Guilty Pleasures

I guess it was back about a month ago....I feel really kind of guilty about all of this.....And to think that Pete introduced us.
It was just when it started to get cold around here. I remember it distinctly. And the thing is that it wasn't an instant liking where its sort of a love at first sight. But as the days have gone by, I have grown such a fondness that I don't know that there is going to be a nice, happy break...
Even today as my family was preoccupied, I was called into my bedroom. My seducer beckoned me to the bedroom. I thought, no, I can not go....What about my family? What about Pete?
I couldnt resist. I fought the temptation....I couldn't hold off any longer.
I climbed into bed, feeling the warmth surround me. I felt so content. A deep, warm happiness that I can imagine that small babies feel when wrapped up in their mothers arms. But this was more a of guilty pleasure. I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. What security I felt. I haven't felt this good in a while. My seducer hummed a little and I felt the warmth increase ever so slightly. What was life like before? I couldn't remember.
All I know is that many nights before I came to know my seducer, there had been some cold lonely nights. Now I felt such closeness and warmth that I know it will be so hard to give this up come Spring when my seducer must go........
For now, I will lie in my bed. I will snuggle up and feel a coziness that I have never known. And really, Pete will have to accept some of the blame for this affair. He is the one that introduced us. He is the one that could not provide me with what I needed. He is the one....
No more plain ole, semi fuzzy cotton blankets for me. No, I will never know them again. Only my electric blanket will do. I've had enough of the cold lonely nights. I've had enough of Pete's cold feeting bumping me in the middle of the night. So I have until the nights get warm again. I have until a layer of sweat covers me because I like to keep the blanket setting on about 5. So maybe that means I have until....ummm mid January when it warms up to 75 during the day! But it will be Pete that has to intervene and take it away. For now, my seducer calls me back to bed....a mid afternon nap...the warm, coziness that babies enjoy while swaddled in their downy blankets. Heaven.....

Hot Bodies

Ok, I realize that its hugely popular to stomp on ole GW and grind him in the mud. But really people, just because Bar-O is caught hanging out in a bathing suit, do we really have to go WAY overboard and talk about him being HOT??? Based upon the pictures in his bathing suit, he looks like he is built like the average Joe...maybe I should use some other name instead of Joe???

But when I was searching for some pics of our dear, current President, I couldn't find any that showed off a bad tan line like B.O.'s picture. I did find some of him in some conservative cycling shorts that showed off some very WELL formed legs. Does the average American know or even appreciate the fact that our President is a real athlete? Even if we do know, the media is going to mock and slam him for his apparel. Should we forget that GW is 62 years old and B.O. is 47. What a huge difference in age. But none the less, GW is going to catch hell for hanging out in cycling gear and Barack is going to be placed on the cover of GQ magazine! I don't get it!

Just because some one is president elect does not make them HOT or attractive. Just like ole Bill C. What in the world made people think that he was hot?? That one will puzzle me for years to come.

And speaking of people slamming GW....I saw an article where he was seen wearing cycling socks and crocs (both black). The writer was basically saying that the President had commited a huge fashion faux pas for wearing such ridiculous garb. I would like to invite that writer to attend any mountain bike race and see that virtually all cyclists wear comfortable sandals, crocs, moccasins or the like pre and post ride. But hey, we should always focus on a person's short comings and be hyper critical of every aspect of their life shouldn't we??

Anyway, if anyone wants to focus on some one that is truly hot and in fabulous shape...and

happens to be a beautiful black male...let's see some pics of Taye Diggs!

Quick note

Pete said that he read my "Hidden Sorrows" blog today...he told me that he liked it but he had a feeling that people were going to start eyeballing HIM thinking that I was exposing my dear husband for being a drunkard.....its really not about him. But I asked him...How nice would it be if I had OUTED him like that??.....Cool huh?

The Vocabulary of a 2 year old

How can you not love how a little child speaks? Their expressions, thoughts and reasoning are truly amazing! I decided that I would share a little bit of Lyndi's vocabulary that makes me giggle sometimes....

1) Yuk Mama! Yuk!....Loook Mama! Look!---- sometimes it sounds like ROOK MAMA
2) Where's Guy-ya?.....Where is Lila?
3) I wuf you... *my favorite* I love you!
4) Frwee stop it!....Fred (the cat) stop it! ...Which I have to add that Fred is not usually doing anything to bother Lyndi but she cant just let sleeping cats lie....
5) GATTA GATTA GO GET GUY-YA?...Are we going to go get Lila?
6)Bwess you...Bless you!
7) MAYYYYY MEN!!....Amen!
8) Where is my COKE???.....dont be fooled, she isnt talking about a soft drink...no she wants to know where her COAT is!!
9) I NEED A COWEL...I need a towel.
Also, the other day we were passing a pasture full of white cows. I told Lyndi to look at the cows! She said," NO MAMA THOSE ARE SHEEP!!!"
I also walked in to the kitchen this weekend and found her with a pair of scissors, Jack and a guilty look on her face.....Jack was missing two plugs of his hair from his back! Good thing she didnt cut off an ear!!! That almost compares to the story when Lila was little and she took a pair of nose hair trimmers to her head....yea....she was missing a plug of hair too!
Kids!

Hidden Sorrow

Here's the thing about Alcoholism or even drug abuse/addiction....
If you are the loved one on the receiving end of the bad business, I guarantee that there is a deep hidden sorrow in your heart because of that person.
Nothing is harder in life than to watch a person that you love make mistakes. For years I have grown up around people that have decided to take the path of least resistance and over indulge in either alcohol or drugs. Unfortunately, I have a couple of family members that have a long history of alcohol use. I say that it is alcohol abuse. I believe...and no I haven't checked with AA on this, but if a person feels the need to use these substances on a fairly regular basis to in any way alter their mood, allow them to cope, to help them unwind and relieve stress....they are likely an addict. If they can not or will not use any other means to deal with stress, loneliness, depression, feeling overwhelmed or sad, then they definitely have a problem. For years, I have heard the need for alcohol described as the need to "relax." I hate that term. I will always have negativity attached to the word. Isn't that ironic?
But about my hidden sorrow...
Nothing has been so heart breaking for me to watch my loved one resort to drinking on a near nightly basis. This need for this substance to help him "relax" has been going on for as long as I can remember. And the really sad thing is that alcohol may dull his pain but it only heightens mine. Being around this person while he is under the influence, causes me great anxiety and makes me have a sick twinge in my stomach. Alcohol reeks. It seeps out through a person's pores. Not just in the way of the stench of alcohol but of how it affects them as being. I know all too well that change in his voice once he has started for the night. His voice cracks and his speech slurs. While walking, there usually is a slight pull to one side. The volume of his voice rises. He has to repeat himself over and over gaining volume to help you understand his point. Then if you do not agree or comply with his hearts desires, that alcohol demon may lurch out at you and curse your very existence. Its amazing how alcohol can convince a person that they OBVIOUSLY ARE RIGHT about any topic they wish to discuss!
Its amazing to me that this drug that is used to create such peace and relaxation can actually lead to a melt down into tears, sobbing and wailing. When working as a police officer I used to be witness to these exact same behaviors. Perhaps its just inner frustrations that can't escape but through tears. Who knows if that person even realizes what brought that bout of emotion on.
The hard part of being the loved one is that sometimes accusations of not loving that person come up when the drinker is accused of being less than perfect due to drinking. When that person is encouraged to seek help or to stop drinking, they some how think that this is your way of saying that they are some how not worthy of love. Little do they know that the opposite is the truth but alcohol lies to them and convinces them that to have another drink will help ease this pain they are feeling and help them to cope with unloving loved ones.
How odd it is to love someone so much and have the utmost respect for them when they are sober. But once they are under then influence of the beast, they become someone, something unrecognizable. They become hurtful and seemingly uncaring. They become that person that you can not feel not even and ounce of respect for. Your sorrow grows greater than the amount of respect you can feel for them.
So what can be done about someone that chooses to be an alcoholic or drug addict? For years I have suggested help. For years I have cried about this situation and about this person. For years I have prayed for him. I have prayed that his depression will be lifted. I have prayed that his finances will improve or that work will become less burdensome. I have prayed that he will know that I truly love him more than most anything but I can not deal with the alcohol. Hate the sin and love the sinner. I do! I love him so much.
So for now, I will keep praying. I will pray for guidance. I will pray for peace. I will keep my promise to my own family that I will NEVER EVER do that to them. I wont put them through that. Hidden sorrow. I hope that I never cause that pit in the stomach feeling. I hope I don't cause the type of sorrow that makes us lie in bed at night weeping for that someone.

