I am not perfect.

It's Wednesday and I have to say first thing that I AM NOT PERFECT. Ok, I've gotten that out of the way so I will proceed.
Tonight at church, we had a young man named Jarred, come speak about being a member of the US Paralympics. www.paralympics.org. He will be participating in the 2012 Paralympics. He has a right BKA (below the knee amputation) from 2010. In highschool, he developed a condition called "compartment syndrome." After many surgeries, he ended up having to have his leg amputated. Now he has an ultra, super fabulous carbon fiber, mechanical leg and another one that is a metal bar that he runs on. Technology is absolutely amazing.
Tonight Jarred shared his testimony about how God has worked in his life. He thought in high school that he could lead a dual life. He could believe in God and yet participate in a very unChristianlike lifestyle. His only desire was to be able to be a collegiate runner. He wasn't just a good runner, he was an amazing runner. He actually won a state competition in running. His running career was cut short when he developed compartment syndrome. Jarred admits that he was angry at God for over a year. He said that God revealed HIMself to Jarred and told him that he had been with him through this trial and wanted to use him in the future. Jarred has dedicated his running career to God. Jarred has put his faith in whatever God's will is for his life.
Jarred was asked how his parents have handled all of this. He talked about how hard it is for any parent to see their child go through such a trial. Interestingly enough, I was sitting next to a couple who had just found out that their own daughter was having a problem with intracranial pressure due to too much cerebrospinal fluid built up in her brain and especially behind her eyes. They had been told that she could have blindness if things get worse. She is having a spinal tap on Monday.
I sat there in that pew listening to what Jarred had to say about his own parents and how supportive and faithful to God they were. I jarred this girls mom in the ribs with my elbow. She told me that on Sunday, the sermon was about why bad things happen. She said that it is so strange how these messages are coming to her. I told her that I could so see that God was working in this and HE has it in HIS control. It is so incredible when God speaks to us. I was in awe over the fact that even I could see HIM working right before my own eyes!!! Talk about a billboard sign letting them know that HE is with them! WOW!! The mom asked me what I thought about all of this and whether or not I thought that they will be able to treat her daughter. I told her that it was apparent to me that GOD HAS THIS! I would say YES! None of us know whether her daughter will be helped through a medication or a surgery. None of us know whether God will heal her in the next few days before the spinal tap she will have on Monday. What we do know is that no matter what happens, God is working on something BIG in their lives and HE has every microelement of this situation in HIS control. This I am confident of!
So, I went to the allergy clinic today. I am seeing the same ENT that took my tonsils out when I was 12 years old. He is a nice, handsome, smart, very friendly man that I have actually worked along side of in the ER. I really like him. I went to highschool a couple of grades behind one of his daughters. My brother used to have a crush on his dark haired, super nice, cheerleading daughter back in the 80's. Random, I know.
At any rate, I have already endured the initial testing, the part where I got stuck a good 50 times or more in both arms. It turns out that I am allergic to mold, dust and dust mites (and their poop). I figured that out a long time ago...just not the poop part. Today, I came back for the serum they mixed to treat my allergies. I am not going the traditional route of having to have injections every week. I am using a sub lingual drop daily to treat my allergies.
In addition to today being my first go at the allergy drops, I was instructed on how to use my $189 Epi Pens. So, if I was to decide to have a severe allergic reaction to the serum, I could, pop the cap and stab myself in the thigh, hold for 10 secs, remove the needle and massage the epinephrine into my muscle. Then I would need to call 911. The nurse, recommended that I call 911 first then plunge the needle into my thigh. I guess if your throat swells shut, you might be much more willing to gouge yourself to prevent an untimely death related to a dust particle or bedbug poop.
My thoughts after taking one drop of this $150 serum that will eventually make me immune to dust (praise God) is that I really, really hoped I didn't have an anaphylactic reaction. I was not too worried about having to use the Epi Pen. I was actually more worried about the thought that if I did nearly stop breathing or really stop breathing, that I would be seen in the ER where I used to work. Sitting there I was able to recall that I had only the great toes of both feet painted with toe nail polish because all the other paint had worn off. Although the nail color I have is a very pretty deep purple color, I don't think it looks as stunning, when it's chipped off and only on one toe. I also remembered that my legs were unshaven as usual. I couldn't remember what state my underwear was in. I don't mean that my undies weren't clean, but I did just wear some an old, no count pair, without the thought that maybe someone might see them. Why we keep no count underwear around at all, when we know that at anytime we could be in an accident, makes no sense to me. I am an imperfect  human being.
I was also concerned that since I had been working all day and had spent a great deal of time cleaning out a closet in my office, I was stinky and smelly. I think my deodorant had clocked out around 1PM today. Jacked up toes, unshaved legs, no count drawers and BO are not what I want to go rolling up in the ER with after having had an attempt at dying. Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled at the possibility of having to take that one little drop of serum. I am however, very excited at the thought of being able to walk into any room in any building and not feel my eyes burn and water, my nose run or to start coughing from post nasal drip. Maybe next time when they up my dose, I'll be better prepared. Knowing me though, I will still have the further peeled off toe nail polish and unshaved legs. Maybe I will remember to wear some decent drawers to the next visit.

Recovery

I am about 13 weeks post hysterectomy. If you ever want to know what it's like to have a hysterectomy and how things are afterward...ask me. I will answer all of your questions. The questions I had about being post hysterectomy, I could not ask my mother in law or some of the ladies from church! Valid questions or not, I didn't want to ask them. I have heard time and again that having a hysterectomy will change my life completely for the better. So far, I can say that I have had many positive effects from having surgery. I am really grateful too because surgery was TOUGH. When they say it's major surgery...they mean it!
I have to tell you about something that touched my heart tonight. I have been carrying around some burdens lately. A dear friend of mine has been going through some really tough things lately and I'm afraid that one of the demons that had been tormenting her, spotted me trying to be supportive and decided to attack. I have been feeling kind of overwhelmed and blue.
 I talked to my friend Vanessa tonight on the phone. She and I have been friends since 9th grade. I clearly remember when I first met her, she was from a rinky dink little town South of Moultrie, GA. When I met her, she had long, straight hair, down to at least the middle of her back. She had the thickest Southern accent I had ever heard. She reminded me of Laura Ingles from Little House on the Prairie. She came from a Southern Baptist home, the eldest daughter of two girls. She was very shy to say the least. Vanessa was also on the smartest girls I knew.
Now, Vanessa is in social work. She is still brilliant. She is soft spoken with a diluted Southern accent. She is a funky, earthy woman. She has a heart for people. She has really blossomed into a beautiful, Christian woman.
Anyway, I talked to Vanessa about the weight I had been carrying around in my heart for my friend. And the greatest gift that Vanessa gave to me tonight, besides suggestions for books for me and my friend to read, was prayer. Over the telephone, "not wanting to seem dorky or nothing", she prayed for me and for my friend. A beautiful prayer indeed. She prayed for my dear friend who has been attacked by horrible demons. Prayed for her strength. Prayed for God to protect her. She prayed a prayer for my friend as though she was her own friend. She prayed for her sister in Christ.
Then Vanessa prayed for me. She prayed that God would cast out that demon of sadness and depression from me. The one that attached itself when I was trying to be supportive. That's how Satan works. Satan knows when people are hurting, weak, vulnerable and wants to keep them that way. Satan also does not want us to pray for each other, share kindness and love or pray for others. She prayed for me, being a tender hearted person, to feel stronger and to have God shine HIS light into my darkness.
Dorky is not what I would call a person being bold enough to pray for me and my friend. To be willing to step out in Faith to ask for comfort and guidance for her Sisters. Very bold and wonderful indeed!
As I told Vanessa, who has known me a very, very long time...I may appear to be strong and tough on the outside. I may seem like things don't get to me. But this time, I was not. I was struggling. And as many people have told me that I handled the situation I was in with my friend the right way, there was still a disconnect in my mind. Knowing that you did the right thing and that you have no control over someone elses life or the choices they make is all good in theory. But being able to accept it in your heart that you did the right thing and you did everything within you own power to do...doesn't always make sense to your heart. So Vanessa reminded me that, I need to give it to God. Ask God to relieve me of my heart's burden because I can not deal with it. I can not take on someone elses burden...only God can.
I am a nurse. I care about people. I help fix people. I can't fix everything. And not being able to fix it, is a struggle for me. Thankfully, God can and I can let it go to HIM.
Thank you Vanessa and all of my other dear friends, and Pete for being supportive and loving. God, thank you for my Sisters in Christ.

