I loved that and still do! And I miss those bear hugs that could potentially crush the life out of you from my Grandma. I miss my Granddaddy's soft bear paw hands that never became calloused from all of his wood working. I wish so much that those were things that I could share with my own children. But those things are gone. When they get older and can understand some of my memories, I will share them with them more.
Every now and then, I will pass some man somewhere and think about how much he reminds me of my Granddaddy. And every now and then I will be some where and smell that familiar scent of my Granddaddy's pipe and sawdust from the shed. It brings me back years. I love that! I will cherish the memories I have of both of them and be so grateful when I see them again!

Today

2009-01-11T20:46:00.005-05:00

Well, no word on when my Grandma's funeral will be. Evidently the measly little 4k that she had for insurance will not cover the cost of her burial. The funeral home wants 7k. This is for the lowest line of coffin, embalming, dressing her and fixing her hair. There will not be a service/viewing at the funeral home. There will only be a "viewing" at the church where my cousin preaches, then a trip to the cemetery for grave side service. She will be buried next to my Grandad. BUT to open the ground there next to my Granddad, that will be $700. WHAT A FREAKING RACKET! Talk about job security! Folks are going to die! And we have to use these freaking funeral homes. Its just not right. And according to my Mom, my Grandma didn't want to be cremated. That would help with cost...SOME. Oh don't get me started on these people! Insurance companies and funeral homes..........
So today Pete and I got to go to Sunday school and church. It was really refreshing to get to attend. We have been out of town so much lately due to holidays and birthdays. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with family. But now Im glad to be home and get to go to church!
I found a house that I love yesterday. Not that I need to be finding houses to love. We have a really nice house. But this house is in a little town near here. It needs a good bit of work. Its really old. The floors in the house are beautiful. The house sits on a huge lot next to a church. Its incredible. But the bad thing is that they are asking almost 300k for it. Never mind that its in a town smaller than Comer.....no traffic lights or gas stations. And it needs all of the windows replaced in it. The kitchen would have to be remodeled. The bathrooms would have to be redone. The front porch is falling in...
You may be asking yourself, why in the world is Marci in love with an old house that sounds like its falling in??? I dunno! I really do love it though. hehe I guess I love a project! With the housing market being the way it is now, I don't know that our house would sell and I don't know that we could afford the delusional price the seller is asking! I KNOW we couldn't afford that house...especially not with the renovations that it needs.
Pete and I watched M. Night Shamalyan's movie, The Happening. Don't rent this movie. It was in no way as good as The Village. Basically the whole movie is filled with people killing themselves because of some "toxin" that scientists believe is nature fighting back at us....warning us that we aren't taking good care of the Earth. So my last hour and a half was spent watching people hang themselves, jump off buildings, shoot themselves (3 in the forehead..the front....NO ONE DOES THAT!!!!), one got attacked by a lion...you see this just goes on and on! Its nuts. If you want to watch a depressing, gross movie that has to mention global warming...go right ahead. You might feel depressed enough from my blog to not want to watch that piece of......
Please be praying for our friends and family members that are unemployed these days. I thank God daily for my job. And I am truly grateful for it!!! I have a great job! But I also know that, despite health care being a normally secure job, having a varicose vein treated is not a life threatening emergency (usually) and some people might put off having treatment. The other part of that is that when people are unemployed, they don't have insurance! I spoke to a nurse that worked for a General Practitioner, she said that even their practice had slowed down. Despite this being the sickest part of the year, people just don't have money or insurance like they used to. Please pray for our communities and our nation. Our economy is really hurting right now. So many people have lost their jobs. Please, please pray for these people and our leaders!!
How about all this rain we have been having? Talk about having prayers answered. I hope that the rain has a huge effect on our water tables. I took advantage of our soggy soil today and pulled out all the weeds in my flower beds!! Sounds like something weird to be doing in January but it works! Maybe I wont have as many weeds this Spring! Maybe frost will get the rest!!
Thanks, for all the love and support offered for my family right now! I appreciate it!

Not yet

2009-01-10T21:54:00.002-05:00

Tonight was the bestest night ever for Lila! She went with her best BOY friend Aidan to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Aidan is a little boy that lives on the main road in our neighborhood. He is in Lila's class. He is a very intense little fellow. He is very smart, just like Lila. He is the top reader in the class with Lila right behind him. He is a cute boy, with a brown spiky mohawk . Lila likes cute boys, but they are usually the most rambunctious boys in her class. Her first boy friend was named Kale at daycare. He was truly an adorable little boy! He had brown hair and bright blue eyes. CUTE CUTE! One day, he would really cause some girls some trouble! But he lived in another county so Lila never got to see him again after the daycare days. That's probably a good thing because that boy was TROUBLE according to their teacher......great....
So Aidan, he loves him some Lila. His mom says that he talks about Lila nonstop. Its the same for us, Lila talks about Aidan all the time. He called her today and asked her if she could go to the movies with him. His mom could pick her up at 4:45. They went to a movie and dinner.
When Lila got home at almost 9pm, she was full of giggles and energy. I sit here shaking my head thinking about what we have in store for us in about 10 years. Or probably sooner.
Lila is a beautiful little girl. I'm afraid for her that the boys that she is picking right now, just might be shorter than her when they get to high school. Lila is a tall, skinny girl. She has the biggest brown eyes that I have ever seen. Boys love her and she loves the boys. But don't be fooled.....she loves the boys because they like to play the cool stuff like Star Wars and Power Rangers. For her birthday day, she skipped right over the Hanna Montana cupcakes and went for the Kung Fu Panda cupcakes! She also spent some of her Christmas money on a light saber to have pretend battles with Aidan. Yea.....that's my...ummm....girl! What can I say though? I was a tomboy growing up too. I have to say that I think its better that she wants to play outside, ride her bike, dig in the dirt and have play fights in the front yard than to be holed up inside playing video games.
Plus, all the little notes and drawings she makes for Aidan, she is practicing her writing skills and using her imagination! HA!
I just hope and pray that these rowdy boys she likes now, won't turn out to be the hoodlums that she JUST LOVES in 10 years. I can hope that she likes the really smart boys with high energy that like to go cycling or hiking right?? Right??
Ohhhh....tonight was just a taste of what is to come...I know that. It really is pretty scary to me. I have already started praying for Lila and for her personal life. I pray that she makes good choices. Ive also prayed that no one will ever hurt Lila. I don't know how realistic that will be. But Ill continue to pray for her. Hopefully she will make really great choices her whole life......I can hope right???

Update on life

2009-01-10T21:06:00.003-05:00

My Grandma died today. She died of renal failure. She was my last living grandparent. I am somewhat ashamed to say that I have not seen her since Lila was about a year and a half old. Pete and I took her over to see my Grandma at my Aunt Vivian's house. She was sitting in a chair, looking much older and a whole lot more frail than I had remembered. I had remembered right, she was much more frail.

My Grandma was married to my Granddaddy for 50 years. I got to celebrate their anniversary with them. He died not long after that. He was such a good man and I loved him dearly.

My Grandma, lived with my Aunt Vivian for a long time. My Aunt Vivian is married to my ex husband's father. That always made things a little weird to me. I liked my ex's dad fine. I just never went around. They all smoked. My Grandma was frail and had some dementia. It was all just kind of odd for me. So despite living less than 20 minutes from my Grandma (since moving where we live now), I never saw her after our visit with baby Lila. She never met Lyndi.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and told her that my Grandma was sick and in the hospital. I told her that I hadnt seen her. She asked me if I would feel regret for not having seen her for a long time if she died. I told her that I didnt know.

The truth about this whole situation is this. I love my Grandma. I have many childhood memories of her and my Granddaddy. I think she must have known that I loved her. I hope so. I think, I'll see her again. Oh that day when I see her and my Granddaddy (whom I have missed SO MUCH) again. I thought that if I went and tried to have a close relationship with a slightly demented Grandma, that may not really be able to keep me in context or remember my children (she had several grandchildren), I thought that might not be the best situation. My Dad has always kept her up to date on us kids. Im sure he has shown her pictures and talked about us. She knew about my heart issue. She knew when I had been hospitalized. I have prayed for her and I bet (being a good Christian woman) she has prayed for me.

So here I am. I am thinking about her. I kind of wish that I had seen her at the hospital yesterday or today. I did not really know that things were going to come to an end so quickly. When do we ever know really? But she died with her family around. She was a loved woman. I guess I just loved her from a distance. I bet she just loved me from a distance. That's ok I guess.

I dont know of the plans for her funeral yet. I think Ill find that out tomorrow. I figure that they will have her funeral on Tuesday. When I go to the funeral, I wonder if I will get looks from anyone. Here I am showing up when the woman dies for goodness sakes...where was I when she was alive? But like I said, I think she knew I loved her. Whether anyone else had to know...that's not my concern. I'll be able to tell her one day...again.

History

2009-01-07T15:29:00.002-05:00

Within the last 24 hours, I received 3 additions to my list of friends on Facebook. One might quickly assume that I am SO very popular..which I am but......
One of the additions was my cousin Tim. One was Tim's girlfriend that I just met this past weekend. And finally, one was a fellow that I dated just prior to Pete. Actually, the day I told Pete that this fellow and I had broken up, Pete asked me to go to dinner with him. He told me later that he did not want to take any chances that I might find someone else to date. He said that when he had met me that he had KNOWN that he was going to marry me! Never mind that I was dating someone else and actually was engaged to be married to this fellow. After being married for 9 years in October of this year, I guess that Pete's intuition was exactly right.
Running into this person online was kind of memory provoking. Not the kind where a person ends up crying and saying,"WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!!" I don't have any regrets that things turned out the way they did. It's just funny how when you date or are friends with someone for a while that you have a bit of history together. Now, don't get me wrong. Since Pete and I have been together so long, I always assume that all the things I had done or all the places I had been in the past were naturally with him. He always says,"Noooo that wasn't me, that must have been your other boyfriend!" Ohhhh my bad. Huhhh!
Anyway, this person had sent me a message saying hi and telling me that he had one child and another on the way! How exciting I thought! And how funny to me that I thought it was exciting! After our "breakup," things got ugly for me at home. My family was shocked and very upset that we had broken up. My mom had said something like,"Since you can't seem to get along with anyone, are you sure you aren't a lesbian?!" Yea, thanks Mom! Ill let you know when I meet the right woman. But at that time, I knew that I was not engaged to the right man for me. Things had just not worked out between us.
Strangely enough, the ex fellow ended up marrying a girl that he had worked with while we dated. He used to make unfavorable comments about her and her *itchy attitude. I remembered thinking while we were dating that I had better keep my eye on her. I just had a sense that something was there....I fully believe that he did not have a clue at that time that he would end up marrying that girl (I referred to her as "the Crow" back then). I don't think he had the same intuition that Pete had had about me....But I think I knew....I just didn't know what I knew! Makes sense doesn't it?!
Anyway, so he is happily married and has a child on the way! Im really glad for him! See, I told my mom he was not the right one for me...and I was not the right one for him. Too bad hindsight is 20/20. After we had broken up, things were so tense for me around my family. It was quite some time after I started dating Pete that my family began to accept him. Now he is part of family...as crazy as my family is!
I think back sometimes to the people I dated when I was in my 20's. I wish someone had said,"You know Marci, that person just is not for you...dont waste your time!" Life rarely works like that though. All of us have spent too much time, energy, money, emotions and life in general on people that weren't right for us (that includes friends, other family members, jobs). Sometimes I do wish that I could go back and have a do over!
I guess one good thing about the past and its experiences is that HOPEFULLY we learn from our mistakes. We are open to what is really meant for us. Hopefully we trust what God has planned for our lives.

