Spring Break 2010

I am currently sitting before a glowing pit of fire. Literally. Pete and I took the girls camping at Fort Yargo State Park for the weekend. Tomorrow we head back to Comer town. It has been an interesting few days. As usual per our camping trips, we had rain off and on. When it wasn’t raining, the sun shined and the GREAT winds blew. While roughing it here in the woods, I headed to civilization and HAD to visit the local Target. I bought the girls kites to fly in the great gusts. Naturally after making such a purchase, the GREAT WINDS weren’t so stinking great. And since Lila really believes (even at the age of 8) that we have control over things like the wind or sunshine, she began to fuss and complain that everything was just miserable for her and she seemed to blame us for her misery. Ahhhhh….another day in paradise!


Saturday we made a trip into Winder to take a gander at the offerings of the awesome Akins vehicle dealer. Driving up on the lot, you expect to hear trumpets sounding or an orchestra playing some tremendous overture to express the fantabulessness of the place! Ahhhhhhhhhhh….. They had the standard four door family rides (sedans). The ever so necessary family vans (filled with DVD players and playscapes I’m sure). Then they had the “I’m obviously a single person’s” two door, sporty rides. But what we wanted to gaze upon was the suped up, jacked up, toughened up, hard working, load totin, pick ups! For a mere 50k, a person could come away from there with the ride of a lifetime. Of course, in our case, it would take a lifetime to pay for one of those lot items. But we love to look. We actually have to carry tissues with us to wipe the drool away (and the tears when we hear the prices).

Pete having a spine of steel, test drove a Ford F250 diesel. From the moment he fired the engine up and that truck began its hypnotic rattle-rattle-rattle, Pete’s eyes got this glazed look about them. I could tell that even though he was present in body, his mind was elsewhere, realizing that all of his dreams had just come true just firing that behemoth up! And for a mere 36k for a 2 year old truck with 60 something miles on it (baby stuff for a diesel), Pete could have his heart’s desire. And how that man was able to walk away from that truck and maintain a poker face, I will never know. I imagined that I had a constipated look on my face when Pete told the seller of his dreams that he was “just looking” and walked away. It PAINED ME!

I ‘m not the kind of person that has to lots of “things”. I don’t have to have the latest and greatest gadgets, the fanciest clothes or many other things….but I wish that I could have gone in their office, plopped a price down on the table, written them a check and handed Pete the keys. Quite honestly though, our first house cost us $76, 500. It was a beautiful, cozy cottage. That truck was half the price of our first house! I bet the payment on it would have been just as much as the house, maybe more.

While we were there at that dealership, a flat bed truck came in with a delivery of a car. Seeing that car and hearing the engine roar, caused a bit of a rumbling in my inner being. I felt a rare sort of excitement that I don’t feel often. The car was a real beauty….a 2011 Ford Mustang Cobra. It had slick tires and was a true racing car! It had the racing seats with 5 point restraints and a cage. When that car came off the truck and roared, every man in ear shot of that thing came out to see what that stirrer of primitive emotions was….it was HOT! Girls, I don’t think that a half naked woman walking through the parking lot would have grabbed as much attention as that car did. Grrrrrrrrrr

Today, the Great Winds blew again. The girls got to fly their kites. Lila finally was able to come out of her misery. Her life wasn’t ruined after all. They had a good time running back and forth along the shore line of the lake. It was a good time.

Tonight we had the fire of all fires. Pete has really come into his own with fire building. When we first married, he didn’t have all of the skills that he has seemingly mastered over 10 years now. It was a nice warm fire. Lightening and clouds threatened us in the background. The fire bugs, Lila and Lyndi, had to poke and prod at the flames and coals. Iris just laid off to the side and watched over all the festivities. Lyndi spent some time sitting in my lap, asking me to sing MY song to her. I had to sing “You Are My Sunshine” only 6 times. She began to join in after the third time around. It is times like that I wouldn’t trade for a million dollars.

Tomorrow morning we pack up, a chore that has become a lot less tiresome and trying since we got our camper. We will pull out, dump the trash off and empty the black and gray water out of the holding tanks. Then we hit the road. Back to Comer Town we go. Back to our neighborhood. Back to our home. Back to where we know folks and folks know us. Back to sleep in our own beds. Back to our 3 stinky cats. Back to our house that ALWAYS needs cleaning and laundry that ALWAYS needs to be done. Ahhhhhhh, what bliss……minus a behemoth of a truck with a back seat the size of a couch. Pete is a strong, strong man.

All In a Day's Work

Today was a day with my critical hospital patients. My shift, beginning at 6:45AM, started out with a BANG!!! My first patient, unable to speak due to a trach, informed me that he didn't want to be there and he wanted to die. GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT.......
When I meet patients, I don't necessarily know all of the family dynamics. I don't know all the details of what brought them to our hospital. And in some ways, its better not knowing too many details. It's better for my emotional health to be able to separate myself from patients that are on the edge.
After lunch things did get better....I even had the great pleasure of inserting a rectal tube on a patient!! WOOHOO!! I mean, I've put many a foley in both men and women...but never a rectal tube! So now, finally I can say that I had the chance to explore that orafice with a device of torture too! **Special note** Rectal tubes go on the list of things I DO NOT EVER want to have put in my orafice!!!! That goes along with being on a Vent and having to have a nasogastric tube!!!
Something that's funny to me is that all of the patients at the hospital do not wear drawers. This fact does not in any way disturb me or make me uncomfortable. I think absolutely nothing of seeing a person in their birthday suit. HOWEVER....if a person was just sitting around in their underpants at the vein practice, I would be so embarassed and uncomfortable I couldn't hardly stand it!! Makes no sense does it? It is what it is though. We don't sit around in our drawers at home either and Pete never hangs out shirtless. I guess we are just modest folks.
All in all, I like my new job. I really love that I am helping comfort people that are in a really tough spot in their life. I love using the nursing skills that I spent several thousands of dollars on!!! The thought did cross my mind today that maybe I should have gone into floral design or something less stressful!! Nahhhhhhhh