Memorial Day 2011

Apparently I decided without telling myself that I would stop writing for a while. It came as a shock to me too that there were no words to be said. Truth be told, I think that I wanted to stick to the notion that if one does not have anything good to say then for goodness sakes, DON'T SAY IT. So I haven't and I didn't.
This past year has been a bit of a challenge for me mentally, physically and emotionally. I kept thinking that if I blogged it would come out as a NOT SO HELPFUL, SELF HELP manual.
First I began working in a local emergency room in a large hospital in our town. I turned my life completely upside down by taking a night position. Ever watch the show "The Twilight Zone"? Fantastic program...not such a fantastic way of living. Nurses that work in ERs are a completely different breed. Each one warned that I would be jaded in no time. I would be burnt out on people. I would hate working with the public. And at times, I have to admit, I did start to feel that way. The thought of throttling some people to death was amusing. But having someone cuss me, ask for pain meds and demand food wore me down. And then the dreaded,"I must have ANOTHER PILLOW AND WARM BLANKET!!!" I just knew that any moment a masseuse and a nail tech would pop out of the bathroom and a pedicure would ensue.
Weekly reminders about how to provide nursing care would come out. Nurses were regularly reminded to treat people with kindness, respect and compassion. The hospital would even conduct surveys to find out what the average patient's ER experience was like. I fully expected to hear that "My nurse came in, introduced herself, asked why I in the ER, hooked me up to a machine, wiped her brow, squinted her eyes to see monitors and sighed while some blasted machine kept dinging. Then her work phone kept ringing and she had to tell each person that she was working with a new patient, collecting a urine, starting an IV and collecting a poop sample. While looking at my nurse, I noticed that her eyes looked a little gaunt from lack of sleep I'm certain. Her hair was out of place from running from place to place. She had a nervous tick...probably from that doctor who looked like Mac Steamy or was it Dreamy asked if she had bothered to get a pelvic exam setup?! All in all, my nurse was nice enough. But I was really disappointed that I did not get the French Manicure I requested."
So I was a day sleeper for months. And I could sleep during the day. I had to buy some pull down, black out shades to go over our custom made blinds in our bedroom. These replaced the super splendid sheets and blankets that covered the windows for the first few weeks. These were a step up in class from covering the windows in tin foil. Since Meth makers began using the tin foil tactic for privacy, I didn't want to upset the neighbors and our local police patrol.
Because I spent so much time in bed sleeping and then napping when I could on days off, I spent a lot of time away from friends. When I began on night shift, my hair was quite short. I had decided to let it grow out for Pete's sake. So now, that I have arisen from the darkness of night, my hair is longer and down to my shoulders. I have dropped at least six pounds. Missing meals really helps one to lose weight. My friends probably won't even know who I am.
But alas it is Memorial Day. I awoke at about 4 AM today. I have had my coffee and a breakfast bar. Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow I am scheduled to have a hysterectomy at 6 AM. So in one fell swoop, I am becoming a day dweller and I am becoming less bitchy as a member of society. I kind of almost feel like it a whole new beginning....long hair and all.
So no more letters and instructions on how to be nice to people. I'll just be me again...minus a uterus and cervix. Who needs those anyway? Men don't have them. I will soon be able to go out into the sunlight and not feel like my eyeballs are crawling back up into the inside, darkness of my eye sockets. It's going to be great again!
Today I am hopeful.Today I begin my blogging again. Stay tuned.

A Smile Is Worth a Thousand Words

Recently, I had a patient that had suffered a brain injury that had left her unable to speak. Pressure on her brain, seemed to put a block against her ability to recall and speak words. Often times, stroke patients suffer from this same problem. For some its a permanent problem and for others, speech will return. The question that always comes up is how much will a person with a brain injury be able to recover with proper rehab?
Where this lady lacked in speech, she was able to make up for with the most beautiful smile. Her smile conveyed years of gentle kindness to others. It revealed how much she loved her friends and family. It told me that she was placing her well being and trust in me to care for her. Honestly, her smile was her protection from people losing patience with her lack of abilities. If there is a human being that could be cruel or neglectful of someone who could smile so preciously, then that person has no heart.
This beautifully smiling lady, has a very large family. Taking in others in need into her home is a regular practice for her. She never has met a stranger. All of this is very apparent in her expressions. And to add to this beautiful smile, one day she said to me,"Yes!" When she spoke to me, I turned and looked into her bright face. She knew what she had just done. I wanted to cry tears of joy! How amazing! And it was a purposeful YES! She was answering a question I had asked.
 I always have spoken to people despite their ability to communicate. I can not imagine being stuck on a vent or having a trach and not being able to speak. Day after day, people walk in, complete a task and leave the room. What if no one took the time to consider that the person lying there in the bed, motionless and quiet, had a mind that was working 100 miles an hour?
After YES, she had me! Then she began to laugh. At times that laugh was a giggle like one would hear between two close friends sharing a private joke. Once I asked her if she had pain in her leg, her response was a clear and profound,"NO." I drew close to her face and she grinned from ear to ear. I told her,"I LOVE YOUR WORDS!" She was so proud of herself. I couldn't have been more happy for her.
On my most recent day of working with my sweet lady, she had been suffering with a pain that her daughter and I could only figure had to do with her stomach. She was terribly uncomfortable and cried out. Her face, twisted up into the most awful expressions. The beautiful smile that I would have jumped through hoops to get to see, was hidden behind pain. It hurt my heart to see her so miserable. After many attempts to try to relieve her pain, I came back into the room saying,"hey sweetheart, how are you doing now?" She turned to me and said,"Hey sweet heart!" Then she giggled a little knowing that she had saved the big guns for me! I know I was beaming. I had finally been able to manage her pain but I also got to hear more complex words.
People always ask me if their loved one that is in a coma or in the final stages of their life can hear them or know they are there. I believe with all my heart that this is true (unless the person is completely brain dead and their soul has already left the shell of their physical being and gone home). I suggest that people always talk to their loved ones even if they think they cant hear them. The same goes for people that are seemingly "not home" or have suffered brain injuries. Just like this little lady, if we never spoke to her or took the time to listen, we would not have been able to appreciate her precious smiles but also, we would have missed those words. Those words start out small and as she grows in confidence and is able to recall more words, she will speak again. I hope I get to hear what she has to say! And whatever is on her mind, I know that because of her beautiful spirit, it will be followed with a laugh and a smile!

Memorial Weekend 2010

5/28 Friday


I worked until Noon today. I left early so that we could hit the road with our camper in tow to High Falls State Park in Jackson, GA. The trip down was interesting. I spent about ¾ of the time telling Lila and Lyndi to quit going at each other. Its amazing to me how much energy children have when it comes to wanting to annoy one another. If only they had that same energy and enthusiasm when it came to cleaning their rooms or being polite to one another. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, tears were brought forth and there was gnashing of teeth…mostly from me really. My poor, frazzled last nerve has been duct taped and super glued so many times, it’s on a matter of time before that precious little thing just SNAPS!