Reflecting back on who I used to be....

2009-01-06T20:20:00.001-05:00

As a mom, I think that its not unusual to take a moment from time to time to reflect back on life pre-children. I have been thinking about this a bit more now that I have 2 children...you know, what it was like before having our second child. I only had one crazed maniac to chase after. Now I have two!

I started YESTERDAY trying to get back into shape...some shape or form. I dont know that I will ever be the same after having had children. I know, I know, Im slender! Ok! Im not one of these people that go around saying,"IM FAT! IM FAT!!!" No! But I am out of shape! There is a huge difference. I have no muscle tone right now. I have begun doing sit ups...torturous sit ups performed on a Roman Chair. If you arent familiar, you should really try it! No ab lounger, no routine of 500 sit ups can compare! Just start out with about 10 situps...really...dont over do it! While I was at work today, I could feel every muscle in my abdomen every time I laughed. And working with Sherrie, I am guaranteed to get a good hee haw in at least a handful of times daily!

So back to being out of shape! I may be what a lot of people refer to as skinny BUT I have that baby pouch or apron for a gut. No matter how skinny and flat my stomach may get, I think that I ll still have loose skin at my stomach. I can say that I am very fortunate that I dont have a lot of stretch marks, I know that makes things even more difficult for women. But I have decided that I will try to shrink that pouch down. I can only imagine that it could probably be compared to a beer gut on a guy. After a month or so, I will let you know how things are going. If all else fails, I have the name of a plastic surgeon at Lake Oconee that I might go see!

I want to start riding my bike again. Because I dont have access to a baby sitter too often, I will ride my bike on the trainer. That way, I can keep a close eye on the two little maniacs. Sure they will scream and fight while Im trying to ride. They will scream MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!! and point at eachother with accusing fingers!! Lyndi might even whack Lila to set her straight about some crime that she had committed against her baby sister. But as long as my thighs firm up and become STRONG, skinny, chicken legs...I dont care!

Now that my Ive had the heart ablation done, I really want to start some sort of cardio routine. I have thought about running. But really.....running stinks...especially with the weather we have been having. I know walking is the best exercise ever, but I want something more. Thats where I think the bike trainer will be helpful. I need a goal though. Maybe I can plan to ride another road ride like the Twilight Gambler. That ride was 36 miles. I had the opportunity to ride the 100 mile ride....but I figured that death was not an option for me at that time!

Ok, now that I think about it....within almost a year, I have had my gall bladder out, I was admitted to the hospital for something heart related (unknown at that time), I had one kidney stone, I had two stomach viruses, 3 migraines and my cardiac ablation. Why do I think that my poor shape has anything to do with my precious little ones?? Maybe my current condition has much more to do with getting old!! This year I will turn 36! Only 4 more years until 40! WHEW!!

Maybe I really need to step it up a notch when thinking about this whole getting in shape thing! I might not have a lot of choice....I dont want to go downhill any further! Never mind that my children have destroyed every nerve I had left after nursing school! Now I have old age knocking at my door!

Let me also add that our children have not only had an effect on me but on Pete also. Pete is almost completely white headed now. In the last 4 years, nursing school (for me) and having two children (with me) and his own (now 20 yr old ) son, has really stripped the red right out of his hair! By the time he turns 50, in two years, he will be white headed for sure.

Guilty Pleasures

2008-12-27T16:07:00.002-05:00

I guess it was back about a month ago....I feel really kind of guilty about all of this.....And to think that Pete introduced us.
It was just when it started to get cold around here. I remember it distinctly. And the thing is that it wasn't an instant liking where its sort of a love at first sight. But as the days have gone by, I have grown such a fondness that I don't know that there is going to be a nice, happy break...
Even today as my family was preoccupied, I was called into my bedroom. My seducer beckoned me to the bedroom. I thought, no, I can not go....What about my family? What about Pete?
I couldnt resist. I fought the temptation....I couldn't hold off any longer.
I climbed into bed, feeling the warmth surround me. I felt so content. A deep, warm happiness that I can imagine that small babies feel when wrapped up in their mothers arms. But this was more a of guilty pleasure. I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. What security I felt. I haven't felt this good in a while. My seducer hummed a little and I felt the warmth increase ever so slightly. What was life like before? I couldn't remember.
All I know is that many nights before I came to know my seducer, there had been some cold lonely nights. Now I felt such closeness and warmth that I know it will be so hard to give this up come Spring when my seducer must go........
For now, I will lie in my bed. I will snuggle up and feel a coziness that I have never known. And really, Pete will have to accept some of the blame for this affair. He is the one that introduced us. He is the one that could not provide me with what I needed. He is the one....
No more plain ole, semi fuzzy cotton blankets for me. No, I will never know them again. Only my electric blanket will do. I've had enough of the cold lonely nights. I've had enough of Pete's cold feeting bumping me in the middle of the night. So I have until the nights get warm again. I have until a layer of sweat covers me because I like to keep the blanket setting on about 5. So maybe that means I have until....ummm mid January when it warms up to 75 during the day! But it will be Pete that has to intervene and take it away. For now, my seducer calls me back to bed....a mid afternon nap...the warm, coziness that babies enjoy while swaddled in their downy blankets. Heaven.....

Hot Bodies

2008-12-23T21:23:00.008-05:00

Ok, I realize that its hugely popular to stomp on ole GW and grind him in the mud. But really people, just because Bar-O is caught hanging out in a bathing suit, do we really have to go WAY overboard and talk about him being HOT??? Based upon the pictures in his bathing suit, he looks like he is built like the average Joe...maybe I should use some other name instead of Joe???

But when I was searching for some pics of our dear, current President, I couldn't find any that showed off a bad tan line like B.O.'s picture. I did find some of him in some conservative cycling shorts that showed off some very WELL formed legs. Does the average American know or even appreciate the fact that our President is a real athlete? Even if we do know, the media is going to mock and slam him for his apparel. Should we forget that GW is 62 years old and B.O. is 47. What a huge difference in age. But none the less, GW is going to catch hell for hanging out in cycling gear and Barack is going to be placed on the cover of GQ magazine! I don't get it!

Just because some one is president elect does not make them HOT or attractive. Just like ole Bill C. What in the world made people think that he was hot?? That one will puzzle me for years to come.

And speaking of people slamming GW....I saw an article where he was seen wearing cycling socks and crocs (both black). The writer was basically saying that the President had commited a huge fashion faux pas for wearing such ridiculous garb. I would like to invite that writer to attend any mountain bike race and see that virtually all cyclists wear comfortable sandals, crocs, moccasins or the like pre and post ride. But hey, we should always focus on a person's short comings and be hyper critical of every aspect of their life shouldn't we??

Anyway, if anyone wants to focus on some one that is truly hot and in fabulous shape...and

happens to be a beautiful black male...let's see some pics of Taye Diggs!

Quick note

2008-12-22T20:44:00.002-05:00

Pete said that he read my "Hidden Sorrows" blog today...he told me that he liked it but he had a feeling that people were going to start eyeballing HIM thinking that I was exposing my dear husband for being a drunkard.....its really not about him. But I asked him...How nice would it be if I had OUTED him like that??.....Cool huh?

The Vocabulary of a 2 year old

2008-12-22T20:32:00.002-05:00

How can you not love how a little child speaks? Their expressions, thoughts and reasoning are truly amazing! I decided that I would share a little bit of Lyndi's vocabulary that makes me giggle sometimes....

1) Yuk Mama! Yuk!....Loook Mama! Look!---- sometimes it sounds like ROOK MAMA
2) Where's Guy-ya?.....Where is Lila?
3) I wuf you... *my favorite* I love you!
4) Frwee stop it!....Fred (the cat) stop it! ...Which I have to add that Fred is not usually doing anything to bother Lyndi but she cant just let sleeping cats lie....
5) GATTA GATTA GO GET GUY-YA?...Are we going to go get Lila?
6)Bwess you...Bless you!
7) MAYYYYY MEN!!....Amen!
8) Where is my COKE???.....dont be fooled, she isnt talking about a soft drink...no she wants to know where her COAT is!!
9) I NEED A COWEL...I need a towel.
Also, the other day we were passing a pasture full of white cows. I told Lyndi to look at the cows! She said," NO MAMA THOSE ARE SHEEP!!!"
I also walked in to the kitchen this weekend and found her with a pair of scissors, Jack and a guilty look on her face.....Jack was missing two plugs of his hair from his back! Good thing she didnt cut off an ear!!! That almost compares to the story when Lila was little and she took a pair of nose hair trimmers to her head....yea....she was missing a plug of hair too!
Kids!

Hidden Sorrow

2008-12-21T19:26:00.003-05:00

Here's the thing about Alcoholism or even drug abuse/addiction....
If you are the loved one on the receiving end of the bad business, I guarantee that there is a deep hidden sorrow in your heart because of that person.
Nothing is harder in life than to watch a person that you love make mistakes. For years I have grown up around people that have decided to take the path of least resistance and over indulge in either alcohol or drugs. Unfortunately, I have a couple of family members that have a long history of alcohol use. I say that it is alcohol abuse. I believe...and no I haven't checked with AA on this, but if a person feels the need to use these substances on a fairly regular basis to in any way alter their mood, allow them to cope, to help them unwind and relieve stress....they are likely an addict. If they can not or will not use any other means to deal with stress, loneliness, depression, feeling overwhelmed or sad, then they definitely have a problem. For years, I have heard the need for alcohol described as the need to "relax." I hate that term. I will always have negativity attached to the word. Isn't that ironic?
But about my hidden sorrow...
Nothing has been so heart breaking for me to watch my loved one resort to drinking on a near nightly basis. This need for this substance to help him "relax" has been going on for as long as I can remember. And the really sad thing is that alcohol may dull his pain but it only heightens mine. Being around this person while he is under the influence, causes me great anxiety and makes me have a sick twinge in my stomach. Alcohol reeks. It seeps out through a person's pores. Not just in the way of the stench of alcohol but of how it affects them as being. I know all too well that change in his voice once he has started for the night. His voice cracks and his speech slurs. While walking, there usually is a slight pull to one side. The volume of his voice rises. He has to repeat himself over and over gaining volume to help you understand his point. Then if you do not agree or comply with his hearts desires, that alcohol demon may lurch out at you and curse your very existence. Its amazing how alcohol can convince a person that they OBVIOUSLY ARE RIGHT about any topic they wish to discuss!
Its amazing to me that this drug that is used to create such peace and relaxation can actually lead to a melt down into tears, sobbing and wailing. When working as a police officer I used to be witness to these exact same behaviors. Perhaps its just inner frustrations that can't escape but through tears. Who knows if that person even realizes what brought that bout of emotion on.
The hard part of being the loved one is that sometimes accusations of not loving that person come up when the drinker is accused of being less than perfect due to drinking. When that person is encouraged to seek help or to stop drinking, they some how think that this is your way of saying that they are some how not worthy of love. Little do they know that the opposite is the truth but alcohol lies to them and convinces them that to have another drink will help ease this pain they are feeling and help them to cope with unloving loved ones.
How odd it is to love someone so much and have the utmost respect for them when they are sober. But once they are under then influence of the beast, they become someone, something unrecognizable. They become hurtful and seemingly uncaring. They become that person that you can not feel not even and ounce of respect for. Your sorrow grows greater than the amount of respect you can feel for them.
So what can be done about someone that chooses to be an alcoholic or drug addict? For years I have suggested help. For years I have cried about this situation and about this person. For years I have prayed for him. I have prayed that his depression will be lifted. I have prayed that his finances will improve or that work will become less burdensome. I have prayed that he will know that I truly love him more than most anything but I can not deal with the alcohol. Hate the sin and love the sinner. I do! I love him so much.
So for now, I will keep praying. I will pray for guidance. I will pray for peace. I will keep my promise to my own family that I will NEVER EVER do that to them. I wont put them through that. Hidden sorrow. I hope that I never cause that pit in the stomach feeling. I hope I don't cause the type of sorrow that makes us lie in bed at night weeping for that someone.