What amazing displays of GRACE

All day today, my heart has been heavy. I have had worry on my mind. All day I have been trying to figure out how to help a dear friend that has been in need of a job and a new home. Being part of the construction business (somewhat indirectly), when the economy plunged, her job security went to pot. She was forced to find a new job. Fortunately, after a long period of waiting, she did find a job. BUT...Shortly after about 90 days of having this new job, she got laid off. Never mind that this all happened right after Thanksgiving and just in time for Christmas. She has an adolescent son at home and is a single parent. If my heart has been heavy, imagine what her heart has been feeling like. Just this past weekend, she received the dreaded FORECLOSURE notice on her beautiful, cozy home. You would think that all hope would be lost. But I tell you, we serve a wonderful, loving God.
After all my day of angst and worry trying to figure out how to help my friend, I should have realized that all I had to do was stop, breath and pray. God already knew what was on my heart!I have really been praying for my friend for over a year now. God KNEW that she was worrying about finding a home, losing her own home, providing food and necessities for her child and lets not forget that Tis the season...Christmas is only 9 days away!!
I have been talking to people all day today to see if they knew anyone that was hiring. I spoke to my friend a couple of times today about jobs and moving. I collected some moving boxes for her. My first instinct and desire is to just RESCUE her and her family from their situation. I would love nothing more than to be able to purchase their home for them so they would always have a place to live. I would also love to be able to use some sort of mythical connections that I have with the working world to set her up with a job. But seeing as I didn't win the lottery this past week and I really don't "know people..." I couldn't do either. BUT....tonight in talking to a group of ladies from the church, one of them mentioned that they had a little rental house that was available. She told me that she usually ended up renting to single moms that God sent in her and her husband's direction. I felt such amazement at this. This profound, amazing creation of God's! God has been working in my friend's life for so long. Like most of us, she has had some really rough periods of questioning and rattling of her faith. Why couldn't God just answer her prayers NOW???? Why has he allowed her to suffer so for so long? And although she realized the answers to those questions rather immediately, she still had to wait. But God has been good to her. He has been providing for her and her son. Now she has not been showered with MORE than she needed. She had been giving exactly what she NEEDED. In life we should always stop and ask ourselves if we are praying for what we NEED or what we WANT. God will always provide what we NEED if indeed that's what it is.
I am just shocked and awed at how today played out. Granted, my friend still needs to find a job. But I KNOW that this will come. God will provide for her. Will this job be the job of her dreams? Maybe, maybe not. Will this job enable her to pay her bills and provide the necessities for her son...I feel certain. God has been with her through all of this, he will continue to be ever present for her. I think that the only stipulations to all of this is that she put her faith and trust in HIM. That's not easy to do when times seem glum and grim. But focusing on what blessings he has already given to her and to her family...and be thankful for the greatest blessing of ALL...our Salvation...all those WANTS will seem less important and all of her NEEDS will be taken care of!
Thank you God!

Where do you want to be?

I remember someone asking me, where I saw myself at when I was in my 50's or 60's. Now I consider that question to rank up there with that horrible interview question of "Where do you see yourself professionally in 5 years?" What if I had responded that I saw myself in jail for embezzling money or maybe I think I might be dead in 5 years? I don't like that question. I really try to live for TODAY. And let me just say that living for today can be hard if you are like me and never know what day it is! That's why I wear a digital watch that reminds me of the time, the date and the day! There was no mistake made when I got this watch!
I asked Pete the other day where he thought he might be when he got to be in his 50's or 60's...well considering that Pete is 47, I guess that 50 isn't such a far shot from here. But he gave me the kind of response that I gave.....I DUNNO....
The person that asked me this question accused me of being completely unromantic! Why hadn't I been able to project my wants and desires forward 30 or 40 years? Well, the thing is this....I really don't have a clue how each day is going to go or each week or each month and I never know from year to year! Supposedly 2008 was supposed to be like a new beginning...in some ways it has been. But really, I've had a kidney stone this year, two stomach viruses, I've been hospitalized for my heart and gone to the ER a couple of times. I had cardiac ablation last month......so I don't know! I just hope I survive until the end of the year without having to accumulate more doctors bills! Where does the romance figure into that??
Anyway, where would I like to see myself? I would like to think I could retire in my 60's. Pete will have been retired for several years at this point. The girls will be in their near 30's then. Maybe I'll have married daughters, perhaps with grandchildren. Maybe I will have a retirement then.....a 401k instead of a 201k that we seem to be sporting right now with our economy (I cant take credit for that joke either...I just thought it was a good one!).
I would like to think that at 60ish, I might be able to work in my garden. Maybe Ill take up painting or writing. Hopefully I wont be all stove up and gnarled up from arthritis (from blogging too much). Perhaps Ill like to travel. I really want to make a trip up the East Coast of this great USA! I want to go out West and see the Grand Canyon and see those huge trees that you can drive a car through.
I suppose that when I'm in my 60's, Ill drive my children crazy just like my mom drives me crazy. I did mention to one of her coworkers recently that my purpose in life was to make my mom crazy and visa verse. I think we are doing a good job! :) We are real professionals..especially my mom!
I hope I'm not an ole cranky person when I get up in age. Some of the people in my family get crotchety as they get older. My Grandad got real stingy with things like toilet paper and water as he got older. He never wanted you to waste paper or flush the toilet too much. And PLEASE don't leave a light on! Older people love to live in the dark...Pete's already that way! I have terrible night vision...I like turning on lights.
But back to being cranky.....I hope I don't have horrible hot flashes. I hear those things can continue on into your 80's. That's just wrong. We pay our dues all through life...can't we just catch a break...that Eve...why? WHY? why? And what about hormonal imbalance. Men can joke about this all they want. This is a miserable feeling. Our hormones effect everything....body temp, body weight, metabolism, bone density, urination...the list goes on. And not all of those hormones originate in our ovaries...there is the thyroid gland, the pituitary gland.....Lest you forget men, you too have hormones in YOUR body....not just in the nether region....you too have a thyroid. You too have a pituitary. You too act like you have ovaries sometimes too......I'm just saying.....
Anyway, I still don't know where I want to be when I'm 60. I just hope that I don't out live my own children. I really hope that I still have Pete. I hope that my parents are hanging in with good (enough) health. I hope that my brother and I will see each other more than once a year (that could be a stretch). I hope that I have good (enough) health. I pray that we all make good life choices and that no one ends up in jail or on America's Most Wanted. Other than that....I'm good just taking it all one day at a time......What is today anyway?

What is love?

I was talking to our pastor's wife yesterday at a birthday party and she brought up the subject of marriages under fire. The initial conversation came about because a teen that she knows is talking about moving in with their significant other. She was discussing the statistics of divorce for people that live together before marriage. She said that 60% of those livin in sin marriages end up in divorce. The odds aren't good at all. I commented to Pete later that since we did live together before marriage for a short while and since this is both of our second marriages, that we really have all the odds against us. Supposedly, second marriages have an 80% chance of failure. WHEW! Its a wonder we have stayed married this long! But let me say that the last 8 years would not have been possible if I had actually thrown in the towel every time we had a serious disagreement or battle of the minds.
The thing about marriage is this: No one bothers to tell you the REAL truth about marriage. Yea, sure people will tell you that marriage is no fairy tale. Well, thats easy to figure out quickly enough. I didn't go into my marriage with Pete thinking that he was Prince Charming! And I knew from experience that no matter how much you wish a person would change, you can not CHANGE anyone that isn't willing. I made the mistake with my first marriage... of seeing the potential in someone that did NOT want to be changed!
Married folk always tell you that before you get married, you should sit down and discuss the following topics to make sure you see eye to eye with your mate:
1) Money
2) Child rearing and number of children
3) Sex
I believe that there are several more topics that should be discussed prior to marrying Mr or Mrs Right......
1) Where for the holidays and special occasions? I can not tell you the number of discussions we have had over this...the stress...the angst...the parental guilt trips layed on us. It gets 6000000 times worse when you have children...trust me on this fact!
2) What to do if one of you snores? Or even just....Are we ever allowed to sleep in separate bedrooms for whatever reason? After a recent discussion with a friend, I found out that she was astonished that her dad and stepmom have slept in separate rooms for decades. I told her that sometimes snoring and a history of a bad back or restless leg syndrome can lead to that!
3) Will you still love me after I gain 20-30 pounds? Will you still be attracted to me? Thats a real honest question for both partners. Men, dont even begin to say that women are the only ones to "let themselves go" after marriage!
4) What happens if one of the partner suffers a serious illness or mental illness? In talking to a friend recently, I found out that a few people have expressed their own dissatisfaction over his choice to stay with his spouse after finding out that she has a mental illness.....
5) What if one of the spouses gets arrested? I used to work with a guy who had been married for nearly a decade to a woman. After about 10 yrs of marriage and 2 kids later, his wife got arrested for embezzlement. Stay or not stay? He stayed.
6) How much of a cheap skate are you? Our pastor's wife told me that if there is a difference in price of even 4 cents, our pastor is going for the cheaper one! Never mind if the more expensive (a whole 4 cents!!) one is better...like peanut butter....Its got to be JIF!! Some things you just cant compromise on! She said that he was a Colgate man and she was a Crest woman. These things matter people. If you think they don't, just bring home the wrong tooth paste...or let your man go out and buy the NO NAME BRAND tampons or wingless pads......Then let him explain that the NO NAMERS were cheaper! YEA.............
7) If you marry young and you are into the bar scene, like to look at porn, like to cuss a lot or hang out with less than desirable friends.....YOU BETTER DISCUSS THIS...because when your first baby comes along and Daddy still wants to participate in the aforementioned activities or Mommy cant stand to have her OWN social life cut into......THERE's GOING TO BE TROUBLE!!! If you marry a drunk, 9 times out of 10, they are going to still be a drunk after you marry!! If you marry someone that likes to go to the T&A bars, they are probably still going to want to go to those places even after you are married....Im just saying...
8) Even though the first year or two are still part of the Honeymoon Phase of marriage, please discuss what steps you plan to take when you get in a rut. Not just a personal rut but financial, sex, job, marital or otherwise. Any of these things CAN and probably will happen. Life isn't always easy. Life can be boring sometimes. Marriage can be boring at times. What are you going to do about it??
I've touched on a few topics of discussion. Unmarried people, you have to know that there are plenty more topics that NEED to be discussed. And of course, as life would have it, things change. What you think you know about what you want today, may change tomorrow. But having a game plan helps I think.
Personally, I believe that marriage takes a lot of work. I think that the most important way to stay married and have a healthy relationship is to trust in God. Pray together. Pray separately. As God if it is HIS WILL for you to marry this person. God will let you know. You have to keep your heart and mind open to his response. And for goodness sakes, don't be afraid to ask for help! If you are having marital troubles, don't wait until you hate each other before you talk to someone. And make sure that you are talking openly and lovingly to your spouse FIRST! Pete and I have had many discussions about our marriage...both good and bad. That's life. I just pray that we beat those 60 and 80% odds for failure. So far, so good!