A few of my favorite things

Here are a few of my favorite things, the things that make me happy!
1) Going and visiting my little buddy Lyle, his mommy Sherry and his baby brother Emory. They are a beautful family and I enjoy my friend Sherry a lot. She is a beautiful soul that seems to except me for exactly who I am and that is something great!
2) Our small group meetings at the Legg's house on Sunday nights. We get to enjoy a great meal together and then have a wonderful lesson. It's very fulfilling.
3) My friends. I can not begin to name all of the people that are special to me. I am surrounded by many women and men whose spirits shine with the light of the Lord. I would love to have a book documenting each one's testimony. Each testimony is so special and really touches my heart.
4) My neighborhood family. We are here for a reason. There are so many special families and singles that live here. I love being able to walk the neighborhood and speak to folks.
5) Cliff Mojo bars (peanut butter and pretzel) and a cup of coffee. I can't begin to tell you what a treat that is for me.
6) A comfortable pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt. Although they aren't fancy duds...they are most representative of my style....always have been, always will be!
7) My cat Jack. Or Jack a poo tee as Lyndi calls him. He is an orange manx. For some reason, he just brings me joy. He is a funny cat. He drives Pete nuts and claws things up from time to time. But what can I say? I love him.

The Beauty of It All

I began my new job working with long term care patients part time in town. I will continue work part time for the vein practice I've been at for the last year and a half. Let me just say that I am so incredibly busy in my life now. I thought I was busy before. My life was sitting on snooze before! I just didn't know.
I really like my new job. The patients are all total care. Most of the patients I've worked with are on a vent or have a tracheostomy. Some patients are there due to car accidents, severe stroke, failed attempts at suicide or just plain rotten health. I wondered how I would feel working with patients that were almost all in such a bad state of being. Truly it hasn't bothered me yet. After having worked in oncology, home health and acute care, I feel more adept at caring for these patients. I also know that I don't plan to dig deep into their personal lives. The less I know about them as a person (a healthy, living person) the better. My goal is to provide comfort and well being to each person to the best of my ability. I already know going into this sort of environment that some people never really get better. Comfort is key...full recovery is not. If a person is able to overcome their circumstances and graduate out of our facility, what a blessing!!
Coming from a little office of only 5 people, into a group of double digit nurses, plus office and other staff members is a big change. There are some interesting dianamics that I haven't really encountered before. I have sensed that there is a lot of tension between nurses. The Chaplain explained that this phenomenon is due to the high stress and the negativity related to all of the really sick patients. These patients are really needy and often have demanding family members. Those sorts of things tend to wear on the nurses and causes them to take it out on eachother. I personally believe that a lot of nurses have issues with control. They want to be in control of their patients, themselves and their environment. Of course this isn't a realistic expectation. At times, when the world isn't cooperating, the nurses get upset and lash out. Power struggles play out too. Instead of each person looking at their coworkers as a huge source of knowlege and assistance, some nurses feel inferior or even superior and then the horn clashing begins.
I've noticed a good bit of eye rolling, hen like cackling and ruffled feathers. It's a shame too. I see why it happens though. My goal is to avoid this drama and head butting as much as possible. I know that so much of what goes on in places like that have nothing REALLY to do with me personally. I will try to just do my job to the best of my ability, care for my patients in a manner that I have been called by God to do and then head home knowing that I made a difference. That's my goal. My prayer is that God will help guide me through all of this and help me to avoid major obstacles and that he will take my own burdens up on HIS shoulders.
 In this life I have been given, I learned a few years ago that I have control of NOTHING. I learned from my previous marriage that I can not change anyone. I have learned to take each day as it comes. And I have learned from being a nurse that each patient, no matter what level of consciousness they may appear to be at, is still a human being with needs. The one thing that I learned from a dear friend/cancer patient named Terry, is that it is so important for each patient to feel like a human being and not like a disease (or a number).
So for my first days at the hospital, I feel like I am starting all over. I am so thankful that I haven't lost every bit of knowlege that I have about nursing. I have been thrilled over the moments of knowlege that come to me. I thought my bulb had burned out completely...I guess not! That little bulb turns on and shines from time to time!!! I'm rusty in my practice but still salvageable!
I find it so interesting that God has brought me to this place at this time in my life. My hope is that he will use me to help further HIS Kingdom. I am really looking forward to being witness to these situations I am talking about. I know that I have been so blessed in every area of nursing that I have worked in. Naturally there have been ups and downs in all of the places I've worked. That's life. The bad helps us to appreciate the good. It's my hope though that the good out weighs the bad! But the absolute miracles and examples of God's grace and mercy have been so amazing!!
So now if you see me on a Tuesday night, Wednesday night or Thursday night, know this: I probably have just worked a 12 hour shift with some really, really sick people; I worked Wed. at the Vein practice and Im still tired from my previous 12 hr shift and then will be at church that evening; Thursday will be another 12 hour shift taking care of really, really sick people. Please be understanding of my yawns and stretching...it's not a show of disrespect!
Thank you God for getting me to this point, even if it took months for you to go from saying "be still and wait", to "YES!"

Tragedy

I feel as though I have been able to recovery emotionally from the tragedy that I witnessed a couple of days ago......
As I was on Oglethorpe Ave, waiting at the light to turn left onto Hawthorne, I saw a gentleman attempting to maneuver his bicycle across the traffic laden road in the gas stations parking lot. This poor soul was finally able to semi-pedal and semi-push his bike across the street. This task was not made easy because he carried in his arms a brown paper bag. Thinking that Bell's grocery is just down the street, I thought...This poor fellow could really mess himself up and drop his sack of groceries! WHEN SUDDENLY....As he began trying to mount his metal steed and maintain control of his handle bars with one hand and hold the grocery sack in the other....the handle bars went left and the sack pitched to the right and fell in S-L-O-WWWWWWW motion to the ground. The contents of that bag began to foam and spew all over the ground!!!!!!!!!!! The golden rich barley concoction WASTED on the parking lot!!!!!!
Because I am pretty talented in the art of reading lips....I observed this gentleman fling his arms up to the Heavens and exclaim "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SUGAR SMACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  He then began pumping his arms up and down and stamping his feet in disgust.
While observing all of this, I was talking to my friend India on the phone. I told her of the events that I had observed. She explained that that gentleman was probably having to ride that bike in the first place because of his inablity to maintain the contents of his brown bag! She is so wise!
Poor fella! I know on game days when we used to make people pour out the contents of their little brown bags...they nearly wept and wanted to exclaim "AWWWWWWWWWWW SUGAR SMACKS!!!!" I know that's what they really wanted to say!!!

