Go Ahead and Set Me On FIRE!!

Tonight Pete and I sat on the couch together and watched FireProof the movie. What a great movie. Not that it had an all star cast...nope..just Kirk Cameron. Kirk did a fine job in this movie. If you have seen Facing the Giants, you kind of already know what to expect from this production group, however, FireProof delivers a few steps above in acting. The movie takes place in Albany, GA. It was cool having a movie set close to home...well sort of...at least in the same state! This time there werent any guest appearances made by Mark Richt, which is unfortunate. I thought it would be cool if they had worked him into the shot in the last scene.
Pete and I have decided that we are going to take on the "Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. It's what the movied is based upon. Its 40 days of study and dares to improve marriage based upon Christian teachings. I would encourage anyone that is dating or married to try it. I am very curious to see what effect it will have on our marriage. Pete and I dont have a bad marriage. We have our bumps and bruises over the years. Right now, I think things have begun to settle down a little and I am very thankful for that. I like nice and stable! I would also like loving, affectionate, a little romantic and fun!! :) I know, I dont ask for much!!! But I will take a good, stable, happy marriage over bumps and bruises any day!!! Oh and I dont mean literal bumps and bruises....Poor Pete!

Almost Friday

Well, its almost Friday again. I can't imagine where THIS week has gone! I think that hump day turned out to be such a crazy fiasco that it caused the week to fast forward into Friday!
When I got home tonight, Pete was walking Iris in the yard. Do you think she wanted to potty....nahhhh but she was scoping out the wild kitty trails around our house. And since we have about 8 more wild kitties left, there are still plenty o'trails. Again, I am not the least bit concerned if famine strikes our neighborhood...there are plenty of cats to live off for at least a year! ALF would be so set! And if you dont know who ALF is.....*tisk tisk*
Today marks 6 months that I have been with VI. It seems like it has been so much longer. But my PTO kicked in today. My mind goes wild imagining all the exotic locals that I can now visit! I think of the relaxing moments next to the pool and trails around lakes.....
Then I remember that I am a parent of two girls that will likely be sick 2 out of the 3 weeks that I have off....the rest of the time, I'll probably be sick with whatever the latest ick and ill there is being passed around the day care or at school! Ahhhh but wouldnt it be nice to be able to go to some fancy place and partake of the spa??? *Dont wake me just yet please....its been a while since I had a fantasy this good! :)
The housing market has got me all in a tizzy! On the main road of our neighborhood, I think there are 4-5 houses for sale. Some are for sale because the owners just want to sell. One house has never even been occupied for 2 years since its been built. One house is a foreclosure. I would love to find a house with more space than ours that the owner would want to trade for our house. Why is it when you buy a house that it gets filled with STUFF in no time...then you wish you had a bigger house? Life happens I guess. Im not one of those people that collects STUFF! Im always going through drawers and closets trying to find things to get rid of!! There is ALWAYS STUFF to get rid of!! If I had the patience for a yard sale, I might be able to afford and upgrade to another house!
Speaking of housing, I really dont understand this plan that Obama has to help out folks that are facing foreclosure. Truly, I have a hard time accepting that some people really over bought or got bad loans (variable rates and such) and now they are going to get a bail out. What about us ever faithful folks that pay our mortgages? And what about us that have been diligent and our houses are worth less than what we paid for them???? *sigh* Don't get me wrong, I dont like to see so many folks losing their homes......BUT
With time flying by so quickly, April will be here before I know it...that means that 36 will be here before I know it! When did that happen anyway? When I dream at night, I still dream that I am a teenager or a 20-something. When Im 50 will I dream Im a 30-something? What about when Im 80? Speaking of dreams, I dream in color. I don't know that everyone does. I have heard that some people dont. I dream in color and there are also vivid smells. Dreams are amazing! I guess before I know it, Ill be 40 and dreaming that Im in my early 30's....

100~!!!!!

Evidently this is my 100th post...I cant believe that I had 100 things to ramble about...anyone still out there reading? I bet a lost a few along the way...that's ok though...That just means that I can be much more descriptive and talk more about disgusting nursey things! WOOHOOO
So we got a new doggie named Iris. I found her on Craigslist. She is a terrier mix. The title of her add said something like "Sweet girl looking for a forever home". So I wrote to the owner. Evidently the owner had been fostering her for about a year and a half. She found Iris, her mother and some siblings in the middle of the road...about to get squished. So she took them in, nurtured them and found homes for all of them...except Iris.
When I emailed the foster mom and talked to her on the phone, I had lots of questions. I needed to find a dog that was calm, good with kids, non destructive, fixed and generally well behaved. And she said that Iris was all of these things. Sure sure....Well we met Iris on Saturday afternoon. She is a white, fuzzy terrier mix with no undercoat (which means she can get cold easily) and a tuft of hair that hangs in her eyes. She is a shy girl too. She literally tried to hide behind her foster mom's legs. It was like meeting a 1 year old child..just in puppy form.
After a bit of an adventure when Iris escaped out of our fenced back yard and we had to hunt her down for 2 hours.....
We got her back in the house. We soon found out that Iris is well behaved. She is so well behaved that she acts like she is on a constant run of Xanax. She doesn't bark. She doesn't growl. She doesn't wag her tail much. She doesn't eat much. She doesn't really do much at all. Evidently, last year the foster mom tried to adopt her out but Iris got returned after a couple of days because she was "too calm". I think I can agree with that statement. I joked with the owner that it seemed like she had drugged Iris with Benedryl...when it wore off was she going to go nuts?? Nope!
Don't get me wrong, I really like the dog. I didn't really much care for having to walk her tonight for about 30 minutes only to have her pee and not poo. I guess Ill have to do another marathon walk before I got to bed. I did see two shooting stars tonight in our crystal clear Madison County sky. It was so pretty out. After a while of star gazing, standing in the cold night air with wet hair (after my bath), I was really over the whole appreciating the wild thing. I went stomping back in the house with my lower lip poked out! Iris instantly went and sat next to Pete on the couch.
Iris is about as sweet as an animal can be. She definitely would win any contest PAWS DOWN for the least active pup around! I'm thinking of giving her coffee just to get her just a little excited. I know that Pete doesn't believe me, but after everyone else was in bed last night, Iris began playing tug o war with me and her stuffed dog. She even chased after the thing as I threw it across our hard wood floored living room! She scooped that dog up and slide about 3 feet each time! It was great fun! But once that game was over....back to Benedryl doggie. Its really quite strange.
Anyway, all is well in the hood. My neighbor Kitty is now moved to a nice rental house. Her house has a for sale sign in the front but we don't know how much they are asking. I am praying that we get nice neighbors that love children! Hopefully we wont get any pedophiles that REALLY love children. How awful that we have to think about such things. But we do...and we do...and we will! Kitty was such a good neighbor for the girls. They LOVED her and she LOVED them. They miss her already! Fortunately for us, we get to see her at church and around town. Its not like Comer is a huge metropolis that you might not ever run into anyone...just visit the Dollar General....that's like the Great Mall of Comer! No doubt that any time you visit that store, you are bound to run into someone you know!
I think its about time to start planning a good vacation for the year! I'm so ready! I want to get away for a few days....without children...I know...BAD MAMA!! But a few days to just not fuss or muss or deal with whining children that are constantly begging for food and drinks..and worrying me about the other one touching them and screaming in the back seat of the car......
YEA, I'M READY FOR A BREAK!!!

