A God-less world?

I'm not the kind of person that "grew up" going to church. When I was about 12 years old, I began going to church by myself to youth group. My parents didn't go or wouldn't go. They never liked people showing up at the house, hounding them to go to church. We had one fellow call the house at 7AM one Sunday morning bugging them about going to church. I think that might not have been a good approach to take with them! Thanks buddy!
At any rate, Pete and I have been working with a few other other adults teaching a group of Kindergarten to 2nd grade kids about God through AWANA. When we started, I knew NOTHING about AWANA. The Baptist churches or Christian churches I attending never had AWANA, GAs or RAs. We have about 14 kids that attend.
Tonight, Lila invited a friend of hers to come with us to church. The child came with, expressing great nervousness about church. He admitted that he had never been to church. After getting to church, the boy discovered that many of his friends also went to church with us. The boy was so excited! The boy asked why we went to church. Lila said that she told him that we go to church to learn about God, not to play. He told her that he did not know who God was. Lila said,"Well, God created everything. He is the one who made you and me! God is the one who put you here on the Earth!" I thought, "Well someone has been paying attention!" WOW! GO LILA!
I got to thinking about this little fellow. I can not imagine what it must be like to not know about God or have any idea what the whole GOD thing is about in the first place. I wish I could remember the first times I heard about God. Lila will be able to tell people that she "grew up in church". She might even say that her parents seemed to take her to church every time the doors were open...which wouldn't really be true since we don't usually go on Sunday nights! But I know that she won't ever be able to say that her parents just didn't "do the church thing".
What would my life be without God? What it would it be like to not know that Jesus died for my sins? What if I did not believe all of that? I can remember when I was about 12 years old or so when I was not certain what I believed. I, like many other people, believed that only a bunch of hypocrites, who worried about the clothes you wore more than they worried about God, went to church. I had no idea. I believed that church was about the people in the church...only as I matured did I realize that church was about God and who cared what anyone else thought?
What if I did not know that God loved me and was with me at all times? I know that there would have been many times in the past that I would have been crying out to nothing with no sense of hope. I am so grateful that I have a loving, merciful God that listens to my prayers and always has my best interest at heart. When times are tough (financially, emotionally, relationship wise, temptation wise...etc..) God gives me opportunity. When one door closes, God opens another one. I whole heartedly believe this. I can't name all the times when I have found myself in a fix...financially for instance, that God sent JUST ENOUGH money my way to help me get by. When I was in nursing school, there were countless times that God helped us. But Pete and I put our faith in God and he took care of us! He always provides for us still!
I wonder that that little boy is thinking about tonight after church? Is he thinking about the fun he had with his friends? Is he thinking that our lesson tonight was too boring and he wouldn't want to have to go back to church? Or could he be thinking about who this God character is that we mentioned tonight? I thought as we were praying and teaching our lesson tonight that it must be strange to hear a room full of people saying praises and praying to some unseen God. Who knows, maybe he will ask Lila if he can come back. Maybe tonight planted the seed. Maybe God is talking to his heart right now? I am excited to see what happens!

A little off the top please...

Mom cut my hair today. What started out as a shoulder length cut went strangely awry! But it still looks good. Its about jaw length I guess! Its a whole lot lighter now...the long locks were dragging me down. My poor head felt so sore after wearing a clip or ponytail band in it! I have also been having daily head aches. I thought maybe my hair weight was getting to me. What a strange thought!! After having both of my girls, my hair became really curly everywhere except on the top of my head. Mom has to "relax" my hair now when it gets too nappy. Also, after I had kids, my hair got really dark. HORMONES!!! And men wonder why we act so crazy sometimes!

Speaking of crazy...it irritates me when I email someone or call and they dont bother to respond back....or make excuses about why it took about a week to respond...and when they do that over and over again. Friendships...real friendships are not one sided. No relationship should be to where one person has to over extend themselves more than the other person. So I removed a "friend" from one of my online social groups. I'm not going to waste my time, energy, thought and concern one someone that does not have the same interest in

Evil Mama

Ever feel like your child hates your guts...I mean, not just because they tell you as much, but because they give you the evil eye and say things like their life is really terrible! Yea....as if being a parent is not stressful enough....Lila advised me that her life was so very terrible because she did not have any video game players lik

I have a spare...

Yesterday, I told you, I came to realization that I had to DO something NOW or else about my weight/health. Pete told me that I will probably get hate mail now for whining about being over weight when I am already slender. But the thing is this....Pete painted a beautiful picture for me tonight....After telling him I had gained 7 pounds he said..."Just think of that 7 pounds like a bowling ball, that's a lot of extra weight to have to carry around." And that's the truth. I thought about taking Lila to the bowling alley for her birthday. The kids were bowling with 5-6 pound balls. They could barely carry them. Being muscularly challenged, I too grunted when I had to pick up a ball with just my fingers. I know that 5-6 pounds isn't much...for goodness sakes I pick Lyndi up daily. I'm just saying that a person can get tired quickly having to hoist a bowling ball around. Well at least I would!
Here is my biggest problem: FAST FOOD! I came to this realization not too long ago and did well eating Lean Cuisines for a while. But then they turned up having plastic in them. I don't think that I had any that were tainted but the concern that there could be, isn't very appetizing. Plus, after being the office all day, I like to get out. Its fast and its convenient..and normally it wont poison me with plastic...of course, now we are having to watch out for peanut butter...prior to that it was spinach, onions, tomatoes....COME ON PEOPLE! CANT YOU PROCESS OUR FOODS BETTER THAN THAT!!!
So anyway, for the last two nights I have ridden with Pete on one of our cycling trainers for 30 minutes (each night). That is brutal torture. Especially for me! I have really been sedimentary since before I had my heart ablation. I never had any energy to do anything. If I did try to do something, my heart would race and I would get short of breath! What a miserable feeling. Now I KNOW I have to start doing some sort of cardio workout just to get my heart rate down. Once my fitness level improves, my heart rate will also improve.
As I mentioned yesterday, I have been feeling pretty down lately. I think most people who have a problem with their weight understand this reality and even those that don't. Depression can lead to obesity and obesity can lead to depression. Do not assume please that our worst critics are the people/catty women around us...We are an image conscious society....and our WORST critics are OURSELVES! Most husbands wouldn't dare comment on weight. Our kids, they may or may not care or even notice.
In my business, I have been shocked and amazed at the number of women that complain about their weight. Scrawny, bony women come in and you would think they were elephants. And they TRULY believe that they are overweight. One woman came in with THE MOST beautiful legs I have ever seen in my life....oh no...her legs were fat! ALMOST ALL WOMEN WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN BODY IMAGE!! No matter how much you may try to convince someone that they are beautiful and that they shouldn't beat themselves up so much...it ain't happening! It doesn't do any good to be jealous of how someone else is built..chances are, they are sitting there wishing they looked like someone else! Its crazy!
So if I get the stink eye now over wanting to get in shape and lose 7 pounds, I say this....if anyone reading this is concerned about their own weight, I challenge you TODAY to change just a few small things RIGHT NOW! Stop drinking soft drinks. Drink more water than sweet tea (I say that because I LOVE IT!!!!) Stop late night eating/snacking. Choose to start walking or maybe even start doing Yoga for Beginners. I know its cold outside..that's why my butt hasn't been out there doing anything! And for goodness sakes, if you start a workout, don't kill yourself on the first day or even during the first week! I'm the kind of person that wants it all NOW too...but I know if I injure myself, I wont be able to workout on day 2, 3, 4....
Ok, one could argue that its all easy for me to say this stuff since I'm not in my pre-period, carb/salt craving week! I just scarfed down 4-5 Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls all by myself last week! And Pete will not let me forget that....hehehe I LOVED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM TOO! But I know that behavior like that pushes me just a little closer to that Type II diabetes that runs in my family..and that's not good. That stuff is NO JOKE. Trust me...almost everyone that ends up in the hospital and is on 20 meds has Type II diabetes. I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE!
But I am here to make my own commitment. A commitment to be healthier...to avoid developing diabetes. For goodness sakes, I am already lactose intolerant, I really don't want to have to avoid carbs and sugar the rest of my life too!
Anyway, starting off with some small changes will make a huge difference in the long run. And hopefully I will have will power when the hormones kick in this month! Those things are no joke either! But if anyone is interested, send me a note! Ill be glad to send some encouragement your way..not to be HOT after losing 30 pounds...no....to be HEALTHIER after losing 10 pounds and on the way to avoiding health problems.
My goals are to lower my heart rate by improving my cardiovascular fitness, improve my lung capacity, lose my 7 pounds and improve my MENTAL HEALTH. If you think that 7 pounds are joke...talk to me when I am feeling down and out. Depression, anxiety and stress are huge contributors to poor health and over all sense of well being. I really, really don't want to have to deal with those issues any more than I have to!