Editor Needed

Today I realized what a terrible job I've done with these postings. Please forgive me for the posts that I've written that contain type-os, poor grammar and generally stink. I can honestly say that I've written many a blog while being half asleep, under the influence of cold medicine or just plain crazy from dealing with things (kids, work, family, stress, stress, stress). Hopefully you don't mind cutting me some slack. Know this: I always MEAN TO hit that little spell check button...it just doesn't always happen!!! Please, please forgive me!

Obviously Not in Kansas Anymore!!!

Tonight is supposed to be one of the brightest full moons EVER....or something like that. My coworker informed me of this neat fact. I told her that the full moon is creating havoc in my life. My children have been acting like maniacs. They are constantly fighting with eachother. My oldest has taken to screaming at the top of her lungs at the 3 year old. Both kids have been yelling at us (yea that goes over well). And neither one of them wants to got to bed or sleep. I too have been having trouble falling asleep the last few nights. With all of this lack of sleep going on, there have been some cranky folks at my house....ME INCLUDED...maybe even ESPECIALLY!!!
This whole full moon thing is not bunk. Anyone that thinks that there is nothing to this concept must live under a rock!! It really all makes sense if you think about it. As humans, we are made up of approximately 75% water. The moon has an effect on the oceans tides. Its bound to have an effect on us humans. Nevermind that every time there is a full moon the following events occur more frequently: 1)arrests 2)drunken brawls (that lead to arrest), domestic violence goes up (leading to increased hospital visits and to jail), baby births, mental breakdowns, murders (probably from mental breakdown) and my children lose their minds. Ok, so maybe I haven't really looked up the statistics on these things!! BUT, I do know from working in law enforcement and working in the ER that these things really do happen more frequently when there is a full moon. And the part about my kids losing their minds.....come over to my house during a full moon if proof is really needed!!!!
So I heard the greatest story today. As far as I know its a completely true story. One of my patients told me that her father was a chicken farmer. He had 3 working chicken houses. Well, because he was getting older (70's), he wasn't so sure that he wanted to continue having to care for these houses. Christmas day, he went out on the front porch and prayed to God about whether or not HE wanted him to continue in the chicken business. Once through praying, he went back inside the house. Later that afternoon, his neighbor came to his house and told him that he really needed to check on his chicken houses. What he saw would/should boggle the mind of any person...especially a non believer. A Christian should not be overly surprised!! When he checked those chicken houses, he found that a tornado had blown through and taken out all three of his houses. Nothing could be salvaged. No other house or property had been hurt from this tornado!!! Can you imagine a more perfect response to his prayer? Had only one chicken house been ruined, he might not know what that meant. Had a roof been damaged, he surely wouldn't have known. Total destruction of all 3 houses...no questions asked! Needless to say, he hung up his farming hat. He also did not mention to the insurance man that he had prayed about this...I'm sure the insurance company would have tried to figure a way out of paying for his loss!! They would have tried to say that he had special connections and had caused this to happen! How great to have THOSE kinds of connections with God!! Usually when I pray about something, I get the answer,"Not now, wait!!" or "Be still." Being that I'm deathly afraid of tornadoes...I'm ok with waiting!

Pop goes the weasel...Jack

Ok, as I was sitting here on the bed, reading The Pioneer Woman's blog.....
Pete scoops up our teenager manx cat Jack-a-poo-tee (as Lyndi calls him). He asks Jack how he got a plug taken out of his chest (because he is either a tough fighter or can't fight worth a lick). Jackapootee, obviously not liking that Pete was inquiring about his personal business, raised his paw and popped Pete right on the nose. Pete put him down and called him a son with no father!!! I still have tears in my eyes from laughing. Pete had a drop of blood on his snout. Now we know...never comment on a cat's war wounds...they dont like it!!!

Better Since I Left the Room!

So today my embalmer friend from the other day returned for another procedure. There is something about this fellow that I really appreciate. Maybe its his down to earth attitude and honesty. He just seems like a good guy.
After his procedure was complete I said, "Hey ______ you doing all right now?" He said,"Yea Marci, I actually started to feel a lot better once you left the room!".....WOW!!!! I told him that he was talking awful big now that there weren't any sharp instruments being pointed at him!! I had to laugh. I'm a big enough girl to take some ribbing. And I have to say that he didn't leave out of that office without hugging me bye and thanking us for doing a great job. So I didn't let it get under my skin. He was being rather brave making a comment like that to a woman that could be peri-menopausal, generally hormonal or pregnant!!! But I am definitely NOT pregnant should that horrifying thought even begin to cross your mind!!!!!!!
Then today I had a patient preface a question with," I'm going to ask you a personal question that you might think is me trying to set you up for failure." I went ahead and told her that the shorts she had on did NOT make her butt look big!! But what she really wanted to know was.....If getting rid of her spider veins was going to make her into a SEX KITTEN!!! Was her husband going to be harassing her and pawing at her? Hmmmmmm....I wasn't quite sure if she wanted to be pawed or didn't want to be pawed. You know how married women are.....either they are a sex kitten or they seem to suffer from recurrent headaches. She also wanted to know if the compression stockings she would be wearing might be a turn on for her husband......I'm like....Lady, I don't know your husband, he MAY just have a fetish for ladies wearing grandma style hosiery! Nothing surprises me anymore.
So I called my in laws tonight. My father-in--aw that's 71 answered the phone. I asked what he was up to and he said he was walking on his treadmill. I asked him how long he walked...30 minutes every single day!! How bout that? Grandpa totally shows me up on a daily basis!! I really need to get back to working out!! Maybe if I get back to working out....I too can be a SEX KITTEN!!
The patient that asked me about becoming a sex kitten was 51 years old. And my father-in-law (as I said) is 71. I am almost 37.....there is something really wrong with this picture.
These two separate incidents tell me couple of things:
1) Middle century, mature (my patient's wording) women think about being sexy.
2) My parents and everyone else's parents maybe having sex, thinking about being a sex kitten and have weird hosiery fetishes.........ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL RISE!!!