The Week Goes On...dadidadadi

Its uterally unbelieavable that another week has gone by! This was one heck of a week! We are so busy at work! Who would have ever thought that so many people had problems with veins! Young, old and some what vein folks have been pouring in! I dont blame them. Bad veins in the legs can be so uncomfortable. I inherited spider veins from my mom. We think that bad veins mostly come from our parents. Thanks MOM AND DAD!! I hope I get the high blood pressure and thyroid problems too!! I already have a bad memory!
Tonight...I am ashamed to say, Pete and I went to Walmart. Yea...thats the first time in MONTHS that I have been in there. Im still mad that they kept 5 of my Ambien and then tried to make it seem like I was a sleeping pill fiend! Jerks! Dont they know that doctors have (had) samples! Its the prinicple of the whole thing. Anyway, we had to buy Lila and Lyndi some new tennis shoes. We found some cute $5 tennis shoes...probably from China made from woven lead fibers. But did I mention how cheap they were and how cute they were too?!!! Our good deal still didnt stop me from feeling dirty the minute I walked through the door. I felt like I was seriously violating some sort of moral code or something. Im telling you, they really made me very mad over this prescription thing. AND the general manager never even called me back!!! Remember, if you use a Walmart pharmacy, you better count your pills out...RIGHT THERE ON THE COUNTER BEFORE YOU LEAVE...they will rip you off in a heart beat!
My boss David met Bill last night...had his picture taken with him and every thing!! Yea...I mean Bill Clinton. Evidently he was at some fund raiser in Atlanta that David and his wife Beth were at. They both had their picture made with him...the old lady was not in tow. What a shame.....OH I SHOULD HAVE ASKED DAVID IF HE ASKED BILL ABOUT MONICA? How could you not meet him and NOT ask? "So Bill, have you talked to Monica lately? And how's Chelsea?" Wonder what they did talk about? I didnt even ask. I had work to do!! But it is a shame that one of the most outstanding thoughts I have about our ex president is about an affair that he had instead of over seas affairs or business affairs. Too bad indeed!
Well, its time to put this week to rest! Good night!

The Electric Slide....

So I fell off the wagon! I went a whole 2 days with out the Effexor and I could NOT get through the second night! After I wrote my blog, I tried to go to bed.....the ZAPS got the best of me! I would be laying there trying to go to sleep and that dang buzzer would go off in my head! ZZZZZZ I was totally weak and the med won out! I had to take one of the 37.5 mg Effexors! But I emailed my doctor today and asked him about it. I am going to make an appointment to see him. He said that the Effexor was definitely causing this and its not depression that I felt, its just the withdrawal. How great to have a doctor that actually took the time to write back!!
I spoke to a pharmacist today that said that she TOO is taking Effexor. Effexor is a great drug for treating depression and anxiety...and it has two other great uses: treating hot flashes (we used it for this a lot at the cancer place) and it helps stop teeth grinding! She said that she had a terrible problem with both and the second of the two, it helped.
She also told me what I already knew, that Effexor is extremely hard to stop taking. She said that her own doctor was saying that he was not sure what he would do for her when it came time to try to stop. After some discussion, we figured that I could start taking an SSRI along with the low dose Effexor and just slowly transition to that drug that would be easier to discontinue. BUT WE SHALL SEE! I am going to make and appointment with my doctor to see what he suggests. He is a head doctor so I figure he should know! And I will be curious to know if he thinks I SHOULD ABSOLUTELY continue taking and antidepressant.
AM I DEPRESSED? I don't really think that I am. I don't sit here and ruminate over things. I don't think the world is crashing down around me. I love myself enough. I haven't been irritable....other than when Pete says something to get me going...he likes doing that! I don't even feel like I'm out of control with my children...and every one knows how hard it is to raise a 2 year old and a 7 year old! But I can not walk around a boo hooing, snotting idiot! So again, I guess this is something that I will have to wait and see about.
For now, I am just so thankful that the buzzer has been removed from my brain! Hopefully it will stay gone for a while!
As a side note...a testament to God's love....I got off the phone with a family member last night and felt as though I should just go dunk my head in a bucket of water and never come up for air. The conversation was so full of dooms day stuff that I felt miserable and irritated that I had to listen to that stuff! Well, God has IMPECCABLE timing!! No sooner did I get off the phone with my family member, that my friend Vanessa called with very exciting news and conversation about what God was doing in her life. Not only did we talk about what blessings God had given her but also, the gift of truth and life that he offers all of us. What a huge blessing to be rescued from my previous conversation! Thank you God!

ZIP! ZAP! ZING!