Winter Blues? Greens or Yellows?

The past few days, I have been feeling kind of blue. I was reading a magazine article today about the necessity of Omega-3's in our diets. Omega-3 isn't just good for our heart but evidently its good for our brains....depression. It makes sense to me. It has an effect on our Serotonin levels. Who would have ever have thought that eating oily fish=happiness? Are Asians really more happy than we are? The really crummy thing is that I don't even like fish. Ok, Tuna is fine, maybe a fried piece of Cod...but beyond that, is pushing it! WHY cant WHITE BREAD be full of the goodness that we need in our diets? WHY can't chocolate chip cookies be REALLY, REALLY good for us? That's the injustice of life isn't it? Now, I know, flaxseeds are a great source of Omega-3s. I took a capsule of it today. I'm hoping that I can catch up! :) I am also hoping that the 30 minutes I road on the bike trainer will make me lose 7 pounds that I recently packed on. And I feel certain that those 7 pounds had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the 4-5 (I lost count as my sugar levels rose above measurable levels on a glucometer!!!) Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls from the can that I ate last Wednesday!! And I bet that those 7 pounds have nothing to do with my lack of activity the last several months! Just like getting pregnant with Lila and Lyndi had nothing to do with.....oh...nevermind!!
So Pete and I are planning on doing better. None of this New Year resolution crap. That never works. I really HAVE to do something. Any person can scoff at me for being upset about gaining 7 pounds. But I will say this: 7 pounds also carries with it a little extra weight that I have to squeeze into a size 8 pair of jeans (forget my 6's!!!), my cholesterol levels are probably sinful in themselves after eating fat saturated foods and my already tachy heart isn't going to get less tachy having to deal with the added weight! All of my adult life minus the time that I was pregnant and post baby, I have always weighed 136. I am up to 143. I am 35 years old and will be 36 in April. My metabolism (in theory) is already beginning to slow the closer I get to 40! I have to do something NOW!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of these freakish people that suddenly eat a piece of lettuce for lunch and insist that I must stick to a strict diet! I am not shooting for losing 20 pounds here. So anyone that reads this and says "I HATE SKINNY FOLKS THAT THINK THEY ARE FAT!!" Please don't say/think that. I have a few things in my genetic history that is a huge incentive to stay smaller.....1) DIABETES 2) High blood pressure 3) Clogged arteries or PVD 4)Unattractive behinds in polyester pants! See so I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!! And by the way, most people's butts look bad in polyester pants...especially the really tight ones...which no one should be wearing anyway!!
So for now (as in today) Pete and I are planning to ride our bikes, eat better and take our flax seed capsules. I will post my efforts here to add a dimension of accountability to this. So now everyone knows: I am almost 36 and I weigh 143!
Wish me the best!!