Ok, its not even 9AM and I've been through about every emotion known to man...or woman...in my case!
This AM, Lyndi decided to have a falling out fit because her cereal wasn't in a BIG bowl. I'm sorry, I put it in a travel worthy bowl like I do EVERY morning when we have to eat on the run. But because I fell short of her expectations....since Pete was at home sick with the stomach yucks and I had to get Lila to school too.....she had to FALL OUT on the floor and practically be dragged to the car. Thanks to Pete for actually getting her UP in her seat and buckling her in...cause if I had to do it...I might have had to ___________ her (you can fill in any verb you can think of that semi-resembles torture).
So, once we got Lila to school, Lyndi asked me for the 1000000 time whether or not we were going to church tonight. She LOVES to go to church. And I LOVE that she LOVES to go to church. And what a sweet blessing that (despite the fact that she had a blooming fit at the house)she sat in the back seat singing to (at the beautiful tender age of 3)"I Will Rise" by Matthew West. She may not know what the words really, really mean YET, but she sang them with all of her heart. And I strained to hear her. I bet that God probably strained his ear a bit to hear her sweet little self singing HIS praises this morning too.
I would be so selfish to say that the blessings ended there for me....
While we were driving in, I thought that since I was running early that I should stop by and see my dad on the way in at work. For a moment I wavered on that thought. But then I drove up the drive to the shop. When I walked in I saw one of my dad's coworkers. I joked with him that if I called out "DAD", how many of the men at the body shop would turn around! I called "dad" and my dad did turn around! :) Along with about 3 others. But I wondered inside if my dad recognized my voice, the voice of his child that he had heard call his name for almost 37 years.
I told Dad that he needed to come out and see Lyndi. She loves her Papa so much!! She wanted to see him so badly. So he went out and hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. He stooped down and talked to her while she sat in her car seat. She didn't have a lot to say but I could tell that she was so completely crazy in love with talking to her Papa.
I asked Dad if he knew how his coworker David White was doing. David recently lost his 44 year old wife quite unexpectedly to Meningitis. Within less than one week, his wife went from having an ear ache to going to the hospital...to going on a vent...to being disconnected...to dying. They had (I think) 3 teenage children together. Dad said that he wasn't sure how he was doing since it had been a week since she had passed and he had not been back to work.
No sooner had we spoken of David and dad said,"Well here comes David now!" David walked up and I introduced myself. I hugged him and told him that we had been praying for him at our church in Comer. I told him that I was sorry for his sudden loss and that although we can not always understand why these things happen, God does have a great plan in everything. Across his face, there was a flash of sadness that was replaced with a gleam of pride and love. He told me that his wife, who had died before her time was a Christian woman who whole heartedly believed in God. She was a very good woman that was unselfish, always doing for others and was very kind. He knew where her heart was...with the Lord. I thought, what an awesome blessing to KNOW without a doubt that she BELIEVED. Not only did she BELIEVE, but she was a woman with a big, unselfish heart that did for others. He said that he thought he needed to get back to work and to move on into the next chapter of his life. And I knew what he meant. He needed to get back to DOING something so he didn't sit at home dwelling on his loss. He needed a distraction. But at the very least, he had peace in his heart. I am so grateful for him for that.
But then came an extra blessing for me. As I told my dad that I needed to go, I hugged him bye. When I hugged him, for some reason TODAY, it took me back. It took me back to all those years when I hugged my dad and felt that warm, cozy, comfortable love that I felt as a young girl...back when I was a true Daddy's girl. The warmth and safety I felt there....that I haven't felt in a long time...was THERE!! It was like having a renewed belief in the Santa Clause I believed in as a child. As we grow up and find out the truth about Christmas (and come to understand that we celebrate Christmas because of Christ and not because of the man in the red suit) and begin to forget the excitement and joy that we felt for the man we know as Santa....I felt that overwhelming joy and love for my Dad just like I used to feel for him like I did as a child. Not that I don't love my Dad now. I surely do...but to experience the same love as a child and probably just as Lyndi felt for him.....was a beautiful, sweet blessing.
As we grow up and grow older, we start to see our family members and parents for the true people that they are and not just as our sister, brother, mother or father. We learn about them as a provider, about their hopes, dreams and disappointments. We may even have hurts and disappointments tied to our relationships with them. But today, being able to see my Dad through the eyes of a child and not thinking about any other feeling but the love I felt for him really made my visit extra special. And knowing that David suffered a huge loss, his time with his wife cut short, made me recognize what a special gift I received this morning. And I am truly, deeply thankful for that!

Fun With The Dead

I really don't have a lot to say about "Fun With the Dead", but I had a patient today that used to be an embalmer...and it sounded like "back in the day" that he and his friends had a good time. Death can be such a depressing thing. All people that work around death and dying have to have a release. Humor has to be a daily part of a service person's life. Nurses, doctors, police officers, funeral directors and fire persons all have a heavy emotional load to carry. Maybe I need to add DFACS workers and counselors to that list too.
Understand this, my patient didn't necessarily have fun with the dead, but instead with the live folks that got the heeby jeebies being around dead folks. As a young 20 year old, I can still remember having to deliver flowers to a black funeral home. I had never really been around dead people much, let alone dead black people. If you have never seen a deceased black person....they do NOT look dead. When white folks die, they get a pale, grayish tint to their skin. If a white person doesn't appear gray, they look like manequins from all the pancake makeup. Black people, they retain the natural color of their skin. They actually just look like they are asleep. This is a very unnerving thing to many white folks. But what's funny to me is that many, many black people that I have worked with get really freaked out around people that are dead.
I remember a girl I worked with at a hospital. She was a 20 something black female, patient care tech. All day, we had been waiting for a patient to pass. This gentleman had been really sick for a long time. We knew that death was imminent. That tech would have walked to China to get take out if it meant that she could avoid having to go in and be around this patient that she knew could be dead. Once the patient passed, I thought this girl was going to have a heart attack. She begged and pleaded to not have to go into the patients room. Unfortunately for this tech, it was part of her job description to have to help prepare patients after ceasing to be of this world. I have to admit that inside I was giggling!! If that patient's hand had moved even one millimeter toward her because of gravity...she would have ran to China!!!
Speaking of the dead, Pete felt half dead today. Last night he came down with a very unpleasant stomach virus. Pete spent the evening running back and forth to the bathroom. The runs and vomiting pretty much ruined the hope of a decent night's sleep. He was achy and had chills. Tylenol has been his friend. Toast and chicken noodle soup have been his gourmet meals. Woohoo!
This year marks five years of nursing for me. This also means that one of my Federal loans gets forgiven. I couldnt be more thrilled about this major event. I also can not believe that this year marks my 5th anniversary of nursing. It seems so hard to believe that this much time could have passed. Now if I can just get the other school loans paid off....I'll be 52 years old when this happens....booo.
Lila told me tonight that I was the best mom in the whole world. Sorry ladies....I know you had hoped to get that award....but 2010 is MY year!!! Lila used to tell me almost every day that I was the BESTEST Mommy in the World. Then from about 6-7 yrs she kind of backed off from that....I wonder why???? hmmmmm Don't guess it had anything to do with me being a strict meanie? Oh well....Lila's a good girl most of the time...a little whiney and will cry at the drop of a hat....but sweet most of the time. I'm really glad that she loves me and appreciates me despite the fact that Im strict.
Can I just say it??? I love my family!