Its Friday

This week sped by.......
I can hardly believe it! I am a week older! Man! Time flies!! It's hard for me to wrap my brain around turning 36 in April! I guess I'm like many people, I didn't appreciate my 20's like I should have. They slipped away much more quickly than I would have preferred. I was noticing in the mirror today that I have 3 facial lines on each side of my mouth....no doubt these rascals have become ingrained like wood due to smiling and grimacing. I would like to think that they were due to the more pleasant expression and not the more negative one. I have to admit that grimacing could come about for a number of reasons as of late: the wretched stomach viruses 1&2 that I had to endure in the last month, having laryngitis, having heart ablation (all within the last month), hearing that a couple of people I know lost their jobs in the last couple of weeks, having to listen to Lyndi's wretched screaming and whining over and over and over and over again, worrying about that one stinking hair on my jaw that doesn't seem to want to DIE!!!!, money and just the usual day to day "stuff"! However...
On the other hand, I KNOW I have been able to use those smile muscles a lot in this past month!! I found out that my friend Shannon is pregnant!! I am so happy and thankful that I have a really good job that I love! Sherrie and I spend endless amounts of time laughing about nothing in particular! I get to meet some really nice people on a daily basis at work! I got to eat Thanksgiving dinner despite having just had stomach virus #2!! I love my families (my own and Pete's). I love to hear stories about people giving to those in need, life's little miracles and stories of the GOOD that people actually do!!
If someone is reading this and is over the age of 40, I'm sure you could be saying,"suck it up whiney 35 year old and put your big girl panties on!" Life goes by very quickly for everyone! I just wish that I could remember more than what I do out of each day! I wish that I could store all of those little tee hee moments and awww moments that make life so enjoyable. Unfortunately, the early warning signs of dementia come out making it hard for me to remember this morning, let alone what I had for dinner tonight!
Ok, Ill quit whining! I did have a really good day today. I sure am glad that its the weekend again! This weekend I hope to get our tree up and lights up on the house. A friend of mine told me about a family tradition of hers: while putting up the Christmas tree, play the favorite Christmas tunes, drink lots of hot chocolate and everyone helps with the tree! I like the sound of that! Keeping Lyndi and Jack the cat from pulling the tree apart (and down) will be a huge trick! But maybe we can make it special for everyone!
Lots of love and WARM thoughts to you!

Wally World

I don't know about you and your family but I guess that my family spends a couple to a few thousand dollars at Walmart annually. I always go there for groceries, dry goods, kids clothes....the list goes on. I even use their pharmacy...or I did until I got shorted on Ambien from them.
For about the last year or so, my husband likes to go off on a tirade about Walmart and about their lack of service. I have always just ignored him and his rants. Yea, you have to wait in really long lines. They are always out of that THING that you need a lot of times. The pharmacy lines and waiting times are horrendous...especially when you have two small children that are nutting up.
BUT here is why I will not use Walmart anymore. I don't care if I have to pay more or not for the things I buy or if I have to go to multiple stores to get what I need.
On November 23, 2008 I had my prescriptions refilled. I had the Ambien that I use nightly for sleep refilled. I get 18 tablets of 10mg Ambien in a bottle. Despite the fact that my doctor has written that I can take 1/2 to 1 tablet (5mg-10mg nightly) at bedtime for sleep, my insurance company doesn't want to pay for 30 pills. So if I took one whole pill a night, I would only be able to get 18 nights of sleep (but that's a whole nuther story). So...Because I had a couple of pills left over from my last bottle (because I don't take 10mg every night...only rarely), I did not open the new prescription for a couple of days. When I did open the bottle, I noticed that it didn't seem to have as many pills in it as usual. I counted them. I counted 13. I recounted...13. I was 5 pills short. I told myself that I needed to call and ask them why I was missing 5 pills. I thought maybe it was an insurance issue even though the bottle said 18 pills on it. I didn't know. When I counted my pills it was at night and the pharmacy would have been closed. I took 1/2 a tablet. That was on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So we did Thanksgiving and spent the weekend with Pete's parents in Augusta. I forgot to pack the Ambien in my bag so I didn't have them all weekend (no good sleep for me!!). Saturday night I took half a pill and Sunday night half a pill. Monday evening I called the pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacy intern. I knew exactly who I was talking to because I have gotten many prescriptions filled there and have seen him.
I explained the situation to him and asked if insurance had held back 5 pills for some reason. He checked my prescription and said that I was given 18 pills. Which I explained that I was not. So he said that they would have to count their stock to see if they were short. After some wait, he came back and said that their count matched what their master computer count stated. Huh! I told him that that was interesting because I still only got 13 tablets. I asked him if it was possible that someone pocketed the pills because I didn't have them. They had to be somewhere. He told me that the best they could do was to put a note on MY prescription stating that in order to get my rxs that I would have to have them counted first. I asked him how that would help them know if there was a theft problem if they just put a note on my rxs and not make some kind of report. What if someone else called and said they were missing meds too? How would they remember me and my complaint? They wouldn't be able to track anything. He handed me over to Nancy....the pharmacist.
Now, Nancy didn't tell me she was the pharmacist. I had to ask. I had to ask if she was familiar with the situation. Yes she said she had been told. She was very evasive. So I explained that I had not received the 5 pills and that the Intern wanted to put a note on my rxs and not make any sort of report or general notation. There was no tracking. She didn't seem to have a problem with his suggestion. Anyway, by the end of this whole conversation, she told me that their count was fine so she didn't know (and obviously was not concerned about what had happened to my 5 pills). She reminded me that Ambien was a controlled substance. I wasn't get my 5 pills being the drug seeker that I am. And I told Nancy that if she hadn't realized, I hadn't even said I WANTED those 5...my concern is that someone could be stealing meds from there and they weren't even interested in tracking a potential problem. I asked her "what if someone is pocketing meds?" She told me that she KNEW that no one from her pharmacy was stealing drugs. I asked her HOW she knew? Do they check each person at night before they go home? Pat each employee down and search purses? She said "We have something like that in place!" WHAT BS! All they seemed to be concerned with was that their master count matched their bottle count. But who is to say that someone didn't SAY they gave 18, kept 5 and only gave the 13 to me? How would they know the difference. Their master count would still be right.....
So I had to tell NANCY the pharmacist that I would have to have to move my rxs to some place else so that I wouldn't have to COUNT every pill I got to make sure no one was STEALING pills from me. Then I asked who she had to answer to. When I told her that it was disappointing to me that since they weren't interested in what I had to say, I would have to move my rxs, her response was, "that would be fine." Nice.
I called and made a complaint to their complaint HOT line. That was 3 days ago. No word back from ANYONE from Walmart.
So I say this...if you are going to use Walmarts pharmacy, you better count every pill you get from them...especially the controlled substances....yes even the Ambien. I don't know what kind of drug market there is out there for Ambien...but....And I dont know if someone isn't sleeping well that works there....I just don't know. But COUNT your drugs...and don't think that if you ever have a problem with them, that Nancy or the rest of the corporate folks are going to give a rats behind about you or your little complaints. Because in the end, NANCY thinks I'm some drug crazed seeker OF AMBIEN and that NO ONE in HER pharmacy would EVER STEAL meds.........RIGHT.......That NEVER happens!!
So for me and my family.......NO MORE WALMART!!! By the way, from what I understand, Kroger pharmacy and probably other pharmacies offer the $4 prescriptions if that't the sole reason you use Walmart's pharmacy. Lack of concern and inconvenience isn't in any way shape or form worth $4.