Family

Today was my grandma's funeral. I guess they got the whole money thing worked out. It was strange looking at her there in the coffin. I only briefly observed her and moved on. I am not a big fan of the body in the coffin thing. My daughter Lila commented that it looked like they had glued her mouth shut...Im like...ummm, well....errr....Just don't say that outloud ok kid?? And the makeup they use...worse than Misses Doubtfire any day. That heavy duty pancake stuff...That's not my Grandma! She never even wore makeup!
I have had several people express their apologies to me. And I do appreciate it! But I really have faith that I will be with her again. Since I have been in the nursing field, and having worked part of it in oncology, I have come to realize that death is not always the worst thing in the world...especially not for Christians. We are guaranteed our future. Human suffering is so much worse than death. I would much rather see someone that is really sick, suffering and dying the slow death to just pass on. Forget what heart ache I may experience...its not fair to me to be selfish when a person is close to passing on to be with Jesus. And I really could not help but think that she is getting to be with my Granddaddy again in some form or fashion!
My grandparents were simple folks. My Granddaddy was stationed in the Phillipeans during the war. He helped to build bridges. My Grandma, she never drove..not even one day in her life. They never had a lot and they never seemed to require a lot. My Granddaddy was a wood craftsman. He could build anything I think. He built me a little doll cradle.. I still have it. Its in Lila's room now. He built little tables and chairs for my dolls. Oh I loved my Granddaddy!
I can remember my Granddaddy sitting in a recliner. He smoked a pipe. He had a very distinct smell about him from his pipe and the wood shed where he piddled around in. But he used to let me comb his hair with my little pink Barbie comb or brush. Then I would put little plastic curlers in his hair. He would let me do that for hours. And he always carried a handkerchief. It was either blue or red...always. He kept it in his back pocket. My favorite game was to try to capture that kerchief and keep it away from him. Oh he was so much fun! I loved him to pieces! I got teary today thinking of him! Crazy I know being that it was Grandma's funeral! But I was his girl! I was his only grand daughter.
Grandma....she was a sweet woman. She had a great laugh. She had an infectious laugh. She was as strong as an ox too. I remember hearing someone refer to her as a Granny. She was no, fragile, dainty granny I can promise you that! She could wrestle bears I bet! Just get a hug from her! You would know! She could hug like there was no tomorrow! My Grandma was a strong woman. I remember her keeping us kids straight. For many years I think I was afraid of her! She could put the what for down on your bottom! I can still hear her say that we had to go outside and play...and STAY OUT! STOP COMING IN AND OUT! My Granddaddy used to work nights at a saw mill as a night watchman. She had to keep us rowdy kids in check so as not to wake him up. Im sure that was not an easy task.
My Grandma always had a little nervous shake in her hands. I bet raising so many kids of her own and then dealing with us was a hoot! But she loved her family! I always knew that she loved me too. One of my fond memories of her was that she used to listen to Old Time Gospel music on the radio all the time. You know, back then, tvs weren't always around and they didn't get good reception out in the deep country...Sandy Cross, GA back then.
My Grandma could cook too! She could cook all the regular country favorites. But I can still see her sitting at her table filling deviled eggs. Her spoon shook a little with her hands. And she could make an awesome key lime pie with the thickest meringue you could imagine. She even made a fruit cake...which sounds disgusting but hers were so good! Not those hard blocks of styrofoam or whatever they are made of.
I don't remember if my Grandma ever had a regular job. All I can remember is her taking care of folks near where she lived. I guess you could say she was a CNA before there was official CNAs. She would sit with folks a lot. She helped them with their house, general care and cooking. She was a good woman.
I am going to miss my grandparents. I already do really. As I mentioned before, my Grandma had already shown signs of dementia. I think she may have had a little paranoia caused by the dementia. But she still loved her family, people in general and her God. You can't argue with that. I remember one Christmas gift I received from my Grandparents..because they could not afford much and probably wouldn't have wasted money on much anyway...was a Children's Bible Stories book. I still have that book. Inside it, it is signed by my Grandma and Granddaddy. That's very special to me.
Life with my Grandparents had nothing to do with all the stuff that a lot of Grandparents give their babies now. Their love was shown by coming to visit with me and my family. Their love was shown with the goodies Grandma would bake and the creative crafts my Granddaddy would make. I loved that and still do! And I miss those bear hugs that could potentially crush the life out of you from my Grandma. I miss my Granddaddy's soft bear paw hands that never became calloused from all of his wood working. I wish so much that those were things that I could share with my own children. But those things are gone. When they get older and can understand some of my memories, I will share them with them more.
Every now and then, I will pass some man somewhere and think about how much he reminds me of my Granddaddy. And every now and then I will be some where and smell that familiar scent of my Granddaddy's pipe and sawdust from the shed. It brings me back years. I love that! I will cherish the memories I have of both of them and be so grateful when I see them again!

Today

Well, no word on when my Grandma's funeral will be. Evidently the measly little 4k that she had for insurance will not cover the cost of her burial. The funeral home wants 7k. This is for the lowest line of coffin, embalming, dressing her and fixing her hair. There will not be a service/viewing at the funeral home. There will only be a "viewing" at the church where my cousin preaches, then a trip to the cemetery for grave side service. She will be buried next to my Grandad. BUT to open the ground there next to my Granddad, that will be $700. WHAT A FREAKING RACKET! Talk about job security! Folks are going to die! And we have to use these freaking funeral homes. Its just not right. And according to my Mom, my Grandma didn't want to be cremated. That would help with cost...SOME. Oh don't get me started on these people! Insurance companies and funeral homes..........
So today Pete and I got to go to Sunday school and church. It was really refreshing to get to attend. We have been out of town so much lately due to holidays and birthdays. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with family. But now Im glad to be home and get to go to church!
I found a house that I love yesterday. Not that I need to be finding houses to love. We have a really nice house. But this house is in a little town near here. It needs a good bit of work. Its really old. The floors in the house are beautiful. The house sits on a huge lot next to a church. Its incredible. But the bad thing is that they are asking almost 300k for it. Never mind that its in a town smaller than Comer.....no traffic lights or gas stations. And it needs all of the windows replaced in it. The kitchen would have to be remodeled. The bathrooms would have to be redone. The front porch is falling in...
You may be asking yourself, why in the world is Marci in love with an old house that sounds like its falling in??? I dunno! I really do love it though. hehe I guess I love a project! With the housing market being the way it is now, I don't know that our house would sell and I don't know that we could afford the delusional price the seller is asking! I KNOW we couldn't afford that house...especially not with the renovations that it needs.
Pete and I watched M. Night Shamalyan's movie, The Happening. Don't rent this movie. It was in no way as good as The Village. Basically the whole movie is filled with people killing themselves because of some "toxin" that scientists believe is nature fighting back at us....warning us that we aren't taking good care of the Earth. So my last hour and a half was spent watching people hang themselves, jump off buildings, shoot themselves (3 in the forehead..the front....NO ONE DOES THAT!!!!), one got attacked by a lion...you see this just goes on and on! Its nuts. If you want to watch a depressing, gross movie that has to mention global warming...go right ahead. You might feel depressed enough from my blog to not want to watch that piece of......
Please be praying for our friends and family members that are unemployed these days. I thank God daily for my job. And I am truly grateful for it!!! I have a great job! But I also know that, despite health care being a normally secure job, having a varicose vein treated is not a life threatening emergency (usually) and some people might put off having treatment. The other part of that is that when people are unemployed, they don't have insurance! I spoke to a nurse that worked for a General Practitioner, she said that even their practice had slowed down. Despite this being the sickest part of the year, people just don't have money or insurance like they used to. Please pray for our communities and our nation. Our economy is really hurting right now. So many people have lost their jobs. Please, please pray for these people and our leaders!!
How about all this rain we have been having? Talk about having prayers answered. I hope that the rain has a huge effect on our water tables. I took advantage of our soggy soil today and pulled out all the weeds in my flower beds!! Sounds like something weird to be doing in January but it works! Maybe I wont have as many weeds this Spring! Maybe frost will get the rest!!
Thanks, for all the love and support offered for my family right now! I appreciate it!