But we made it to the state park. We had to make a couple of rounds before we were able to settle on a camp site. The park is packed. We are camping on the “river” side. The other part of the park is the “lake” side. Pete and I decided that since there IS a river somewhere in the vicinity of the park, they could refer to it as the “river” side….cause no river can be seen from where we are at…only the bath house. Speaking of the bath house, Lila informed me that there is only ONE stall in the women’s restroom. So really it can’t be called the WOMEN’S restroom…only WOMAN’s restroom. All the rest of us WOMENS will have to wait until that one WOMAN gets done!! Thankfully we have a potty in our camper. And thankfully we have multiple sanitation packets to keep our sewage from becoming too stank! AND we have PLENTY of toilet paper! We are set!

This evening, after we ate our dinner which consisted of turkey burgers and baked beans, we went for a walk around the camp ground. The girls really just wanted us to walk over to the play ground. On our way over to the play ground, a little young fellow went flying by on his bicycle. I lost sight of him quickly once he disembarked from the road and took on the field. Looking out across the field I could see one handle bar sticking up out of the ground. There was one limb belonging to this little creature waving in the air. Evidently, said creature encountered a ditch that couldn’t be seen until one as right on top of it….and he endoed right into the thing. Pete informed me that it was my nursery duty to go check on the little chap.

I headed over and observed this little guy on his back, one leg trapped under the bike, helmet all disheveled. He had smacked his head…but his glasses remained on his face. Poor little nerdy fellow. He reminded me of one of our own! So I pulled him from his crash and examined him. He was a little goofy from the smack on the head, otherwise he was fine. He got himself together and was going to take off…probably a little embarrassed. But as life would have it, his chain popped off. Then it was time for my dear Pete to rescue the little man. We got his chain back on and sent him on his way! That kid had absolutely no idea what good hands he had been in at that very moment! Its not often that a person happens upon a nurse and a bike guy at the very moment when one crashes and blows his chain!

We made it to the play ground and had a good turn at it without anyone getting hurt. While we were sitting there on the park bench watching the girls, a little girl toddled over to examine Iris. She was probably about 3 years old. She asked lots of good questions about her. She was with her sister who appeared to be about 13 years old. After having read “The Shack” and having just watched “The Lovely Bones”, I couldn’t help but be reminded of how easy it is to entice children to have them fall victim to horrible, nasty people. Thank our good Lord that we are in fact GOOD people. Both of those references will keep my eyes open and watching my own children during this camping trip. I did happen to notice a man sitting outside his camper, watching the playground. He didn’t have any children over there playing. I thought how easy it would be for someone like him to approach a child playing unsupervised. And those two girls that talked to us, held no defenses up to us. They were enamored by Iris. And who wouldn’t be really? But again, I really am thankful that we are the good guys. Those girls were precious. All children are…even the ones that like to fight with each other to the death in the back seat of the truck while heading down to High Falls State park for a little R&R on a Memorial Weekend getaway!

May 29 Saturday

Yesterday we spent checking out the campground. Because it was a holiday weekend, it was packed on the river side and the lake side of the park. All methods of camping were being utilized from pup tents to Master RV buses. Some tents were connected by tarps in hopes of keeping the impending rain storms from flooding them out like ants from an ant hill.

We then left the park and we to Dauset Trails. Dauset is a beautiful preserve that houses all manner of wild animals and farm animals found here in the US. Along with wild animals, they have owls, hawks and a Bald Eagle. The girls loved seeing all of the creatures. While walking around, we got trapped near a group of approximately 12 children with just a couple of adult women in the crowd. Those kids chanted, squawked, sang and generally tormented said wild life. I think the animals probably sighed from relief for being caged up and protected from those wild children!

All in all, the girls had the best time at Dauset. Lyndi and Lila got to see a Tom turkey parade around all puffed up and bellowing out his most impressive call for a female love. We got to see two Bobcats fight and growl at each other. Turtles and geese (with half a dozen baby goslings) came near to see if they could snag a few crumbs from the wild humans that came to visit them at the park.

From Dauset, we went to visit Indian Springs campground. Indian springs is about 10 miles from High Falls. While on one side of the camp ground was a convention of women with short hair, sporting rainbow and = sign bumper stickers, on the other side were masses of holiday campers. If at the mention of women with short hair made you think that I should have stayed to hang out…thanks, but no thanks. Short hair and camping were our only common interests at that point.

While we were exploring the park, we happened upon a very large snapping turtle in the middle of the road. The turtle was the size of a hub cap. A very vicious hubcap! I hopped out of the truck to get a closer look and to SNAP a picture. Behind us some park rangers pulled up. When they observed what I had gotten out to investigate, they decided that they needed to save said turtle from the mean streets of the park. One of the men (know that I wish I could have taped this scene), decided that he could pick the turtle up to move him out of the road. The minute he laid hands on that turtle, that turtle opened up his large jaws and SNAPPED at that man, causing the man to lurch and jump away from Mr. Snapping Turtle. Feeling that it was his civic duty to get that turtle out of harm’s way, that man attempted 3 or 4 more times to remove that turtle. Three or four more times that turtle snapped at that man and lunged at him! How that man came away from that humanitarian act with all fingers intact, I will never know. But it made for an interesting sight!

Later in the evening we went to Macon to meet up with my cousin Chad from Miami. Chad and his girl friend Wendy came. Chad is the son of my mom’s sister JoAnn who also lives in Miami. Some of Wendy’s family live in Macon. We had dinner at Sticky Finger’s restaurant. I haven’t seen Chad since his dad, Jim died 7 years ago. What a great blessing to be able to spend time with him. He took pictures of me and the girls to take home and to share with my aunt. We made promises to get together again some day soon. I sure hope its sooner than 7 years and that the visit has nothing to do with a funeral!

On that way back to camp, we HAD to stop at Dairy Queen in Forsyth, GA where the law enforcement training center is located. Pete’s GEMA office was in that building. That’s also where I used to go for training when I was an officer. But back to the ice cream! We all got a cone. Pete and I got a chocolate dipped cone. We sat outside in the nice comfortable evening air and enjoyed that ice cream. Lyndi had nothing but good to say about getting to eat ice cream…in between licks of course! It was really a treat! Well, all until Lyndi dropped her cone on the ground! She was mostly finished though. She had managed to get the ice cream all over her hands, her shirt and shorts and in her hair. It was all good!!

5/30 Sunday

This morning, I made French toast with homemade glazed Fuji apples and cinnamon. It turned out very nicely! Its rough having to camp in such a primitive manner! After breakfast we trekked down to the river. The water was higher because of the torrential down pour that finally came last night. The girls spent their time throwing rocks in the river. Then Lyndi managed to fall into the water, soaking her pants and light up Strawberry Shortcake shoes. She was not a happy camper at that point.

For lunch today we ate at a restaurant called Buckners. Their whole feeding concept revolved around the concept of a Lazy Susan. All customers were seated around large tables (together with strangers) with a Lazy Susan in the middle. Dish after dish of Southern delicacies came out. Fried chicken, roast beef, creamed sweet corn, butter peas, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, peach cobbler…….the list goes on! Each person takes as much as they can eat and spoons that Southern goodness onto their plate. Sweet tea is available to wash down the food that feeds the soul. The girls actually ATE for a change. Butter peas and coleslaw were Lila’s favorites. Pete nearly ate 3 chickens on his own, piece by piece. I loved it all and especially the yeast rolls and peach cobbler!