Happy Count Your Blessings Day

Im back with round two of a horribly nasty stomach virus (I assume thats what it is and not actually possession by an alien or the devil himself!). I began feeling kind of dizzy on Monday and nauseated during a procedure. That never happens. Then Tuesday at lunch time, after having felt run down all morning, I began feeling SICK! Then vomiting started. Then the diarrhea. I had the most horrible pain that felt as though it was jabbing "STOMACH VIRUS WUZ HERE!!" signs all the way down through my GI tract. I had to leave work early. I know they must think that I am the most broken down, sickly person they have ever met! So far Ive had a kidney stone, cardiac issues that led to ablation, a stomach virus (#1) and now stomach virus deux! Hmm oh and there was a migraine mixed in there at some point as well!
Today was a much better day! I made it back to work. Had a very quick morning seeing patients. Lila spent the morning with me since she didnt have school. She was so good! I still felt kind of ill and sore from the previous days activities. I had the Zofran grogginess. We did go over to my mom's shop and eat Thankgiving lunch with her. The squash casserole and the smoked turkey that my parents made...to die for!! And it was the first real food I had had in a while!
Once I got home, I went to bed, slept for 2 hours. When I awoke, I began having the worst case of "heart burn" ever. I took Maalox. 4 Gaviscon. Zantac 150. Maalox. And then I realized that the attack that I was probably having may not have been heart burn so much as esophageal spasms related to the acid burn I suffered from vomiting up my gizzard yesterday. So I took a Lortab 5/325. I NEVER, EVER take that. I want you to know that I was in SEVERE PAIN! If it hadnt been in my sternum and radiating up my throat...I would have rushed to the hospital for complications related to my heart or a heart attack. After about 30 minutes, the Lortab helped.
So I got to snuggle up on the couch with my two beautiful girls and watch Enchanted (again..I like it!). I love my girls. Lyndi is a mean little cuss that is hard headed! Her new thing to say is "in a minute!" Wonder where she learned that Daddy? Anyway, it was so nice getting to spend time with them. I thought about what things will be like in a few years. I really feel so blessed with those two. Now, they really make me want to pull my hair out sometimes. But I love them so much! Its all those precious little moments that seem to take the sting out of all the more aggravating times. And when I say my children are aggravating, I mean it! They are two of the most strong willed, independent children I have ever seen in my life! I really think that if they put their minds to something in life...they will be able to do it! Both of them so SO SO SMART! And they both have common sense! What a huge blessing! Dont get me wrong, they still spill things and knock things over! Lyndi colors all over herself and tortures the cats. But I KNOW I have been blessed. They make me laugh. They make me feel very loved...especially Lila. She is a sweet heart. She has always taken the time to show me how much she loves me.
And so then I sat up and my chest began to make me want to shriek with pain! Thus, Lortab #2. *sigh* Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day. I love Thanksgiving! And tomorrow my mom and dad are going down to Granny's house in Riddleville. Thats Pete's grandmother that is 94 years old! She has been saying since she was 50 years old that THIS might be her last Thanksgiving, Christmas.....you get the idea. But we dont take chances. It could be..she is 94. But we all say that she will probably outlive all of us! But Betty, Pete's mom will be cooking. She is an awesome cook! It will be nice I think. I just pray that Im over this ICK that I have been dealing with this week!
Enough whining about my gut....Today when I was leaving work, Sherrie hugged me bye. She is traveling to Louisana tonight. Or is it Mississippi...either way..its a long drive! She is going to see her dad and uncle. She wished me a happy thanksgiving. I hated to hug her because I would surely hate it if she got this ick from me! But....she is such a dear friend...I just love her! She took her chances!
Im grateful for all of my dear friends and family! I am truly a blessed person! And just know, this isnt just the Lortab talking either! :) I have great neighbors. I go to a great church. I have a great job! I have a wonderful, loving family (although a little nutty!). I have a great family of in laws...it just doesnt get better than that! Thank you God for all of your blessings! And please Lord, be with us as we travel tomorrow and this weekend. And please, please, please let me be able to eat and enjoy Thanksgiving dinner! AMEN!

After dinner thoughts

Its Sunday again. Once a week we have a repeat of the same....
This week and weekend was different. The weeks are always different. We have the same days but they always bring some new and interesting occurrence. Otherwise, I guess we would just shrivel up and die of the blahs!
This week, I am still recovering from my heart ablation. Not so much in that I had pain and such. Its just an adjustment, having to learn a new life without that strange surge in my heart rate. In the last week, my heart would get a little excited, feel like it might build up to something and just fizzle out. The doctor told me this would happen. The thing that I noticed more is that I have been a little more nervous. I have been nervously anticipating change. I have had strange feelings (emotions even) during this time. My greatest fear is that I am going to have anxiety. WHAT IF this heart stuff really was just anxiety. Crazy I know. Why not just set myself up for failure.
A couple of weekends ago, I was talking to a lady that I go to church with. She told me that she always gets depressed during the holidays. Her children (and grand kids) recently moved out of the country. I told her that she needed to correct her way of thinking. She needed NOT to say that she ALWAYS gets depressed during the holidays. That's a self fulfilling prophesy. If you say you are then you ARE. Why not say that this holiday season, I'm going to feel comforted. I am going to feel thankful. I am going to feel fulfilled. Pete told me that I sounded just like my old doctors that used to say,"Marci, you just have to get your mind right!" And I hate more than anything that I might have sounded like that. That's not what I meant. Depression and anxiety are tricky demons. If you ever read Joyce Meyers, "Battlefield of the Mind", she says, " Whatever you may be facing or experiencing right now in your life, I am encouraging you to GO THROUGH IT and NOT GIVE UP!" "Its easy to quit; it takes faith to go through." By my friend saying that she ALWAYS gets depressed, I think about what Joyce says about "...avoidance of hope is a type of protection against being hurt. Disappointment hurts! So rather than be hurt again, many people simply refuse to hope or to believe that anything good will ever happened to them. This type of behavior sets up a negative lifestyle. Everything becomes negative because the thoughts are negative. Remember Proverbs 23:7: "For as he thinks in his heart, so he is...." Joyce explains what our tried and true Bible tells us.
Joyce also talks about this fear of anxiety I have. She too must have gone through something similar. She asked God one time, "What is this feeling I always have?" God responded, " Evil forebodings." She said that she didn't know what that meant at the time. She found in Proverbs 15:15: All the days for the desponding and afflicted are made evil [ by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]."
She said that she realized that at that time most of her life has been miserable due to these evil thoughts and forebodings. She admits that she did have times when certain circumstances were hard but even when she didn't, she was still miserable. Her thoughts were "poisoning my outlook and robbing me of ability to enjoy life and see good days."
Philippians 4:6 A verse that I love but I always have a hard time just being still and letting it be : Do not fret of have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything , by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
Don't get me wrong. I am no longer that nervous, anxiety ridden person that I once was. I was afraid of life. I even used to have a hypersensitive nervous reflex. If I heard a loud noise or someone unexpectedly tapped me to get my attention, I would practically jump out of my skin. It was a JOLT. I worried about EVERYTHING. I could "what if" anything and everything to DEATH! Fortunately for me though, I found support and guidance.
First, I found the utmost support in God's word. I saw a newly diagnosed, cancer patient reading "Battlefield of the Mind" while she was receiving treatment. She told me that she needed all the support she could get. She found comfort in what Joyce had to say about God and faith. I did too when I read it. She helped me see that God was really a loving God that was there to help me have peace.
Secondly, I sought out council. I began talking to a mental health counselor. She was a very nice person. Unfortunately, she moved shortly after I started seeing her. But in the few visits I had with her, I found out some very interesting things about myself.
I asked her why, when I was in my 20's, I was a police officer. I feared nothing. I wasn't afraid of the world. Then suddenly, without warning, I feel like I am afraid of everything. She asked me if this all started after having children. I told her it had. She told me that having children changes everything. We go (as moms) from having to look out for numero uno (myself) to suddenly having to protect our precious little ones from a very scary, dangerous world. Its instinctual. I had never thought of it like that. I thought I was just over reacting to life in general.
Third, I found that taking an antidepressant helped me. It took the edge off. I wasn't quite so hypervigilant. I never experienced that "I just don't care!!" attitude that some people describe. But I was finally able to deal with things a little more.
When I began having problems with my heart, I was also in nursing school, raising a 2 year old, married, had a step child and an ex wife to deal with. I can see why doctors brushed my heart issue off. But after hearing that I might possibly have a fatal heart rhythm called Wolfe Parkinson White syndrome and being under a tremendous amount of stress from school AND being BROKE financially AND thinking that Pete might have to raise our child alone, SCARED ME TO DEATH! So I know that I did develop anxiety and eventually some depression (mostly after having Lyndi). Life can be very demanding. And frankly, I couldn't handle all of the pressures that Life had to offer. Instead of being able to build up a strong hold, I crumbled.
But eventually I was able to dig myself out of the dark hole that I fell into. I was able to find peace, mostly through my faith. And then, I was able to (after 4 years) find doctors that were willing to take the time to figure out what was really going on with my heart.
So this FEAR of anxiety (which is really only fear in the first place!!!!) that I have been experiencing, I know Ill be ok. I know that no matter what, I am not alone. God is looking out for me and is with me constantly. And I know that God's word never changes. Maybe if I get a free moment some time during the week, I will pick Joyce's book up again and read. Im truly grateful that God places people, things, opportunities and such in our lives...just at the right moment.