What amazing displays of GRACE

2008-12-16T21:36:00.003-05:00

All day today, my heart has been heavy. I have had worry on my mind. All day I have been trying to figure out how to help a dear friend that has been in need of a job and a new home. Being part of the construction business (somewhat indirectly), when the economy plunged, her job security went to pot. She was forced to find a new job. Fortunately, after a long period of waiting, she did find a job. BUT...Shortly after about 90 days of having this new job, she got laid off. Never mind that this all happened right after Thanksgiving and just in time for Christmas. She has an adolescent son at home and is a single parent. If my heart has been heavy, imagine what her heart has been feeling like. Just this past weekend, she received the dreaded FORECLOSURE notice on her beautiful, cozy home. You would think that all hope would be lost. But I tell you, we serve a wonderful, loving God.
After all my day of angst and worry trying to figure out how to help my friend, I should have realized that all I had to do was stop, breath and pray. God already knew what was on my heart!I have really been praying for my friend for over a year now. God KNEW that she was worrying about finding a home, losing her own home, providing food and necessities for her child and lets not forget that Tis the season...Christmas is only 9 days away!!
I have been talking to people all day today to see if they knew anyone that was hiring. I spoke to my friend a couple of times today about jobs and moving. I collected some moving boxes for her. My first instinct and desire is to just RESCUE her and her family from their situation. I would love nothing more than to be able to purchase their home for them so they would always have a place to live. I would also love to be able to use some sort of mythical connections that I have with the working world to set her up with a job. But seeing as I didn't win the lottery this past week and I really don't "know people..." I couldn't do either. BUT....tonight in talking to a group of ladies from the church, one of them mentioned that they had a little rental house that was available. She told me that she usually ended up renting to single moms that God sent in her and her husband's direction. I felt such amazement at this. This profound, amazing creation of God's! God has been working in my friend's life for so long. Like most of us, she has had some really rough periods of questioning and rattling of her faith. Why couldn't God just answer her prayers NOW???? Why has he allowed her to suffer so for so long? And although she realized the answers to those questions rather immediately, she still had to wait. But God has been good to her. He has been providing for her and her son. Now she has not been showered with MORE than she needed. She had been giving exactly what she NEEDED. In life we should always stop and ask ourselves if we are praying for what we NEED or what we WANT. God will always provide what we NEED if indeed that's what it is.
I am just shocked and awed at how today played out. Granted, my friend still needs to find a job. But I KNOW that this will come. God will provide for her. Will this job be the job of her dreams? Maybe, maybe not. Will this job enable her to pay her bills and provide the necessities for her son...I feel certain. God has been with her through all of this, he will continue to be ever present for her. I think that the only stipulations to all of this is that she put her faith and trust in HIM. That's not easy to do when times seem glum and grim. But focusing on what blessings he has already given to her and to her family...and be thankful for the greatest blessing of ALL...our Salvation...all those WANTS will seem less important and all of her NEEDS will be taken care of!
Thank you God!

Where do you want to be?

2008-12-15T21:27:00.003-05:00

I remember someone asking me, where I saw myself at when I was in my 50's or 60's. Now I consider that question to rank up there with that horrible interview question of "Where do you see yourself professionally in 5 years?" What if I had responded that I saw myself in jail for embezzling money or maybe I think I might be dead in 5 years? I don't like that question. I really try to live for TODAY. And let me just say that living for today can be hard if you are like me and never know what day it is! That's why I wear a digital watch that reminds me of the time, the date and the day! There was no mistake made when I got this watch!
I asked Pete the other day where he thought he might be when he got to be in his 50's or 60's...well considering that Pete is 47, I guess that 50 isn't such a far shot from here. But he gave me the kind of response that I gave.....I DUNNO....
The person that asked me this question accused me of being completely unromantic! Why hadn't I been able to project my wants and desires forward 30 or 40 years? Well, the thing is this....I really don't have a clue how each day is going to go or each week or each month and I never know from year to year! Supposedly 2008 was supposed to be like a new beginning...in some ways it has been. But really, I've had a kidney stone this year, two stomach viruses, I've been hospitalized for my heart and gone to the ER a couple of times. I had cardiac ablation last month......so I don't know! I just hope I survive until the end of the year without having to accumulate more doctors bills! Where does the romance figure into that??
Anyway, where would I like to see myself? I would like to think I could retire in my 60's. Pete will have been retired for several years at this point. The girls will be in their near 30's then. Maybe I'll have married daughters, perhaps with grandchildren. Maybe I will have a retirement then.....a 401k instead of a 201k that we seem to be sporting right now with our economy (I cant take credit for that joke either...I just thought it was a good one!).
I would like to think that at 60ish, I might be able to work in my garden. Maybe Ill take up painting or writing. Hopefully I wont be all stove up and gnarled up from arthritis (from blogging too much). Perhaps Ill like to travel. I really want to make a trip up the East Coast of this great USA! I want to go out West and see the Grand Canyon and see those huge trees that you can drive a car through.
I suppose that when I'm in my 60's, Ill drive my children crazy just like my mom drives me crazy. I did mention to one of her coworkers recently that my purpose in life was to make my mom crazy and visa verse. I think we are doing a good job! :) We are real professionals..especially my mom!
I hope I'm not an ole cranky person when I get up in age. Some of the people in my family get crotchety as they get older. My Grandad got real stingy with things like toilet paper and water as he got older. He never wanted you to waste paper or flush the toilet too much. And PLEASE don't leave a light on! Older people love to live in the dark...Pete's already that way! I have terrible night vision...I like turning on lights.
But back to being cranky.....I hope I don't have horrible hot flashes. I hear those things can continue on into your 80's. That's just wrong. We pay our dues all through life...can't we just catch a break...that Eve...why? WHY? why? And what about hormonal imbalance. Men can joke about this all they want. This is a miserable feeling. Our hormones effect everything....body temp, body weight, metabolism, bone density, urination...the list goes on. And not all of those hormones originate in our ovaries...there is the thyroid gland, the pituitary gland.....Lest you forget men, you too have hormones in YOUR body....not just in the nether region....you too have a thyroid. You too have a pituitary. You too act like you have ovaries sometimes too......I'm just saying.....
Anyway, I still don't know where I want to be when I'm 60. I just hope that I don't out live my own children. I really hope that I still have Pete. I hope that my parents are hanging in with good (enough) health. I hope that my brother and I will see each other more than once a year (that could be a stretch). I hope that I have good (enough) health. I pray that we all make good life choices and that no one ends up in jail or on America's Most Wanted. Other than that....I'm good just taking it all one day at a time......What is today anyway?

What is love?

2008-12-14T21:01:00.005-05:00

I was talking to our pastor's wife yesterday at a birthday party and she brought up the subject of marriages under fire. The initial conversation came about because a teen that she knows is talking about moving in with their significant other. She was discussing the statistics of divorce for people that live together before marriage. She said that 60% of those livin in sin marriages end up in divorce. The odds aren't good at all. I commented to Pete later that since we did live together before marriage for a short while and since this is both of our second marriages, that we really have all the odds against us. Supposedly, second marriages have an 80% chance of failure. WHEW! Its a wonder we have stayed married this long! But let me say that the last 8 years would not have been possible if I had actually thrown in the towel every time we had a serious disagreement or battle of the minds.
The thing about marriage is this: No one bothers to tell you the REAL truth about marriage. Yea, sure people will tell you that marriage is no fairy tale. Well, thats easy to figure out quickly enough. I didn't go into my marriage with Pete thinking that he was Prince Charming! And I knew from experience that no matter how much you wish a person would change, you can not CHANGE anyone that isn't willing. I made the mistake with my first marriage... of seeing the potential in someone that did NOT want to be changed!
Married folk always tell you that before you get married, you should sit down and discuss the following topics to make sure you see eye to eye with your mate:
1) Money
2) Child rearing and number of children
3) Sex
I believe that there are several more topics that should be discussed prior to marrying Mr or Mrs Right......
1) Where for the holidays and special occasions? I can not tell you the number of discussions we have had over this...the stress...the angst...the parental guilt trips layed on us. It gets 6000000 times worse when you have children...trust me on this fact!
2) What to do if one of you snores? Or even just....Are we ever allowed to sleep in separate bedrooms for whatever reason? After a recent discussion with a friend, I found out that she was astonished that her dad and stepmom have slept in separate rooms for decades. I told her that sometimes snoring and a history of a bad back or restless leg syndrome can lead to that!
3) Will you still love me after I gain 20-30 pounds? Will you still be attracted to me? Thats a real honest question for both partners. Men, dont even begin to say that women are the only ones to "let themselves go" after marriage!
4) What happens if one of the partner suffers a serious illness or mental illness? In talking to a friend recently, I found out that a few people have expressed their own dissatisfaction over his choice to stay with his spouse after finding out that she has a mental illness.....
5) What if one of the spouses gets arrested? I used to work with a guy who had been married for nearly a decade to a woman. After about 10 yrs of marriage and 2 kids later, his wife got arrested for embezzlement. Stay or not stay? He stayed.
6) How much of a cheap skate are you? Our pastor's wife told me that if there is a difference in price of even 4 cents, our pastor is going for the cheaper one! Never mind if the more expensive (a whole 4 cents!!) one is better...like peanut butter....Its got to be JIF!! Some things you just cant compromise on! She said that he was a Colgate man and she was a Crest woman. These things matter people. If you think they don't, just bring home the wrong tooth paste...or let your man go out and buy the NO NAME BRAND tampons or wingless pads......Then let him explain that the NO NAMERS were cheaper! YEA.............
7) If you marry young and you are into the bar scene, like to look at porn, like to cuss a lot or hang out with less than desirable friends.....YOU BETTER DISCUSS THIS...because when your first baby comes along and Daddy still wants to participate in the aforementioned activities or Mommy cant stand to have her OWN social life cut into......THERE's GOING TO BE TROUBLE!!! If you marry a drunk, 9 times out of 10, they are going to still be a drunk after you marry!! If you marry someone that likes to go to the T&A bars, they are probably still going to want to go to those places even after you are married....Im just saying...
8) Even though the first year or two are still part of the Honeymoon Phase of marriage, please discuss what steps you plan to take when you get in a rut. Not just a personal rut but financial, sex, job, marital or otherwise. Any of these things CAN and probably will happen. Life isn't always easy. Life can be boring sometimes. Marriage can be boring at times. What are you going to do about it??
I've touched on a few topics of discussion. Unmarried people, you have to know that there are plenty more topics that NEED to be discussed. And of course, as life would have it, things change. What you think you know about what you want today, may change tomorrow. But having a game plan helps I think.
Personally, I believe that marriage takes a lot of work. I think that the most important way to stay married and have a healthy relationship is to trust in God. Pray together. Pray separately. As God if it is HIS WILL for you to marry this person. God will let you know. You have to keep your heart and mind open to his response. And for goodness sakes, don't be afraid to ask for help! If you are having marital troubles, don't wait until you hate each other before you talk to someone. And make sure that you are talking openly and lovingly to your spouse FIRST! Pete and I have had many discussions about our marriage...both good and bad. That's life. I just pray that we beat those 60 and 80% odds for failure. So far, so good!