After returning to camp, we noticed that our tent dwelling neighbors were packing up. The sky was threatening to unload another gusher…which it hasn’t at this point. Lyndi is lying in bed taking a nap that she said she really didn’t need. I practically had to wrestle her like an alligator just to get her to lay down. Lila, Pete and I made it to our camp chairs outside the camper. The temperature is cool enough for us not to sweat and warm enough to kick our shoes off and sit around in shorts. It’s a tough life having to sit here listening to the sounds of the campground and the water dripping off the camper from the night’s rain…..

I WILL RISE

Friday, I packed my bags, cleaned out my car, loaded up the trunk and waited for mom to get to my house. Loaded down with luggage and 500 pillows, my mom crammed all of her belongings into my car.....
Destination: Charleston, SC....Mission: 2010 WOMEN OF JOY conference at the North Charleston Coliseum.
 Guests of the Conference:
 Travis Cottrell (host and music performer)
Steven Curtis Chapman & Michael W. Smith 
Liz Curtis Higgs speaker (advised us that the rolls around are middle are a result of wisdom settling at our waists)
Becky Tirabassi speaker (greatly suffers from ADD or over use of caffeine and major stimulants)
Anita Renfroe (comedian) (comedian bred with Weird Al Yankovich)
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Let me back up a bit an explain what happened when I asked my mom if she wanted to go to the Christian Women's conference with me. She was able to recall all of the fantastic things I had to say about the 2009 conference. What a great experience that really did bring me incredible joy. God was there and HE SHOWED OUT! But my mom...well...I think she had greater concerns. When I asked her to join me and that she would only have to pay for her meals, I could hear the wheels clickity clacking in her head....WD40 probably would have helped. She kind of stammered over her answer and then finally fell back on the excuse that May 15th was the date of my parents 44th wedding anniversary! Ok so that was a good excuse..but not good enough. I got on the phone with my dad and asked him MYSELF if he would mind. He said that he thought they had spent 2 or 3 anniversaries in the past together. It would be OK with him if mom went. Let me just share with you the thoughts that were going through my mom's head when I told her that she would be going:
1) Are there going to be a bunch of weird Jesus FREAKS roaming around at the conference trying to convert and save all who enter?
2) Would reptiles, or more specifically SNAKE handling be involved?
3) Would anyone be attempting to speak in tongues?
4) Would there be a bunch of crazed, JESUS FREAKS there?? Oh wait...I already said that...but she thought it!!!
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Growing up, my parents never went to church...ok so I can't say never. I can only remember them going to church when I was really little and then only RARELY as C&E Christians (you know, Christmas and Easter). But both of my parents say that they are saved. They just have just gotten a horrible taste in their mouths over attending church. I think they would be very greatly inclined to give that,"oh only a bunch of hypocrites go to church that want your money!!"
Truly there are all sorts of people that go to church...the good the bad and the ugly in fact. Some hypocrites, thieves, adulterers, murderers and generally negative people go to church. But one must first come to the realization that we ALL are sinners. We ALL are imperfect. We ALL fall short of the glory of God. But generally speaking.....all of the people that I go to church with have big, sharing, loving, open hearts. We all love God. Being able to go to church to worship our God and to fellowship with fellow members, makes my life much more joyful and spectacular...even if I am the only crabby person in the house. I won't leave church crabby!!
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So the journey begins!! Heading down the driving, I realized that my GPS system was kaput. Pete informs me that I will just have to head out on my journey with a PAPER MAP. What the??!!!!!!!!!!! So mom attempts to use the GPS system on her cell phone. A 64 year old using a cell phone GPS system.....PAINFUL! I mean the sheer fact that she has to put READING glasses on just to see the freaking keys on her cell.......ACK!!!!!!!!!!!
I just called Pete and had him GOOGLE our destination. The directions were straight forward enough. Thank you Pete...you saved us $200 because I was just about to pull into the nearest Walmart and plop down the necessary fundage to buy a new GPS. We did get lost a couple of times over the weekend but made it around relatively unscathed.
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Heading down the highway, a couple of hundred miles into the trip, the AC on my 2008 model Mazda 3 decided that it was way too hot outside (92) and that it need to not only quit blowing but stop cooling. So mom and I headed down 26 East with 4 windows down, traveling at 70 mph...enough to cool the temperature of my car to a mere 89 or so! Every time a big truck passed, the noise was deafening. After a good 50 miles or so, the AC fired back up and we were back in business!!! Hallelujah!!!
Later on the drive home, we made it to the Centerville Rd near Rayle, GA. After 30 minutes of riding with the windows down, the cool air returned....sweet!!!
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What a great time we had! No snakes were handled...much to my dismay and much to the joy of my mom! We sang and laughed! We cried and prayed. We clapped and stomped. It was great!! My mom admitted on the way home that it was very different from what she thought it would be...well yea...I told you that she was fearin the reptiles and Jesus Freaks!! She was surprised that the music was so uplifting and the speakers were so REAL. I told her that I thought she based her ideas about what church was like based upon the old tel-evangelists that begged, borrowed, stole and manipulated in order to build some crazy big evangelical empires.
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On the way home, a truck in front of me kicked up a rock, pelting my windshield. Mom said that she hoped it hadn't pinged my windshield. At first look, there was no sign of damage. Soon though, a crack eeked its way up. After I got home and shut my car off, the crack spread out another 6 inches. So in all, at last sight, I had a 12 inch hairline crack on the left side of windshield. But like I told my mom, it was just a windshield and thats what I had insurance for! It sure beat the heck out of the motorcyclist that was riding ahead of us on I26 last night. There were two cars behind him and then following. Suddenly the cars in front of us began to hit their brakes. Not knowing what had just happened with the cyclist, I realized that there was a large dark object that looked a lot like a motorcycle helmet being catapulted toward my car!!! I couldn't swerve to miss the helmet. My only thought was....Dear God, please let that just be a helmet that was left unsecured (yea a lot of good that would do a cyclist)...and please don't let it still have the cyclists head attached because he had just been run over by the crazy drivers behind him!!!!!!! You can breathe now...it was just the helmet. After I ran over the blooming thing, I saw the cyclist pull off to the side of the interstate. Now, I'm not certain whether he intended to run out into the road to retrieve his helmet or not. I pray not!! He really would have gotten squished! God was with us....and with him!
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Let it just suffice to say that any time and every time Ive gone to this particular conference, there has always been some sort of drama! Last year there were several bad accidents and then the "incident" at the Triangle gas station involving 2 women that became engaged in a fist fight and hair pulling contest while Nancy and I were trapped in the store! It was hilarious once we were out of that store. While we were in the store, it wasn't nearly so funny not knowing whether someone would pull a weapon (particularly a firearm)!!!
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Despite a very uplifting conference, I was so glad to return home to my husband and children!!! SO GLAD!

