Hatin'

Pete and I went for a walk around our little neighborhood this evening after dinner with the girls. This is a traditional sort of activity that I have enjoyed for a really long time. We used to walk around the BIG block around our house in Milly. Of course that block was about a 3.5 mile trek. Our neighborhood is about 1.5 - 2 miles around I guess. But its this gosh awful, skin sticking, tree melting heat that has been preventing us from really getting to enjoy our strolls.
While we were out walking, we got on the topic of the "1970's Chic." Which is what Pete got from my last blog. He ever so boldly told me "Don't be hatin the PLAYA Marci!" And I guess the follow up statement should have been "hate the game..." He also added that he didn't think that it was right of me to talk about his Myspace friend. The 1970's chic is the first friend that he had has been able to add to his account! And here I go trying to mess that up!!! hahaha Yea so anyway, if you run into my PLAYA husband, be sure to acknowledge his awesome PLAYA-ness. I know that when you see him that's the first thing you recognize about him. He is so outgoing and smooth you know! Nevermind that I had to FORCE him to talk to me the first several times that I ran into him before we started dating. He informed me that that tactic was really all just part of his plan......unhuh.
Speaking of cool, Pete has earned some really cool points with me. He has been riding his bike into work. I think I probably mentioned that before. He rides 19 miles to and from work. A few of our friends have seen him geared up heading to work. Evidently he is lit up like a Christmas tree to TRY TO avoid being hit by some knucklehead thats talking on their cell phone and not paying attention. So if you are headed to town and happen to notice someone with 3 tail lights blinking, a bright colored jersey and a backpack (containing the day's work clothes), then thats Pete! He is doing his part to conserve on gas! I think thats pretty cool! Plus, as an added bonus, he is keeping his family history of hypertension at bay. A tight butt and calves are always a plus too! ;)
On a sadder note, I have been hearing of a several people committing suicide here lately. Several of the people that I have heard about have been in their mid thirties or younger. What a devastating thing for the families and friends that are left behind.
It seems as though one of the first questions posed by friends and families is "what could I have done to prevent this?" And the only answer that I know is, "maybe nothing." Statistically, people have attempted suicide at least one time before ever being successful. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness and poor life choices usually precedes a person's decision to take their life. How painful for them to come to this decision.
I remember a fellow that I helped take care of that had terminal cancer. He was a hard nosed type that seemed more grumpy than lovable. But the truth was that I really cared for him. He scared some people. He was kind of prone to the use of profanity. Underneath all that curmudgeonly exterior, he really was a tender person (I think.) Anyway, I found out one day that after seemingly losing the battle to cancer, he decided to take his own life. He had gotten to the point that he was fully dependent on wearing oxygen. He could not walk anymore, he had to ride an electric scooter. And he hurt all the time. His ever faithful wife watched him go from bulldog to a wounded chihuahua. It was sad. But all I could think after I found out what he had done, was "was he a Christian?" And I think that he was. We had talked about everything but that. I think that he just did not want to put himself or his wife through having to cared for like a baby. He was tired and tired of hurting. But I struggled with the thought of what would happen to his soul. I'm not even related to him but his decision touched even my life. I was torn up for days over this single decision.
So what is my point in bringing up such a tragic topic? I don't know to be honest. One of my dear old friends just lost a sibling to an overdose (intentional or unintentional). I sense her pain even through her emails. And this loss just puts me in mind of all of the other suicides that I have heard about here recently.
All we can do at this point is pray for people that are struggling. Try to recognize the sometimes subtle and not so subtle signs that a person is calling out for help. And finally we have to take such things very seriously. A girlfriend of mine has been having a hard time here lately. It seems as though the weight of the world is on her shoulders. We TALKED about suicide yesterday. We actually said the "S" word. Call it what it is...name it and don't beat around the bush. Sometimes you have to tell people that if they are even thinking about it just casually like "Id just be better off dead," don't just let that go. Try to talk to them to find out if they have a plan and a means to commit to this plan. I know, my old friend that did take his life, he had mentioned to me about a month prior that he owned a firearm and that he was not afraid to use it. I don't guess that he was. And I wonder sometimes if he was trying to tell me of his plan. Its hard to say. But I do know that he will be missed. I know that my friend will miss her sister for a lifetime. In the end though, all we can do is pray for inner peace and accept that any successful person in committing suicide, probably thinks they had a good reason to do what they did.
If you read this and you have had thoughts of suicide or dying or you have attempted suicide in the past, I pray that you will talk to someone. I pray that you will seek out a good friend or family member to share your thoughts and feelings with. Because the aftermath that family and friends have to go through lasts forever. Usually the monsters that we are battling in our minds can be temporary. Therapy, medication, love and support from friends or family (or support groups), can make all the difference in the world. And don't think that you are alone. We have all had monsters in our closets. For some people a good Spring cleaning is all that is needed. For others, lots of time, love and support applied over months or even years is required. But as one young man with cancer once said, " we all go THROUGH stuff, but its the fact that we are going THROUGH, not staying where we are at and KNOWING that God is with us the whole way is what gets us to the other side."