Not yet

Tonight was the bestest night ever for Lila! She went with her best BOY friend Aidan to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Aidan is a little boy that lives on the main road in our neighborhood. He is in Lila's class. He is a very intense little fellow. He is very smart, just like Lila. He is the top reader in the class with Lila right behind him. He is a cute boy, with a brown spiky mohawk . Lila likes cute boys, but they are usually the most rambunctious boys in her class. Her first boy friend was named Kale at daycare. He was truly an adorable little boy! He had brown hair and bright blue eyes. CUTE CUTE! One day, he would really cause some girls some trouble! But he lived in another county so Lila never got to see him again after the daycare days. That's probably a good thing because that boy was TROUBLE according to their teacher......great....
So Aidan, he loves him some Lila. His mom says that he talks about Lila nonstop. Its the same for us, Lila talks about Aidan all the time. He called her today and asked her if she could go to the movies with him. His mom could pick her up at 4:45. They went to a movie and dinner.
When Lila got home at almost 9pm, she was full of giggles and energy. I sit here shaking my head thinking about what we have in store for us in about 10 years. Or probably sooner.
Lila is a beautiful little girl. I'm afraid for her that the boys that she is picking right now, just might be shorter than her when they get to high school. Lila is a tall, skinny girl. She has the biggest brown eyes that I have ever seen. Boys love her and she loves the boys. But don't be fooled.....she loves the boys because they like to play the cool stuff like Star Wars and Power Rangers. For her birthday day, she skipped right over the Hanna Montana cupcakes and went for the Kung Fu Panda cupcakes! She also spent some of her Christmas money on a light saber to have pretend battles with Aidan. Yea.....that's my...ummm....girl! What can I say though? I was a tomboy growing up too. I have to say that I think its better that she wants to play outside, ride her bike, dig in the dirt and have play fights in the front yard than to be holed up inside playing video games.
Plus, all the little notes and drawings she makes for Aidan, she is practicing her writing skills and using her imagination! HA!
I just hope and pray that these rowdy boys she likes now, won't turn out to be the hoodlums that she JUST LOVES in 10 years. I can hope that she likes the really smart boys with high energy that like to go cycling or hiking right?? Right??
Ohhhh....tonight was just a taste of what is to come...I know that. It really is pretty scary to me. I have already started praying for Lila and for her personal life. I pray that she makes good choices. Ive also prayed that no one will ever hurt Lila. I don't know how realistic that will be. But Ill continue to pray for her. Hopefully she will make really great choices her whole life......I can hope right???

Update on life

My Grandma died today. She died of renal failure. She was my last living grandparent. I am somewhat ashamed to say that I have not seen her since Lila was about a year and a half old. Pete and I took her over to see my Grandma at my Aunt Vivian's house. She was sitting in a chair, looking much older and a whole lot more frail than I had remembered. I had remembered right, she was much more frail.

My Grandma was married to my Granddaddy for 50 years. I got to celebrate their anniversary with them. He died not long after that. He was such a good man and I loved him dearly.

My Grandma, lived with my Aunt Vivian for a long time. My Aunt Vivian is married to my ex husband's father. That always made things a little weird to me. I liked my ex's dad fine. I just never went around. They all smoked. My Grandma was frail and had some dementia. It was all just kind of odd for me. So despite living less than 20 minutes from my Grandma (since moving where we live now), I never saw her after our visit with baby Lila. She never met Lyndi.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and told her that my Grandma was sick and in the hospital. I told her that I hadnt seen her. She asked me if I would feel regret for not having seen her for a long time if she died. I told her that I didnt know.

The truth about this whole situation is this. I love my Grandma. I have many childhood memories of her and my Granddaddy. I think she must have known that I loved her. I hope so. I think, I'll see her again. Oh that day when I see her and my Granddaddy (whom I have missed SO MUCH) again. I thought that if I went and tried to have a close relationship with a slightly demented Grandma, that may not really be able to keep me in context or remember my children (she had several grandchildren), I thought that might not be the best situation. My Dad has always kept her up to date on us kids. Im sure he has shown her pictures and talked about us. She knew about my heart issue. She knew when I had been hospitalized. I have prayed for her and I bet (being a good Christian woman) she has prayed for me.

So here I am. I am thinking about her. I kind of wish that I had seen her at the hospital yesterday or today. I did not really know that things were going to come to an end so quickly. When do we ever know really? But she died with her family around. She was a loved woman. I guess I just loved her from a distance. I bet she just loved me from a distance. That's ok I guess.

I dont know of the plans for her funeral yet. I think Ill find that out tomorrow. I figure that they will have her funeral on Tuesday. When I go to the funeral, I wonder if I will get looks from anyone. Here I am showing up when the woman dies for goodness sakes...where was I when she was alive? But like I said, I think she knew I loved her. Whether anyone else had to know...that's not my concern. I'll be able to tell her one day...again.

History

Within the last 24 hours, I received 3 additions to my list of friends on Facebook. One might quickly assume that I am SO very popular..which I am but......
One of the additions was my cousin Tim. One was Tim's girlfriend that I just met this past weekend. And finally, one was a fellow that I dated just prior to Pete. Actually, the day I told Pete that this fellow and I had broken up, Pete asked me to go to dinner with him. He told me later that he did not want to take any chances that I might find someone else to date. He said that when he had met me that he had KNOWN that he was going to marry me! Never mind that I was dating someone else and actually was engaged to be married to this fellow. After being married for 9 years in October of this year, I guess that Pete's intuition was exactly right.
Running into this person online was kind of memory provoking. Not the kind where a person ends up crying and saying,"WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!!" I don't have any regrets that things turned out the way they did. It's just funny how when you date or are friends with someone for a while that you have a bit of history together. Now, don't get me wrong. Since Pete and I have been together so long, I always assume that all the things I had done or all the places I had been in the past were naturally with him. He always says,"Noooo that wasn't me, that must have been your other boyfriend!" Ohhhh my bad. Huhhh!
Anyway, this person had sent me a message saying hi and telling me that he had one child and another on the way! How exciting I thought! And how funny to me that I thought it was exciting! After our "breakup," things got ugly for me at home. My family was shocked and very upset that we had broken up. My mom had said something like,"Since you can't seem to get along with anyone, are you sure you aren't a lesbian?!" Yea, thanks Mom! Ill let you know when I meet the right woman. But at that time, I knew that I was not engaged to the right man for me. Things had just not worked out between us.
Strangely enough, the ex fellow ended up marrying a girl that he had worked with while we dated. He used to make unfavorable comments about her and her *itchy attitude. I remembered thinking while we were dating that I had better keep my eye on her. I just had a sense that something was there....I fully believe that he did not have a clue at that time that he would end up marrying that girl (I referred to her as "the Crow" back then). I don't think he had the same intuition that Pete had had about me....But I think I knew....I just didn't know what I knew! Makes sense doesn't it?!
Anyway, so he is happily married and has a child on the way! Im really glad for him! See, I told my mom he was not the right one for me...and I was not the right one for him. Too bad hindsight is 20/20. After we had broken up, things were so tense for me around my family. It was quite some time after I started dating Pete that my family began to accept him. Now he is part of family...as crazy as my family is!
I think back sometimes to the people I dated when I was in my 20's. I wish someone had said,"You know Marci, that person just is not for you...dont waste your time!" Life rarely works like that though. All of us have spent too much time, energy, money, emotions and life in general on people that weren't right for us (that includes friends, other family members, jobs). Sometimes I do wish that I could go back and have a do over!
I guess one good thing about the past and its experiences is that HOPEFULLY we learn from our mistakes. We are open to what is really meant for us. Hopefully we trust what God has planned for our lives.

