Just thinking

Sin~ We are born into as human beings. The deal was sealed with Adam and Eve. Our very nature is to be sinful. Id like to think that I am not a HUGELY sinful person, as if degrees of sinfulness is what really matters. I know that's not true. Sure, if I haven't murdered a person then I might feel like the anger that I had tonight was more acceptable. But is it really? I'm no better than anyone else. However, I guess where the difference lies is whether we choose to revisit that path of sin over and over again, or if we CHANGE our thoughts and behaviors.
Which brings me to my next THOUGHT...its the thought thing that gets me in more trouble than anything. My sinful nature may not necessarily escape my mouth or effect my hands but instead, it lurks around in my head. Angry thoughts, lust, jealousy, ambivalence....the list goes on and on.
I'm pretty clear on the acts that are sinful and I try to stay away from them. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I try to "live the good life." I try to help others. I put others needs before my own most of the time. I go to church really often (work permitting). I sing in church (from the pew, not the choir...God be with the people in front of me!). I tithe. But I also think ugly thoughts about others from time to time. Curse words may flow from my lips if something offends my shins or knocks my elbows. BUT....
Its the BUT that gets you every time too.... But I know that just because I'm a "good person" does not mean that I am guaranteed a good seat up in Heaven. Only placing my faith and trust in Jesus Christ as my Savior is the only thing that is going to free me from this sinful nature that I have been born into.
And let me add this thought....In Genesis (which we started studying in Bible study), God confronts Adam about his participation in partaking of the forbidden fruit. Adam's response was:
"The woman you put here with me-she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
Why did Adam have to say that? Why didn't he just say "God, we really, really screwed up. I admit it, I ate the fruit." Why did he have to say "that woman you put here, she did this...she gave me that fruit doggone her!" But it didn't go down that way at all. So God decided to give us the birthing pains!! Thanks EVE!!! Thanks ADAM!!!
So, I have recently felt that it is important to reveal my sinful nature to others. I have really struggled with this for the last couple of weeks. Thinking about sinful things is just as bad as actually committing the sin. And when I have thoughts that are sinful, I automatically have this little voice in my head telling me....STOP!! But its hard to stop sometimes. After I get passed what I was thinking, then I feel guilty and I feel like I have ignored what God wants for me. So I think that on the surface IF I appear to be a "good Christian" most of the time, I have to admit that I am a weak person some of the time just simply due to the thoughts I carry around in my head.
BUT..and here's another BUT to mention....BUT I know that I can go to God and confess my sinful thoughts, ask for forgiveness and its mine for keeps. I don't like having to admit that I am weak. I don't like to admit that I may seem nice on the outside but sometimes the thoughts in my head are just plain UGLY. I will and I do admit that. And I am admitting that to everyone. I suspect that I am not alone.
I do wonder sometimes why God has blessed me and family so much. I know I don't always feel worthy. That's the great thing about being a Christian though, God loves us NO MATTER WHAT. If we had to base everything on human love, we would all be lost. Even the phrase "unconditional love" doesn't even compare to what God has to offer us. Thank God for that!
So I just thought Id share a few thoughts that have been on my mind lately. I really have been feeling nudged here lately to speak up about what has been troubling me. I'm hoping that my own inner spirit can rest a little more now. When God wants something from us, he really knows how to put a burden on our hearts to convict us of what he wants! How amazing!