Its Friday

2008-12-05T21:13:00.002-05:00

This week sped by.......
I can hardly believe it! I am a week older! Man! Time flies!! It's hard for me to wrap my brain around turning 36 in April! I guess I'm like many people, I didn't appreciate my 20's like I should have. They slipped away much more quickly than I would have preferred. I was noticing in the mirror today that I have 3 facial lines on each side of my mouth....no doubt these rascals have become ingrained like wood due to smiling and grimacing. I would like to think that they were due to the more pleasant expression and not the more negative one. I have to admit that grimacing could come about for a number of reasons as of late: the wretched stomach viruses 1&2 that I had to endure in the last month, having laryngitis, having heart ablation (all within the last month), hearing that a couple of people I know lost their jobs in the last couple of weeks, having to listen to Lyndi's wretched screaming and whining over and over and over and over again, worrying about that one stinking hair on my jaw that doesn't seem to want to DIE!!!!, money and just the usual day to day "stuff"! However...
On the other hand, I KNOW I have been able to use those smile muscles a lot in this past month!! I found out that my friend Shannon is pregnant!! I am so happy and thankful that I have a really good job that I love! Sherrie and I spend endless amounts of time laughing about nothing in particular! I get to meet some really nice people on a daily basis at work! I got to eat Thanksgiving dinner despite having just had stomach virus #2!! I love my families (my own and Pete's). I love to hear stories about people giving to those in need, life's little miracles and stories of the GOOD that people actually do!!
If someone is reading this and is over the age of 40, I'm sure you could be saying,"suck it up whiney 35 year old and put your big girl panties on!" Life goes by very quickly for everyone! I just wish that I could remember more than what I do out of each day! I wish that I could store all of those little tee hee moments and awww moments that make life so enjoyable. Unfortunately, the early warning signs of dementia come out making it hard for me to remember this morning, let alone what I had for dinner tonight!
Ok, Ill quit whining! I did have a really good day today. I sure am glad that its the weekend again! This weekend I hope to get our tree up and lights up on the house. A friend of mine told me about a family tradition of hers: while putting up the Christmas tree, play the favorite Christmas tunes, drink lots of hot chocolate and everyone helps with the tree! I like the sound of that! Keeping Lyndi and Jack the cat from pulling the tree apart (and down) will be a huge trick! But maybe we can make it special for everyone!
Lots of love and WARM thoughts to you!

Wally World

2008-12-04T09:19:00.002-05:00

I don't know about you and your family but I guess that my family spends a couple to a few thousand dollars at Walmart annually. I always go there for groceries, dry goods, kids clothes....the list goes on. I even use their pharmacy...or I did until I got shorted on Ambien from them.
For about the last year or so, my husband likes to go off on a tirade about Walmart and about their lack of service. I have always just ignored him and his rants. Yea, you have to wait in really long lines. They are always out of that THING that you need a lot of times. The pharmacy lines and waiting times are horrendous...especially when you have two small children that are nutting up.
BUT here is why I will not use Walmart anymore. I don't care if I have to pay more or not for the things I buy or if I have to go to multiple stores to get what I need.
On November 23, 2008 I had my prescriptions refilled. I had the Ambien that I use nightly for sleep refilled. I get 18 tablets of 10mg Ambien in a bottle. Despite the fact that my doctor has written that I can take 1/2 to 1 tablet (5mg-10mg nightly) at bedtime for sleep, my insurance company doesn't want to pay for 30 pills. So if I took one whole pill a night, I would only be able to get 18 nights of sleep (but that's a whole nuther story). So...Because I had a couple of pills left over from my last bottle (because I don't take 10mg every night...only rarely), I did not open the new prescription for a couple of days. When I did open the bottle, I noticed that it didn't seem to have as many pills in it as usual. I counted them. I counted 13. I recounted...13. I was 5 pills short. I told myself that I needed to call and ask them why I was missing 5 pills. I thought maybe it was an insurance issue even though the bottle said 18 pills on it. I didn't know. When I counted my pills it was at night and the pharmacy would have been closed. I took 1/2 a tablet. That was on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So we did Thanksgiving and spent the weekend with Pete's parents in Augusta. I forgot to pack the Ambien in my bag so I didn't have them all weekend (no good sleep for me!!). Saturday night I took half a pill and Sunday night half a pill. Monday evening I called the pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacy intern. I knew exactly who I was talking to because I have gotten many prescriptions filled there and have seen him.
I explained the situation to him and asked if insurance had held back 5 pills for some reason. He checked my prescription and said that I was given 18 pills. Which I explained that I was not. So he said that they would have to count their stock to see if they were short. After some wait, he came back and said that their count matched what their master computer count stated. Huh! I told him that that was interesting because I still only got 13 tablets. I asked him if it was possible that someone pocketed the pills because I didn't have them. They had to be somewhere. He told me that the best they could do was to put a note on MY prescription stating that in order to get my rxs that I would have to have them counted first. I asked him how that would help them know if there was a theft problem if they just put a note on my rxs and not make some kind of report. What if someone else called and said they were missing meds too? How would they remember me and my complaint? They wouldn't be able to track anything. He handed me over to Nancy....the pharmacist.
Now, Nancy didn't tell me she was the pharmacist. I had to ask. I had to ask if she was familiar with the situation. Yes she said she had been told. She was very evasive. So I explained that I had not received the 5 pills and that the Intern wanted to put a note on my rxs and not make any sort of report or general notation. There was no tracking. She didn't seem to have a problem with his suggestion. Anyway, by the end of this whole conversation, she told me that their count was fine so she didn't know (and obviously was not concerned about what had happened to my 5 pills). She reminded me that Ambien was a controlled substance. I wasn't get my 5 pills being the drug seeker that I am. And I told Nancy that if she hadn't realized, I hadn't even said I WANTED those 5...my concern is that someone could be stealing meds from there and they weren't even interested in tracking a potential problem. I asked her "what if someone is pocketing meds?" She told me that she KNEW that no one from her pharmacy was stealing drugs. I asked her HOW she knew? Do they check each person at night before they go home? Pat each employee down and search purses? She said "We have something like that in place!" WHAT BS! All they seemed to be concerned with was that their master count matched their bottle count. But who is to say that someone didn't SAY they gave 18, kept 5 and only gave the 13 to me? How would they know the difference. Their master count would still be right.....
So I had to tell NANCY the pharmacist that I would have to have to move my rxs to some place else so that I wouldn't have to COUNT every pill I got to make sure no one was STEALING pills from me. Then I asked who she had to answer to. When I told her that it was disappointing to me that since they weren't interested in what I had to say, I would have to move my rxs, her response was, "that would be fine." Nice.
I called and made a complaint to their complaint HOT line. That was 3 days ago. No word back from ANYONE from Walmart.
So I say this...if you are going to use Walmarts pharmacy, you better count every pill you get from them...especially the controlled substances....yes even the Ambien. I don't know what kind of drug market there is out there for Ambien...but....And I dont know if someone isn't sleeping well that works there....I just don't know. But COUNT your drugs...and don't think that if you ever have a problem with them, that Nancy or the rest of the corporate folks are going to give a rats behind about you or your little complaints. Because in the end, NANCY thinks I'm some drug crazed seeker OF AMBIEN and that NO ONE in HER pharmacy would EVER STEAL meds.........RIGHT.......That NEVER happens!!
So for me and my family.......NO MORE WALMART!!! By the way, from what I understand, Kroger pharmacy and probably other pharmacies offer the $4 prescriptions if that't the sole reason you use Walmart's pharmacy. Lack of concern and inconvenience isn't in any way shape or form worth $4.

Happy Count Your Blessings Day

2008-11-26T21:54:00.002-05:00

Im back with round two of a horribly nasty stomach virus (I assume thats what it is and not actually possession by an alien or the devil himself!). I began feeling kind of dizzy on Monday and nauseated during a procedure. That never happens. Then Tuesday at lunch time, after having felt run down all morning, I began feeling SICK! Then vomiting started. Then the diarrhea. I had the most horrible pain that felt as though it was jabbing "STOMACH VIRUS WUZ HERE!!" signs all the way down through my GI tract. I had to leave work early. I know they must think that I am the most broken down, sickly person they have ever met! So far Ive had a kidney stone, cardiac issues that led to ablation, a stomach virus (#1) and now stomach virus deux! Hmm oh and there was a migraine mixed in there at some point as well!
Today was a much better day! I made it back to work. Had a very quick morning seeing patients. Lila spent the morning with me since she didnt have school. She was so good! I still felt kind of ill and sore from the previous days activities. I had the Zofran grogginess. We did go over to my mom's shop and eat Thankgiving lunch with her. The squash casserole and the smoked turkey that my parents made...to die for!! And it was the first real food I had had in a while!
Once I got home, I went to bed, slept for 2 hours. When I awoke, I began having the worst case of "heart burn" ever. I took Maalox. 4 Gaviscon. Zantac 150. Maalox. And then I realized that the attack that I was probably having may not have been heart burn so much as esophageal spasms related to the acid burn I suffered from vomiting up my gizzard yesterday. So I took a Lortab 5/325. I NEVER, EVER take that. I want you to know that I was in SEVERE PAIN! If it hadnt been in my sternum and radiating up my throat...I would have rushed to the hospital for complications related to my heart or a heart attack. After about 30 minutes, the Lortab helped.
So I got to snuggle up on the couch with my two beautiful girls and watch Enchanted (again..I like it!). I love my girls. Lyndi is a mean little cuss that is hard headed! Her new thing to say is "in a minute!" Wonder where she learned that Daddy? Anyway, it was so nice getting to spend time with them. I thought about what things will be like in a few years. I really feel so blessed with those two. Now, they really make me want to pull my hair out sometimes. But I love them so much! Its all those precious little moments that seem to take the sting out of all the more aggravating times. And when I say my children are aggravating, I mean it! They are two of the most strong willed, independent children I have ever seen in my life! I really think that if they put their minds to something in life...they will be able to do it! Both of them so SO SO SMART! And they both have common sense! What a huge blessing! Dont get me wrong, they still spill things and knock things over! Lyndi colors all over herself and tortures the cats. But I KNOW I have been blessed. They make me laugh. They make me feel very loved...especially Lila. She is a sweet heart. She has always taken the time to show me how much she loves me.
And so then I sat up and my chest began to make me want to shriek with pain! Thus, Lortab #2. *sigh* Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day. I love Thanksgiving! And tomorrow my mom and dad are going down to Granny's house in Riddleville. Thats Pete's grandmother that is 94 years old! She has been saying since she was 50 years old that THIS might be her last Thanksgiving, Christmas.....you get the idea. But we dont take chances. It could be..she is 94. But we all say that she will probably outlive all of us! But Betty, Pete's mom will be cooking. She is an awesome cook! It will be nice I think. I just pray that Im over this ICK that I have been dealing with this week!
Enough whining about my gut....Today when I was leaving work, Sherrie hugged me bye. She is traveling to Louisana tonight. Or is it Mississippi...either way..its a long drive! She is going to see her dad and uncle. She wished me a happy thanksgiving. I hated to hug her because I would surely hate it if she got this ick from me! But....she is such a dear friend...I just love her! She took her chances!
Im grateful for all of my dear friends and family! I am truly a blessed person! And just know, this isnt just the Lortab talking either! :) I have great neighbors. I go to a great church. I have a great job! I have a wonderful, loving family (although a little nutty!). I have a great family of in laws...it just doesnt get better than that! Thank you God for all of your blessings! And please Lord, be with us as we travel tomorrow and this weekend. And please, please, please let me be able to eat and enjoy Thanksgiving dinner! AMEN!