Reflecting back on who I used to be....

As a mom, I think that its not unusual to take a moment from time to time to reflect back on life pre-children. I have been thinking about this a bit more now that I have 2 children...you know, what it was like before having our second child. I only had one crazed maniac to chase after. Now I have two!

I started YESTERDAY trying to get back into shape...some shape or form. I dont know that I will ever be the same after having had children. I know, I know, Im slender! Ok! Im not one of these people that go around saying,"IM FAT! IM FAT!!!" No! But I am out of shape! There is a huge difference. I have no muscle tone right now. I have begun doing sit ups...torturous sit ups performed on a Roman Chair. If you arent familiar, you should really try it! No ab lounger, no routine of 500 sit ups can compare! Just start out with about 10 situps...really...dont over do it! While I was at work today, I could feel every muscle in my abdomen every time I laughed. And working with Sherrie, I am guaranteed to get a good hee haw in at least a handful of times daily!

So back to being out of shape! I may be what a lot of people refer to as skinny BUT I have that baby pouch or apron for a gut. No matter how skinny and flat my stomach may get, I think that I ll still have loose skin at my stomach. I can say that I am very fortunate that I dont have a lot of stretch marks, I know that makes things even more difficult for women. But I have decided that I will try to shrink that pouch down. I can only imagine that it could probably be compared to a beer gut on a guy. After a month or so, I will let you know how things are going. If all else fails, I have the name of a plastic surgeon at Lake Oconee that I might go see!

I want to start riding my bike again. Because I dont have access to a baby sitter too often, I will ride my bike on the trainer. That way, I can keep a close eye on the two little maniacs. Sure they will scream and fight while Im trying to ride. They will scream MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!! and point at eachother with accusing fingers!! Lyndi might even whack Lila to set her straight about some crime that she had committed against her baby sister. But as long as my thighs firm up and become STRONG, skinny, chicken legs...I dont care!

Now that my Ive had the heart ablation done, I really want to start some sort of cardio routine. I have thought about running. But really.....running stinks...especially with the weather we have been having. I know walking is the best exercise ever, but I want something more. Thats where I think the bike trainer will be helpful. I need a goal though. Maybe I can plan to ride another road ride like the Twilight Gambler. That ride was 36 miles. I had the opportunity to ride the 100 mile ride....but I figured that death was not an option for me at that time!

Ok, now that I think about it....within almost a year, I have had my gall bladder out, I was admitted to the hospital for something heart related (unknown at that time), I had one kidney stone, I had two stomach viruses, 3 migraines and my cardiac ablation. Why do I think that my poor shape has anything to do with my precious little ones?? Maybe my current condition has much more to do with getting old!! This year I will turn 36! Only 4 more years until 40! WHEW!!

Maybe I really need to step it up a notch when thinking about this whole getting in shape thing! I might not have a lot of choice....I dont want to go downhill any further! Never mind that my children have destroyed every nerve I had left after nursing school! Now I have old age knocking at my door!

Let me also add that our children have not only had an effect on me but on Pete also. Pete is almost completely white headed now. In the last 4 years, nursing school (for me) and having two children (with me) and his own (now 20 yr old ) son, has really stripped the red right out of his hair! By the time he turns 50, in two years, he will be white headed for sure.

Guilty Pleasures

I guess it was back about a month ago....I feel really kind of guilty about all of this.....And to think that Pete introduced us.
It was just when it started to get cold around here. I remember it distinctly. And the thing is that it wasn't an instant liking where its sort of a love at first sight. But as the days have gone by, I have grown such a fondness that I don't know that there is going to be a nice, happy break...
Even today as my family was preoccupied, I was called into my bedroom. My seducer beckoned me to the bedroom. I thought, no, I can not go....What about my family? What about Pete?
I couldnt resist. I fought the temptation....I couldn't hold off any longer.
I climbed into bed, feeling the warmth surround me. I felt so content. A deep, warm happiness that I can imagine that small babies feel when wrapped up in their mothers arms. But this was more a of guilty pleasure. I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. What security I felt. I haven't felt this good in a while. My seducer hummed a little and I felt the warmth increase ever so slightly. What was life like before? I couldn't remember.
All I know is that many nights before I came to know my seducer, there had been some cold lonely nights. Now I felt such closeness and warmth that I know it will be so hard to give this up come Spring when my seducer must go........
For now, I will lie in my bed. I will snuggle up and feel a coziness that I have never known. And really, Pete will have to accept some of the blame for this affair. He is the one that introduced us. He is the one that could not provide me with what I needed. He is the one....
No more plain ole, semi fuzzy cotton blankets for me. No, I will never know them again. Only my electric blanket will do. I've had enough of the cold lonely nights. I've had enough of Pete's cold feeting bumping me in the middle of the night. So I have until the nights get warm again. I have until a layer of sweat covers me because I like to keep the blanket setting on about 5. So maybe that means I have until....ummm mid January when it warms up to 75 during the day! But it will be Pete that has to intervene and take it away. For now, my seducer calls me back to bed....a mid afternon nap...the warm, coziness that babies enjoy while swaddled in their downy blankets. Heaven.....

Hot Bodies

Ok, I realize that its hugely popular to stomp on ole GW and grind him in the mud. But really people, just because Bar-O is caught hanging out in a bathing suit, do we really have to go WAY overboard and talk about him being HOT??? Based upon the pictures in his bathing suit, he looks like he is built like the average Joe...maybe I should use some other name instead of Joe???