Frisk em boys!

So my friend Sherrie had an amusing little tid bit to share with me about her 5 year old son Connor. Connor is all boy! He MUST wear cow boy boots daily and with everything. I wonder if he inists on wearing them even to the pool or the beach? Ill have to ask. But Sherrie told me that at church yesterday, one of the Sunday school workers came to her with a gun in her hand. A toy gun of course. She said she had "found it" on Connor. Sherrie was quite perplexed about this issue. She said that she has to do the daily "shake down" of his blanket before Connor is allowed to go into school or whereever. I have to do it too to my girls (especially Lila). Kids are always wanting to take a little toy in with them to school to share with their classmates. But Connor had a bit of a suprise for his mom. When she asked the Sunday school teacher where she found the gun, she replied, "in his boot!" What a terribly ingenius place to pack heat! Sherrie said that she knew she had to shake out his blanket, but she had NO IDEA that she would have to start frisking him daily now too!! What a smart kid! Now let me just say this.....coming from law enforcement and all....but if a 5 year old is smart enough to figure out how to hide a toy weapon in his boot...shouldnt a teenager also be smart enough to figure this out?? Ok, and we have school killings/shootings WHY????

Be Still My Beating Heart...

Day one status post cardiac ablation.....
Let me just say that a Zofran hangover is nooooo fun. I dont think I even like ME when Im hungover. But I have have to say that my procedure went quite well!
On Friday, I was told to be at the hospital at 8AM. I had no idea when they would take me back to the Cath lab. When I arrived I was quickly ordered to disrobe and step into something more comfortable (and fashionable I might add...) like a hospital gown and double sided grippy socks. Let me say that the socks must have been a "one size fits all" accessory piece...they didnt fit all..I guess thats why they have two sides of grippies so if they get twisted around your feet, you still wont be able to slip! GENIUS! I wonder what law suit brought about an idea like that?
At any rate, my nurses were very nice. I had two that assisted me in the private room that I was in. They started a 20g and a 22g IV in each forearm. I requested the forearm sticks. I only had to be stuck once in each arm. The first nurse that was going to start the IV wasnt really comfortable with the stick so she gave it to her partner that said I was the second patient to request the forearm that day. I really detest the hand, wrist or the AC. Nurse #2 did a great job starting my IVs. Both of my nurses were super nice and friendly. They made waiting for the procedure really comfortable. They also brought me toasty warm blankets to keep me cozy.
Mom, Dad and Pete came in and waited with me. Also, Morris, a pastor from a local church came to pray with me. Morris is an old family friend. He has known me since I was a child. He is the son of the people my Dad works for in the auto body business. Morris was so nice and said a beautiful prayer. His presence was greatly appreciated. My parents were so on edge about this whole thing. They really were nervous about someone monkeying with their daughters heart. I guess I can see that.... I would be too with my girls! :)
At about 10AM, Monty, RN came in to tell me that they were preparing the room for me to come back. Dr. Woodard came in to explain what would happen. I think he helped to put my parents at ease. They did comment that he was really young. I dont think that age is necessarily a marker for skill or ability. At any rate, I was ready to go GET ER DONE!!
I kissed Pete bye. My parents told me that they loved me. And off I went!!
I was taken into one of the cath labs by Monty and Greg. Both were RNs. Once back in the back, I met a very militaristic, sort of intimidating looking fellow named Joe. This was JOE THE RN. I don't think he knew Joe the Plumber. All three fellows were so nice! After the fog of medications I received yesterday, I'm not sure that I remember all details exactly but I know that at least two of the guys were married to nurses that ALSO worked in the Cath lab. I thought that was really pretty cool! Everyone knew Dr. M that I worked with.
While prepping me, we all chatted. One person made a comment in nurse humor...I laughed. One of the nurses questioned why that nurse made such a comment to me in nurse humor...he said back, "SHE IS ONE OF US..!" How cool is that? I'm one of them. They are one of me. Its like a fraternity. They were really cool too. So this is what I spent 40k on in becoming a nurse! WOW!!! perks...
Anyway...
So, after a quick shave, lots of prepping, cleaning, placing monitors, wiring and taping, they began the drugs.....
The only thing I remember during the procedure is that at one time, my heart felt like it was beating throughout my ENTIRE body. It was pounding! The rest...was history.
So I awoke in a new room. My family was there. I only vaguely remember throwing up. Pete tells me that I told them that I had a migraine from not eating and then I said I felt sick. Then like I normally do with a migraine...I threw up! They tried to treat my migraine with 3 Tylenol....no dice. Pete said that as I began throwing up, Monty and Greg came in the room, began a semi-code maneuver, holding my groin so I wouldn't rupture anything..barking orders to get me some Zofran and trying to get an emesis basin to me in record time. Pete said that he really thought the emesis basin was kind of a little ridiculous thing. Number one, it doesn't hold much, and its hard to hold and not get yak on your fingers. I needed a wash basin.
This sort of episode recurred three times while I was trying to recover. Finally they broke out the BIG guns and gave me Morphine for my migraine. I got 2mg first and later 2 more. I hadn't ever had Morphine. It made me feel LOOPY. But it took care of the pain. I semi dosed on it. I found that I was aware of my bodily sounds...like breathing. But my brain was semi asleep. I think I scared myself awake when I heard myself breath. Mom commented that I must be hallucinating.
Anyway...the procedure went well according to Dr. Woodard. He said that I had an errant node that had probably been there since I was born. He said that as people with this problem get older, the node tends to act up more. Mine was definitely acting up and getting worse. He said that I have a 96-98% chance of being cured. I dont remember any of this. I dont remember a lot of things.
After we left the hospital we went to the Waffle House. I had to eat! I ate a waffle and drank a sprite. It was a great FIRST meal!!
Today when I woke up, I found that my groin is black and blue. I still have tape residue on my groin, abdomen and leg. My whole body was sore, especially my groin, my chest, my neck and my back. After being in wrist and leg restraints for 2 hours while I had my procedure, I found that I just ached all over. Thank goodness for Tylenol and Advil.
This afternoon, I took aout a 2.5 hour nap. When I awoke, my hangover from all the meds had worn off. I didn't feel dizzy any more. We made homemade pizza's tonight for dinner. I haven't been lifting anything or doing much of anything. Jack the cat has tried to trample on my groin a few times. That hasn't been any fun. Other than that, things have been going just fine. I'm getting around a little slower.
I can tell something has happened. My heart hasn't been firing the way it used to. Its like it wants to but then it stops. Pete said that that is exactly what the doctor said it would do. Its bizarre to say the least. I am really curious to see what anxiety I have if any now. I pray that I don't have any. But if I do...Ill deal with it. Ive dealt with it for 4 years now, Ill still be able to. But if I don't have any....what a day of freedom for me!!
I want to thank everyone for all of the prayers, love and phone calls (and emails!!). I felt really prepared to go into this procedure. I knew God was looking out for me. I never felt nervous about this whole thing. I knew that no matter what happened, I would be taken care of. That's a peace unlike any other.