After dinner thoughts

2008-11-23T20:46:00.003-05:00

Its Sunday again. Once a week we have a repeat of the same....
This week and weekend was different. The weeks are always different. We have the same days but they always bring some new and interesting occurrence. Otherwise, I guess we would just shrivel up and die of the blahs!
This week, I am still recovering from my heart ablation. Not so much in that I had pain and such. Its just an adjustment, having to learn a new life without that strange surge in my heart rate. In the last week, my heart would get a little excited, feel like it might build up to something and just fizzle out. The doctor told me this would happen. The thing that I noticed more is that I have been a little more nervous. I have been nervously anticipating change. I have had strange feelings (emotions even) during this time. My greatest fear is that I am going to have anxiety. WHAT IF this heart stuff really was just anxiety. Crazy I know. Why not just set myself up for failure.
A couple of weekends ago, I was talking to a lady that I go to church with. She told me that she always gets depressed during the holidays. Her children (and grand kids) recently moved out of the country. I told her that she needed to correct her way of thinking. She needed NOT to say that she ALWAYS gets depressed during the holidays. That's a self fulfilling prophesy. If you say you are then you ARE. Why not say that this holiday season, I'm going to feel comforted. I am going to feel thankful. I am going to feel fulfilled. Pete told me that I sounded just like my old doctors that used to say,"Marci, you just have to get your mind right!" And I hate more than anything that I might have sounded like that. That's not what I meant. Depression and anxiety are tricky demons. If you ever read Joyce Meyers, "Battlefield of the Mind", she says, " Whatever you may be facing or experiencing right now in your life, I am encouraging you to GO THROUGH IT and NOT GIVE UP!" "Its easy to quit; it takes faith to go through." By my friend saying that she ALWAYS gets depressed, I think about what Joyce says about "...avoidance of hope is a type of protection against being hurt. Disappointment hurts! So rather than be hurt again, many people simply refuse to hope or to believe that anything good will ever happened to them. This type of behavior sets up a negative lifestyle. Everything becomes negative because the thoughts are negative. Remember Proverbs 23:7: "For as he thinks in his heart, so he is...." Joyce explains what our tried and true Bible tells us.
Joyce also talks about this fear of anxiety I have. She too must have gone through something similar. She asked God one time, "What is this feeling I always have?" God responded, " Evil forebodings." She said that she didn't know what that meant at the time. She found in Proverbs 15:15: All the days for the desponding and afflicted are made evil [ by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]."
She said that she realized that at that time most of her life has been miserable due to these evil thoughts and forebodings. She admits that she did have times when certain circumstances were hard but even when she didn't, she was still miserable. Her thoughts were "poisoning my outlook and robbing me of ability to enjoy life and see good days."
Philippians 4:6 A verse that I love but I always have a hard time just being still and letting it be : Do not fret of have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything , by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
Don't get me wrong. I am no longer that nervous, anxiety ridden person that I once was. I was afraid of life. I even used to have a hypersensitive nervous reflex. If I heard a loud noise or someone unexpectedly tapped me to get my attention, I would practically jump out of my skin. It was a JOLT. I worried about EVERYTHING. I could "what if" anything and everything to DEATH! Fortunately for me though, I found support and guidance.
First, I found the utmost support in God's word. I saw a newly diagnosed, cancer patient reading "Battlefield of the Mind" while she was receiving treatment. She told me that she needed all the support she could get. She found comfort in what Joyce had to say about God and faith. I did too when I read it. She helped me see that God was really a loving God that was there to help me have peace.
Secondly, I sought out council. I began talking to a mental health counselor. She was a very nice person. Unfortunately, she moved shortly after I started seeing her. But in the few visits I had with her, I found out some very interesting things about myself.
I asked her why, when I was in my 20's, I was a police officer. I feared nothing. I wasn't afraid of the world. Then suddenly, without warning, I feel like I am afraid of everything. She asked me if this all started after having children. I told her it had. She told me that having children changes everything. We go (as moms) from having to look out for numero uno (myself) to suddenly having to protect our precious little ones from a very scary, dangerous world. Its instinctual. I had never thought of it like that. I thought I was just over reacting to life in general.
Third, I found that taking an antidepressant helped me. It took the edge off. I wasn't quite so hypervigilant. I never experienced that "I just don't care!!" attitude that some people describe. But I was finally able to deal with things a little more.
When I began having problems with my heart, I was also in nursing school, raising a 2 year old, married, had a step child and an ex wife to deal with. I can see why doctors brushed my heart issue off. But after hearing that I might possibly have a fatal heart rhythm called Wolfe Parkinson White syndrome and being under a tremendous amount of stress from school AND being BROKE financially AND thinking that Pete might have to raise our child alone, SCARED ME TO DEATH! So I know that I did develop anxiety and eventually some depression (mostly after having Lyndi). Life can be very demanding. And frankly, I couldn't handle all of the pressures that Life had to offer. Instead of being able to build up a strong hold, I crumbled.
But eventually I was able to dig myself out of the dark hole that I fell into. I was able to find peace, mostly through my faith. And then, I was able to (after 4 years) find doctors that were willing to take the time to figure out what was really going on with my heart.
So this FEAR of anxiety (which is really only fear in the first place!!!!) that I have been experiencing, I know Ill be ok. I know that no matter what, I am not alone. God is looking out for me and is with me constantly. And I know that God's word never changes. Maybe if I get a free moment some time during the week, I will pick Joyce's book up again and read. Im truly grateful that God places people, things, opportunities and such in our lives...just at the right moment.

Frisk em boys!

2008-11-17T21:08:00.002-05:00

So my friend Sherrie had an amusing little tid bit to share with me about her 5 year old son Connor. Connor is all boy! He MUST wear cow boy boots daily and with everything. I wonder if he inists on wearing them even to the pool or the beach? Ill have to ask. But Sherrie told me that at church yesterday, one of the Sunday school workers came to her with a gun in her hand. A toy gun of course. She said she had "found it" on Connor. Sherrie was quite perplexed about this issue. She said that she has to do the daily "shake down" of his blanket before Connor is allowed to go into school or whereever. I have to do it too to my girls (especially Lila). Kids are always wanting to take a little toy in with them to school to share with their classmates. But Connor had a bit of a suprise for his mom. When she asked the Sunday school teacher where she found the gun, she replied, "in his boot!" What a terribly ingenius place to pack heat! Sherrie said that she knew she had to shake out his blanket, but she had NO IDEA that she would have to start frisking him daily now too!! What a smart kid! Now let me just say this.....coming from law enforcement and all....but if a 5 year old is smart enough to figure out how to hide a toy weapon in his boot...shouldnt a teenager also be smart enough to figure this out?? Ok, and we have school killings/shootings WHY????

Be Still My Beating Heart...

2008-11-15T20:44:00.003-05:00

Day one status post cardiac ablation.....
Let me just say that a Zofran hangover is nooooo fun. I dont think I even like ME when Im hungover. But I have have to say that my procedure went quite well!
On Friday, I was told to be at the hospital at 8AM. I had no idea when they would take me back to the Cath lab. When I arrived I was quickly ordered to disrobe and step into something more comfortable (and fashionable I might add...) like a hospital gown and double sided grippy socks. Let me say that the socks must have been a "one size fits all" accessory piece...they didnt fit all..I guess thats why they have two sides of grippies so if they get twisted around your feet, you still wont be able to slip! GENIUS! I wonder what law suit brought about an idea like that?
At any rate, my nurses were very nice. I had two that assisted me in the private room that I was in. They started a 20g and a 22g IV in each forearm. I requested the forearm sticks. I only had to be stuck once in each arm. The first nurse that was going to start the IV wasnt really comfortable with the stick so she gave it to her partner that said I was the second patient to request the forearm that day. I really detest the hand, wrist or the AC. Nurse #2 did a great job starting my IVs. Both of my nurses were super nice and friendly. They made waiting for the procedure really comfortable. They also brought me toasty warm blankets to keep me cozy.
Mom, Dad and Pete came in and waited with me. Also, Morris, a pastor from a local church came to pray with me. Morris is an old family friend. He has known me since I was a child. He is the son of the people my Dad works for in the auto body business. Morris was so nice and said a beautiful prayer. His presence was greatly appreciated. My parents were so on edge about this whole thing. They really were nervous about someone monkeying with their daughters heart. I guess I can see that.... I would be too with my girls! :)
At about 10AM, Monty, RN came in to tell me that they were preparing the room for me to come back. Dr. Woodard came in to explain what would happen. I think he helped to put my parents at ease. They did comment that he was really young. I dont think that age is necessarily a marker for skill or ability. At any rate, I was ready to go GET ER DONE!!
I kissed Pete bye. My parents told me that they loved me. And off I went!!
I was taken into one of the cath labs by Monty and Greg. Both were RNs. Once back in the back, I met a very militaristic, sort of intimidating looking fellow named Joe. This was JOE THE RN. I don't think he knew Joe the Plumber. All three fellows were so nice! After the fog of medications I received yesterday, I'm not sure that I remember all details exactly but I know that at least two of the guys were married to nurses that ALSO worked in the Cath lab. I thought that was really pretty cool! Everyone knew Dr. M that I worked with.
While prepping me, we all chatted. One person made a comment in nurse humor...I laughed. One of the nurses questioned why that nurse made such a comment to me in nurse humor...he said back, "SHE IS ONE OF US..!" How cool is that? I'm one of them. They are one of me. Its like a fraternity. They were really cool too. So this is what I spent 40k on in becoming a nurse! WOW!!! perks...
Anyway...
So, after a quick shave, lots of prepping, cleaning, placing monitors, wiring and taping, they began the drugs.....
The only thing I remember during the procedure is that at one time, my heart felt like it was beating throughout my ENTIRE body. It was pounding! The rest...was history.
So I awoke in a new room. My family was there. I only vaguely remember throwing up. Pete tells me that I told them that I had a migraine from not eating and then I said I felt sick. Then like I normally do with a migraine...I threw up! They tried to treat my migraine with 3 Tylenol....no dice. Pete said that as I began throwing up, Monty and Greg came in the room, began a semi-code maneuver, holding my groin so I wouldn't rupture anything..barking orders to get me some Zofran and trying to get an emesis basin to me in record time. Pete said that he really thought the emesis basin was kind of a little ridiculous thing. Number one, it doesn't hold much, and its hard to hold and not get yak on your fingers. I needed a wash basin.
This sort of episode recurred three times while I was trying to recover. Finally they broke out the BIG guns and gave me Morphine for my migraine. I got 2mg first and later 2 more. I hadn't ever had Morphine. It made me feel LOOPY. But it took care of the pain. I semi dosed on it. I found that I was aware of my bodily sounds...like breathing. But my brain was semi asleep. I think I scared myself awake when I heard myself breath. Mom commented that I must be hallucinating.
Anyway...the procedure went well according to Dr. Woodard. He said that I had an errant node that had probably been there since I was born. He said that as people with this problem get older, the node tends to act up more. Mine was definitely acting up and getting worse. He said that I have a 96-98% chance of being cured. I dont remember any of this. I dont remember a lot of things.
After we left the hospital we went to the Waffle House. I had to eat! I ate a waffle and drank a sprite. It was a great FIRST meal!!
Today when I woke up, I found that my groin is black and blue. I still have tape residue on my groin, abdomen and leg. My whole body was sore, especially my groin, my chest, my neck and my back. After being in wrist and leg restraints for 2 hours while I had my procedure, I found that I just ached all over. Thank goodness for Tylenol and Advil.
This afternoon, I took aout a 2.5 hour nap. When I awoke, my hangover from all the meds had worn off. I didn't feel dizzy any more. We made homemade pizza's tonight for dinner. I haven't been lifting anything or doing much of anything. Jack the cat has tried to trample on my groin a few times. That hasn't been any fun. Other than that, things have been going just fine. I'm getting around a little slower.
I can tell something has happened. My heart hasn't been firing the way it used to. Its like it wants to but then it stops. Pete said that that is exactly what the doctor said it would do. Its bizarre to say the least. I am really curious to see what anxiety I have if any now. I pray that I don't have any. But if I do...Ill deal with it. Ive dealt with it for 4 years now, Ill still be able to. But if I don't have any....what a day of freedom for me!!
I want to thank everyone for all of the prayers, love and phone calls (and emails!!). I felt really prepared to go into this procedure. I knew God was looking out for me. I never felt nervous about this whole thing. I knew that no matter what happened, I would be taken care of. That's a peace unlike any other.