Julie’s Story

Julie’s Story

Addictions

Tonight Im watching the Biggest Loser. I began watching this season way back at the beginning. Over the last several weeks, i have had the opportunity to watch adn become familiar with all fo the contestants. What an amazing journey for these people. We are getting down to the final 4 after tonight. The perserverence these people have shown has been absolutely AMAZING! Weight loss is a huge battle. Addictions period are tremdous battles. Being addicted to food is no different from alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. There is NO DIFFERENCE. Which one of those things do not cause major, multisystem health problems and death? And FOOD does cause multisystem health problems and death....not to mention loss of limbs, peripheral neuropathy, blindness, kidney failure, the need for dialysis, ulcerations and sore that don't heal. Then there  the peripheral vascular disease, the peripheral arterial disease, depression and low self esteem. Stroke, heart attack and deep vein thrombosis also go right along with obesity and the major disease associated with being overweight....Diabetes. Does that sound like an exaggeration? Im afraid that there is absolutely no exaggeration in my comments regarding obesity. Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs can all lead the same end and then some....
Alcohol abuse can lead to altered personal relationships, depression, loss of testosterone in men, liver disease, kidney failure, diabetes and a whole host of other health problems, financial problems and life problems.
Smoking and tobacco use can lead to cancer (oral, throat, lung and stomach...plus its linked to many other forms of cancer), emphysema and chronic bronchitis (also called COPD), financial issues and premature aging. Smoking does not only effect the smoker but also effects the people around them. Children are most often effected by second hand smoke. Smoking causes middle ear infections, asthma and low birth weights in babies. It must also be metioned that smoking stinks, stains teeth and fingers. There is nothing cuter than having yellow stained fingers from burning a few too many cigarettes huh?
Drugs...wow...what destruction doesn't it cause? Every aspect of a person's life is effected by drug use and abuse. Brain cells die. Lung, heart, kidney and liver damage is expected. Depression and anxiety are common. Sensitivity issues are common. Constipation, skin sores, rotten teeth and poor hygiene are trade marks of drug abuse. Broken homes, broken families and broken hearts are all too often associated with drug use and abuse.
So what in the world spurred me into a rant about abuse? Im so proud of all of the contestant of the Biggest Loser. The weight is not even the real issue that all of these people are having to deal with. The real issue begins with the heart. Perhaps all the addictions that people suffer with begin with the heart. Saddness, anger, abuse, neglect, no self esteem all contribute to people relying on substances to make them feel better. Unfortuantely its all a real trap.
What to do about it all? Find self love. Try, try and try again. Fail and try again. Stop being selfish. Open up to someone you can trust. Join a support group. Seek God and rely on HIM for all things. Trust God. Break old habits and get rid of people in your life that don't necessarily care about what's in YOUR best interest or best for your well being.
And PLEASE stop saying STUPID things like,"We all have to die from something." Because the truth is that I have seen many people, friends and loved ones die from many of these illnesses that came about from their own addictions....and their deaths were long, drawn out and very painful. Suffocation, cancer invading organs, bone pain, loss of being able to urinate and to have to have dialysis, blindness, loss of dignity (from having to rely on others to clean you up like a baby), impotence, loss of jaw bones and all the tissues associated with that (food falling out of that hole in the face...seen it), loss of limbs and organs, brain damage, more PAIN, saddness and depression AND loss of family and everything else.......just isn't the way I WANT to go out of this world because of some bad habit or addiction that I had.
Ok...Im done. I mentioned all of this out of love and hope for a better, happier life for all.

Tattoo queen?

Its no secret that I have tattoos....much to the dismay of my Mom, Dad and husband. If my in laws knew about my tattoos, Im sure that after they recovered from their strokes, they would probably question whether they really wanted me to be married to their son. But in my defense, I had tatoos before I married their son.
Let me share my story about tattoo ART. I get asked all the time WHY?????
I can distinctly remember sitting in the back seat of my parents Gran Torino (burnt orange/brown in color with a white top) out in the parking lot while they ran into a store. Back in the 70's, as long as you put the windows down, it was perfectly ok and acceptable to leave your small kids alone in the car while you ran into the grocery store. At any rate, I remember sitting there in the Florida sun, staring out at a biker gang that had ridden up near by. All of the members had multiple tattoos. All of them road really cool bikes. I knew then that some day I too would have tattoos and maybe even ride a motorcycle. HOWEVER, after having worked in the ER and seeing gray matter coming out of a mans nose and ears.....I changed my mind quickly about motorcycles.
So when I turned 18, I started out my rebellious venture with a tattoo of a gecko on the sole of my left foot. As painful as it was, I was quite pleased with myself. I was hooked. But broke people can only be so hooked....it would be nearly a decade before I would get my second tattoo. The second one being another gecko on my lower back with a floral print for skin. For me it expressed my fondness of lizards (that I spent hours chasing and catching as a small child) and it was still kind of feminine since it was covered in a floral print. Not long after that, I added my maiden name in Kanji (Japanese...I did take it in college so I know what it really says).
For my 37th birthday, I had decided that I wanted to have a cross added to my back. Truth be told, I thought that I might try to get that large gecko covered with a cross. In my mind, I was concerned that people might think that I am some kind of fruity pagan lizard worshiper...which is absolutely silly BUT. At any rate, Luke the tattoo artist let me know that if I wanted to cover it, it would take almost a full lower back piece and he could not quarantee that it would work. I mulled it all over in my mind.
When I finally went in to have my work done, I decided that I would get my back gecko touched up. Luke made all of the flowers in my gecko POP out! He did a great job! After 12 years they had really faded and looked like blobs. He said that the new inks he used will last longer and remain brighter. THEN I did the last thing that anyone in my family would have liked, I got a cross tattooed on my left side. Its about 4 inches tall and 3 inches wide.
When my mom saw my latest tattoo she said,"That's ugly. I dont like it." Ok Mom. Pete wasn't thrilled. Both expressed concern that I would some day be completely covered in tattoos. I'm sure I wont be. But the point of having tattoos is a form of expression and art to me. It doesnt have anything in the world to do with pleasing or not pleasing anyone. I like them. Will I ever get one in a location that anyone will ever be able to see? NO.
But here is the thing. When my 3 year old Lyndi saw that cross on my side, she asked me what it was a tattoo of? I explained that it was a cross. I got it on my side to remind me that Jesus died on the cross for me and all people that believe in HIM so that we could all go to Heaven. She said," So he died on the cross for you and ME and Daddy and Lila to go to Heaven? What about Sherrie and Lyle (our neighbor friends)." I told her that he died for all of us so that we could ALL go to Heaven if we believed in HIM. The look on her face was one of wonder and excitement. She was so happy that she just grabbed me around the neck and hugged me tight. She was so glad that she would one day be going to Heaven because of Jesus. I wish I had had a video of that moment. Tears welled up in my eyes. I told Lyndi that all I have to do is see that cross and be reminded. She got it. She may be 3 years old but she got it and had to tell Daddy about it.
If the tattoos that I have offend others, I'm sorry. I decided to get a tattoo of a cross so that all people will know where I stand in my beliefs. I am HIS. And if anyone should happen to see it and want to ask me about it, it is a good opportunity for me to share my beliefs. But if Lyndi is the only little human being that ever sees the cross and gets excited when I tell her that it is a reminder of our salvation....then I feel like having that tattoo goes beyond just being beautiful art work, but into a chance for me to share my love for Christ.