Its all in the delivery

The other day at work, I found myself standing at the desk with Dr. M and Sherrie. We were talking about a particular patient. They mentioned that he was a teacher. I was like, "huh! I wonder what he teaches?" Sherrie, my bud and my pal, had to chime in, "SCHOOL!" Thanks Sherrie! Sheesh! And she had to follow that comment up with a smart aleky grin. She was quite proud of herself. I had to admit...she was right and it was funny. There's nothing like someone having to give their two cents worth. But I got to thinking that afternoon that comments like that can either come across as funny or really just jerky. Its all in the delivery and the intentions of the deliverer.
I wasn't the least bit offended by Sherrie's comment. But I thought of the millions of similar comments that people have made in the past that have led me to think...this person is a jerk. Their comments are meant to be really derogatory. Their delivery comes from a point high above the very nose that they look down upon you from. Even still, I had to stop and ask myself, "Could some of these seemingly rude comments actually not have been intended to come across the way that they did?" Is it possible that I might have been a little more sensitive on that particular day and took it the wrong way? Or could it be that that person had a DRY humor like Pete and thought he was being funny but the delivery was all wrong?
Don't get me wrong, I know there are a lot of sarcastic, rude people out there that live to make others look and feel stupid. And there are people that make rude comments and try to follow them up with, "What?? I was JUST KIDDING!!" That's really not cool. Because, that just says to me that they are probably just too much of a pansy to admit that they were really just being a jerk and were afraid of your response (flipping them off, stomping away, crying or whacking them in the shoulder!).
So, if you are the kind of person that likes to make DUH! comments to others, do a little introspection to find out what your intentions are; are you really trying to just make a joke? Are you trying to make that person look stupid (SHAME ON YOU!). Are you just a rude individual that thinks that you are better than every one else? Are you a sarcastic know it all that likes to stomp on nice people? Then think about what your delivery style is....are you being really condescending? Are you funny? Are you going to regret making that smarty pants comment?
On the other hand, if you are the person that is receiving the DUH!! comment, stop and think for a moment before you react; Are you feeling open to humor at that time? Are you being overly sensitive? Do you hate the person that is making the DUH! comment to you? I meant...do you have a deep dislike for that person? Are you able to laugh at yourself?
I have an older brother named Kevin. He is 4 years older than me. Growing up, life was really hard having a brother that was always 2 steps ahead of me and that thought torture was a perfect extra curricular sport. Any opportunity to make his little sister suffer or pay for being a dumb, little, bratty sister...all the better! But as I was thinking about all of this the other day, I realized that I might be more inclined to be a little more sensitive to DUH! comments now, because I was the BUTT of so many jokes and pranks growing up. So next time some jokester gets a good laugh at my expense, before I get ready to kick them in the shins, I am going to stop and ask myself (if I didn't think it was too funny), "Is this just my inner dumb, bratty little sister inside about to cry or is this PUNK just not funny!!!"

Flesh, blood....and vocal cords

I spoke to my Aunt Jo on the phone last night. She lives in Miami. She is my mom's oldest sister. Every time I talk to her I am struck with a few things about family...

I love the fact that when you look at family members you can see resemblances. For instance, I love that my oldest daughter has brown eyes like me and Pete. Lyndi looks a lot like Lila. And there is no mistaking that I am my mother's child. Our hands look very similar. But there is no denying that our legs look identical! We even have the very same knees and ankles! And no matter how fat our cores get, our legs will always be chicken legs! Saddle bags are just not in my future. I didn't get my mom's eyes though. She has very pale, ice blue eyes. I got my Dad's brown eyes.

Thinking of my Aunt Jo, I am amazed at how much her voice is starting to sound like my Granny's voice. And I am also amazed at how much her voice sounds very similar to my own mom's voice. I guess vocal cords run in the family. I know my voice sounds very similar to my mom's voice. However, I am referring to her normal speaking voice...not her voice over her cell phone. My mom has that same disorder that a lot of folks have that makes them think they have to speak a lot louder into their cell phone for you to actually hear them!

In the last few years, when I talk to my brother and my Dad, I am beginning to hear similarities in their voices. I have also noticed that my mom and I have similar hand writing. Certain letters look just a like.

Lila, she is the only lefty in our family. She however has a unique pencil holding style. Her gifted teacher pointed this out. She told me that she was trying to encourage Lila to hold her pencil differently. She said that its weird that Lila holds her pencil on her second to last finger. Really? Because I too hold my pen that way...nothing weird about it to me!! I'm just a righty...she is MY CHILD!! All the way down to how she holds her pencil! That makes me proud!

I can definitely say that we are all very unique individuals in our family. But those subtle and not so subtle similarities make being family so special. So if you think Auntie Grace has an obnoxious laugh or Uncle Harold has a weird shaped head...you may want to wait until you get a little age on you before you make these determinations. You never know when you hair falls out that your head may be shaped just like Harold's (since it was hidden under hair!). Or you never know that as your voice ages whether or not you may begin to sound just like Auntie Grace. How special though that you will always be able to carry just a little bit of some family member with you for the rest of your life....unless you have your mom's child birthing hips or Grandma Addison's shelf booty!!!

HOLY CROUP!!

So Ill share with you how my little Lyndi is doing the same way Lila shared with our neighbor India.....
My mom took Lyndi to the doctor just now. So India asks, " Lila why would your mom have to take Lyndi to the doctor today? (since its Sunday)" Lila replies,"Because Lyndi cant breathe." So after India had heart failure thinking that Lyndi had stopped breathing.....She gave me a call as I arrived at the Urgent care place in town. I had to explain that I thought that Lyndi had croup and she was having difficulty breathing. NO she hadnt STOPPED breathing!! She did sound like she was trying to suck air through a straw. And yes it did have me concerned.
So the good doctor took her in and checked all of her upper orifices out...no infections present. Yep she did have an inspiratory wheeze and her left lung sounded wheezy. An xray of her chest showed that she DID NOT have any signs of pneumonia. Thank you God! So the doctor confirmed that she did indeed have croup. Lyndi got a shot of steroids to her thigh and was sent home with an oral steroid and 4 stickers (the nurse felt awful guilty for sticking her!!!). Lyndi was sooooo good though. Bless her heart...she wasnt breathing well at all but she put up with the poking and probing. She even threw up the oral steroid they tried to give her in the office.
Lyndi was bouncing off the walls when I got her home. She sang and played. She drew on her magnadoodle board for nearly and hour. She harassed the cat and Lila for a while. It only took 3 tries to get her to bed. Other than that I say she seems a bit better. Tomorrow I pray that she keeps getting better. Today was scary. She just awoke from her nap this afternoon with a horrible wheeze and really shallow/rapid respirations. Im so glad that I am a nurse. Im glad that I know the sounds and symptoms. Im glad I have a breathing machine here and knew to put her in a steamy shower. Dont be fooled though....I was still nervous about her condition....NOT NEARLY SO NERVOUS AS POOR INDIA WHO THOUGHT SHE HAD QUIT BREATHING!
Despite all of the excitement, today was a good day. We went to church this morning. Pete and I had to keep the the 2-3 year olds in the nursery. It went surprisingly well. No one got hurt or cried on our watch! And I didn't leave feeling like I needed to take a couple of Valium and a shot of alcohol. Not that I use either...but I could start if I needed to!
Let me give you a quick run down of this month of November....
My sister in laws birthday is tomorrow I think...its the 3rd or 4th....Ill try to call if I can remember!
LET US NOT FORGET TO VOTE ON THE 4th! EVERY VOTE MATTERS!!!
The 8th is my stepson's birthday. He will be 20...where does time go??
The 14th Ill be having a cardiac ablation for the SVT that has been plaguing me.
Then we have Thanksgiving...which we will spend at Pete's 94 year old grandmothers house. Because as we all know, "This could be the last Thanksgiving for her...." Pete tells me that she has been saying this since she was 50. Now this year really could be the last.....but then again she may really outlive everyone...we will see. Either way....Turkey day will be at her house in the country...which I really love anyway!
Then I guess it will be time to put up the Christmas tree! That should be a blast this year considering that Lyndi is 2 and will want to pull all of the ornaments off (just like last year). ...And Jack the new kitten will probably want to practice his climbing skills. Or maybe he will be a cord chewer and short out the tree....lets hope not!
Please say a little prayer for Lyndi and her health. And please try to pray for me when I have my ablation on the 14th. I think all will go well. Im looking for a cure for this SVT. Please just pray for the doctors and my well being.

Fall back a little

Tonight our clocks roll back one hour. I think that's a really good thing seeing as I took a really late nap. Yea, I didn't get up until 5:30. I hope I can fall asleep tonight.
I wanted share some of the things that I really enjoy in life. The simple things. .....
I love the fall, cooler weather! I love that we got to go to the Hallelujah festival at our Church last night. It was so nice!
I love sitting down, sipping on a hot cup of tea. I used the honey that David, our neighbor grew at his house. He has named his honey "Abby's Apiary" after his daughter, Lila's friend.
I had some butternut squash soup tonight. Butternuts are a comfort food to me. I rather enjoyed having a bowl of warm soup. Lyndi did too! She ate two bowls worth of it and wanted more. She tipped her bowl up and tried to drink the last little bit out of the bowl. Butternut squash with a little butter and cinnamon is so good too! If you haven't ever tried it...you are missing out!
I love a nice fire at night. We purposely had our hearth built up so we can sit on it. At Pete's parents house, their hearth is like that. I'm glad we decided to go that route. Its so pleasant.
I love snuggling up with my girls in bed on the weekend. In the morning, Lila usually comes plowing into our bed. She is a huge snuggle bug. She will lay there with me for an hour if I wanted to stay there that long. And no, we don't have a TV in our room or any other distraction. She just has always come in to "snuggle up". I would like to think that as she gets older that maybe she might want to snuggle with ole mom...but I wont hold my breath. Ill enjoy it now while I still have time.