I feel like I am living in a comic book right now. I am currently day two without Effexor (an antidepressant). Other than being a little more teary at the slightest little sentiment...I'm fine emotion wise....its the "brain zaps" that are really irritating me. Anyone that has ever tried to come off of an antidepressant knows all too well the feeling that I am talking about! Evidently Effexor is the hardest of all the antidepressants to stop taking. I did exactly what I was supposed to do, by weaning down from my dose to the lowest dose possible which is 37.5 mg. But that did not prevent the weird sensations that I have had to deal with today!
This afternoon, we went on an 8.9 mile bike ride with Lila on her new mountain bike and Lyndi in her little bike trailer. Pete pulled Lyndi. The ride was great and helped me to stop thinking about my brain boggle that I had been dealing with.
When we got home, I looked up on the internet,"Effexor Withdrawal". My goodness, the problems people complained of were not very encouraging. I think that as long as I can deal with the zaps I'll be ok. Some people say that this sensation lasts for one week up to months after stopping the med. I really hope that I am blessed with the one week!
I decided to go off of this medication in the first place because my cardiologist suggested that it could be effecting my heart rate and blood pressure. Effexor effects the Norepinephrine in our bodies (flight or fight hormone). My doctor thinks that since he ablated my heart, my heart rate could still be running a little higher due to the medication. And I began taking the Effexor to help me deal with anxiety. I also took it for post partum depression. Since Im not post partum anymore and I feel emotionally stable, I thought that I would try to stop taking it. I haven't been anxious much since I had the ablation. I am able to recognize now that my heart rate was really making me feel tense.
As a point of praise, I discovered while riding today that I did not feel winded or tachycardic more than usual. I did not have the same old pressure in my neck, causing me to feel short of breath while riding. For years, before my ablation, I always found it more difficult to work out. I would get exhausted easily. NOT TODAY! I felt great...well, other than the brain ZAPS and dizziness! GOOD GRIEF!
So I am asking that if you read my blog, please pray for me. Pray that my body adjusts quickly and positively to not taking the Effexor. Please pray that I dont have to take any other antidepressants at all! I really picked a hard week to decide to stop taking this med....I crashed and hurt myself yesterday (when I stopped taking the Effexor). I really had a lot of pain from falling off of our pull behind trailer while helping a friend move. And this is also the MOST hormonal week for me.....WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING???!! :) Pray for my family too!
If anyone has any suggestions, I would certainly be open to hear what you think. Otherwise, please PRAY PRAY PRAY for me! :)

A God-less world?

I'm not the kind of person that "grew up" going to church. When I was about 12 years old, I began going to church by myself to youth group. My parents didn't go or wouldn't go. They never liked people showing up at the house, hounding them to go to church. We had one fellow call the house at 7AM one Sunday morning bugging them about going to church. I think that might not have been a good approach to take with them! Thanks buddy!
At any rate, Pete and I have been working with a few other other adults teaching a group of Kindergarten to 2nd grade kids about God through AWANA. When we started, I knew NOTHING about AWANA. The Baptist churches or Christian churches I attending never had AWANA, GAs or RAs. We have about 14 kids that attend.
Tonight, Lila invited a friend of hers to come with us to church. The child came with, expressing great nervousness about church. He admitted that he had never been to church. After getting to church, the boy discovered that many of his friends also went to church with us. The boy was so excited! The boy asked why we went to church. Lila said that she told him that we go to church to learn about God, not to play. He told her that he did not know who God was. Lila said,"Well, God created everything. He is the one who made you and me! God is the one who put you here on the Earth!" I thought, "Well someone has been paying attention!" WOW! GO LILA!
I got to thinking about this little fellow. I can not imagine what it must be like to not know about God or have any idea what the whole GOD thing is about in the first place. I wish I could remember the first times I heard about God. Lila will be able to tell people that she "grew up in church". She might even say that her parents seemed to take her to church every time the doors were open...which wouldn't really be true since we don't usually go on Sunday nights! But I know that she won't ever be able to say that her parents just didn't "do the church thing".
What would my life be without God? What it would it be like to not know that Jesus died for my sins? What if I did not believe all of that? I can remember when I was about 12 years old or so when I was not certain what I believed. I, like many other people, believed that only a bunch of hypocrites, who worried about the clothes you wore more than they worried about God, went to church. I had no idea. I believed that church was about the people in the church...only as I matured did I realize that church was about God and who cared what anyone else thought?
What if I did not know that God loved me and was with me at all times? I know that there would have been many times in the past that I would have been crying out to nothing with no sense of hope. I am so grateful that I have a loving, merciful God that listens to my prayers and always has my best interest at heart. When times are tough (financially, emotionally, relationship wise, temptation wise...etc..) God gives me opportunity. When one door closes, God opens another one. I whole heartedly believe this. I can't name all the times when I have found myself in a fix...financially for instance, that God sent JUST ENOUGH money my way to help me get by. When I was in nursing school, there were countless times that God helped us. But Pete and I put our faith in God and he took care of us! He always provides for us still!
I wonder that that little boy is thinking about tonight after church? Is he thinking about the fun he had with his friends? Is he thinking that our lesson tonight was too boring and he wouldn't want to have to go back to church? Or could he be thinking about who this God character is that we mentioned tonight? I thought as we were praying and teaching our lesson tonight that it must be strange to hear a room full of people saying praises and praying to some unseen God. Who knows, maybe he will ask Lila if he can come back. Maybe tonight planted the seed. Maybe God is talking to his heart right now? I am excited to see what happens!

A little off the top please...

Mom cut my hair today. What started out as a shoulder length cut went strangely awry! But it still looks good. Its about jaw length I guess! Its a whole lot lighter now...the long locks were dragging me down. My poor head felt so sore after wearing a clip or ponytail band in it! I have also been having daily head aches. I thought maybe my hair weight was getting to me. What a strange thought!! After having both of my girls, my hair became really curly everywhere except on the top of my head. Mom has to "relax" my hair now when it gets too nappy. Also, after I had kids, my hair got really dark. HORMONES!!! And men wonder why we act so crazy sometimes!

