That being said, I cant tell you how many times I sort of cringe when someone goes on and on about appreciating what I have done for them. Many times, I honestly, consciously do things because I think its the right thing to do. I am in no way perfect. I am not always unselfish. I am not always kind. I am not always happy. I do not always do or say the right things. BUT when I do something that is right and in accordance with God's Word, HIS Grace shines through...that's what that person is seeing.
This verse sums it up: If you could walk the hallways of my heart. And see things as they really are. I wonder if you might be surprised. Seeing faded walls of pride and fear. Rooms I've filled with faithless tears. And corners where I've stood in compromise. But you'd see the work His grace has done. You'd know just how far I've come.
I think back over the years of my life and I feel really good about some things I've done. But those not so great moments, actions or the poor decisions I made glare out at me. When I look back on those times, I don't feel that that sickening, sinking sensation that I used to feel. I have already been Forgiven for all that. However, I know to completely forget all of those life lessons would be foolish in my opinion. Dwelling on the past is another foolish decision. So, if I choose to take a look at some of the negative things of my past, I have to think, "what did I learn from that? How did God use this for good?" I have learned some really great lessons! Too bad I can't pass all this wisdom on to my children and have them just "take my word for it".
I have come such a long way. Back when I was 12 years old I was baptized for the first time. And I say for the first time because I was baptized again when I was 18. Truly, I would not mind being baptized AGAIN! Not that baptism MAKES you a better Christian. I would just like to publicly show that I have TRULY given my life to Jesus. When I was 12, I don't think I REALLY could grasp what it meant to have a relationship with God. When I was 18, I definitely believed that Jesus died for my sins, but I still didn't have that close personal relationship and FAITH (as I know it now). I surely had not realized that talking the talk, meant walking the walk.
After many trials and tribulations that I have had over the last handful of years, I think that I have become so much more committed to my relationship with God. I was spiritually broken and in some ways physically and emotionally broken as well. I was as low as I think I could get. I don't ever want to have to know if there is an EVEN LOWER point than the bottom that I met. Through my darkest of days, I prayed. Through the brighter days I prayed and thanked God for the glimpses of light. Through the much better days, I have seen how God has USED the darkness in my life to help others and to be a more loving, compassionate person. Hundreds of times, I have encountered people with similar issues that I experienced. I have been able to hold hands with people whose pain reeked out from their very pores. Pains that were not just physical but emotional and spiritual. I thanked God for giving me a heart and experience.
When I went through my darkest days, I NEVER thought that I would ever be grateful for having to claw my way out of the pit of despair. NEVER. NEVER. I never thought that all the tears I shed would ever be used to help quench someone else in their moments of despair. NEVER. But, again I say that I do truly believe that the Only Good in Me is Jesus. Without the Grace and love of God and his Holy Son, I would still be writhing in that pit. I would not have had hope. I would not have had peace. I would not have had loving support. No one PERSON could have pulled me through. Only God's Grace truly saved me.
A non-believer might read this and say, "This chick is diluted and crazed." And I would say to a non-believer,"I don't care what you think or say or do...I know where I came from, I know that my heart and my entire life has been changed because of my FAITH. And I know that when I cried out to Jesus to help save me....I was saved and had peace. This is not the kind of peace that is just quiet emptiness...this is an overwhelming knowledge that God was with me and that He would carry me through all of this....and He did!" I have felt pain, loneliness and anguish. I have thought that there were days that I would be better off dead. BUT...when I prayed...I didn't hurt so much. I didn't feel hopeless. I didn't think that an empty death was the answer. I found my relationship with Jesus. And if this doesn't sound cool or sounds weak and pathetic....that's what I used to be. But as I said before, no person, no judgemental PERSON could have ever saved me or given me peace. A non-believer can only wonder if what I am saying is true. A Christian would say, "Thank you Lord for your love and Grace. Thank you for making the only thing good in me, your Holy Son."
THE ONLY THING By Ronnie Freeman
I heard someone say the other day.
They'd seen in me true love displayed.
Blessed by something I had done for them.
No sooner had they said these words.
I found myself somehow disturbed.
Uneasy as I took their compliment.
Cause I know the heart inside this man.
I know the truth of who I am...
(Chorus)The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
I know me well enough to know.
No matter what this life may show.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
If you could walk the hallways of my heart.
And see things as they really are.
I wonder if you might be surprised.
Seeing faded walls of pride and fear.
Rooms I've filled with faithless tears.
And corners where I've stood in compromise.
But you'd see the work His grace has done.
You'd know just how far I've come.
In a thousand years.
When the dust of this world clears.
And I look back on my life.
And see in perfect light.
(Chorus)The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
I know me well enough to know.
No matter what this life may show.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.
I know me well enough to know.
No matter what this life may show.
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
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