True Friends

From the time we are very young, we have to ask ourselves what characteristics we think it takes to be a good friend. What makes a person a true friend as opposed to an acquaitance? What is it that binds us to one another? What experiences, emotions, actions or conversations takes a person up to the level of friend?
I can say that I have friends that I have had from the time I was in 3rd grade. I am almost 37 years old and I am still friends with people that have known me for most of my life. Oh the changes our lives have gone through!!!
This weekend, Pete asked me what I had to call my friend to talk to her about. I told him that I didn't NEED to call her about anything. I called her because she is my friend. The difference between me and Pete is that there are people that I love and care about. I try to keep up periodically....sometimes pathetically enough...the conversations are months apart! But, I dont have to have a reason to call. However, in this friend's case, I know she is having a hard time and I wanted to call her and offer a little bit of support. That's what real friends do. Real friends reach out from time to time to check in and check on eachother. I don't know if men do this.
Men call eachother to see if they want to hang out and watch a game. Men call because their wives tell them they must...like telling them to call their mother!
I am not trying to say that men can't have REAL friendships.

The Book

Tonight was the first time in FOREVER that Pete and I got to go out on a date. My friend Jason was great enough to take on two MORE girls (ours + his) and let us have some grownup time! For that, I am very grateful.
We set off from Jason's house and went directly to Hobby Lobby...... Last night, I went to our church to try my hand at scrap booking with our pastor's wife and a few other ladies. I had a bit of stress to work through. I have to admit that scrap booking was rather therapeutic. So tonight I went and got a few supplies for me to use to finish working on Lyndi's baby album...you know, the one that I haven't ever gotten around to working on yet, despite the fact that Lyndi is now 3 years old! And just stuffing her baby pictures inside the front flap of the photo album doesn't really cut it huh?!!!
But our date did not stall out there!!! We had a nice dinner at Red Lobster. We got there about 5:30 so we were able to beat the real crowd!! whew! Then we went to see the movie "The Book of Eli". I really did not have any idea about what the story line was for this movie. I didn't know if it was a thriller, a drama, a comedy...whatever. I kind of figured from the death and destruction starting out that it probably wasn't going to be a romantic comedy. Although people did snicker during the first scene when Eli shoots a cat with a arrow...and makes dinner out of the kitty. But anyway.....
The movie was a good one, I think. It was thought provoking. I have some questions about it now that I've had time to think. Despite the fact that the main story line is that Eli has a Bible that he is trying to get to somewhere...and he will fight to the death to protect it...Eli doesn't really spend a lot of time talking about God. He mentions faith. He recites a couple of verses. Other than a few random mentionings of these things, that's about all of the religious topics put out there by the movie. I'm really kind of curious about that. Faith, prayer and the Book are mentioned. At one point Eli speaks the verse from the Bible that explains that we were made from dust and will return to dust.
As we were walking out, I kept wishing that I could know what others thought about that movie. What if many of the other viewers had no idea what the movie was supposed to be about, just like me? Were those viewers disappointed. Was the idea of God lost on them? Were they touched by God's word and power? Was a seed planted?
While walking out of the theater, I heard a young man behind us comment,"Man, that sure was cool when he smashed that guys head into the counter!!" I told Pete, "Sure, one could walk away with that message from the movie...or they could walk away with the message I got....(about God!!)" I think the whole concept was lost on that kid...or maybe he was just trying to seem cool in front of his friends, but secretly inside, he wondered about our Lord? I'd love to think that that was the case.
Too often these days, some people are trying their hardest to take God out of our lives. I read recently that educators in Texas were having to meet to discuss how they were going to write their history books. They were going to mention the creator of Mary Kay products. She was mentioned twice in a text book already. However, the conflict they were having was over how much they should mention about MLK's religious beliefs. Some groups that really believe in the separation of Church and State, felt like there should be no mention of the fact that MLK was a Christian. Also, they didn't think that we should mention any thing about our founding father's religious beliefs. They think that our founding fathers wanted to push Christianity. I always thought that our United States was supposed to be a place for religious FREEDOMS...we could worship polar bears if we wanted to...What do I know? But I do know this...MLK....he was Dr. Martin Luther King...the REVEREND Martin Luther King. His speeches were delivered to the congregation of his church and in other arenas. He was a Christian. Because of his Christian beliefs, that support peace, love and hope, he HAD A DREAM. But hey, if one person can go into the movie "The Book of Eli" and come out totally impressed that Eli smashed a guys face into a counter.....and I can leave out thanking God for being such an awesome, loving God.....Then, I can thank God that our founding fathers were courageous enough to separate from the Queen and create a New World where we have religious FREEDOMS!!