Speaking of crazy...it irritates me when I email someone or call and they dont bother to respond back....or make excuses about why it took about a week to respond...and when they do that over and over again. Friendships...real friendships are not one sided. No relationship should be to where one person has to over extend themselves more than the other person. So I removed a "friend" from one of my online social groups. I'm not going to waste my time, energy, thought and concern one someone that does not have the same interest in

Evil Mama

Ever feel like your child hates your guts...I mean, not just because they tell you as much, but because they give you the evil eye and say things like their life is really terrible! Yea....as if being a parent is not stressful enough....Lila advised me that her life was so very terrible because she did not have any video game players lik

I have a spare...

Yesterday, I told you, I came to realization that I had to DO something NOW or else about my weight/health. Pete told me that I will probably get hate mail now for whining about being over weight when I am already slender. But the thing is this....Pete painted a beautiful picture for me tonight....After telling him I had gained 7 pounds he said..."Just think of that 7 pounds like a bowling ball, that's a lot of extra weight to have to carry around." And that's the truth. I thought about taking Lila to the bowling alley for her birthday. The kids were bowling with 5-6 pound balls. They could barely carry them. Being muscularly challenged, I too grunted when I had to pick up a ball with just my fingers. I know that 5-6 pounds isn't much...for goodness sakes I pick Lyndi up daily. I'm just saying that a person can get tired quickly having to hoist a bowling ball around. Well at least I would!
Here is my biggest problem: FAST FOOD! I came to this realization not too long ago and did well eating Lean Cuisines for a while. But then they turned up having plastic in them. I don't think that I had any that were tainted but the concern that there could be, isn't very appetizing. Plus, after being the office all day, I like to get out. Its fast and its convenient..and normally it wont poison me with plastic...of course, now we are having to watch out for peanut butter...prior to that it was spinach, onions, tomatoes....COME ON PEOPLE! CANT YOU PROCESS OUR FOODS BETTER THAN THAT!!!
So anyway, for the last two nights I have ridden with Pete on one of our cycling trainers for 30 minutes (each night). That is brutal torture. Especially for me! I have really been sedimentary since before I had my heart ablation. I never had any energy to do anything. If I did try to do something, my heart would race and I would get short of breath! What a miserable feeling. Now I KNOW I have to start doing some sort of cardio workout just to get my heart rate down. Once my fitness level improves, my heart rate will also improve.
As I mentioned yesterday, I have been feeling pretty down lately. I think most people who have a problem with their weight understand this reality and even those that don't. Depression can lead to obesity and obesity can lead to depression. Do not assume please that our worst critics are the people/catty women around us...We are an image conscious society....and our WORST critics are OURSELVES! Most husbands wouldn't dare comment on weight. Our kids, they may or may not care or even notice.
In my business, I have been shocked and amazed at the number of women that complain about their weight. Scrawny, bony women come in and you would think they were elephants. And they TRULY believe that they are overweight. One woman came in with THE MOST beautiful legs I have ever seen in my life....oh no...her legs were fat! ALMOST ALL WOMEN WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN BODY IMAGE!! No matter how much you may try to convince someone that they are beautiful and that they shouldn't beat themselves up so much...it ain't happening! It doesn't do any good to be jealous of how someone else is built..chances are, they are sitting there wishing they looked like someone else! Its crazy!
So if I get the stink eye now over wanting to get in shape and lose 7 pounds, I say this....if anyone reading this is concerned about their own weight, I challenge you TODAY to change just a few small things RIGHT NOW! Stop drinking soft drinks. Drink more water than sweet tea (I say that because I LOVE IT!!!!) Stop late night eating/snacking. Choose to start walking or maybe even start doing Yoga for Beginners. I know its cold outside..that's why my butt hasn't been out there doing anything! And for goodness sakes, if you start a workout, don't kill yourself on the first day or even during the first week! I'm the kind of person that wants it all NOW too...but I know if I injure myself, I wont be able to workout on day 2, 3, 4....
Ok, one could argue that its all easy for me to say this stuff since I'm not in my pre-period, carb/salt craving week! I just scarfed down 4-5 Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls all by myself last week! And Pete will not let me forget that....hehehe I LOVED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM TOO! But I know that behavior like that pushes me just a little closer to that Type II diabetes that runs in my family..and that's not good. That stuff is NO JOKE. Trust me...almost everyone that ends up in the hospital and is on 20 meds has Type II diabetes. I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE!
But I am here to make my own commitment. A commitment to be healthier...to avoid developing diabetes. For goodness sakes, I am already lactose intolerant, I really don't want to have to avoid carbs and sugar the rest of my life too!
Anyway, starting off with some small changes will make a huge difference in the long run. And hopefully I will have will power when the hormones kick in this month! Those things are no joke either! But if anyone is interested, send me a note! Ill be glad to send some encouragement your way..not to be HOT after losing 30 pounds...no....to be HEALTHIER after losing 10 pounds and on the way to avoiding health problems.
My goals are to lower my heart rate by improving my cardiovascular fitness, improve my lung capacity, lose my 7 pounds and improve my MENTAL HEALTH. If you think that 7 pounds are joke...talk to me when I am feeling down and out. Depression, anxiety and stress are huge contributors to poor health and over all sense of well being. I really, really don't want to have to deal with those issues any more than I have to!

Winter Blues? Greens or Yellows?

