Recovery

I am about 13 weeks post hysterectomy. If you ever want to know what it's like to have a hysterectomy and how things are afterward...ask me. I will answer all of your questions. The questions I had about being post hysterectomy, I could not ask my mother in law or some of the ladies from church! Valid questions or not, I didn't want to ask them. I have heard time and again that having a hysterectomy will change my life completely for the better. So far, I can say that I have had many positive effects from having surgery. I am really grateful too because surgery was TOUGH. When they say it's major surgery...they mean it!
I have to tell you about something that touched my heart tonight. I have been carrying around some burdens lately. A dear friend of mine has been going through some really tough things lately and I'm afraid that one of the demons that had been tormenting her, spotted me trying to be supportive and decided to attack. I have been feeling kind of overwhelmed and blue.
 I talked to my friend Vanessa tonight on the phone. She and I have been friends since 9th grade. I clearly remember when I first met her, she was from a rinky dink little town South of Moultrie, GA. When I met her, she had long, straight hair, down to at least the middle of her back. She had the thickest Southern accent I had ever heard. She reminded me of Laura Ingles from Little House on the Prairie. She came from a Southern Baptist home, the eldest daughter of two girls. She was very shy to say the least. Vanessa was also on the smartest girls I knew.
Now, Vanessa is in social work. She is still brilliant. She is soft spoken with a diluted Southern accent. She is a funky, earthy woman. She has a heart for people. She has really blossomed into a beautiful, Christian woman.
Anyway, I talked to Vanessa about the weight I had been carrying around in my heart for my friend. And the greatest gift that Vanessa gave to me tonight, besides suggestions for books for me and my friend to read, was prayer. Over the telephone, "not wanting to seem dorky or nothing", she prayed for me and for my friend. A beautiful prayer indeed. She prayed for my dear friend who has been attacked by horrible demons. Prayed for her strength. Prayed for God to protect her. She prayed a prayer for my friend as though she was her own friend. She prayed for her sister in Christ.
Then Vanessa prayed for me. She prayed that God would cast out that demon of sadness and depression from me. The one that attached itself when I was trying to be supportive. That's how Satan works. Satan knows when people are hurting, weak, vulnerable and wants to keep them that way. Satan also does not want us to pray for each other, share kindness and love or pray for others. She prayed for me, being a tender hearted person, to feel stronger and to have God shine HIS light into my darkness.
Dorky is not what I would call a person being bold enough to pray for me and my friend. To be willing to step out in Faith to ask for comfort and guidance for her Sisters. Very bold and wonderful indeed!
As I told Vanessa, who has known me a very, very long time...I may appear to be strong and tough on the outside. I may seem like things don't get to me. But this time, I was not. I was struggling. And as many people have told me that I handled the situation I was in with my friend the right way, there was still a disconnect in my mind. Knowing that you did the right thing and that you have no control over someone elses life or the choices they make is all good in theory. But being able to accept it in your heart that you did the right thing and you did everything within you own power to do...doesn't always make sense to your heart. So Vanessa reminded me that, I need to give it to God. Ask God to relieve me of my heart's burden because I can not deal with it. I can not take on someone elses burden...only God can.
I am a nurse. I care about people. I help fix people. I can't fix everything. And not being able to fix it, is a struggle for me. Thankfully, God can and I can let it go to HIM.
Thank you Vanessa and all of my other dear friends, and Pete for being supportive and loving. God, thank you for my Sisters in Christ.