Im Not 12 Anymore

This morning, I had an interesting experience. My morning at work started off with a broke down doctor's toilet. Sherrie said it was my fault but truly...this time it wasn't. At any rate, she called the plumber to check things out.
On the way out, the plumber took a second to explain that it was a tank filling problem. While he was speaking, my mental roladex began turning. His face, although having a couple of decades of age on it that weren't there when I saw him last, was very familiar. I searched my mental files to remember where in the world I could have known him from. The first clue I had was that his name was Shannon. His uniform said as much. WOOHOOO Clue #1!!!
I asked him his last name. The name was very familiar. So began a barrage of questions that only a well seasoned fomer officer and daughter of Sue (who should have worked for the CIA with her 40 million questions) could have come up with. After just a couple of questions, I discovered that he was friends with my former neighbor in the neighborhood (the older brother of my playmate and former CRUSH) I grew up in. The craziest thing that came about was that once that connection was made, he said,"Are you Marci?"
WHY? HOW? WHAT? HOW did this guy remember my name? He was 6 years older than me. He didn't live in my neighborhood. He was friends with my neighbor who was 5 years older than me, was a football player, totally cool and incredibly hot (to me when I was a kid growing up). And suddenly I began to feel a little paranoid. Did he remember me as that goofy little kid next door that drooled and acted giddy everytime I was around my neighbor? Did they make fun of me...like "Hey _____ there's your girlfriend staring at you all coweyed!! AHAHAHHAHA" That would have been embarassing. When I was a kid and suffering through  my childish crush, I was nothing like the more sophisticated, glamour girls that my neighbor dated. I wore jeans and t-shirts practically every day of my life. I preferred to play touch football, war, soft ball, climb trees or play in the dirt to any other sort of girly activity. I didn't wear makeup...go figure! Pretty much, I haven't changed much in the last twenty something years.
As I stared at Shannon trying to recall exactly how he looked as a teenager, I told him that I remembered him as being so much taller than me. He said,"Well yea I seemed taller to you back when you were only 12!!!!" How funny! Of course he was taller than me back then! Now he is probably about 6 feet tall. Im right at 5' 8". Not only am I taller, I've had 2 kids, Ive got a few gray hairs, crows feet and boobs. None of which did I have back then. Shannon, had a few wrinkles, some gray hairs and lots of facial hair. I remember his hair being much more blonde back then too. Mine was too though...certainly not dark like it is now.
Suddenly when he began to recognize me, I felt some old feelings of insecurity that I used to feel when I was a kid and hanging around those older guys. I had to remind myself to hold it together...don't act goofy...talk like a grownup...don't be giddy.
I had to remind myself that I am a mature, smart, successful, HOT woman that has a great family and husband. No matter how goofy I was a kid....I was a great kid. I was still smart and cute. I was fun and just plain all right. As a woman, I am still the same...kind of goofy (some would argue, VERY GOOFY), smart, cute and all right (most of the time).
After Shannon left, I just had to laugh at myself. He told me that he was going to HAVE TO tell my old crush ( he didnt say OLD CRUSH) that he had run into me. He said that we should get together with all of the old neighbors (the crush, his younger sister and younger brother) and we could have a pillow fight. I told him that pillow fights take on a whole different meaning at our age. And I suppose that he is recalling a time when we did get into pillow fights. Maybe I vaguely remember that. I probably wouldn't have minded being tarred and feathered if my crush had been involved.
Did I disclose the fact that I had had a huge crush on my neighbor growing up? Not even the slightest little hint. Things like that being told to the grown objects of crushdom could make things very ackward. But I suspect that my crush probably had a pretty good clue that I was obsessed. Im sure he looked at me like I was just a silly child. The drool and goo goo eyes probably spoke volumes.

Natures Godly Beauty

Sheets of pollen fell all over the land today and blanketed it like snow...... As I was driving up hwy 29 to go visit the folks at Reddy Care, I passed through such a heavy fall of pollen that I had to hit the air re-circulate button just to keep the yellow green bits from flowing into my car.
So I mentioned that I had to go see the Reddy Care folks. I wish I could say that I was making a marketing visit. Alas, I was not. I have been having chest pains almost daily the last couple of weeks. Last night I had the mother of all chest pains. At the doctors office, I met a really nice Nurse Practioner named Sharon. Turns out that she and my friend Ali know eachother. Small world really. But back to me...
So I had the standard EKG to rule out heart attack. Although it felt like an MI, I was pretty sure it was not one. My thoughts were that I was more than likely having a bad case of reflux. Sharon shared the same thought. She said that she thought I might have some diverticulum brewing in my stomach. I told her that my grandmother (mom's mom) had that problem too. She informed me that it was passed down through women most often. Thanks Granny. Let's just add that to the list of aliments that I already suffer from. I'm already looking forward to hypertension, high cholesterol, hypothyroidism and a general case of being looney. Why can't I have the good genes like: pefect vision, rock hard abs, genius IQ, the opposite of the noassatall gene or generalized happiness. *sigh*  Oh and perfect, cavity free, no cracks, teeth. Oh and I'm beginning to lose my hearing. Have I mentioned that my birthday is on Monday? I realize that turning 37 is just one more step down hill in to the land of FALLING APART. Yippee!
So as not to sound like I am a miserable old crab, I have to share something that I think is just absolutely amazing. A nonbeliever who is also a botanist, might say,"Aww that's just a coincidence." I will remain in my own little God loving land and say that I think its a really amazing blessing.....
I have a flower bed full of Irises, Lilies, Cannas and Hostas. Of all of the plants that I have in my flower bed and of all the Lilies that I grow, the only ones that came out this past weekend (Easter in case you didnt know) were the WHITE Lilies. They are very beautiful and pure. After those bloom, perhaps the lavendar and yellows will burst forth. But for now, the pure white flowers are showing out in all of their Easter glory!

Spring Break 2010

I am currently sitting before a glowing pit of fire. Literally. Pete and I took the girls camping at Fort Yargo State Park for the weekend. Tomorrow we head back to Comer town. It has been an interesting few days. As usual per our camping trips, we had rain off and on. When it wasn’t raining, the sun shined and the GREAT winds blew. While roughing it here in the woods, I headed to civilization and HAD to visit the local Target. I bought the girls kites to fly in the great gusts. Naturally after making such a purchase, the GREAT WINDS weren’t so stinking great. And since Lila really believes (even at the age of 8) that we have control over things like the wind or sunshine, she began to fuss and complain that everything was just miserable for her and she seemed to blame us for her misery. Ahhhhh….another day in paradise!


Saturday we made a trip into Winder to take a gander at the offerings of the awesome Akins vehicle dealer. Driving up on the lot, you expect to hear trumpets sounding or an orchestra playing some tremendous overture to express the fantabulessness of the place! Ahhhhhhhhhhh….. They had the standard four door family rides (sedans). The ever so necessary family vans (filled with DVD players and playscapes I’m sure). Then they had the “I’m obviously a single person’s” two door, sporty rides. But what we wanted to gaze upon was the suped up, jacked up, toughened up, hard working, load totin, pick ups! For a mere 50k, a person could come away from there with the ride of a lifetime. Of course, in our case, it would take a lifetime to pay for one of those lot items. But we love to look. We actually have to carry tissues with us to wipe the drool away (and the tears when we hear the prices).

Pete having a spine of steel, test drove a Ford F250 diesel. From the moment he fired the engine up and that truck began its hypnotic rattle-rattle-rattle, Pete’s eyes got this glazed look about them. I could tell that even though he was present in body, his mind was elsewhere, realizing that all of his dreams had just come true just firing that behemoth up! And for a mere 36k for a 2 year old truck with 60 something miles on it (baby stuff for a diesel), Pete could have his heart’s desire. And how that man was able to walk away from that truck and maintain a poker face, I will never know. I imagined that I had a constipated look on my face when Pete told the seller of his dreams that he was “just looking” and walked away. It PAINED ME!

I ‘m not the kind of person that has to lots of “things”. I don’t have to have the latest and greatest gadgets, the fanciest clothes or many other things….but I wish that I could have gone in their office, plopped a price down on the table, written them a check and handed Pete the keys. Quite honestly though, our first house cost us $76, 500. It was a beautiful, cozy cottage. That truck was half the price of our first house! I bet the payment on it would have been just as much as the house, maybe more.

While we were there at that dealership, a flat bed truck came in with a delivery of a car. Seeing that car and hearing the engine roar, caused a bit of a rumbling in my inner being. I felt a rare sort of excitement that I don’t feel often. The car was a real beauty….a 2011 Ford Mustang Cobra. It had slick tires and was a true racing car! It had the racing seats with 5 point restraints and a cage. When that car came off the truck and roared, every man in ear shot of that thing came out to see what that stirrer of primitive emotions was….it was HOT! Girls, I don’t think that a half naked woman walking through the parking lot would have grabbed as much attention as that car did. Grrrrrrrrrr

Today, the Great Winds blew again. The girls got to fly their kites. Lila finally was able to come out of her misery. Her life wasn’t ruined after all. They had a good time running back and forth along the shore line of the lake. It was a good time.