The past few days, I have been feeling kind of blue. I was reading a magazine article today about the necessity of Omega-3's in our diets. Omega-3 isn't just good for our heart but evidently its good for our brains....depression. It makes sense to me. It has an effect on our Serotonin levels. Who would have ever have thought that eating oily fish=happiness? Are Asians really more happy than we are? The really crummy thing is that I don't even like fish. Ok, Tuna is fine, maybe a fried piece of Cod...but beyond that, is pushing it! WHY cant WHITE BREAD be full of the goodness that we need in our diets? WHY can't chocolate chip cookies be REALLY, REALLY good for us? That's the injustice of life isn't it? Now, I know, flaxseeds are a great source of Omega-3s. I took a capsule of it today. I'm hoping that I can catch up! :) I am also hoping that the 30 minutes I road on the bike trainer will make me lose 7 pounds that I recently packed on. And I feel certain that those 7 pounds had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the 4-5 (I lost count as my sugar levels rose above measurable levels on a glucometer!!!) Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls from the can that I ate last Wednesday!! And I bet that those 7 pounds have nothing to do with my lack of activity the last several months! Just like getting pregnant with Lila and Lyndi had nothing to do with.....oh...nevermind!!
So Pete and I are planning on doing better. None of this New Year resolution crap. That never works. I really HAVE to do something. Any person can scoff at me for being upset about gaining 7 pounds. But I will say this: 7 pounds also carries with it a little extra weight that I have to squeeze into a size 8 pair of jeans (forget my 6's!!!), my cholesterol levels are probably sinful in themselves after eating fat saturated foods and my already tachy heart isn't going to get less tachy having to deal with the added weight! All of my adult life minus the time that I was pregnant and post baby, I have always weighed 136. I am up to 143. I am 35 years old and will be 36 in April. My metabolism (in theory) is already beginning to slow the closer I get to 40! I have to do something NOW!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of these freakish people that suddenly eat a piece of lettuce for lunch and insist that I must stick to a strict diet! I am not shooting for losing 20 pounds here. So anyone that reads this and says "I HATE SKINNY FOLKS THAT THINK THEY ARE FAT!!" Please don't say/think that. I have a few things in my genetic history that is a huge incentive to stay smaller.....1) DIABETES 2) High blood pressure 3) Clogged arteries or PVD 4)Unattractive behinds in polyester pants! See so I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!! And by the way, most people's butts look bad in polyester pants...especially the really tight ones...which no one should be wearing anyway!!
So for now (as in today) Pete and I are planning to ride our bikes, eat better and take our flax seed capsules. I will post my efforts here to add a dimension of accountability to this. So now everyone knows: I am almost 36 and I weigh 143!
Wish me the best!!

Family

Today was my grandma's funeral. I guess they got the whole money thing worked out. It was strange looking at her there in the coffin. I only briefly observed her and moved on. I am not a big fan of the body in the coffin thing. My daughter Lila commented that it looked like they had glued her mouth shut...Im like...ummm, well....errr....Just don't say that outloud ok kid?? And the makeup they use...worse than Misses Doubtfire any day. That heavy duty pancake stuff...That's not my Grandma! She never even wore makeup!
I have had several people express their apologies to me. And I do appreciate it! But I really have faith that I will be with her again. Since I have been in the nursing field, and having worked part of it in oncology, I have come to realize that death is not always the worst thing in the world...especially not for Christians. We are guaranteed our future. Human suffering is so much worse than death. I would much rather see someone that is really sick, suffering and dying the slow death to just pass on. Forget what heart ache I may experience...its not fair to me to be selfish when a person is close to passing on to be with Jesus. And I really could not help but think that she is getting to be with my Granddaddy again in some form or fashion!
My grandparents were simple folks. My Granddaddy was stationed in the Phillipeans during the war. He helped to build bridges. My Grandma, she never drove..not even one day in her life. They never had a lot and they never seemed to require a lot. My Granddaddy was a wood craftsman. He could build anything I think. He built me a little doll cradle.. I still have it. Its in Lila's room now. He built little tables and chairs for my dolls. Oh I loved my Granddaddy!
I can remember my Granddaddy sitting in a recliner. He smoked a pipe. He had a very distinct smell about him from his pipe and the wood shed where he piddled around in. But he used to let me comb his hair with my little pink Barbie comb or brush. Then I would put little plastic curlers in his hair. He would let me do that for hours. And he always carried a handkerchief. It was either blue or red...always. He kept it in his back pocket. My favorite game was to try to capture that kerchief and keep it away from him. Oh he was so much fun! I loved him to pieces! I got teary today thinking of him! Crazy I know being that it was Grandma's funeral! But I was his girl! I was his only grand daughter.
Grandma....she was a sweet woman. She had a great laugh. She had an infectious laugh. She was as strong as an ox too. I remember hearing someone refer to her as a Granny. She was no, fragile, dainty granny I can promise you that! She could wrestle bears I bet! Just get a hug from her! You would know! She could hug like there was no tomorrow! My Grandma was a strong woman. I remember her keeping us kids straight. For many years I think I was afraid of her! She could put the what for down on your bottom! I can still hear her say that we had to go outside and play...and STAY OUT! STOP COMING IN AND OUT! My Granddaddy used to work nights at a saw mill as a night watchman. She had to keep us rowdy kids in check so as not to wake him up. Im sure that was not an easy task.
My Grandma always had a little nervous shake in her hands. I bet raising so many kids of her own and then dealing with us was a hoot! But she loved her family! I always knew that she loved me too. One of my fond memories of her was that she used to listen to Old Time Gospel music on the radio all the time. You know, back then, tvs weren't always around and they didn't get good reception out in the deep country...Sandy Cross, GA back then.
My Grandma could cook too! She could cook all the regular country favorites. But I can still see her sitting at her table filling deviled eggs. Her spoon shook a little with her hands. And she could make an awesome key lime pie with the thickest meringue you could imagine. She even made a fruit cake...which sounds disgusting but hers were so good! Not those hard blocks of styrofoam or whatever they are made of.
I don't remember if my Grandma ever had a regular job. All I can remember is her taking care of folks near where she lived. I guess you could say she was a CNA before there was official CNAs. She would sit with folks a lot. She helped them with their house, general care and cooking. She was a good woman.
I am going to miss my grandparents. I already do really. As I mentioned before, my Grandma had already shown signs of dementia. I think she may have had a little paranoia caused by the dementia. But she still loved her family, people in general and her God. You can't argue with that. I remember one Christmas gift I received from my Grandparents..because they could not afford much and probably wouldn't have wasted money on much anyway...was a Children's Bible Stories book. I still have that book. Inside it, it is signed by my Grandma and Granddaddy. That's very special to me.
Life with my Grandparents had nothing to do with all the stuff that a lot of Grandparents give their babies now. Their love was shown by coming to visit with me and my family. Their love was shown with the goodies Grandma would bake and the creative crafts my Granddaddy would make. I loved that and still do! And I miss those bear hugs that could potentially crush the life out of you from my Grandma. I miss my Granddaddy's soft bear paw hands that never became calloused from all of his wood working. I wish so much that those were things that I could share with my own children. But those things are gone. When they get older and can understand some of my memories, I will share them with them more.
Every now and then, I will pass some man somewhere and think about how much he reminds me of my Granddaddy. And every now and then I will be some where and smell that familiar scent of my Granddaddy's pipe and sawdust from the shed. It brings me back years. I love that! I will cherish the memories I have of both of them and be so grateful when I see them again!