But when I was searching for some pics of our dear, current President, I couldn't find any that showed off a bad tan line like B.O.'s picture. I did find some of him in some conservative cycling shorts that showed off some very WELL formed legs. Does the average American know or even appreciate the fact that our President is a real athlete? Even if we do know, the media is going to mock and slam him for his apparel. Should we forget that GW is 62 years old and B.O. is 47. What a huge difference in age. But none the less, GW is going to catch hell for hanging out in cycling gear and Barack is going to be placed on the cover of GQ magazine! I don't get it!

Just because some one is president elect does not make them HOT or attractive. Just like ole Bill C. What in the world made people think that he was hot?? That one will puzzle me for years to come.

And speaking of people slamming GW....I saw an article where he was seen wearing cycling socks and crocs (both black). The writer was basically saying that the President had commited a huge fashion faux pas for wearing such ridiculous garb. I would like to invite that writer to attend any mountain bike race and see that virtually all cyclists wear comfortable sandals, crocs, moccasins or the like pre and post ride. But hey, we should always focus on a person's short comings and be hyper critical of every aspect of their life shouldn't we??

Anyway, if anyone wants to focus on some one that is truly hot and in fabulous shape...and

happens to be a beautiful black male...let's see some pics of Taye Diggs!

Quick note

Pete said that he read my "Hidden Sorrows" blog today...he told me that he liked it but he had a feeling that people were going to start eyeballing HIM thinking that I was exposing my dear husband for being a drunkard.....its really not about him. But I asked him...How nice would it be if I had OUTED him like that??.....Cool huh?

The Vocabulary of a 2 year old

How can you not love how a little child speaks? Their expressions, thoughts and reasoning are truly amazing! I decided that I would share a little bit of Lyndi's vocabulary that makes me giggle sometimes....

1) Yuk Mama! Yuk!....Loook Mama! Look!---- sometimes it sounds like ROOK MAMA
2) Where's Guy-ya?.....Where is Lila?
3) I wuf you... *my favorite* I love you!
4) Frwee stop it!....Fred (the cat) stop it! ...Which I have to add that Fred is not usually doing anything to bother Lyndi but she cant just let sleeping cats lie....
5) GATTA GATTA GO GET GUY-YA?...Are we going to go get Lila?
6)Bwess you...Bless you!
7) MAYYYYY MEN!!....Amen!
8) Where is my COKE???.....dont be fooled, she isnt talking about a soft drink...no she wants to know where her COAT is!!
9) I NEED A COWEL...I need a towel.
Also, the other day we were passing a pasture full of white cows. I told Lyndi to look at the cows! She said," NO MAMA THOSE ARE SHEEP!!!"
I also walked in to the kitchen this weekend and found her with a pair of scissors, Jack and a guilty look on her face.....Jack was missing two plugs of his hair from his back! Good thing she didnt cut off an ear!!! That almost compares to the story when Lila was little and she took a pair of nose hair trimmers to her head....yea....she was missing a plug of hair too!
Kids!

Hidden Sorrow

Here's the thing about Alcoholism or even drug abuse/addiction....
If you are the loved one on the receiving end of the bad business, I guarantee that there is a deep hidden sorrow in your heart because of that person.
Nothing is harder in life than to watch a person that you love make mistakes. For years I have grown up around people that have decided to take the path of least resistance and over indulge in either alcohol or drugs. Unfortunately, I have a couple of family members that have a long history of alcohol use. I say that it is alcohol abuse. I believe...and no I haven't checked with AA on this, but if a person feels the need to use these substances on a fairly regular basis to in any way alter their mood, allow them to cope, to help them unwind and relieve stress....they are likely an addict. If they can not or will not use any other means to deal with stress, loneliness, depression, feeling overwhelmed or sad, then they definitely have a problem. For years, I have heard the need for alcohol described as the need to "relax." I hate that term. I will always have negativity attached to the word. Isn't that ironic?
But about my hidden sorrow...
Nothing has been so heart breaking for me to watch my loved one resort to drinking on a near nightly basis. This need for this substance to help him "relax" has been going on for as long as I can remember. And the really sad thing is that alcohol may dull his pain but it only heightens mine. Being around this person while he is under the influence, causes me great anxiety and makes me have a sick twinge in my stomach. Alcohol reeks. It seeps out through a person's pores. Not just in the way of the stench of alcohol but of how it affects them as being. I know all too well that change in his voice once he has started for the night. His voice cracks and his speech slurs. While walking, there usually is a slight pull to one side. The volume of his voice rises. He has to repeat himself over and over gaining volume to help you understand his point. Then if you do not agree or comply with his hearts desires, that alcohol demon may lurch out at you and curse your very existence. Its amazing how alcohol can convince a person that they OBVIOUSLY ARE RIGHT about any topic they wish to discuss!
Its amazing to me that this drug that is used to create such peace and relaxation can actually lead to a melt down into tears, sobbing and wailing. When working as a police officer I used to be witness to these exact same behaviors. Perhaps its just inner frustrations that can't escape but through tears. Who knows if that person even realizes what brought that bout of emotion on.
The hard part of being the loved one is that sometimes accusations of not loving that person come up when the drinker is accused of being less than perfect due to drinking. When that person is encouraged to seek help or to stop drinking, they some how think that this is your way of saying that they are some how not worthy of love. Little do they know that the opposite is the truth but alcohol lies to them and convinces them that to have another drink will help ease this pain they are feeling and help them to cope with unloving loved ones.
How odd it is to love someone so much and have the utmost respect for them when they are sober. But once they are under then influence of the beast, they become someone, something unrecognizable. They become hurtful and seemingly uncaring. They become that person that you can not feel not even and ounce of respect for. Your sorrow grows greater than the amount of respect you can feel for them.
So what can be done about someone that chooses to be an alcoholic or drug addict? For years I have suggested help. For years I have cried about this situation and about this person. For years I have prayed for him. I have prayed that his depression will be lifted. I have prayed that his finances will improve or that work will become less burdensome. I have prayed that he will know that I truly love him more than most anything but I can not deal with the alcohol. Hate the sin and love the sinner. I do! I love him so much.
So for now, I will keep praying. I will pray for guidance. I will pray for peace. I will keep my promise to my own family that I will NEVER EVER do that to them. I wont put them through that. Hidden sorrow. I hope that I never cause that pit in the stomach feeling. I hope I don't cause the type of sorrow that makes us lie in bed at night weeping for that someone.