Tonight we had the fire of all fires. Pete has really come into his own with fire building. When we first married, he didn’t have all of the skills that he has seemingly mastered over 10 years now. It was a nice warm fire. Lightening and clouds threatened us in the background. The fire bugs, Lila and Lyndi, had to poke and prod at the flames and coals. Iris just laid off to the side and watched over all the festivities. Lyndi spent some time sitting in my lap, asking me to sing MY song to her. I had to sing “You Are My Sunshine” only 6 times. She began to join in after the third time around. It is times like that I wouldn’t trade for a million dollars.

Tomorrow morning we pack up, a chore that has become a lot less tiresome and trying since we got our camper. We will pull out, dump the trash off and empty the black and gray water out of the holding tanks. Then we hit the road. Back to Comer Town we go. Back to our neighborhood. Back to our home. Back to where we know folks and folks know us. Back to sleep in our own beds. Back to our 3 stinky cats. Back to our house that ALWAYS needs cleaning and laundry that ALWAYS needs to be done. Ahhhhhhh, what bliss……minus a behemoth of a truck with a back seat the size of a couch. Pete is a strong, strong man.

All In a Day's Work

Today was a day with my critical hospital patients. My shift, beginning at 6:45AM, started out with a BANG!!! My first patient, unable to speak due to a trach, informed me that he didn't want to be there and he wanted to die. GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT.......
When I meet patients, I don't necessarily know all of the family dynamics. I don't know all the details of what brought them to our hospital. And in some ways, its better not knowing too many details. It's better for my emotional health to be able to separate myself from patients that are on the edge.
After lunch things did get better....I even had the great pleasure of inserting a rectal tube on a patient!! WOOHOO!! I mean, I've put many a foley in both men and women...but never a rectal tube! So now, finally I can say that I had the chance to explore that orafice with a device of torture too! **Special note** Rectal tubes go on the list of things I DO NOT EVER want to have put in my orafice!!!! That goes along with being on a Vent and having to have a nasogastric tube!!!
Something that's funny to me is that all of the patients at the hospital do not wear drawers. This fact does not in any way disturb me or make me uncomfortable. I think absolutely nothing of seeing a person in their birthday suit. HOWEVER....if a person was just sitting around in their underpants at the vein practice, I would be so embarassed and uncomfortable I couldn't hardly stand it!! Makes no sense does it? It is what it is though. We don't sit around in our drawers at home either and Pete never hangs out shirtless. I guess we are just modest folks.
All in all, I like my new job. I really love that I am helping comfort people that are in a really tough spot in their life. I love using the nursing skills that I spent several thousands of dollars on!!! The thought did cross my mind today that maybe I should have gone into floral design or something less stressful!! Nahhhhhhhh

A few of my favorite things

Here are a few of my favorite things, the things that make me happy!
1) Going and visiting my little buddy Lyle, his mommy Sherry and his baby brother Emory. They are a beautful family and I enjoy my friend Sherry a lot. She is a beautiful soul that seems to except me for exactly who I am and that is something great!
2) Our small group meetings at the Legg's house on Sunday nights. We get to enjoy a great meal together and then have a wonderful lesson. It's very fulfilling.
3) My friends. I can not begin to name all of the people that are special to me. I am surrounded by many women and men whose spirits shine with the light of the Lord. I would love to have a book documenting each one's testimony. Each testimony is so special and really touches my heart.
4) My neighborhood family. We are here for a reason. There are so many special families and singles that live here. I love being able to walk the neighborhood and speak to folks.
5) Cliff Mojo bars (peanut butter and pretzel) and a cup of coffee. I can't begin to tell you what a treat that is for me.
6) A comfortable pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt. Although they aren't fancy duds...they are most representative of my style....always have been, always will be!
7) My cat Jack. Or Jack a poo tee as Lyndi calls him. He is an orange manx. For some reason, he just brings me joy. He is a funny cat. He drives Pete nuts and claws things up from time to time. But what can I say? I love him.

The Beauty of It All

I began my new job working with long term care patients part time in town. I will continue work part time for the vein practice I've been at for the last year and a half. Let me just say that I am so incredibly busy in my life now. I thought I was busy before. My life was sitting on snooze before! I just didn't know.
I really like my new job. The patients are all total care. Most of the patients I've worked with are on a vent or have a tracheostomy. Some patients are there due to car accidents, severe stroke, failed attempts at suicide or just plain rotten health. I wondered how I would feel working with patients that were almost all in such a bad state of being. Truly it hasn't bothered me yet. After having worked in oncology, home health and acute care, I feel more adept at caring for these patients. I also know that I don't plan to dig deep into their personal lives. The less I know about them as a person (a healthy, living person) the better. My goal is to provide comfort and well being to each person to the best of my ability. I already know going into this sort of environment that some people never really get better. Comfort is key...full recovery is not. If a person is able to overcome their circumstances and graduate out of our facility, what a blessing!!
Coming from a little office of only 5 people, into a group of double digit nurses, plus office and other staff members is a big change. There are some interesting dianamics that I haven't really encountered before. I have sensed that there is a lot of tension between nurses. The Chaplain explained that this phenomenon is due to the high stress and the negativity related to all of the really sick patients. These patients are really needy and often have demanding family members. Those sorts of things tend to wear on the nurses and causes them to take it out on eachother. I personally believe that a lot of nurses have issues with control. They want to be in control of their patients, themselves and their environment. Of course this isn't a realistic expectation. At times, when the world isn't cooperating, the nurses get upset and lash out. Power struggles play out too. Instead of each person looking at their coworkers as a huge source of knowlege and assistance, some nurses feel inferior or even superior and then the horn clashing begins.
I've noticed a good bit of eye rolling, hen like cackling and ruffled feathers. It's a shame too. I see why it happens though. My goal is to avoid this drama and head butting as much as possible. I know that so much of what goes on in places like that have nothing REALLY to do with me personally. I will try to just do my job to the best of my ability, care for my patients in a manner that I have been called by God to do and then head home knowing that I made a difference. That's my goal. My prayer is that God will help guide me through all of this and help me to avoid major obstacles and that he will take my own burdens up on HIS shoulders.
 In this life I have been given, I learned a few years ago that I have control of NOTHING. I learned from my previous marriage that I can not change anyone. I have learned to take each day as it comes. And I have learned from being a nurse that each patient, no matter what level of consciousness they may appear to be at, is still a human being with needs. The one thing that I learned from a dear friend/cancer patient named Terry, is that it is so important for each patient to feel like a human being and not like a disease (or a number).
So for my first days at the hospital, I feel like I am starting all over. I am so thankful that I haven't lost every bit of knowlege that I have about nursing. I have been thrilled over the moments of knowlege that come to me. I thought my bulb had burned out completely...I guess not! That little bulb turns on and shines from time to time!!! I'm rusty in my practice but still salvageable!
I find it so interesting that God has brought me to this place at this time in my life. My hope is that he will use me to help further HIS Kingdom. I am really looking forward to being witness to these situations I am talking about. I know that I have been so blessed in every area of nursing that I have worked in. Naturally there have been ups and downs in all of the places I've worked. That's life. The bad helps us to appreciate the good. It's my hope though that the good out weighs the bad! But the absolute miracles and examples of God's grace and mercy have been so amazing!!
So now if you see me on a Tuesday night, Wednesday night or Thursday night, know this: I probably have just worked a 12 hour shift with some really, really sick people; I worked Wed. at the Vein practice and Im still tired from my previous 12 hr shift and then will be at church that evening; Thursday will be another 12 hour shift taking care of really, really sick people. Please be understanding of my yawns and stretching...it's not a show of disrespect!
Thank you God for getting me to this point, even if it took months for you to go from saying "be still and wait", to "YES!"