Today

Well, no word on when my Grandma's funeral will be. Evidently the measly little 4k that she had for insurance will not cover the cost of her burial. The funeral home wants 7k. This is for the lowest line of coffin, embalming, dressing her and fixing her hair. There will not be a service/viewing at the funeral home. There will only be a "viewing" at the church where my cousin preaches, then a trip to the cemetery for grave side service. She will be buried next to my Grandad. BUT to open the ground there next to my Granddad, that will be $700. WHAT A FREAKING RACKET! Talk about job security! Folks are going to die! And we have to use these freaking funeral homes. Its just not right. And according to my Mom, my Grandma didn't want to be cremated. That would help with cost...SOME. Oh don't get me started on these people! Insurance companies and funeral homes..........
So today Pete and I got to go to Sunday school and church. It was really refreshing to get to attend. We have been out of town so much lately due to holidays and birthdays. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with family. But now Im glad to be home and get to go to church!
I found a house that I love yesterday. Not that I need to be finding houses to love. We have a really nice house. But this house is in a little town near here. It needs a good bit of work. Its really old. The floors in the house are beautiful. The house sits on a huge lot next to a church. Its incredible. But the bad thing is that they are asking almost 300k for it. Never mind that its in a town smaller than Comer.....no traffic lights or gas stations. And it needs all of the windows replaced in it. The kitchen would have to be remodeled. The bathrooms would have to be redone. The front porch is falling in...
You may be asking yourself, why in the world is Marci in love with an old house that sounds like its falling in??? I dunno! I really do love it though. hehe I guess I love a project! With the housing market being the way it is now, I don't know that our house would sell and I don't know that we could afford the delusional price the seller is asking! I KNOW we couldn't afford that house...especially not with the renovations that it needs.
Pete and I watched M. Night Shamalyan's movie, The Happening. Don't rent this movie. It was in no way as good as The Village. Basically the whole movie is filled with people killing themselves because of some "toxin" that scientists believe is nature fighting back at us....warning us that we aren't taking good care of the Earth. So my last hour and a half was spent watching people hang themselves, jump off buildings, shoot themselves (3 in the forehead..the front....NO ONE DOES THAT!!!!), one got attacked by a lion...you see this just goes on and on! Its nuts. If you want to watch a depressing, gross movie that has to mention global warming...go right ahead. You might feel depressed enough from my blog to not want to watch that piece of......
Please be praying for our friends and family members that are unemployed these days. I thank God daily for my job. And I am truly grateful for it!!! I have a great job! But I also know that, despite health care being a normally secure job, having a varicose vein treated is not a life threatening emergency (usually) and some people might put off having treatment. The other part of that is that when people are unemployed, they don't have insurance! I spoke to a nurse that worked for a General Practitioner, she said that even their practice had slowed down. Despite this being the sickest part of the year, people just don't have money or insurance like they used to. Please pray for our communities and our nation. Our economy is really hurting right now. So many people have lost their jobs. Please, please pray for these people and our leaders!!
How about all this rain we have been having? Talk about having prayers answered. I hope that the rain has a huge effect on our water tables. I took advantage of our soggy soil today and pulled out all the weeds in my flower beds!! Sounds like something weird to be doing in January but it works! Maybe I wont have as many weeds this Spring! Maybe frost will get the rest!!
Thanks, for all the love and support offered for my family right now! I appreciate it!

Not yet

Tonight was the bestest night ever for Lila! She went with her best BOY friend Aidan to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Aidan is a little boy that lives on the main road in our neighborhood. He is in Lila's class. He is a very intense little fellow. He is very smart, just like Lila. He is the top reader in the class with Lila right behind him. He is a cute boy, with a brown spiky mohawk . Lila likes cute boys, but they are usually the most rambunctious boys in her class. Her first boy friend was named Kale at daycare. He was truly an adorable little boy! He had brown hair and bright blue eyes. CUTE CUTE! One day, he would really cause some girls some trouble! But he lived in another county so Lila never got to see him again after the daycare days. That's probably a good thing because that boy was TROUBLE according to their teacher......great....
So Aidan, he loves him some Lila. His mom says that he talks about Lila nonstop. Its the same for us, Lila talks about Aidan all the time. He called her today and asked her if she could go to the movies with him. His mom could pick her up at 4:45. They went to a movie and dinner.
When Lila got home at almost 9pm, she was full of giggles and energy. I sit here shaking my head thinking about what we have in store for us in about 10 years. Or probably sooner.
Lila is a beautiful little girl. I'm afraid for her that the boys that she is picking right now, just might be shorter than her when they get to high school. Lila is a tall, skinny girl. She has the biggest brown eyes that I have ever seen. Boys love her and she loves the boys. But don't be fooled.....she loves the boys because they like to play the cool stuff like Star Wars and Power Rangers. For her birthday day, she skipped right over the Hanna Montana cupcakes and went for the Kung Fu Panda cupcakes! She also spent some of her Christmas money on a light saber to have pretend battles with Aidan. Yea.....that's my...ummm....girl! What can I say though? I was a tomboy growing up too. I have to say that I think its better that she wants to play outside, ride her bike, dig in the dirt and have play fights in the front yard than to be holed up inside playing video games.
Plus, all the little notes and drawings she makes for Aidan, she is practicing her writing skills and using her imagination! HA!
I just hope and pray that these rowdy boys she likes now, won't turn out to be the hoodlums that she JUST LOVES in 10 years. I can hope that she likes the really smart boys with high energy that like to go cycling or hiking right?? Right??
Ohhhh....tonight was just a taste of what is to come...I know that. It really is pretty scary to me. I have already started praying for Lila and for her personal life. I pray that she makes good choices. Ive also prayed that no one will ever hurt Lila. I don't know how realistic that will be. But Ill continue to pray for her. Hopefully she will make really great choices her whole life......I can hope right???