Easing into the weekend

Tomorrow is actually Halloween!! That also means that it is the last day of the month of October. I can not begin to think where this month has run off to! It seems like we shouldnt have been able to celebrate Lyndi's birthday yet!! But Thanksgiving will be here before we know it!
Today I went back to do a little marketing at a Health Fair being held at the hospital I used to work at. One of the ladies from the Atlanta office went with me. She told me that after meeting the people that worked at the hospital that she could imagine that it was hard for me to leave. And it was. I loved the people I used to work with. It was really like working with family. It was nice to see many of my former coworkers and the Doctors Poon (father and son). I got to see Kellie the Chief Nursing Officer of the hospital. She is a beautiful person that is just a wonderful supervisor and person. She has the prettiest flaming red hair! I was glad to get to chat with her for a little bit today.
One of the Pharmacy Techs at the hospital named Mona has breast cancer. Her cancer has spread to the bone (particularly the collar bone). Mona is 35 years old and has 2 children. As you can imagine with her being a tech, she probably doesnt make a fortune there. But all of the personnel at the hosptial have been helping to provide some financial support for Mona. Someone came up with the idea to sell t-shirts in Mona's honor. They are brown with pink boxing gloves on the left chest. On the back the t-shirt reads "Fight Like a Girl!" I love them. But the really great thing is that approximately $6 goes to Mona PER SHIRT! So far approximately 1100 shirts have been purchased!! Like I said, they are so cute! And they are for an excellent cause! I know that Mona is hugely appreciative for all of the support. She is a precious soul too, so is her mom Eileen that works at EMH too!
This week has been so blessed with GREAT news! I found out that Sherrie's tests came back clear. No brain mets or lung cancer. When she told me, I squeezed her tight! I could help but cry tears of JOY! If you prayed for her as I asked, THANK YOU! And THANK GOD for the huge blessings!
Another friend, Cindy, from EMH has informed me that her pregnancy (that has been somewhat high risk) is progressing nicely. She told me that she is at 30 weeks now. She also now has a little water melon sticking out in front! Praise God for getting fat huh?! Less than 2 more months to go! Please pray for her and her baby girl. This is her second child.
On a negative note, I found out that my cholesterol is quite elevated. Nevermind that I have been eating out a lot lately. And a quick burger and fries from McDonalds is not a good idea...no matter what! And no...I wont be sueing them...although I could use a little extra dinero....just kidding! But I have to swear that place off for good! ICK....maybe Im doomed to rabbit food. :(
I hope everyone has a safe day tomorrow!

Some more wonders of the World...

~I would like someone to please explain to me why it is that when you clean a Cat's box out that that is the immediate signal for the cat to use the box? I clean my cat's box daily and it never fails that as soon as I get to the end of cleaning it, the kitten is right there waiting! Does cleaning the box have a diuretic effect or a laxative effect on them? Hmmmm maybe Im on to something. What about all these poor folks that go to the hospital all stove up from not having used the bathroom in days or even more than a week?? Maybe instead of disimpacting them, we should suggest that they just clean the toilet! Hospital nurses, take note.
~Why must men go through MAN-O-PAUSE? As if one bitchy (sorry for the language) person in the house is not enough? And the thing is that they can be so much worse than the average woman. Its unbelievable. And how does a person judge when these men are going to have an episode? Its not like a woman's cycle where you can count 28 days. No, instead it just comes on full force and can last for days and sometimes weeks. And lets not even dip into the subject of a MIDLIFE CRISIS! HOLY COW!
~Hot Flashes....after shocks of Eve's greatest mistake??? Thanks again EVE! ...I met a woman recently that said that she had never had the first hot flash, ever in her life! She said that when her daughters complain of having them, she tells them that they are all in there head...thanks for the support mom! But what is it that triggers them? And how is it that it can bring on such a soaking sweat that it can wet PJs and bed sheets. I feel for menopausal women that get them so severe that it wakes them. Then they have to get up, change the bed and change clothes. And what if they have RLS on top of hot flashes? The poor legs run in place so they cant fall asleep, then when they get to sleep, a hot flash may wake them up!
~What causes cellulite anyway??? And how is it that skinny stick figures of women can get it on the backs of their thighs too??? And why dont men have it?
~What is the supernatural draw that causes kids to want to create master pieces on the wall? A child gets a pencil, pen, food or something else disgusting in their hands and its going to the walls!!! Whatever it is that draws them is powerful!
Anyway, I noticed on the way home from work today that one gas station has a gallon at $2.38! Its a miracle! Up the road closer to Athens, I noticed it was still in the $2.40s. Hopefully it will keep going down.

Sunday the day of rest...

Today we celebrated Lyndi's 2nd birthday. It was a delightful day with mostly family. Lila's best friend and her brother Cody came. They are my friend's (Nancy and Kevin) kids. My stepson came with his roommate Austin.
I made chicken tortilla soup, Pete made a great cheese dip and I baked a huge cake with cream cheese icing. We had some good eats today! I may have gained 10 pounds today from cake alone. It turned out really nicely!
Lyndi had a great time and thats what mattered! She played with her cousin Betty Carol. BC drove her around in Lila's Barbie Jeep. What better way to spend your birthday than to be chauffeured around in a Jeep. Mostly though, we ate, had cake and icecream, and opened presents. Lyndi was very impressed with the big girl panties she got from her Nana and Papa!
After the party, Pete's mom and dad helped us cut down a huge red oak that died in our neighbor Ashley's yard. We got 2 and a half truck loads of wood.Then we had to haul off all the branches..talk about back breaking work....
AND THEN IT HAPPENED.......
As Pete and I were unloading the trailer of all the limbs, Pete said "WAIT!!!" As we were about to throw a huge pile of limbs in a ravine on Nancy and Kevin's property, a tree limb caught Pete's nearly $400 Nikon eyeglasses.........
They are never to be found again. So Pete had to make the comment that the amount of wood we got (that we were so proud of) from Ashley's house cost us a cool $380..... thanks for that perspective on it Pete! Yea......
So life goes on I guess. Im really not very happy about the eye glass thing. Of course, it could have been worse...it could have put his eye out! I guess we should just be thankful!

Mr Mole

I think Ive mentioned my slightly OCD personality.....
Well, in my previous post about Sherrie, I mentioned something about my bosses' mole. Don't get me wrong. Its not like the woman's mole out of "So I married and Ax Murderer". It doesn't grow out long, gangly hairs and its not hard and crusty looking. Its just a mole.....that's located on the back of his ear.
Now, if this is weird...just call me on it ok...ok so don't bother...
I think had been working at VI probably a day or two when I first noticed this mole. Its located on the BACK of my bosses' left ear. Its maybe about the size of a pencil eraser and kind of flat. Its perfectly symmetrical and it is evenly colored. But I asked him..."Do you know you have a mole on the back of your ear?" I figured that there WAS A CHANCE that in his 52 years of life, he could have missed seeing the thing!
He turned to me and said something like,"Marci, you are missing one of those little filter things that most people have in their brain that tell them what they should and shouldn't say..." I think that David learned very quickly what I was all about! I told him that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't examine that mole and let him die from skin cancer! I COULD HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE!!!!
Now I do realize that tucking in our surgeon's tag on his shirt and picking lint (and stray hairs) off of Sherrie's shirt probably is not a life saving measure! HOWEVER.....appearances are EVERYTHING when you work in the beauty industry!! Could you really put your trust in a man that's a surgeon that can not even keep his shirt tag tucked in??? NO I didn't think so!
So after the mole incident, my boss has developed a certain comfort level with me. He likes to tell patients that I am working with them as part of a grant program funded by the Federal government for people that come from HALF WAY HOUSES! He tells them that I have been doing ok and that he thinks that once the court cases are settled on some of those cases that I have had to go to court for that things will get better for me.....or he says something about things have been ok with VI but he had heard that some of my previous employers are still trying to settle some cases......HE ISNT RIGHT!! I mean, I try to save his life and all I get in return is mockery and pain........ :)

Random thoughts....