Tragedy

I feel as though I have been able to recovery emotionally from the tragedy that I witnessed a couple of days ago......
As I was on Oglethorpe Ave, waiting at the light to turn left onto Hawthorne, I saw a gentleman attempting to maneuver his bicycle across the traffic laden road in the gas stations parking lot. This poor soul was finally able to semi-pedal and semi-push his bike across the street. This task was not made easy because he carried in his arms a brown paper bag. Thinking that Bell's grocery is just down the street, I thought...This poor fellow could really mess himself up and drop his sack of groceries! WHEN SUDDENLY....As he began trying to mount his metal steed and maintain control of his handle bars with one hand and hold the grocery sack in the other....the handle bars went left and the sack pitched to the right and fell in S-L-O-WWWWWWW motion to the ground. The contents of that bag began to foam and spew all over the ground!!!!!!!!!!! The golden rich barley concoction WASTED on the parking lot!!!!!!
Because I am pretty talented in the art of reading lips....I observed this gentleman fling his arms up to the Heavens and exclaim "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SUGAR SMACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  He then began pumping his arms up and down and stamping his feet in disgust.
While observing all of this, I was talking to my friend India on the phone. I told her of the events that I had observed. She explained that that gentleman was probably having to ride that bike in the first place because of his inablity to maintain the contents of his brown bag! She is so wise!
Poor fella! I know on game days when we used to make people pour out the contents of their little brown bags...they nearly wept and wanted to exclaim "AWWWWWWWWWWW SUGAR SMACKS!!!!" I know that's what they really wanted to say!!!

Editor Needed

Today I realized what a terrible job I've done with these postings. Please forgive me for the posts that I've written that contain type-os, poor grammar and generally stink. I can honestly say that I've written many a blog while being half asleep, under the influence of cold medicine or just plain crazy from dealing with things (kids, work, family, stress, stress, stress). Hopefully you don't mind cutting me some slack. Know this: I always MEAN TO hit that little spell check button...it just doesn't always happen!!! Please, please forgive me!

Obviously Not in Kansas Anymore!!!

Tonight is supposed to be one of the brightest full moons EVER....or something like that. My coworker informed me of this neat fact. I told her that the full moon is creating havoc in my life. My children have been acting like maniacs. They are constantly fighting with eachother. My oldest has taken to screaming at the top of her lungs at the 3 year old. Both kids have been yelling at us (yea that goes over well). And neither one of them wants to got to bed or sleep. I too have been having trouble falling asleep the last few nights. With all of this lack of sleep going on, there have been some cranky folks at my house....ME INCLUDED...maybe even ESPECIALLY!!!
This whole full moon thing is not bunk. Anyone that thinks that there is nothing to this concept must live under a rock!! It really all makes sense if you think about it. As humans, we are made up of approximately 75% water. The moon has an effect on the oceans tides. Its bound to have an effect on us humans. Nevermind that every time there is a full moon the following events occur more frequently: 1)arrests 2)drunken brawls (that lead to arrest), domestic violence goes up (leading to increased hospital visits and to jail), baby births, mental breakdowns, murders (probably from mental breakdown) and my children lose their minds. Ok, so maybe I haven't really looked up the statistics on these things!! BUT, I do know from working in law enforcement and working in the ER that these things really do happen more frequently when there is a full moon. And the part about my kids losing their minds.....come over to my house during a full moon if proof is really needed!!!!
So I heard the greatest story today. As far as I know its a completely true story. One of my patients told me that her father was a chicken farmer. He had 3 working chicken houses. Well, because he was getting older (70's), he wasn't so sure that he wanted to continue having to care for these houses. Christmas day, he went out on the front porch and prayed to God about whether or not HE wanted him to continue in the chicken business. Once through praying, he went back inside the house. Later that afternoon, his neighbor came to his house and told him that he really needed to check on his chicken houses. What he saw would/should boggle the mind of any person...especially a non believer. A Christian should not be overly surprised!! When he checked those chicken houses, he found that a tornado had blown through and taken out all three of his houses. Nothing could be salvaged. No other house or property had been hurt from this tornado!!! Can you imagine a more perfect response to his prayer? Had only one chicken house been ruined, he might not know what that meant. Had a roof been damaged, he surely wouldn't have known. Total destruction of all 3 houses...no questions asked! Needless to say, he hung up his farming hat. He also did not mention to the insurance man that he had prayed about this...I'm sure the insurance company would have tried to figure a way out of paying for his loss!! They would have tried to say that he had special connections and had caused this to happen! How great to have THOSE kinds of connections with God!! Usually when I pray about something, I get the answer,"Not now, wait!!" or "Be still." Being that I'm deathly afraid of tornadoes...I'm ok with waiting!

Pop goes the weasel...Jack

Ok, as I was sitting here on the bed, reading The Pioneer Woman's blog.....
Pete scoops up our teenager manx cat Jack-a-poo-tee (as Lyndi calls him). He asks Jack how he got a plug taken out of his chest (because he is either a tough fighter or can't fight worth a lick). Jackapootee, obviously not liking that Pete was inquiring about his personal business, raised his paw and popped Pete right on the nose. Pete put him down and called him a son with no father!!! I still have tears in my eyes from laughing. Pete had a drop of blood on his snout. Now we know...never comment on a cat's war wounds...they dont like it!!!

Better Since I Left the Room!

So today my embalmer friend from the other day returned for another procedure. There is something about this fellow that I really appreciate. Maybe its his down to earth attitude and honesty. He just seems like a good guy.
After his procedure was complete I said, "Hey ______ you doing all right now?" He said,"Yea Marci, I actually started to feel a lot better once you left the room!".....WOW!!!! I told him that he was talking awful big now that there weren't any sharp instruments being pointed at him!! I had to laugh. I'm a big enough girl to take some ribbing. And I have to say that he didn't leave out of that office without hugging me bye and thanking us for doing a great job. So I didn't let it get under my skin. He was being rather brave making a comment like that to a woman that could be peri-menopausal, generally hormonal or pregnant!!! But I am definitely NOT pregnant should that horrifying thought even begin to cross your mind!!!!!!!
Then today I had a patient preface a question with," I'm going to ask you a personal question that you might think is me trying to set you up for failure." I went ahead and told her that the shorts she had on did NOT make her butt look big!! But what she really wanted to know was.....If getting rid of her spider veins was going to make her into a SEX KITTEN!!! Was her husband going to be harassing her and pawing at her? Hmmmmmm....I wasn't quite sure if she wanted to be pawed or didn't want to be pawed. You know how married women are.....either they are a sex kitten or they seem to suffer from recurrent headaches. She also wanted to know if the compression stockings she would be wearing might be a turn on for her husband......I'm like....Lady, I don't know your husband, he MAY just have a fetish for ladies wearing grandma style hosiery! Nothing surprises me anymore.
So I called my in laws tonight. My father-in--aw that's 71 answered the phone. I asked what he was up to and he said he was walking on his treadmill. I asked him how long he walked...30 minutes every single day!! How bout that? Grandpa totally shows me up on a daily basis!! I really need to get back to working out!! Maybe if I get back to working out....I too can be a SEX KITTEN!!
The patient that asked me about becoming a sex kitten was 51 years old. And my father-in-law (as I said) is 71. I am almost 37.....there is something really wrong with this picture.
These two separate incidents tell me couple of things:
1) Middle century, mature (my patient's wording) women think about being sexy.
2) My parents and everyone else's parents maybe having sex, thinking about being a sex kitten and have weird hosiery fetishes.........ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!