Children

Children
Tonight when we walked into the grocery store to stock up on items to carry camping with us, Lyndi let out a gut wrenching scream! Im sure this the main reason that my hearing seems to be going bad here lately! Anyway, EVERYONE at the front of the store turned to look at us! I was suddenly concerned that all of the windows were about to shatter causing harm to innocent shoppers! One of the cashiers said "WOW! I heard that!!" Yea and so did the rest of Madison County. I may have turned pale at that point and began pushing the buggy as quickly as possible around some random corner just to get out of sight!
What??! In the name of creation brought on such a horrible scream??? WHO KNOWS! Lila of course is always a source of anxiety for Lyndi...maybe Lila just looked at her. Maybe Lila touched the grocery cart. Maybe Lyndi is trying out for the position of TORNADO WARNING SYSTEM in our community. Whatever thing caused it....I hope it doesnt ever cause it to happen again.
You know, babies actually lose cute points when they do that! Any action, sound or bodily function that can disrupt brain waves or cause another human's body to contort inwardly or outwardly is definitely not appreciated. Lyndi's deafening scream for one. 2-A child playing in a soiled diaper. 3 A child picking their nose and eating the booger. 4 A child wiping any sort of bodily fluid, mass or otherwise on to another person....so not cute! The list really goes on...you get the idea.
I decided a long time ago..shortly after conception that children really start out as disgusting creatures. The adorable little parasites suck the very life out of their mom's body. Then they are born...and child birth, I dont care what anyone says, is NOT beautiful! Just ask my friend Laurie...Well, never mind! But once those little darlings come into the world, as cute as they are, they produce more poo than any creature on earth. Then there is spit up. Projectile vomiting...amazing! Then the strange interest in and attraction to all things disgusting begins. Who other than a child would walk around outside, pick up a disgusting cigarette butt and put it in their mouth?? Or who else would stick their hand in the cat box over and over and over despite their parents warning to quit or be beaten? Yep...sick little creatures they are!
Ahhh but how cute they are! When those sweet little babies hold on to their Mama and cuddle up....thats just wonderful...who cares they they are wiping their nasty little snotty nose on their Mama's shirt?! Or when they are getting ready to go night night and give you the big ole open mouth kiss where slobber streams from their mouth to yours??! SWEET SUGAR!! Ahhhh
But then there are the moments when the big sister happens to have her hand just a little too close to the baby and then the great big, glass shattering, bone crushing, nerve snapping, eyeball popping, diarrhea inducing, Xanax requiring scream comes out and THEN everyone stops and stares at YOU!!!!!!! Like I can do something about all this??? Please!