What amazing displays of GRACE

All day today, my heart has been heavy. I have had worry on my mind. All day I have been trying to figure out how to help a dear friend that has been in need of a job and a new home. Being part of the construction business (somewhat indirectly), when the economy plunged, her job security went to pot. She was forced to find a new job. Fortunately, after a long period of waiting, she did find a job. BUT...Shortly after about 90 days of having this new job, she got laid off. Never mind that this all happened right after Thanksgiving and just in time for Christmas. She has an adolescent son at home and is a single parent. If my heart has been heavy, imagine what her heart has been feeling like. Just this past weekend, she received the dreaded FORECLOSURE notice on her beautiful, cozy home. You would think that all hope would be lost. But I tell you, we serve a wonderful, loving God.
After all my day of angst and worry trying to figure out how to help my friend, I should have realized that all I had to do was stop, breath and pray. God already knew what was on my heart!I have really been praying for my friend for over a year now. God KNEW that she was worrying about finding a home, losing her own home, providing food and necessities for her child and lets not forget that Tis the season...Christmas is only 9 days away!!
I have been talking to people all day today to see if they knew anyone that was hiring. I spoke to my friend a couple of times today about jobs and moving. I collected some moving boxes for her. My first instinct and desire is to just RESCUE her and her family from their situation. I would love nothing more than to be able to purchase their home for them so they would always have a place to live. I would also love to be able to use some sort of mythical connections that I have with the working world to set her up with a job. But seeing as I didn't win the lottery this past week and I really don't "know people..." I couldn't do either. BUT....tonight in talking to a group of ladies from the church, one of them mentioned that they had a little rental house that was available. She told me that she usually ended up renting to single moms that God sent in her and her husband's direction. I felt such amazement at this. This profound, amazing creation of God's! God has been working in my friend's life for so long. Like most of us, she has had some really rough periods of questioning and rattling of her faith. Why couldn't God just answer her prayers NOW???? Why has he allowed her to suffer so for so long? And although she realized the answers to those questions rather immediately, she still had to wait. But God has been good to her. He has been providing for her and her son. Now she has not been showered with MORE than she needed. She had been giving exactly what she NEEDED. In life we should always stop and ask ourselves if we are praying for what we NEED or what we WANT. God will always provide what we NEED if indeed that's what it is.
I am just shocked and awed at how today played out. Granted, my friend still needs to find a job. But I KNOW that this will come. God will provide for her. Will this job be the job of her dreams? Maybe, maybe not. Will this job enable her to pay her bills and provide the necessities for her son...I feel certain. God has been with her through all of this, he will continue to be ever present for her. I think that the only stipulations to all of this is that she put her faith and trust in HIM. That's not easy to do when times seem glum and grim. But focusing on what blessings he has already given to her and to her family...and be thankful for the greatest blessing of ALL...our Salvation...all those WANTS will seem less important and all of her NEEDS will be taken care of!
Thank you God!

Where do you want to be?

I remember someone asking me, where I saw myself at when I was in my 50's or 60's. Now I consider that question to rank up there with that horrible interview question of "Where do you see yourself professionally in 5 years?" What if I had responded that I saw myself in jail for embezzling money or maybe I think I might be dead in 5 years? I don't like that question. I really try to live for TODAY. And let me just say that living for today can be hard if you are like me and never know what day it is! That's why I wear a digital watch that reminds me of the time, the date and the day! There was no mistake made when I got this watch!
I asked Pete the other day where he thought he might be when he got to be in his 50's or 60's...well considering that Pete is 47, I guess that 50 isn't such a far shot from here. But he gave me the kind of response that I gave.....I DUNNO....
The person that asked me this question accused me of being completely unromantic! Why hadn't I been able to project my wants and desires forward 30 or 40 years? Well, the thing is this....I really don't have a clue how each day is going to go or each week or each month and I never know from year to year! Supposedly 2008 was supposed to be like a new beginning...in some ways it has been. But really, I've had a kidney stone this year, two stomach viruses, I've been hospitalized for my heart and gone to the ER a couple of times. I had cardiac ablation last month......so I don't know! I just hope I survive until the end of the year without having to accumulate more doctors bills! Where does the romance figure into that??
Anyway, where would I like to see myself? I would like to think I could retire in my 60's. Pete will have been retired for several years at this point. The girls will be in their near 30's then. Maybe I'll have married daughters, perhaps with grandchildren. Maybe I will have a retirement then.....a 401k instead of a 201k that we seem to be sporting right now with our economy (I cant take credit for that joke either...I just thought it was a good one!).
I would like to think that at 60ish, I might be able to work in my garden. Maybe Ill take up painting or writing. Hopefully I wont be all stove up and gnarled up from arthritis (from blogging too much). Perhaps Ill like to travel. I really want to make a trip up the East Coast of this great USA! I want to go out West and see the Grand Canyon and see those huge trees that you can drive a car through.
I suppose that when I'm in my 60's, Ill drive my children crazy just like my mom drives me crazy. I did mention to one of her coworkers recently that my purpose in life was to make my mom crazy and visa verse. I think we are doing a good job! :) We are real professionals..especially my mom!
I hope I'm not an ole cranky person when I get up in age. Some of the people in my family get crotchety as they get older. My Grandad got real stingy with things like toilet paper and water as he got older. He never wanted you to waste paper or flush the toilet too much. And PLEASE don't leave a light on! Older people love to live in the dark...Pete's already that way! I have terrible night vision...I like turning on lights.
But back to being cranky.....I hope I don't have horrible hot flashes. I hear those things can continue on into your 80's. That's just wrong. We pay our dues all through life...can't we just catch a break...that Eve...why? WHY? why? And what about hormonal imbalance. Men can joke about this all they want. This is a miserable feeling. Our hormones effect everything....body temp, body weight, metabolism, bone density, urination...the list goes on. And not all of those hormones originate in our ovaries...there is the thyroid gland, the pituitary gland.....Lest you forget men, you too have hormones in YOUR body....not just in the nether region....you too have a thyroid. You too have a pituitary. You too act like you have ovaries sometimes too......I'm just saying.....
Anyway, I still don't know where I want to be when I'm 60. I just hope that I don't out live my own children. I really hope that I still have Pete. I hope that my parents are hanging in with good (enough) health. I hope that my brother and I will see each other more than once a year (that could be a stretch). I hope that I have good (enough) health. I pray that we all make good life choices and that no one ends up in jail or on America's Most Wanted. Other than that....I'm good just taking it all one day at a time......What is today anyway?

What is love?