Its all in the delivery

2008-11-04T20:00:00.002-05:00

The other day at work, I found myself standing at the desk with Dr. M and Sherrie. We were talking about a particular patient. They mentioned that he was a teacher. I was like, "huh! I wonder what he teaches?" Sherrie, my bud and my pal, had to chime in, "SCHOOL!" Thanks Sherrie! Sheesh! And she had to follow that comment up with a smart aleky grin. She was quite proud of herself. I had to admit...she was right and it was funny. There's nothing like someone having to give their two cents worth. But I got to thinking that afternoon that comments like that can either come across as funny or really just jerky. Its all in the delivery and the intentions of the deliverer.
I wasn't the least bit offended by Sherrie's comment. But I thought of the millions of similar comments that people have made in the past that have led me to think...this person is a jerk. Their comments are meant to be really derogatory. Their delivery comes from a point high above the very nose that they look down upon you from. Even still, I had to stop and ask myself, "Could some of these seemingly rude comments actually not have been intended to come across the way that they did?" Is it possible that I might have been a little more sensitive on that particular day and took it the wrong way? Or could it be that that person had a DRY humor like Pete and thought he was being funny but the delivery was all wrong?
Don't get me wrong, I know there are a lot of sarcastic, rude people out there that live to make others look and feel stupid. And there are people that make rude comments and try to follow them up with, "What?? I was JUST KIDDING!!" That's really not cool. Because, that just says to me that they are probably just too much of a pansy to admit that they were really just being a jerk and were afraid of your response (flipping them off, stomping away, crying or whacking them in the shoulder!).
So, if you are the kind of person that likes to make DUH! comments to others, do a little introspection to find out what your intentions are; are you really trying to just make a joke? Are you trying to make that person look stupid (SHAME ON YOU!). Are you just a rude individual that thinks that you are better than every one else? Are you a sarcastic know it all that likes to stomp on nice people? Then think about what your delivery style is....are you being really condescending? Are you funny? Are you going to regret making that smarty pants comment?
On the other hand, if you are the person that is receiving the DUH!! comment, stop and think for a moment before you react; Are you feeling open to humor at that time? Are you being overly sensitive? Do you hate the person that is making the DUH! comment to you? I meant...do you have a deep dislike for that person? Are you able to laugh at yourself?
I have an older brother named Kevin. He is 4 years older than me. Growing up, life was really hard having a brother that was always 2 steps ahead of me and that thought torture was a perfect extra curricular sport. Any opportunity to make his little sister suffer or pay for being a dumb, little, bratty sister...all the better! But as I was thinking about all of this the other day, I realized that I might be more inclined to be a little more sensitive to DUH! comments now, because I was the BUTT of so many jokes and pranks growing up. So next time some jokester gets a good laugh at my expense, before I get ready to kick them in the shins, I am going to stop and ask myself (if I didn't think it was too funny), "Is this just my inner dumb, bratty little sister inside about to cry or is this PUNK just not funny!!!"

Flesh, blood....and vocal cords

2008-11-03T18:26:00.002-05:00

I spoke to my Aunt Jo on the phone last night. She lives in Miami. She is my mom's oldest sister. Every time I talk to her I am struck with a few things about family...

I love the fact that when you look at family members you can see resemblances. For instance, I love that my oldest daughter has brown eyes like me and Pete. Lyndi looks a lot like Lila. And there is no mistaking that I am my mother's child. Our hands look very similar. But there is no denying that our legs look identical! We even have the very same knees and ankles! And no matter how fat our cores get, our legs will always be chicken legs! Saddle bags are just not in my future. I didn't get my mom's eyes though. She has very pale, ice blue eyes. I got my Dad's brown eyes.

Thinking of my Aunt Jo, I am amazed at how much her voice is starting to sound like my Granny's voice. And I am also amazed at how much her voice sounds very similar to my own mom's voice. I guess vocal cords run in the family. I know my voice sounds very similar to my mom's voice. However, I am referring to her normal speaking voice...not her voice over her cell phone. My mom has that same disorder that a lot of folks have that makes them think they have to speak a lot louder into their cell phone for you to actually hear them!

In the last few years, when I talk to my brother and my Dad, I am beginning to hear similarities in their voices. I have also noticed that my mom and I have similar hand writing. Certain letters look just a like.

Lila, she is the only lefty in our family. She however has a unique pencil holding style. Her gifted teacher pointed this out. She told me that she was trying to encourage Lila to hold her pencil differently. She said that its weird that Lila holds her pencil on her second to last finger. Really? Because I too hold my pen that way...nothing weird about it to me!! I'm just a righty...she is MY CHILD!! All the way down to how she holds her pencil! That makes me proud!

I can definitely say that we are all very unique individuals in our family. But those subtle and not so subtle similarities make being family so special. So if you think Auntie Grace has an obnoxious laugh or Uncle Harold has a weird shaped head...you may want to wait until you get a little age on you before you make these determinations. You never know when you hair falls out that your head may be shaped just like Harold's (since it was hidden under hair!). Or you never know that as your voice ages whether or not you may begin to sound just like Auntie Grace. How special though that you will always be able to carry just a little bit of some family member with you for the rest of your life....unless you have your mom's child birthing hips or Grandma Addison's shelf booty!!!

HOLY CROUP!!

2008-11-02T21:19:00.002-05:00

So Ill share with you how my little Lyndi is doing the same way Lila shared with our neighbor India.....
My mom took Lyndi to the doctor just now. So India asks, " Lila why would your mom have to take Lyndi to the doctor today? (since its Sunday)" Lila replies,"Because Lyndi cant breathe." So after India had heart failure thinking that Lyndi had stopped breathing.....She gave me a call as I arrived at the Urgent care place in town. I had to explain that I thought that Lyndi had croup and she was having difficulty breathing. NO she hadnt STOPPED breathing!! She did sound like she was trying to suck air through a straw. And yes it did have me concerned.
So the good doctor took her in and checked all of her upper orifices out...no infections present. Yep she did have an inspiratory wheeze and her left lung sounded wheezy. An xray of her chest showed that she DID NOT have any signs of pneumonia. Thank you God! So the doctor confirmed that she did indeed have croup. Lyndi got a shot of steroids to her thigh and was sent home with an oral steroid and 4 stickers (the nurse felt awful guilty for sticking her!!!). Lyndi was sooooo good though. Bless her heart...she wasnt breathing well at all but she put up with the poking and probing. She even threw up the oral steroid they tried to give her in the office.
Lyndi was bouncing off the walls when I got her home. She sang and played. She drew on her magnadoodle board for nearly and hour. She harassed the cat and Lila for a while. It only took 3 tries to get her to bed. Other than that I say she seems a bit better. Tomorrow I pray that she keeps getting better. Today was scary. She just awoke from her nap this afternoon with a horrible wheeze and really shallow/rapid respirations. Im so glad that I am a nurse. Im glad that I know the sounds and symptoms. Im glad I have a breathing machine here and knew to put her in a steamy shower. Dont be fooled though....I was still nervous about her condition....NOT NEARLY SO NERVOUS AS POOR INDIA WHO THOUGHT SHE HAD QUIT BREATHING!
Despite all of the excitement, today was a good day. We went to church this morning. Pete and I had to keep the the 2-3 year olds in the nursery. It went surprisingly well. No one got hurt or cried on our watch! And I didn't leave feeling like I needed to take a couple of Valium and a shot of alcohol. Not that I use either...but I could start if I needed to!
Let me give you a quick run down of this month of November....
My sister in laws birthday is tomorrow I think...its the 3rd or 4th....Ill try to call if I can remember!
LET US NOT FORGET TO VOTE ON THE 4th! EVERY VOTE MATTERS!!!
The 8th is my stepson's birthday. He will be 20...where does time go??
The 14th Ill be having a cardiac ablation for the SVT that has been plaguing me.
Then we have Thanksgiving...which we will spend at Pete's 94 year old grandmothers house. Because as we all know, "This could be the last Thanksgiving for her...." Pete tells me that she has been saying this since she was 50. Now this year really could be the last.....but then again she may really outlive everyone...we will see. Either way....Turkey day will be at her house in the country...which I really love anyway!
Then I guess it will be time to put up the Christmas tree! That should be a blast this year considering that Lyndi is 2 and will want to pull all of the ornaments off (just like last year). ...And Jack the new kitten will probably want to practice his climbing skills. Or maybe he will be a cord chewer and short out the tree....lets hope not!
Please say a little prayer for Lyndi and her health. And please try to pray for me when I have my ablation on the 14th. I think all will go well. Im looking for a cure for this SVT. Please just pray for the doctors and my well being.

Fall back a little

2008-11-01T19:42:00.002-04:00

Tonight our clocks roll back one hour. I think that's a really good thing seeing as I took a really late nap. Yea, I didn't get up until 5:30. I hope I can fall asleep tonight.
I wanted share some of the things that I really enjoy in life. The simple things. .....
I love the fall, cooler weather! I love that we got to go to the Hallelujah festival at our Church last night. It was so nice!
I love sitting down, sipping on a hot cup of tea. I used the honey that David, our neighbor grew at his house. He has named his honey "Abby's Apiary" after his daughter, Lila's friend.
I had some butternut squash soup tonight. Butternuts are a comfort food to me. I rather enjoyed having a bowl of warm soup. Lyndi did too! She ate two bowls worth of it and wanted more. She tipped her bowl up and tried to drink the last little bit out of the bowl. Butternut squash with a little butter and cinnamon is so good too! If you haven't ever tried it...you are missing out!
I love a nice fire at night. We purposely had our hearth built up so we can sit on it. At Pete's parents house, their hearth is like that. I'm glad we decided to go that route. Its so pleasant.
I love snuggling up with my girls in bed on the weekend. In the morning, Lila usually comes plowing into our bed. She is a huge snuggle bug. She will lay there with me for an hour if I wanted to stay there that long. And no, we don't have a TV in our room or any other distraction. She just has always come in to "snuggle up". I would like to think that as she gets older that maybe she might want to snuggle with ole mom...but I wont hold my breath. Ill enjoy it now while I still have time.