Food, Water and Shelter

Satan's demise

2010 begins. We are now 3 days into the new year. I'm asking myself what God has in store for me this year. What does he want me to do with his life. I say His life because really, my life is His. I don't know what I can do or would do without Him. Nothing would make sense I think. I would feel lost and alone.
This morning, at church, our Pastor used a smart analogy. He said that if a person stands in front of a drink machine and just stares at it, nothing happens. Only when that person puts his 50 cents in the machine does he get something out of it. He was saying that when we go to church and just sit there in the pews and don't ever put anything into our worship, we won't ever be able to get anything out of it. This is true about everything in our lives. Standing back and waiting for something to happen, will never bring anything to fruition in our life.
Our Pastor has a vision for our church. It is unbelievable how many non believers there are in our county. Never mind our whole nation. Just locally, only 30% of our population are believers in Christ. Broken down, that means that 8.7 people die every day in our county that are unsaved. How heart breaking.
Part of the vision for our church is that we become more involved in missions. Local missions, not foreign missions to start. There is a mission being put together by the Southern Baptist Convention to seek out souls in Atlanta. 90% of people in an area located near 285 are non believers. My guess is that life has become so overwhelming that people have lost sight of God.
Last year, Pete and I participated in AWANA. AWANA is a children's ministry. I never felt overwhelmingly compelled to teach AWANA. I participated and really appreciated seeing God move in a couple of the children's lives. But as far as whether I am called to work with children or not, I would say no. I prayed and prayed about it but never felt that God was leading me in this direction.
This year, I will be praying that God give me guidance as to whether or not He wants me to do HIS work in Missions. Does HE want me to go to Atlanta and be a part of this missions group? Only time will tell I suppose.
For now, I am grateful that I am one of God's children. I am thankful to be saved. I find great comfort and joy in being one of HIS. For now, I look forward to learning more about God's plan for me and my family. And I pray that God will use me for HIS good.
Sure sounds like a BIG way to start a new decade and new year!

Christmas Day 2009

It't hard to believe that Christmas is here...and almost outta here!!! It's been a fine holiday season. And I say season only for the purposes of mentioning that it lasts more than an EVE and a day! Back around Thanksgiving, we got our Christmas lights out on the house. I added a lighted star to my display this year and set out some lighted gifts. I like it. It's festive and but not over stated. What is it about some lights on a string that makes us feel so cozy and conjures up old memories of childhood?
As for Christmas gifting, I had all of my shopping completed by Christmas Eve. Really I had about 98% of my shopping done by then. Christmas Eve, we had a very enjoyable dinner with our friends Sherry, Chris and Lyle. Lyle, being 2 years old found the dinner to be boring but Lyndi's Thomas the Train figures to be the bees knees!!! I actually got to bust out and use my Christmas china and a fancy red table cloth (that I picked up at Dollar General for a mere $4.50!!!). I thought dinner was delicious...even if I did make it myself...well mostly anyway...I did pick up a couple of rotisserie chickens from the grocery store to help save on time!
This morning, the girls opened their gifts from Santa and checked out their stockings. My parents came over in time to have breakfast with us and to finish opening presents.
After lunch, I went by an old friend's house to see him and his parents. It was so surreal hanging out with them. I have known them since I was about 14 years old. Being 36 now, I probably wasn't hugely far off from how old they were when I met them! I brought Lila with me. I'm sure it was kind of funny for them to see a mini me as a child and me as an adult. It was weird for me...even if they didnt think twice about it!
Tonight we went to my parent's house and had dinner. My brother and his family were there. It was a great dinner and great company. I'm sorry to say that it had been a year since I had seen them last. I miss my brother and his family. I really wish that my girls had a closer relationship with their cousins. My brother lives near Warner Robins, GA. Its a pretty good trek to get there.
Although I had hoped that we would make it through the rest of this year without any more deaths of friends or family members, we found out today that Pete's Uncle Bill's wife, Julie, passed yesterday from breast cancer. She was Bill's second wife. His first wife passed several years ago, before I joined the Golden family. Julie was a very fine woman. I feel for Bill. I pray for him to be comforted at this time. What a tough thing to have to go through.
Tomorrow, will be Christmas celebration #3. This one will be at Pete's folks house. It's always a good time! We eat well...get to spend time with his sister and her family...and get to be with Pete's parents. It will really be a good time and I look forward to it!
I sure hope that all my friends and loved ones have had a nice Christmas. I am so greatful for our good Lord and his love for us. He has blessed us so much. He continually looks after us and guides us.
Good night all. My love to you and yours.