Update on life

My Grandma died today. She died of renal failure. She was my last living grandparent. I am somewhat ashamed to say that I have not seen her since Lila was about a year and a half old. Pete and I took her over to see my Grandma at my Aunt Vivian's house. She was sitting in a chair, looking much older and a whole lot more frail than I had remembered. I had remembered right, she was much more frail.

My Grandma was married to my Granddaddy for 50 years. I got to celebrate their anniversary with them. He died not long after that. He was such a good man and I loved him dearly.

My Grandma, lived with my Aunt Vivian for a long time. My Aunt Vivian is married to my ex husband's father. That always made things a little weird to me. I liked my ex's dad fine. I just never went around. They all smoked. My Grandma was frail and had some dementia. It was all just kind of odd for me. So despite living less than 20 minutes from my Grandma (since moving where we live now), I never saw her after our visit with baby Lila. She never met Lyndi.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and told her that my Grandma was sick and in the hospital. I told her that I hadnt seen her. She asked me if I would feel regret for not having seen her for a long time if she died. I told her that I didnt know.

The truth about this whole situation is this. I love my Grandma. I have many childhood memories of her and my Granddaddy. I think she must have known that I loved her. I hope so. I think, I'll see her again. Oh that day when I see her and my Granddaddy (whom I have missed SO MUCH) again. I thought that if I went and tried to have a close relationship with a slightly demented Grandma, that may not really be able to keep me in context or remember my children (she had several grandchildren), I thought that might not be the best situation. My Dad has always kept her up to date on us kids. Im sure he has shown her pictures and talked about us. She knew about my heart issue. She knew when I had been hospitalized. I have prayed for her and I bet (being a good Christian woman) she has prayed for me.

So here I am. I am thinking about her. I kind of wish that I had seen her at the hospital yesterday or today. I did not really know that things were going to come to an end so quickly. When do we ever know really? But she died with her family around. She was a loved woman. I guess I just loved her from a distance. I bet she just loved me from a distance. That's ok I guess.

I dont know of the plans for her funeral yet. I think Ill find that out tomorrow. I figure that they will have her funeral on Tuesday. When I go to the funeral, I wonder if I will get looks from anyone. Here I am showing up when the woman dies for goodness sakes...where was I when she was alive? But like I said, I think she knew I loved her. Whether anyone else had to know...that's not my concern. I'll be able to tell her one day...again.

History

Within the last 24 hours, I received 3 additions to my list of friends on Facebook. One might quickly assume that I am SO very popular..which I am but......
One of the additions was my cousin Tim. One was Tim's girlfriend that I just met this past weekend. And finally, one was a fellow that I dated just prior to Pete. Actually, the day I told Pete that this fellow and I had broken up, Pete asked me to go to dinner with him. He told me later that he did not want to take any chances that I might find someone else to date. He said that when he had met me that he had KNOWN that he was going to marry me! Never mind that I was dating someone else and actually was engaged to be married to this fellow. After being married for 9 years in October of this year, I guess that Pete's intuition was exactly right.
Running into this person online was kind of memory provoking. Not the kind where a person ends up crying and saying,"WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!!" I don't have any regrets that things turned out the way they did. It's just funny how when you date or are friends with someone for a while that you have a bit of history together. Now, don't get me wrong. Since Pete and I have been together so long, I always assume that all the things I had done or all the places I had been in the past were naturally with him. He always says,"Noooo that wasn't me, that must have been your other boyfriend!" Ohhhh my bad. Huhhh!
Anyway, this person had sent me a message saying hi and telling me that he had one child and another on the way! How exciting I thought! And how funny to me that I thought it was exciting! After our "breakup," things got ugly for me at home. My family was shocked and very upset that we had broken up. My mom had said something like,"Since you can't seem to get along with anyone, are you sure you aren't a lesbian?!" Yea, thanks Mom! Ill let you know when I meet the right woman. But at that time, I knew that I was not engaged to the right man for me. Things had just not worked out between us.
Strangely enough, the ex fellow ended up marrying a girl that he had worked with while we dated. He used to make unfavorable comments about her and her *itchy attitude. I remembered thinking while we were dating that I had better keep my eye on her. I just had a sense that something was there....I fully believe that he did not have a clue at that time that he would end up marrying that girl (I referred to her as "the Crow" back then). I don't think he had the same intuition that Pete had had about me....But I think I knew....I just didn't know what I knew! Makes sense doesn't it?!
Anyway, so he is happily married and has a child on the way! Im really glad for him! See, I told my mom he was not the right one for me...and I was not the right one for him. Too bad hindsight is 20/20. After we had broken up, things were so tense for me around my family. It was quite some time after I started dating Pete that my family began to accept him. Now he is part of family...as crazy as my family is!
I think back sometimes to the people I dated when I was in my 20's. I wish someone had said,"You know Marci, that person just is not for you...dont waste your time!" Life rarely works like that though. All of us have spent too much time, energy, money, emotions and life in general on people that weren't right for us (that includes friends, other family members, jobs). Sometimes I do wish that I could go back and have a do over!
I guess one good thing about the past and its experiences is that HOPEFULLY we learn from our mistakes. We are open to what is really meant for us. Hopefully we trust what God has planned for our lives.

Reflecting back on who I used to be....

As a mom, I think that its not unusual to take a moment from time to time to reflect back on life pre-children. I have been thinking about this a bit more now that I have 2 children...you know, what it was like before having our second child. I only had one crazed maniac to chase after. Now I have two!

I started YESTERDAY trying to get back into shape...some shape or form. I dont know that I will ever be the same after having had children. I know, I know, Im slender! Ok! Im not one of these people that go around saying,"IM FAT! IM FAT!!!" No! But I am out of shape! There is a huge difference. I have no muscle tone right now. I have begun doing sit ups...torturous sit ups performed on a Roman Chair. If you arent familiar, you should really try it! No ab lounger, no routine of 500 sit ups can compare! Just start out with about 10 situps...really...dont over do it! While I was at work today, I could feel every muscle in my abdomen every time I laughed. And working with Sherrie, I am guaranteed to get a good hee haw in at least a handful of times daily!