Easing into the weekend

2008-10-30T20:33:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is actually Halloween!! That also means that it is the last day of the month of October. I can not begin to think where this month has run off to! It seems like we shouldnt have been able to celebrate Lyndi's birthday yet!! But Thanksgiving will be here before we know it!
Today I went back to do a little marketing at a Health Fair being held at the hospital I used to work at. One of the ladies from the Atlanta office went with me. She told me that after meeting the people that worked at the hospital that she could imagine that it was hard for me to leave. And it was. I loved the people I used to work with. It was really like working with family. It was nice to see many of my former coworkers and the Doctors Poon (father and son). I got to see Kellie the Chief Nursing Officer of the hospital. She is a beautiful person that is just a wonderful supervisor and person. She has the prettiest flaming red hair! I was glad to get to chat with her for a little bit today.
One of the Pharmacy Techs at the hospital named Mona has breast cancer. Her cancer has spread to the bone (particularly the collar bone). Mona is 35 years old and has 2 children. As you can imagine with her being a tech, she probably doesnt make a fortune there. But all of the personnel at the hosptial have been helping to provide some financial support for Mona. Someone came up with the idea to sell t-shirts in Mona's honor. They are brown with pink boxing gloves on the left chest. On the back the t-shirt reads "Fight Like a Girl!" I love them. But the really great thing is that approximately $6 goes to Mona PER SHIRT! So far approximately 1100 shirts have been purchased!! Like I said, they are so cute! And they are for an excellent cause! I know that Mona is hugely appreciative for all of the support. She is a precious soul too, so is her mom Eileen that works at EMH too!
This week has been so blessed with GREAT news! I found out that Sherrie's tests came back clear. No brain mets or lung cancer. When she told me, I squeezed her tight! I could help but cry tears of JOY! If you prayed for her as I asked, THANK YOU! And THANK GOD for the huge blessings!
Another friend, Cindy, from EMH has informed me that her pregnancy (that has been somewhat high risk) is progressing nicely. She told me that she is at 30 weeks now. She also now has a little water melon sticking out in front! Praise God for getting fat huh?! Less than 2 more months to go! Please pray for her and her baby girl. This is her second child.
On a negative note, I found out that my cholesterol is quite elevated. Nevermind that I have been eating out a lot lately. And a quick burger and fries from McDonalds is not a good idea...no matter what! And no...I wont be sueing them...although I could use a little extra dinero....just kidding! But I have to swear that place off for good! ICK....maybe Im doomed to rabbit food. :(
I hope everyone has a safe day tomorrow!

Some more wonders of the World...

2008-10-27T19:09:00.003-04:00

~I would like someone to please explain to me why it is that when you clean a Cat's box out that that is the immediate signal for the cat to use the box? I clean my cat's box daily and it never fails that as soon as I get to the end of cleaning it, the kitten is right there waiting! Does cleaning the box have a diuretic effect or a laxative effect on them? Hmmmm maybe Im on to something. What about all these poor folks that go to the hospital all stove up from not having used the bathroom in days or even more than a week?? Maybe instead of disimpacting them, we should suggest that they just clean the toilet! Hospital nurses, take note.
~Why must men go through MAN-O-PAUSE? As if one bitchy (sorry for the language) person in the house is not enough? And the thing is that they can be so much worse than the average woman. Its unbelievable. And how does a person judge when these men are going to have an episode? Its not like a woman's cycle where you can count 28 days. No, instead it just comes on full force and can last for days and sometimes weeks. And lets not even dip into the subject of a MIDLIFE CRISIS! HOLY COW!
~Hot Flashes....after shocks of Eve's greatest mistake??? Thanks again EVE! ...I met a woman recently that said that she had never had the first hot flash, ever in her life! She said that when her daughters complain of having them, she tells them that they are all in there head...thanks for the support mom! But what is it that triggers them? And how is it that it can bring on such a soaking sweat that it can wet PJs and bed sheets. I feel for menopausal women that get them so severe that it wakes them. Then they have to get up, change the bed and change clothes. And what if they have RLS on top of hot flashes? The poor legs run in place so they cant fall asleep, then when they get to sleep, a hot flash may wake them up!
~What causes cellulite anyway??? And how is it that skinny stick figures of women can get it on the backs of their thighs too??? And why dont men have it?
~What is the supernatural draw that causes kids to want to create master pieces on the wall? A child gets a pencil, pen, food or something else disgusting in their hands and its going to the walls!!! Whatever it is that draws them is powerful!
Anyway, I noticed on the way home from work today that one gas station has a gallon at $2.38! Its a miracle! Up the road closer to Athens, I noticed it was still in the $2.40s. Hopefully it will keep going down.

Sunday the day of rest...

2008-10-25T19:58:00.002-04:00

Today we celebrated Lyndi's 2nd birthday. It was a delightful day with mostly family. Lila's best friend and her brother Cody came. They are my friend's (Nancy and Kevin) kids. My stepson came with his roommate Austin.
I made chicken tortilla soup, Pete made a great cheese dip and I baked a huge cake with cream cheese icing. We had some good eats today! I may have gained 10 pounds today from cake alone. It turned out really nicely!
Lyndi had a great time and thats what mattered! She played with her cousin Betty Carol. BC drove her around in Lila's Barbie Jeep. What better way to spend your birthday than to be chauffeured around in a Jeep. Mostly though, we ate, had cake and icecream, and opened presents. Lyndi was very impressed with the big girl panties she got from her Nana and Papa!
After the party, Pete's mom and dad helped us cut down a huge red oak that died in our neighbor Ashley's yard. We got 2 and a half truck loads of wood.Then we had to haul off all the branches..talk about back breaking work....
AND THEN IT HAPPENED.......
As Pete and I were unloading the trailer of all the limbs, Pete said "WAIT!!!" As we were about to throw a huge pile of limbs in a ravine on Nancy and Kevin's property, a tree limb caught Pete's nearly $400 Nikon eyeglasses.........
They are never to be found again. So Pete had to make the comment that the amount of wood we got (that we were so proud of) from Ashley's house cost us a cool $380..... thanks for that perspective on it Pete! Yea......
So life goes on I guess. Im really not very happy about the eye glass thing. Of course, it could have been worse...it could have put his eye out! I guess we should just be thankful!

Mr Mole

2008-10-23T21:19:00.003-04:00

I think Ive mentioned my slightly OCD personality.....
Well, in my previous post about Sherrie, I mentioned something about my bosses' mole. Don't get me wrong. Its not like the woman's mole out of "So I married and Ax Murderer". It doesn't grow out long, gangly hairs and its not hard and crusty looking. Its just a mole.....that's located on the back of his ear.
Now, if this is weird...just call me on it ok...ok so don't bother...
I think had been working at VI probably a day or two when I first noticed this mole. Its located on the BACK of my bosses' left ear. Its maybe about the size of a pencil eraser and kind of flat. Its perfectly symmetrical and it is evenly colored. But I asked him..."Do you know you have a mole on the back of your ear?" I figured that there WAS A CHANCE that in his 52 years of life, he could have missed seeing the thing!
He turned to me and said something like,"Marci, you are missing one of those little filter things that most people have in their brain that tell them what they should and shouldn't say..." I think that David learned very quickly what I was all about! I told him that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't examine that mole and let him die from skin cancer! I COULD HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE!!!!
Now I do realize that tucking in our surgeon's tag on his shirt and picking lint (and stray hairs) off of Sherrie's shirt probably is not a life saving measure! HOWEVER.....appearances are EVERYTHING when you work in the beauty industry!! Could you really put your trust in a man that's a surgeon that can not even keep his shirt tag tucked in??? NO I didn't think so!
So after the mole incident, my boss has developed a certain comfort level with me. He likes to tell patients that I am working with them as part of a grant program funded by the Federal government for people that come from HALF WAY HOUSES! He tells them that I have been doing ok and that he thinks that once the court cases are settled on some of those cases that I have had to go to court for that things will get better for me.....or he says something about things have been ok with VI but he had heard that some of my previous employers are still trying to settle some cases......HE ISNT RIGHT!! I mean, I try to save his life and all I get in return is mockery and pain........ :)

Random thoughts....