2009 Summary

Because it seems to be OH SO POPULAR to write a commentary summarizing the events of 2009 I will tackle this topic tonight to the best of my ability..... With that being said, let me also say this...I can't really seem to recall much of 2009!! So I can only begin to comment on what I do remember. Hmmmmm (straining actually to remember!!)
January: Began the term of President for Barrack Obama. That's all I'm going to say about that. If you want to know what he has accomplished or anything else...Google it your own self!!
Ummm, I think I also got my W-2 forms in the mail....at least by the end of the month. I think we got our return in February. I'm quite sure the money was spent before we got it. I know that some of the money went to pay off bills. WOOHOO!
April (I can't remember the other months before this month): I turned 36. This is probably the root cause of my poor memory. This was a tough birthday for me. I couldn't help but look at it as a quick, down hill slide into 40! I know, it sounds like whining...and what if I was about to turn 50 or 60??!! Whatever...my point is that I still have not been able to figure out what happened to 31, 32, 33, 34 or 35!!!! 36 wouldn't be so bad if I just could account for all of those other years!!
May, we celebrated Great Granny's 95th birthday! When a person is almost a century old, one should really be able to appreciate the mileage.
June: Pete turned 48. Talk about sliding into a new decade...50 is right around the corner! Which is such a wierd thought for me. When I met Pete, he was 38. And now, I am nearly the age he was when we met. Back in the day when we met, Pete was still red headed and not snowy topped. He has managed to age so nicely! MEN! They always have the prettiest eye lashes, fingernails and look oh so handsome with gray hair! Wrinkles give men character...we women...we just look prunish.
July.....uuuuhhhhhh Ive got nothing.
August: My mom turned 64. As she ages, I see more and more of her mom in her. Not just in physical appearance. The very things that used to drive my mom bonkers about her mom....she now chanels in her own being. For instance, my Granny used to have this thing about shoes. They couldn't put pressure on her toes or rub her corns. What is a corn anyway? And who thought of making a pad to cover corns? Anyway, my Granny used to worry over her shoes constantly. Now my mom worries over her shoes! Are the heels high enough? Is there enough arch support? I suppose that one day I too will be a shoe worrier. God help Pete and my girls!
October: My little Lyndi turned 3 years old. We didn't have a traditional birthday party for her this year. Instead, we took her to Chuck E Cheese's to celebrate her birthday and our neighbor friend's son's birthday...he turned 2! What a blast they had!
I was highly fearful that Lyndi would put us through H-E-double hockey sticks with the whole 3 year old thing...which is worse than the Terrible Twos by far!!!! But so far, despite having many tantrums and shouting "I'LL DO IT MYSELF MAMA!!", three really hasn't been so bad. Of course, that could be because we were beat down to the point of complete numbness from Lila being 3!!! I think I still have a twitch from that time period!
November: My stepson Grant turned 21! What a bizarre thing that was! When I met Grant, he was 10 years old. Now he is legal. I can not for the life of me figure out where all those years went!!!
December: I know it seems as though the year has centered around our birthdays...but I guess in many ways it has. But December was marked with a great loss too. Back in November, a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, Granny Morris became very ill. It seems odd to think that in May we had her home at her house to celebrate her 95th birthday. On December 2, Granny passed. It was a sad occasion and yet a joyful one. There was not a single doubt in any of our minds that Granny would be headed any where except to be with our loving Father in Heaven. What a tremendous blessing to KNOW without a single doubt that a person is going Home. To have such faith that a person is a Believer!!!
This month, on December 20th, Lila turned 8 years old. I feel certain that she grew several inches this year. She didn't grow out any though. Poor girl looks like we starve her to death. She wears a 7 Slim in pants with the internal waist band cinched down almost as tight as it will go!! She wears a size 2.5 shoe. And the best way I have been able to measure her is by judging her against my height. Before the summer, Lila came up to just below my chest. Now, Lila's head comes up to the top of my chest. Soon, Lila will be up to my shoulders!! *sigh* My "little" girl is growing up way too quickly. I often have to remind myself that she is still only a young child. She looks much too grown up and I have to tell myself to let her BE A CHILD!!
So here I am, 3 days before Christmas and wondering what in the world happened to the year?!! 2010 is knocking at the door. With it, will come 37 for me. And everyone else will eek closer to being grown up or over the hill!
Maybe this year coming up, I will be able to start a work out routine and stick with it. Maybe I won't work out really hard for a while, only to back slide because of some kind of injury, ache or pain! Maybe I'll lose the 12-15 pounds I packed on this year. And maybe I won't need to wear a tummy control paneled bathing suit to hide the aforementioned weight that I gained!!
This up coming year, maybe Lila and Lyndi will miraculously learn to get along with eachother......yea, I know...wishful thinking!!!
And finally, maybe this year I will be able to remember all the things that I had hoped I could!! Ok...now Im dreaming for real!~

I (heart) Mom

Tonight I was reminded of a situation that I was witness to a few years ago while I was in nursing school when I went and saw a friend of mine that was sick. I took her some chicken noodle soup to try to help her feel better. It's just what you do when people are sick...take them soup. Nothing has ever made me feel better faster than to have some homemade soup from my mom. I don't ever really get that soup anymore. Not now that I'm grown and married. But my husband doesn't make homemade soup...not the therapeutic kind that is meant for helping a person get well and back up on their feet.
But the point of this wasn't to discuss the power of homemade chicken noodle soup...despite the fact that Jewish women swear by it! Instead, this is about the nurturing, loving, healing powers of Mom. Not just my mom, but many, many moms. Tonight when I saw my friend, her mom was there at her house to help her out. Not to just help her with her child, as my friend is a single mom. But her mom was there to offer loving support that only moms and dear, dear people (usually women) can offer.
My friend commented that her boyfriend, although great, couldn't take the place of her mom. Her mom said that the boyfriend was really great and tried to really help out by cooking for my friend. His efforts, although appreciated, still did not measure up to my friend's mom's comfort. My friend added that she just needed her MOM.
So after this exchange between mother and daughter, I was reminded of when I was working on an oncology floor as a nurse extern in Macon. There was a lady in her 80's that was dying of cancer. When she came into the hospital she was talking and interacting. The cancer she had consumed her entire being quickly and she became virtually unresponsive to us.
As the patient layed there in bed, obviously not long from death, she began to call out softly. I thought perhaps she would call out for her husband. They had been married for 50-60 years. He was sitting at the foot of her bed. I thought that she would want the comfort of him holding her hand. But no. She called out to her mother, the same mother who had probably died 20 years prior to the patient's hospitalization. Over and over she called out to her mom and reached out her hand. Perhaps her mother was there with her to comfort her and we just couldn't see her.
From that time on, I began to appreciate the fact that no matter how old we get, we always want our mom. We want our comforter. We want the person that stays up all night and swabs our heads with cool washclothes when we have a fever. We want that person that kisses our boo-boos and tells us that it will be OK. We want that person that faithfully rocked us to sleep or soothed us when we were afraid of lightening.
Is there any wonder that one of the most popular tattoos of all time is the "I (heart) MOM" piece?
I feel certain that there are people out there that say that their mom was the first cousin to the devil. I know there are just some really bad parents in this world that deserve to be disowned. But I think that even deep down in the heart of that child (adult children too), there is still a deep desire to have whatever scraps of maternal love that is available from the one who gave birth to them or raised them. Its approval or acceptance I'm sure. And some times these moms fall way short. But, no matter what, if the situation was more ideal, that child would want to be with their mom.
So whether we are 2 or 87, when we hurt, when we cry, when we ache from within....we will call out to her...to mom...so she can kiss away our fears and wipe our tears away. We will hold out our hands so that we can be touched by her and comforted...even if she passed decades before and only our loving memory of her remains.