So back to being out of shape! I may be what a lot of people refer to as skinny BUT I have that baby pouch or apron for a gut. No matter how skinny and flat my stomach may get, I think that I ll still have loose skin at my stomach. I can say that I am very fortunate that I dont have a lot of stretch marks, I know that makes things even more difficult for women. But I have decided that I will try to shrink that pouch down. I can only imagine that it could probably be compared to a beer gut on a guy. After a month or so, I will let you know how things are going. If all else fails, I have the name of a plastic surgeon at Lake Oconee that I might go see!

I want to start riding my bike again. Because I dont have access to a baby sitter too often, I will ride my bike on the trainer. That way, I can keep a close eye on the two little maniacs. Sure they will scream and fight while Im trying to ride. They will scream MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!! and point at eachother with accusing fingers!! Lyndi might even whack Lila to set her straight about some crime that she had committed against her baby sister. But as long as my thighs firm up and become STRONG, skinny, chicken legs...I dont care!

Now that my Ive had the heart ablation done, I really want to start some sort of cardio routine. I have thought about running. But really.....running stinks...especially with the weather we have been having. I know walking is the best exercise ever, but I want something more. Thats where I think the bike trainer will be helpful. I need a goal though. Maybe I can plan to ride another road ride like the Twilight Gambler. That ride was 36 miles. I had the opportunity to ride the 100 mile ride....but I figured that death was not an option for me at that time!

Ok, now that I think about it....within almost a year, I have had my gall bladder out, I was admitted to the hospital for something heart related (unknown at that time), I had one kidney stone, I had two stomach viruses, 3 migraines and my cardiac ablation. Why do I think that my poor shape has anything to do with my precious little ones?? Maybe my current condition has much more to do with getting old!! This year I will turn 36! Only 4 more years until 40! WHEW!!

Maybe I really need to step it up a notch when thinking about this whole getting in shape thing! I might not have a lot of choice....I dont want to go downhill any further! Never mind that my children have destroyed every nerve I had left after nursing school! Now I have old age knocking at my door!

Let me also add that our children have not only had an effect on me but on Pete also. Pete is almost completely white headed now. In the last 4 years, nursing school (for me) and having two children (with me) and his own (now 20 yr old ) son, has really stripped the red right out of his hair! By the time he turns 50, in two years, he will be white headed for sure.

Guilty Pleasures

I guess it was back about a month ago....I feel really kind of guilty about all of this.....And to think that Pete introduced us.
It was just when it started to get cold around here. I remember it distinctly. And the thing is that it wasn't an instant liking where its sort of a love at first sight. But as the days have gone by, I have grown such a fondness that I don't know that there is going to be a nice, happy break...
Even today as my family was preoccupied, I was called into my bedroom. My seducer beckoned me to the bedroom. I thought, no, I can not go....What about my family? What about Pete?
I couldnt resist. I fought the temptation....I couldn't hold off any longer.
I climbed into bed, feeling the warmth surround me. I felt so content. A deep, warm happiness that I can imagine that small babies feel when wrapped up in their mothers arms. But this was more a of guilty pleasure. I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. What security I felt. I haven't felt this good in a while. My seducer hummed a little and I felt the warmth increase ever so slightly. What was life like before? I couldn't remember.
All I know is that many nights before I came to know my seducer, there had been some cold lonely nights. Now I felt such closeness and warmth that I know it will be so hard to give this up come Spring when my seducer must go........
For now, I will lie in my bed. I will snuggle up and feel a coziness that I have never known. And really, Pete will have to accept some of the blame for this affair. He is the one that introduced us. He is the one that could not provide me with what I needed. He is the one....
No more plain ole, semi fuzzy cotton blankets for me. No, I will never know them again. Only my electric blanket will do. I've had enough of the cold lonely nights. I've had enough of Pete's cold feeting bumping me in the middle of the night. So I have until the nights get warm again. I have until a layer of sweat covers me because I like to keep the blanket setting on about 5. So maybe that means I have until....ummm mid January when it warms up to 75 during the day! But it will be Pete that has to intervene and take it away. For now, my seducer calls me back to bed....a mid afternon nap...the warm, coziness that babies enjoy while swaddled in their downy blankets. Heaven.....

Hot Bodies

Ok, I realize that its hugely popular to stomp on ole GW and grind him in the mud. But really people, just because Bar-O is caught hanging out in a bathing suit, do we really have to go WAY overboard and talk about him being HOT??? Based upon the pictures in his bathing suit, he looks like he is built like the average Joe...maybe I should use some other name instead of Joe???

But when I was searching for some pics of our dear, current President, I couldn't find any that showed off a bad tan line like B.O.'s picture. I did find some of him in some conservative cycling shorts that showed off some very WELL formed legs. Does the average American know or even appreciate the fact that our President is a real athlete? Even if we do know, the media is going to mock and slam him for his apparel. Should we forget that GW is 62 years old and B.O. is 47. What a huge difference in age. But none the less, GW is going to catch hell for hanging out in cycling gear and Barack is going to be placed on the cover of GQ magazine! I don't get it!

Just because some one is president elect does not make them HOT or attractive. Just like ole Bill C. What in the world made people think that he was hot?? That one will puzzle me for years to come.

And speaking of people slamming GW....I saw an article where he was seen wearing cycling socks and crocs (both black). The writer was basically saying that the President had commited a huge fashion faux pas for wearing such ridiculous garb. I would like to invite that writer to attend any mountain bike race and see that virtually all cyclists wear comfortable sandals, crocs, moccasins or the like pre and post ride. But hey, we should always focus on a person's short comings and be hyper critical of every aspect of their life shouldn't we??

Anyway, if anyone wants to focus on some one that is truly hot and in fabulous shape...and

happens to be a beautiful black male...let's see some pics of Taye Diggs!

Quick note

Pete said that he read my "Hidden Sorrows" blog today...he told me that he liked it but he had a feeling that people were going to start eyeballing HIM thinking that I was exposing my dear husband for being a drunkard.....its really not about him. But I asked him...How nice would it be if I had OUTED him like that??.....Cool huh?