Today I had lunch at a restaurant with one of by bosses and the person that is going to be over marketing for both offices. We ate at a hamburger joint located in part of what used to be the 40 Watt! As soon as I walked in, I was like, "HEY THIS WAS PART OF THE 40 WATT!!" I looked at my doctor and said," I mean, not that I ever went to the 40 Watt...." See, my coworker (and dear, dear friend) Sherrie and I have a running joke. We tell our bosses that we are always, ALL about work. We just work, work, work... and we never smile, we are always serious and we can not laugh. We want them to realize what good employees we are. Which they know isn't in any way true because we get along marvelously! We talk and laugh all the time together! We laugh so hard that we cry sometimes! Its great! Now that being said, we do work! We work hard. We care about our practice a lot! We don't ever want to see our practice fail or else we would have to find jobs at who knows where, with who knows who?! And both of us have worked for Jack the Rippers first cousins. I know I have worked for two of them already in the past. I don't ever want to go back.
I know you might think I'm joking when I say that at former jobs, I have actually been chastised for smiling. I can clearly remember sitting in shift briefing and having a Sgt or a Lt. say,"Heide! What are you smiling about? Is there something you need to share?" For goodness sakes, I really just liked my job...but maybe a little less after that incident. It was ridiculous. I smile a lot! That's why I have crow's feet at my eyes and deep parenthesis at the sides of my mouth. Believe it or not, I do try to be positive most of the time. I tend to fall on the side with the realists but I like to try to cling to optimism. My faith causes me to believe that life does get better than this!
I know Ive mentioned Sherrie before in my blogs. But I have never told Sherrie's story. Sherrie is such an awesome person and she come from an incredible family. I LOVE Sherrie. And I say that with the real love to back that up. She is a great friend to me. And I know that God has placed her in my life for a good reason! And to tell you the truth, I gratefully appreciate his generosity with her.
Back when I went to VI the very first time for my interview, I met Sherrie, our "Office Coordinator." When I saw her I said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" No, I didn't mean that to sound like a cheesy pick up line....But she looked so familiar to me. I racked my brain backward and forward. Her face, her voice and her name...I KNEW at some point in my life. But the crazy thing was that she lived in Atlanta and moved to Jackson Co. about 4 years ago. I knew that wasn't how I knew her. She didn't get her hair done at my mom's salon (that's always a good jumping off point). So I started to file her under the "Ive probably seen you in Walmart" folder in my mind. Then we got to talking about one of our bosses moles (but that's another story). She mentioned that she had had skin cancer. SO THAT WAS IT! As it turns out, I remembered her from the cancer treatment center! Suddenly I was able to picture her clearly in my mind sitting in one particular chair. I remember that there was confusion over her name and how to pronounce it properly (this is another story). I remember that when I met her, I thought about how young she was and about her having 2 children. I thought that it could have been me sitting there instead of her. Any one of us could be one step away from sitting in one of those chemo chairs.
Anyway, that just amazed me! That whole day was really something. I was offered my job that very day. From then on, Sherrie and I were great friends. She and I have so much in common. BUT there is so much I don't have in common with her, and those things make her even more special to me!
Sherrie not only had skin cancer about 2 years ago....
A little over 7 years ago, Sherrie was about 31 years old. She had had a bout of pneumonia that wouldn't go away. She had a couple of chest xrays but no one had shown any concern. One day one of her doctors (she didn't see the PA or another practice doc) happened to look at her xray. He noticed that something didn't look quite right. He had Sherrie go for either a CT or an MRI. She got a call back that shocked her beyond all belief...she had lung cancer. And YES, she was a smoker. She told me that when she got the news...she immediately went out and smoked a cigarette. "I was stressed so I smoked a cigarette!" Who could argue with that? A diagnosis of that kind at 31?
Sherrie ended up quitting smoking when she had surgery to remove the lower two lobes of her right lung. She did not have any chemotherapy or radiation. And some time after that (I'm not sure when) she developed Thyroid cancer. She had to have her entire thyroid removed and had to have treatment. She also had to take medication to regulate her thyroid hormones.
About 2 years ago, Sherrie found a 3.5cm spot on her leg. The dermatologist ended up cutting a large plug out of her leg. As it turned our, she ended up having to have a core out of her leg and lymph nodes removed. She had melanoma. For one year, Sherrie had to receive Interferon via IV and then give herself shots of the chemo at home. One of the major side effects of Interferon
is depression. Some people have such a hard time with it that they can develop a major depressive disorder that involves psychotic episodes and hallucinations. Its not a fun trip.
Let me back up a minute and add this about Sherrie...
After having had her lung removed, Sherrie had her first child Emily (7). Then she had a son named Connor (he is 5). So through all of this, she still had a busy family to raise. I don't know how she managed to do it all.
Sherrie asked me one day if I ever look at my life (and how good it is) and still feel kind of depressed. You know....nice husband, nice kids, nice house, running cars, excellent job.....and yet still feel down. I had to admit to her that YES I do! I tried to remind her that she has been through an awful lot. A lot more than most of us. I don't think its being ungrateful to feel depressed! GOODNESS! But we as mothers tend to see other moms make it look so easy! Some of us think that if we aren't being a parent like so and so that we cant possibly be good moms....that's just not true!
After I had Lyndi, I had several people tell me to cut myself some slack..."don't be soooo hard on yourself Marci! You just had a baby!! You are going to be tired......" Well, I felt like the worlds worst parent. I felt like I couldn't keep up. I had Lila, a newborn and a new job, no house of my own and Pete had been in Milledgeville away from us (trying to sell our house there while we were in Athens already). Oh it was a tough time. And every now and then I still have tough times (just read some of my previous posts!!!)
But I told Sherrie that God knows whats in our hearts even if its not reflected in our moods. I just have such a hard time feeling down with Sherrie around. Ive come in and been in a rotten mood due to kids or stress or a kidney stone....and she has been there for me every time! She has been a shoulder for me to cry on...nevermind that it was hormone exacerbated....that's no one else's concern!
I truly believe with all my heart that God has placed us together for some great reason. Maybe its so both of us can lean on each other when we need it. Or we can hand one another a tissue when we tell a really touching story or get to laughing too hard! I'm telling you, I love her! She is so perfectly imperfect that I love being around her. She seems to accept me and all of my oddities without even a blink! She even thinks I am funny! Now that's just crazy! A person has to have a really dorky sense of humor to get where I'm coming from! And she is so very funny! She shares with me all of her great family stories and makes me laugh until my side hurts over the crazy practical jokes they have played on each other! She comes from a family of 4 girls!
Today Sherrie went to have some follow up tests done. They did a CT of her thorax and an MRI of her brain. I pray with all of my heart that those tests show that there is not the first cancer cell in her body. She has been cancer free for 7 years. So I ask that anyone that reads my blog, to please pray for Sherrie. Please pray for friend that I love so dearly, that makes me laugh and cry. That brings me candy corn and daisies because I had a bit of a hard week one time. And she gave me a card that ponders the terms, "butt naked or buck naked?"
Please pray for her Sherrie's family: her husband Lee, daughter Emily and son Connor. Pray that this world will have my seriously funny friend around for many more decades to come!
God bless!

Please God...

Dear God,
I am writing to you tonight to ask you to please be with me. I am praying for protection of my very last nerve. All of my other nerves are long since gone. They snapped a very long time ago. Im not even sure which bout of chaos made them snap, but it happened. I think thats about the time my first gray hairs began too.
Dear Lord, I found a cute little kitten today. He is a pretty orange tabby. He is very sweet. He just literally climbed into the car. Thank you for sending me something cute and cuddely to help bring cheer to my days. But Lord, tonight when I brought him home, Lyndi tried to pick him up by the neck. She thought that kittens evidently liked being carried like this. And Lord, she grabbed him by one of his hind legs and tried to drag him across the house.
Lord, and once Lila discovered this kitten's adorable, playful personality, she screamed at Lyndi to give her the cat's toys. She also grabbed the kitten and tried to hold him at her side while pushing Lyndi away. Lyndi screamed "GA GA!!! (which is Lila in Lyndi speak)"
So Lord, I took this cute little kitten that I have named Jack (on the advise of my coworker who thought since he was orange and its October and Jack O lanterns are popular right now) and set up a litter pan and food in my bathroom for now...then I thought I would soak in a hot tub bath for a little while to help calm my poor last quivering nerve....
Then Lila and Lyndi discovered my serene environment. Lyndi began whipping a cat toy wildly at the kitten. The kitten, though somewhat amused and confused, tried to play with that wild, out of control toy....And Lila began to holler,"LYNDI GIVE ME THE CAT TOY!!!" over and over and over because she wanted that one particular toy. All the other toys were not worthy of Lila's attention. So I begged Pete to take the girls out of the bathroom, PLEASE!!!
And Lord, at some point tonight, I think it was before I got in the tub, Lyndi decided that pouring the ENTIRE contents of the Kitten Chow on the floor and covering it with a dish towel would be fun. She was pretending to tuck the food in nite nite. Yea, so I had to sweep it up. And Lila fussed at Lyndi and told her it was a bad choice. And my head popped out another gray hair.
Dear Lord, I ask that you will please be with me. I need a little extra strength and courage. Lord, I feel like sometimes that if I have to hear LYNDI!!!!! in a whining, high pitched voice or the SHRILL scream of Lyndi saying GAGA!!! I might actually lose my mind.
Please watch over my two screaming, aggravating, gray hair inducing children. I love them very much. And Lord please forgive me when I have thoughts about selling them on EBAY. Lord, thank you for blessing me with two beautiful little girls that are too smart for their own good. And thank you for sending me a little happy, cute kitten named Jack. Please just bring calm this last little nerve I have.
Amen!