2008-10-23T20:13:00.002-04:00

Today I had lunch at a restaurant with one of by bosses and the person that is going to be over marketing for both offices. We ate at a hamburger joint located in part of what used to be the 40 Watt! As soon as I walked in, I was like, "HEY THIS WAS PART OF THE 40 WATT!!" I looked at my doctor and said," I mean, not that I ever went to the 40 Watt...." See, my coworker (and dear, dear friend) Sherrie and I have a running joke. We tell our bosses that we are always, ALL about work. We just work, work, work... and we never smile, we are always serious and we can not laugh. We want them to realize what good employees we are. Which they know isn't in any way true because we get along marvelously! We talk and laugh all the time together! We laugh so hard that we cry sometimes! Its great! Now that being said, we do work! We work hard. We care about our practice a lot! We don't ever want to see our practice fail or else we would have to find jobs at who knows where, with who knows who?! And both of us have worked for Jack the Rippers first cousins. I know I have worked for two of them already in the past. I don't ever want to go back.
I know you might think I'm joking when I say that at former jobs, I have actually been chastised for smiling. I can clearly remember sitting in shift briefing and having a Sgt or a Lt. say,"Heide! What are you smiling about? Is there something you need to share?" For goodness sakes, I really just liked my job...but maybe a little less after that incident. It was ridiculous. I smile a lot! That's why I have crow's feet at my eyes and deep parenthesis at the sides of my mouth. Believe it or not, I do try to be positive most of the time. I tend to fall on the side with the realists but I like to try to cling to optimism. My faith causes me to believe that life does get better than this!
I know Ive mentioned Sherrie before in my blogs. But I have never told Sherrie's story. Sherrie is such an awesome person and she come from an incredible family. I LOVE Sherrie. And I say that with the real love to back that up. She is a great friend to me. And I know that God has placed her in my life for a good reason! And to tell you the truth, I gratefully appreciate his generosity with her.
Back when I went to VI the very first time for my interview, I met Sherrie, our "Office Coordinator." When I saw her I said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" No, I didn't mean that to sound like a cheesy pick up line....But she looked so familiar to me. I racked my brain backward and forward. Her face, her voice and her name...I KNEW at some point in my life. But the crazy thing was that she lived in Atlanta and moved to Jackson Co. about 4 years ago. I knew that wasn't how I knew her. She didn't get her hair done at my mom's salon (that's always a good jumping off point). So I started to file her under the "Ive probably seen you in Walmart" folder in my mind. Then we got to talking about one of our bosses moles (but that's another story). She mentioned that she had had skin cancer. SO THAT WAS IT! As it turns out, I remembered her from the cancer treatment center! Suddenly I was able to picture her clearly in my mind sitting in one particular chair. I remember that there was confusion over her name and how to pronounce it properly (this is another story). I remember that when I met her, I thought about how young she was and about her having 2 children. I thought that it could have been me sitting there instead of her. Any one of us could be one step away from sitting in one of those chemo chairs.
Anyway, that just amazed me! That whole day was really something. I was offered my job that very day. From then on, Sherrie and I were great friends. She and I have so much in common. BUT there is so much I don't have in common with her, and those things make her even more special to me!
Sherrie not only had skin cancer about 2 years ago....
A little over 7 years ago, Sherrie was about 31 years old. She had had a bout of pneumonia that wouldn't go away. She had a couple of chest xrays but no one had shown any concern. One day one of her doctors (she didn't see the PA or another practice doc) happened to look at her xray. He noticed that something didn't look quite right. He had Sherrie go for either a CT or an MRI. She got a call back that shocked her beyond all belief...she had lung cancer. And YES, she was a smoker. She told me that when she got the news...she immediately went out and smoked a cigarette. "I was stressed so I smoked a cigarette!" Who could argue with that? A diagnosis of that kind at 31?
Sherrie ended up quitting smoking when she had surgery to remove the lower two lobes of her right lung. She did not have any chemotherapy or radiation. And some time after that (I'm not sure when) she developed Thyroid cancer. She had to have her entire thyroid removed and had to have treatment. She also had to take medication to regulate her thyroid hormones.
About 2 years ago, Sherrie found a 3.5cm spot on her leg. The dermatologist ended up cutting a large plug out of her leg. As it turned our, she ended up having to have a core out of her leg and lymph nodes removed. She had melanoma. For one year, Sherrie had to receive Interferon via IV and then give herself shots of the chemo at home. One of the major side effects of Interferon
is depression. Some people have such a hard time with it that they can develop a major depressive disorder that involves psychotic episodes and hallucinations. Its not a fun trip.
Let me back up a minute and add this about Sherrie...
After having had her lung removed, Sherrie had her first child Emily (7). Then she had a son named Connor (he is 5). So through all of this, she still had a busy family to raise. I don't know how she managed to do it all.
Sherrie asked me one day if I ever look at my life (and how good it is) and still feel kind of depressed. You know....nice husband, nice kids, nice house, running cars, excellent job.....and yet still feel down. I had to admit to her that YES I do! I tried to remind her that she has been through an awful lot. A lot more than most of us. I don't think its being ungrateful to feel depressed! GOODNESS! But we as mothers tend to see other moms make it look so easy! Some of us think that if we aren't being a parent like so and so that we cant possibly be good moms....that's just not true!
After I had Lyndi, I had several people tell me to cut myself some slack..."don't be soooo hard on yourself Marci! You just had a baby!! You are going to be tired......" Well, I felt like the worlds worst parent. I felt like I couldn't keep up. I had Lila, a newborn and a new job, no house of my own and Pete had been in Milledgeville away from us (trying to sell our house there while we were in Athens already). Oh it was a tough time. And every now and then I still have tough times (just read some of my previous posts!!!)
But I told Sherrie that God knows whats in our hearts even if its not reflected in our moods. I just have such a hard time feeling down with Sherrie around. Ive come in and been in a rotten mood due to kids or stress or a kidney stone....and she has been there for me every time! She has been a shoulder for me to cry on...nevermind that it was hormone exacerbated....that's no one else's concern!
I truly believe with all my heart that God has placed us together for some great reason. Maybe its so both of us can lean on each other when we need it. Or we can hand one another a tissue when we tell a really touching story or get to laughing too hard! I'm telling you, I love her! She is so perfectly imperfect that I love being around her. She seems to accept me and all of my oddities without even a blink! She even thinks I am funny! Now that's just crazy! A person has to have a really dorky sense of humor to get where I'm coming from! And she is so very funny! She shares with me all of her great family stories and makes me laugh until my side hurts over the crazy practical jokes they have played on each other! She comes from a family of 4 girls!
Today Sherrie went to have some follow up tests done. They did a CT of her thorax and an MRI of her brain. I pray with all of my heart that those tests show that there is not the first cancer cell in her body. She has been cancer free for 7 years. So I ask that anyone that reads my blog, to please pray for Sherrie. Please pray for friend that I love so dearly, that makes me laugh and cry. That brings me candy corn and daisies because I had a bit of a hard week one time. And she gave me a card that ponders the terms, "butt naked or buck naked?"
Please pray for her Sherrie's family: her husband Lee, daughter Emily and son Connor. Pray that this world will have my seriously funny friend around for many more decades to come!
God bless!

Please God...

2008-10-16T21:13:00.003-04:00

Dear God,
I am writing to you tonight to ask you to please be with me. I am praying for protection of my very last nerve. All of my other nerves are long since gone. They snapped a very long time ago. Im not even sure which bout of chaos made them snap, but it happened. I think thats about the time my first gray hairs began too.
Dear Lord, I found a cute little kitten today. He is a pretty orange tabby. He is very sweet. He just literally climbed into the car. Thank you for sending me something cute and cuddely to help bring cheer to my days. But Lord, tonight when I brought him home, Lyndi tried to pick him up by the neck. She thought that kittens evidently liked being carried like this. And Lord, she grabbed him by one of his hind legs and tried to drag him across the house.
Lord, and once Lila discovered this kitten's adorable, playful personality, she screamed at Lyndi to give her the cat's toys. She also grabbed the kitten and tried to hold him at her side while pushing Lyndi away. Lyndi screamed "GA GA!!! (which is Lila in Lyndi speak)"
So Lord, I took this cute little kitten that I have named Jack (on the advise of my coworker who thought since he was orange and its October and Jack O lanterns are popular right now) and set up a litter pan and food in my bathroom for now...then I thought I would soak in a hot tub bath for a little while to help calm my poor last quivering nerve....
Then Lila and Lyndi discovered my serene environment. Lyndi began whipping a cat toy wildly at the kitten. The kitten, though somewhat amused and confused, tried to play with that wild, out of control toy....And Lila began to holler,"LYNDI GIVE ME THE CAT TOY!!!" over and over and over because she wanted that one particular toy. All the other toys were not worthy of Lila's attention. So I begged Pete to take the girls out of the bathroom, PLEASE!!!
And Lord, at some point tonight, I think it was before I got in the tub, Lyndi decided that pouring the ENTIRE contents of the Kitten Chow on the floor and covering it with a dish towel would be fun. She was pretending to tuck the food in nite nite. Yea, so I had to sweep it up. And Lila fussed at Lyndi and told her it was a bad choice. And my head popped out another gray hair.
Dear Lord, I ask that you will please be with me. I need a little extra strength and courage. Lord, I feel like sometimes that if I have to hear LYNDI!!!!! in a whining, high pitched voice or the SHRILL scream of Lyndi saying GAGA!!! I might actually lose my mind.
Please watch over my two screaming, aggravating, gray hair inducing children. I love them very much. And Lord please forgive me when I have thoughts about selling them on EBAY. Lord, thank you for blessing me with two beautiful little girls that are too smart for their own good. And thank you for sending me a little happy, cute kitten named Jack. Please just bring calm this last little nerve I have.
Amen!

Fall into October

2008-10-13T21:12:00.002-04:00

Sunday we went to 2 birthday parties for kids that go to our church. After having Lyndi in October, I found out that the largest number of births occurs in the month of October. Perhaps thats related to New Years or Martin Luther Kind Holiday.......ok maybe not the second holiday. Maybe its the cold weather. For us, I dont think there was a particular reason. I think Lyndi must have come about on a Monday. Nothing special going on on that day for sure. At any rate, the world must grow a little heavier after the month of October every year after all the births. The smog probably increases as well due to all the blown out birthday candles!
This cooler weather and rain that we have been having has been awesome! Im so grateful for all the Fall weather we have been experiencing. And along with the leaves that are falling....so is the price of gas! In the last few days, gas has dropped from $3.89 to $3.20's. What a tremdous drop! At the same time, the stock market has been ever falling.....but today....A MONDAY...the stock market rose exponentially!! I pray this keeps up for sure! For a Monday, today turned out to be a really good day! If we can just keep this trend going! Remember when gas rose over $2??? We threatened that we just wouldnt tolerate much more of an increase....then once it rose over $3 we were all in shock and angry.....then it rose over $4...and we all became scared to death and sickened. I pray that it goes back below $3. I promise that I wont take for granted gas under $3.....for real! Gone are the days of gas below $2....right along with the cup of coffee for $.25 or even $.50.
Some friends of mine and I were talking about mega pixels. A few years ago, I had no thought or concern about a mega pixel. But if a person was in the market for a digital camera, 1-2 mega pixels was really doing something.....NOW my friend has just gotten a 12 mega pixel camera....Thats just unbelievable. Pretty soon, we will have photographs that talk and have motion on a card...streaming video on card stock. I know we have talking picture frames and ones that flash digital pictures. But I think that our imaginations will be the limit on technology.
Anyway I hope that everyone has a joy filled week. Take time to enjoy the small things like the cool breezes and lack of humidity!! NICEEEE!!!

As I said....

2008-10-10T20:15:00.005-04:00

As Ive said before in the past....kids are really something. Im sure everyone remembers the show Bill Cosby used to do "Kids say the darndest things." Well Im here to confirm and verify and give an example of this well known fact!
Today was a no school day for Lila and her fellow school mates. Lila, having no where to go, she had to go to work with me. The morning was a busy time for us. Lila did great. She stayed out of the way..she did aggravate our office assistant some (she called Lila hyper....uhhh yea....). She has a 7 year old by the way....girl too! Anyway, this afternoon, our doctor had to go assist on a REAL surgery at the hospital . As he was getting ready to walk out the door, Sherrie and I were sayng our goodbyes to him and double checking next weeks schedule. Lila suddenly piped up and said: "MY MOMMY HAS A NEW BOOB JOB!!!"
I know my eyes got as big as saucers (to match our doctor's!!!)!! I whipped around and said, "LILA, WHAT DID YOU SAY???" So she said it again....SAME THING.....Dr Malone said something like "WELL!!" I was in a stuttering "Uhhhh...uhhh...uh" mode! I put my hand on each one of Lila's shoulders and got down to her level and said, "Lila, say that one more time?!" She said," MY MAMA HAS A NEW BOO JOB!!!" She laughed! She was like, "BOO JOB!! LIKE A GHOST MAMA!!! BOO!!!" I looked at Dr. Malone and tried to rescue myself. Im sure that when he said it he probably looked down and thought...YEA RIGHT!!! SHE GOT ROBBED!
OH MY GOODNESS!!!! Sherrie just laughed her head off. Dr Malone went out a little red in the face and laughing. Great.........
Now Im not a shy person. I can talk bodily functions and anatomy all day long with folks....HOWEVER....I dont really want my 6 year old talking about BOOBS or talking about MY BOOBS with anyone!!!! Its bad enough that Lyndi has found a new fascination in my "boobs." She keeps poking me in them trying to figure out what they are. They must be awful funny because she giggles when she pushes on one. I clearly remember Lila going through this phase! She groped my mom one time. She is much larger chested than me. Needless to say, I wasnt crazy about my daugther having a boob fetish! Thankfully she did grow out of it....now its Lyndi's turn. GREAT!!! Of course it could be worse couldnt it?!!! Am I the only one with girls like this??? Why cant my friend Nancy thats a mammographer have a kid that likes boobies....well besides her son! Nancy has to deal with them all day long. Boobies are her lively hood!! Me.....its all legs, all the time!! Veiney legs at that!!!
Oh well...such is life huh? So if you have about 5k just laying around, Id like to go get that new BOOB JOB Lila is accusing me of having!!!! Thanks pal!

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