I was talking to our pastor's wife yesterday at a birthday party and she brought up the subject of marriages under fire. The initial conversation came about because a teen that she knows is talking about moving in with their significant other. She was discussing the statistics of divorce for people that live together before marriage. She said that 60% of those livin in sin marriages end up in divorce. The odds aren't good at all. I commented to Pete later that since we did live together before marriage for a short while and since this is both of our second marriages, that we really have all the odds against us. Supposedly, second marriages have an 80% chance of failure. WHEW! Its a wonder we have stayed married this long! But let me say that the last 8 years would not have been possible if I had actually thrown in the towel every time we had a serious disagreement or battle of the minds.
The thing about marriage is this: No one bothers to tell you the REAL truth about marriage. Yea, sure people will tell you that marriage is no fairy tale. Well, thats easy to figure out quickly enough. I didn't go into my marriage with Pete thinking that he was Prince Charming! And I knew from experience that no matter how much you wish a person would change, you can not CHANGE anyone that isn't willing. I made the mistake with my first marriage... of seeing the potential in someone that did NOT want to be changed!
Married folk always tell you that before you get married, you should sit down and discuss the following topics to make sure you see eye to eye with your mate:
1) Money
2) Child rearing and number of children
3) Sex
I believe that there are several more topics that should be discussed prior to marrying Mr or Mrs Right......
1) Where for the holidays and special occasions? I can not tell you the number of discussions we have had over this...the stress...the angst...the parental guilt trips layed on us. It gets 6000000 times worse when you have children...trust me on this fact!
2) What to do if one of you snores? Or even just....Are we ever allowed to sleep in separate bedrooms for whatever reason? After a recent discussion with a friend, I found out that she was astonished that her dad and stepmom have slept in separate rooms for decades. I told her that sometimes snoring and a history of a bad back or restless leg syndrome can lead to that!
3) Will you still love me after I gain 20-30 pounds? Will you still be attracted to me? Thats a real honest question for both partners. Men, dont even begin to say that women are the only ones to "let themselves go" after marriage!
4) What happens if one of the partner suffers a serious illness or mental illness? In talking to a friend recently, I found out that a few people have expressed their own dissatisfaction over his choice to stay with his spouse after finding out that she has a mental illness.....
5) What if one of the spouses gets arrested? I used to work with a guy who had been married for nearly a decade to a woman. After about 10 yrs of marriage and 2 kids later, his wife got arrested for embezzlement. Stay or not stay? He stayed.
6) How much of a cheap skate are you? Our pastor's wife told me that if there is a difference in price of even 4 cents, our pastor is going for the cheaper one! Never mind if the more expensive (a whole 4 cents!!) one is better...like peanut butter....Its got to be JIF!! Some things you just cant compromise on! She said that he was a Colgate man and she was a Crest woman. These things matter people. If you think they don't, just bring home the wrong tooth paste...or let your man go out and buy the NO NAME BRAND tampons or wingless pads......Then let him explain that the NO NAMERS were cheaper! YEA.............
7) If you marry young and you are into the bar scene, like to look at porn, like to cuss a lot or hang out with less than desirable friends.....YOU BETTER DISCUSS THIS...because when your first baby comes along and Daddy still wants to participate in the aforementioned activities or Mommy cant stand to have her OWN social life cut into......THERE's GOING TO BE TROUBLE!!! If you marry a drunk, 9 times out of 10, they are going to still be a drunk after you marry!! If you marry someone that likes to go to the T&A bars, they are probably still going to want to go to those places even after you are married....Im just saying...
8) Even though the first year or two are still part of the Honeymoon Phase of marriage, please discuss what steps you plan to take when you get in a rut. Not just a personal rut but financial, sex, job, marital or otherwise. Any of these things CAN and probably will happen. Life isn't always easy. Life can be boring sometimes. Marriage can be boring at times. What are you going to do about it??
I've touched on a few topics of discussion. Unmarried people, you have to know that there are plenty more topics that NEED to be discussed. And of course, as life would have it, things change. What you think you know about what you want today, may change tomorrow. But having a game plan helps I think.
Personally, I believe that marriage takes a lot of work. I think that the most important way to stay married and have a healthy relationship is to trust in God. Pray together. Pray separately. As God if it is HIS WILL for you to marry this person. God will let you know. You have to keep your heart and mind open to his response. And for goodness sakes, don't be afraid to ask for help! If you are having marital troubles, don't wait until you hate each other before you talk to someone. And make sure that you are talking openly and lovingly to your spouse FIRST! Pete and I have had many discussions about our marriage...both good and bad. That's life. I just pray that we beat those 60 and 80% odds for failure. So far, so good!

Its Friday

This week sped by.......
I can hardly believe it! I am a week older! Man! Time flies!! It's hard for me to wrap my brain around turning 36 in April! I guess I'm like many people, I didn't appreciate my 20's like I should have. They slipped away much more quickly than I would have preferred. I was noticing in the mirror today that I have 3 facial lines on each side of my mouth....no doubt these rascals have become ingrained like wood due to smiling and grimacing. I would like to think that they were due to the more pleasant expression and not the more negative one. I have to admit that grimacing could come about for a number of reasons as of late: the wretched stomach viruses 1&2 that I had to endure in the last month, having laryngitis, having heart ablation (all within the last month), hearing that a couple of people I know lost their jobs in the last couple of weeks, having to listen to Lyndi's wretched screaming and whining over and over and over and over again, worrying about that one stinking hair on my jaw that doesn't seem to want to DIE!!!!, money and just the usual day to day "stuff"! However...
On the other hand, I KNOW I have been able to use those smile muscles a lot in this past month!! I found out that my friend Shannon is pregnant!! I am so happy and thankful that I have a really good job that I love! Sherrie and I spend endless amounts of time laughing about nothing in particular! I get to meet some really nice people on a daily basis at work! I got to eat Thanksgiving dinner despite having just had stomach virus #2!! I love my families (my own and Pete's). I love to hear stories about people giving to those in need, life's little miracles and stories of the GOOD that people actually do!!
If someone is reading this and is over the age of 40, I'm sure you could be saying,"suck it up whiney 35 year old and put your big girl panties on!" Life goes by very quickly for everyone! I just wish that I could remember more than what I do out of each day! I wish that I could store all of those little tee hee moments and awww moments that make life so enjoyable. Unfortunately, the early warning signs of dementia come out making it hard for me to remember this morning, let alone what I had for dinner tonight!
Ok, Ill quit whining! I did have a really good day today. I sure am glad that its the weekend again! This weekend I hope to get our tree up and lights up on the house. A friend of mine told me about a family tradition of hers: while putting up the Christmas tree, play the favorite Christmas tunes, drink lots of hot chocolate and everyone helps with the tree! I like the sound of that! Keeping Lyndi and Jack the cat from pulling the tree apart (and down) will be a huge trick! But maybe we can make it special for everyone!
Lots of love and WARM thoughts to you!