*caution* gloom and doom...with a chance of sunshine

Well its ALREADY the second day of October...the first day blew by like all the rest of the days of this year! With the start of October, the days have been cooler and seeming more like Fall! I'm thankful for that. I can not seem to dress appropriately though. Is it a short sleeve shirt day really? Is a thin jacket best? I have already started wearing my fleece pjs at night and socks. Crazy I know! Sleeping with the windows cracked makes for a chilly night when the temp goes down into the 40's!
My creative writing skills have been alluding me here lately. Someone asked me recently why I haven't been writing. I told her that I really just didn't want my somber moods to reach out and have an negative effect on some innocent readers life.
Please don't get me wrong, I know and appreciate that I am truly a blessed person. But because I am human, from time to time, life eeks in and gets me down. It does take a lot to get me to that point I think. The month of September was hugely stressful and full of uncertainties.
Because we spend some much time at work, it only makes sense that the dynamics of work can have a huge effect on a person's being. There has been a great deal of uncertainty with work. Right now we are undergoing some huge changes that have had all of us struggling and trying to deal with change. We are all thankful to be employed, especially in these times. However, because we are such a small group, emotions and moods can really end up being shared.
A dear friend of mine passed last month. He was at the center of all of the drama associated with the cancer treatment center where I used to work. His passing drudged up some old feelings I had from a couple of years back. There were a few days after his passing that really seemed to weigh me down. The upside to his passing was that he was such a great, God loving man! I rejoice in the fact that I KNOW where he is today! I am excited for him that he is now with our Lord.
This month, Lyndi, my sweet little girl, is going to turn 3 years old! I've been trying to think of what kind of celebration we should have for her. I hope the month doesn't slip by without plans being made. I'm in utter disbelief that my baby could possibly be that old! Sometimes when she laughs or cries, I can still hear that familiar baby sound in it. I still see traces of behaviors or actions that were there when she was a little baby. And yet, I am watching her grow up in height. I am listening to her speak words that come out of the mouths of a more grown child. Raising a child is so interesting, each day brings a new development.
I read recently that the unemployment rate is at 9.8%. The housing market has picked up some. I don't think that anyone is letting their guard down at this point. We are all kind of walking on eggshells waiting to see what Obama has planned for our healthcare and our financial status.
Did I happen to mention that we had over a solid week of rain??? It caused tremendous flooding around Atlanta and the surrounding area. It seemed to weigh on the moods of many of my friends as well! People were posting comments on Facebook right and left that they felt gloomy from a lack of sunshine! It seemed that our whole area rejoiced when we could all pull out our sunglasses once again!
I'm hoping that this month will begin an improvement in my mood and attitude. Perhaps it will be contagious too! Perhaps all the goings on will work out and we can all relax a little....unwind our poor nerves. Maybe I'll be able to take my writing skills off the shelf, dust them off and start a new chapter!

Not going through the motions anymore

Just when you think that today is going to be like any other day....God starts tapping you on the shoulder and speaking to you!
This morning on the way in to work, Lyndi was in the back seat babbling on about the world around us. I was thinking about work and all of its goings on. Then my thoughts went to my Dad. I don't remember exactly how it all played out but I felt like God really wanted me to think about my relationship with my Dad. I love my Dad very much.
Last night at church, we were talking about what it really meant to fear the Lord. Does the Lord really want us to be afraid of HIM? And most of us agreed that the fear we are to have is a healthy, respectful, awe of God. For many, they likened their fear of the Lord to the same fear they had of their Dad growing up. And this thought of course spurred me to think about my own Dad.
Growing up, I was always a Daddy's girl. I loved my Dad so dearly. But my Dad is/was a big man. I really didn't have to fear him causing me great physical harm. But what I feared the most was the thought of disappointing my Dad. I didn't want to let my Dad down. My Dad always showed me great love growing up. Stopping at this thought would make one think that perhaps life was grand and full of loving perfection. Unfortunately that wasn't the whole truth about our relationship.
My Dad, despite being a great person and a loving Dad has a bad habit. My Dad is a drinker. I don't even like to just put this out there for the world to know. The thought of someone judging my Dad based upon that fact breaks my heart. For decades I have prayed that he would stop. A couple of times he came close. Unfortunately, because of the stress of life and circumstances, he has not quit. I think that if all of the stress of work, bills and obligations were gone, he could stop. Otherwise, my Dad will drink until....who knows.
So this morning, the thought hit me. For years and years, I think that I had told myself that I would and could love my Dad MORE if he just quit drinking. I love my Dad in spite of his habit. However, I have had to build up a defense mechanism to protect myself from the heart ache of his behavior. My Dad doesn't behave well when he drinks. Not that he is physically abusive or violent. He just has too much to say and doesn't do it in such a kind way. At any rate, this has built up a huge wall in my heart.
When I drive in to work, I pass the driveway to where my Dad works. I always think, every day as I pass by that Dad's up there on the hill working. And the thought hit me...one day...who knows when...Dad won't be up there on that hill working. Waiting until my Dad stops drinking to freely love him and show him how I feel may never ever come. That time or opportunity may never come my way. How would I feel knowing that I held back because I hated the sin? I withheld love for my Dad. When really, my Dad needs to know how much I really love him. That knowing that he is loved and supported could some day help clear the cloud from around his head and allow him to let go of his habit and fears.
I decided that I will, despite how I might feel about his behavior, let him know that I love him and appreciate him and that I thank God for him. So, I picked up my cell phone and told him so. He seemed to be in good spirits. I thought, what IF that call helped him to have a better day? What if sharing, loving, supporting that person, any person, made the difference of a lifetime? What if?
Today I made the promise to myself that I was going to make a point of going out of my way to let my Dad know how important he is to me. That when the day comes that my Dad is no longer working up there on that hill....I will know that he KNEW how much I loved and appreciated him. Because honoring my Dad is what our Father wants us to do for HIM. God wants to be honored. And really, we all want to be loved, appreciated and respected.
After I got of the phone with my Dad, a song by Matthew West came on the FISH called,"The Motions". God is always talking to me through signs (literal ones sometimes), dreams and music. That song touched my heart so much. It brought tears to my eyes. I got the message today loud and clear. I had a great day at work.
Life isn't about going through the motions. God wants us to feel and to be joyful. God wants us to love and feel fulfilled. God wants us to not be numb to life and its experiences but to to see that he is there in everything and wanting what is best for us.
A dear friend of mine tells me that she wants to be able to take a pill so that she doesn't have to feel LIFE anymore. Life is tough. Life is painful sometimes. These things are true. But if numbness is all that a person feels...then the Joy that we feel when we know the Lord wouldn't be able to exist. Sure we know that God is there with us when things are going well. But when things aren't going well...how much sweeter can life get than to KNOW that God has his hand on those things and is the one in control. It's no wonder to me that when times are so tough that I think that I might not make it ONE MORE DAY...if I pray to God for peace and comfort...I get it. God taking control of our lives and our problems...there is no sweeter, more certain peace.
So today, I pray that I don't just go through the motions of life. I want to be PRESENT. I want to feel. I want to love. I want to LIVE.