Jealousy....
We have all suffered from it at some point in time. Im the youngest of two, my brother being 4 years older than me and a lot meaner, I probably suffered from YOUNGEST SIBILINGITIS from time to time. I know that being a very intense person, feeling very strongly for people that I care about, I might be more prone to this disease more so than others. I dont know, maybe not. We all fight with this devil from time to time. I know that its a sin. And I dont know that God really cares a lot that we have jealousy (just the feeling of), but he knows what it does to our hearts, minds and relationships and thats what he cares about. The Bible references it directly in about 6 different places. In a few of those places it mentions jealousy with orgies and worshiping false idols. To me that says that this emotion can be just as dangerous as giving into to those other sins.
I will admit that from time to time I do feel jealous. I guess we all do. And this title of jealousy is one that I use because I dont know what else to call it. And here is what has provoked this monster in me and made it rear its ugly head....
I found out recently that my husband Pete has been emailing back and forth with a former flame. Now understand that this former flame is dated back to the 1970's, the decade that I was born in.....
But alas, this person was probably one of his first REAL girlfriends. One of which I have seen in pictures (besides the powder blue prom tuxedo photos). I know who she is and what she look(S- ED) like. I know that Pete also dated her sister prior to dating this person. Yea PLAYA!
So at any rate, Miss 1970's has poked her head into the 2000's. And dont get me wrong, Im not saying that SHE has done anything or that HE has done anything. He tells me that they have reminisced about "the olden days." And in my mind I think "YEA I BET YOU HAVE...." Its that snotty little voice that we all have in our heads. Mine is a very sassy redheaded woman's voice that carries switchblades and knows kung fu. So the thing is that NO ONE, I REPEAT NO ONE should ever mess with her!
Now there is the Myspace connection. My husbands FRIENDS box consists of Me (his beautiful, smart, loving wife) and Miss 1970's. On her Myspace page, she has pictures of her family that consists of 4 kids and her husband. Most of her children are grown. Oh and SHE blogs too..... HUH! Does Pete read my BLOGS with the same ZEAL and anticipation Im sure he has when he reads hers???? NICE.......
But I must say this in all fairness.....if you check out MY Myspace page, amid all of the NURSEY friends that I have, I do have one or two former flames lurking around. Ok and maybe I have talked to them from time to time and posted comments on their photographs. Well, and I have emailed back and forth discussing life and reminicing about the past...but that was only the 1990's past....NOT THE 1970's when it was the FREE LOVE ERA...MAKE LOVE NOT WAR ERA....the SMOKEM IF YA HAVEM era....COME ON NOW!!
I will add this though. Because I love my husband and have respect for my former flames wife, I choose to avoid situations or conversations via email that would cause conflict between me and Pete. I do not ever want him to worry that I hold any old feelings in this heart of mine for anyone else but HIM. I have no regrets that life brought me to him instead of reintroducing me to Mr 1990's.
Pete and I have talked about the "what ifs" like, "what if the ex-spouse came back around and wanted to get a smooch for old times sake..." If you have had the chance to read my blog about baggage, I think you might be able to figure out what my response would be....*GAG* Oh my...I might have to go take a little Pepto now.... Thats just territory that I just would not ever even consider venturing toward....NOT EVEN FOR A MILLION DOLLARS. You know, if our lives were like that movie where the guy gets offered 1 Million to sleep with his wife (Demi Moore)? NOT EVEN for 1 MILLION would I go THERE. Thats the same for Pete. He would gnaw off his arm first!
So here I am therapy blogging.....trying to beat my green eyed monster back with a stick! Pete tells me that all of this is new and he isnt up to anything. Being in a marriage with someone you have to trust that. He told me that I needed to shut my little Green eyed monster up. I told him that I will, BUT I WILL NEVER CLOSE MY EYES AND STOP WATCHING! I know that anything in life can happen and I would be heart broken if it did. But that little switch blade toting, snotty voice inside my head might decide to bust out one day and really have to CUT someone if they ever tried to mess with my little family! Im just sayin..................
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